Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health How do I tell my boyfriend I've been faking it with him for over a year?
Anonymous
My boyfriend is such a lovely guy and really cares about me, but unfortunately our sex life isn't very good. For me sex isn't everything so I don't really mind but I hate lying to him and I don't want to anymore. When we're intimate he won't stop until I've orgasmed, and unfortunately the first few times we were together I faked it to make him feel better. Fast forward almost a year and a half later and I still fake it. He's the type of person who would take it very personally if I didn't orgasm. If I guided him or told him I didn't like something he is the type of person who would take offence. I really don't want to have to continue faking it for the rest of our lives and I feel like I'm lying to him which I hate. Any advice on how best to approach this with him? Thanks
Updates:
+1 y
I just thought i'd add that I'm a very shy person and that I'm terrified of letting others down. I know it's terrible to fake and I'm definitely not proud of it but due to some stuff and trauma in my past it's hard for me to relax and be intimate with someone which is one of the reasons why I struggle talking to him about what I'd like
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What Girls & Guys Said
29 85You should just tell him. The truth isn’t supposed to feel good. You can’t fake it and if he can’t take it then you just gotta break it. If he’s offended that he’s bad in bed that’s not your fault. It’s not fair for you to take on his insecurities. Nothing gained from that. Just tell him 👍🏾👍🏾
I don't think anyone would take offence if you provide feedback during sex. You don't have to issue instructions like a drill sergeant, just provide subtle clues when you enjoy something. Save your faking for when he is doing what you want him to do and maybe one day you won't feel the need to fake anymore.
You do not have to tell him... just start taking some loving initiative and get orgasms. It is very easy to guide him lovingly. Take his hand and place it where you like and affectionately say touch me here or encourge him... a little higher or a little lower or a little faster or a little harder or a little slower and everytime he is doing something that feels really good tell him..."oh yes, like that, that feels amazing".
Take some ownership of your orgasms and start doing what you need to get him. You can encourage him and guide him to giving you orgasms, you do not say... I do not like that, you are doing that wrong, I do not feel anything.
You passionately guide him to what you do like.
lol, many of the ladies are talking about clitoral stimulation... yeah... that should always take up a lot of the foreplay every time. You say this as if your guys just go straight into you and 100% ignore the clit altogether. WTF? Also for those saying you cannot from penetration EVER then that sounds like an easy compromise of penetration for him to cum and a big dose of clit carressing, oral, fingering and vibrator for her. Win, win. These are not hard problems... just lovingly talk and share.
I would value honesty in a woman. Lying about orgasms is very bad. Still I agree with you that she needs to guide him, like in an excellent #Cunnilingus. We all need to be guided as oral is personal.
He needs to learn that communication is extremely important no matter if it's about sex or emotional intimacy.
Listen you’re in so deep with the lying, you need to come clean. First question is have you orgasmed in the past? With him or someone else? If not, then that seems like a decent excuse with your shyness. If you have and just not with him, that will probably be taken hard by him. Whatever you do, you need to stop faking. Which of course will bring up the discussion regardless if you want to have it or not. But leaving your orgasm totally on him isn’t right either, you need to guide him as to what you like and don’t like. It’s your body and it doesn’t come with an instruction manual so it’s not him being a bad lover, it’s you because you’re not being honest and open
Communication is very important to couples also when having sex. You totally should talk about it. You can tell him in a nice way without pointing out that he's doing something wrong. You could for example say that you're so in the mood right now for "something you like", this way he won't suspect that he was doing something wrong and at the same time you're guiding him to change what he used to do
Couple of questions. Can you orgasm with anyone? Can he make you cum with direct clit stimulation?
I can cum on my own and have in the past with others. He's tried but he's quite rough and it hurts, I try to tell him to be gentler but that doesn't really help
Then he’s just a piss poor lover and it won’t ever change
Well, you can try the easy way first.
Tell him you want him to try something, then guide him to doing what will actually make you orgasm (assuming this is possible) and praise him and tell him it's awesome and the best.
Continue doing this till he happily uses these new skills.
If that doesn't work, you have a more difficult path, but if that works … everyone's happy.
Be honest and open with him and tell him how much you care about him and ask to try new things.
I guess you have to come out clean, means tell him honestly (you can cry, but never fake that cries!) that you faked orgasms and feel sorry about it. It is not honest anyway so please be honest now about it. Maybe he will be upset on you for some time, maybe for some longer time. It depends on his characteristics and how much that news has hurt his emotions to you.
BTW: I have some sense of fake orgasms, I heard it once from a woman I made love to. Real cannot be fully faked.
At least fake moans can be heard. Still the woman can make her pussy massage on the penis. That is how #Pompoi works.
I still up-voted some "don't tell but be honest from now on and guide him as it would hurt a lot." but maybe in 10 years he will know. I don't know as I cannot look into his brain nor yours.
I think reading that last paragraph to him would be perfect.
My point is this:
This is why lying to Save someone from there own feelings is never the right thing to do. You don't control anyone's feelings, they do. You have to let them feel and make their own choices, it's their life, not yours and frankly, your just not that powerful.
If you would have been real and open in the beginning, and or if you are real and honest now. He and you both have an opportunity to figure it out together, try new things, become closer because you opened up verbal intimacy that will lead to the bedroom.
I give woman orgasms that have never had them, squirting, you name it. I can do this b cause I ask questions and I am open about sex and needs.
You cannot know how someone truly feels unless you ask a very simple question, "how do you feel"
Be open, honest and direct. It saves a lot of bullshit and will bring you closer together IF you love each other and want the same things.
You need to tell him. Do it in a nicer way if you like but if he can't take it then he's a baby, he needs to be able to take feedback or he's not a keeper.
Just tell him.
I would be upset about it as well but nothing is ever going to change if you just keep lying. This applies to everything else too. If he hates your cooking. don't spend 20 years pretending like you are loving it, say you get full easily, and then go get a burger when she goes to sleep. It's a waste of time.
You can't let anyone down. Because people let down themselves. So, tell him the truth. And if he can't accept you for what you are then there's no use of staying in such a relationship. Because any relationship builds on understanding.
You need to see a therapist. There's something seriously wrong and this isn't going to fix itself.
You might need to tell him that he needs to learn how to pleasure you. Maybe let him watch you getting off and if he's smart he should learn what you like. Honestly if he gets mad that you have been faking it for so long it's partially on you for not telling him for so long. Should have told him sooner. Sex will be better for both of you if you tell him and have him learn to make you orgasm.
Tell him that you want experiment with "new" things.
If you cannot talk with him nor relax enough with him while intimate or otherwise, this should further concern you. I mean, if your sex lives are a trial to discuss, what else will be a trial to talk about in your futures? Worth thinking about.
You should both be at complete ease with one another and not feel as you do or he as he does when giving him feedback.
Golly gee willikers how did you fool him for a year! You deserve an Oscar. Tell him very nicely you would like to improve the fierceness of our sex. It will sound less hurtful
Tell him he is OK - but Texaskid1 is better.