Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health How do I tell my boyfriend I've been faking it with him for over a year?
Anonymous
My boyfriend is such a lovely guy and really cares about me, but unfortunately our sex life isn't very good. For me sex isn't everything so I don't really mind but I hate lying to him and I don't want to anymore. When we're intimate he won't stop until I've orgasmed, and unfortunately the first few times we were together I faked it to make him feel better. Fast forward almost a year and a half later and I still fake it. He's the type of person who would take it very personally if I didn't orgasm. If I guided him or told him I didn't like something he is the type of person who would take offence. I really don't want to have to continue faking it for the rest of our lives and I feel like I'm lying to him which I hate. Any advice on how best to approach this with him? Thanks
Updates:
+1 y
I just thought i'd add that I'm a very shy person and that I'm terrified of letting others down. I know it's terrible to fake and I'm definitely not proud of it but due to some stuff and trauma in my past it's hard for me to relax and be intimate with someone which is one of the reasons why I struggle talking to him about what I'd like
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What Girls & Guys Said
29 85Tell him he is OK - but Texaskid1 is better.
Omg you should not have a boyfriend
Just tell him that intimacy does not always mean sex.
She fucking needs orgasm! You are talking about cooking. Lol
@shereeyaa you don’t have to cuss at me.
So... start orgasming.
You say to him that you both will do role play and ask him to be subbmisive and you will take control then guide him as you want..
Very carefully
Give the guy some directions, because he is having some issues appereantly. For example moan a bit louder when he is doing something you like, or say something like "keep going". If he is off with his hand just guide him a bit with yours or slightly move your body. You don't have to flat out say what he needs to do, just adjust some small movements and sounds that can give an indication what he needs to do or not.
I see he takes offence when you guided him before or telling him you didn't like it. But some people handle negative feedback just bad and they have to learn to take it. In education and psychology you give feedback in a more neutral manner. So for example try to focus on giving feedback in a different way, avoid negative words like "I don't like" or "you are doing it wrong" and start using "go a bit (direction)" "please try..." or "yes, almost".
In the long run if you fake it and keep doing that, he might think he is doing a good job. But you are not getting what you want and that will start to impact your sexlife.
It's also fine to tell him than your don't have to orgasm every single time you have sex if you don't want it. If he doesn't like it, tell him that he also needs to think about your feelings. Sex is not a compition or heavily result based. Sex doesn't have to end with you having an orgasm.
Just be straight up with him!
If you do tell him, prepare for a storm.
Babe, you already let him down with your dishonesty.
I only don't believe he sucks, what I believe is that you also suck at it. Both of you have terrible communication that translates to your sexual life.
limited options
You've dug yourself a hole by lying, and made it worse and worse by keeping it up. the longer you leave it, the bigger the hole.
Come clean - that will cause a good handful of hurt I am sure.
Keep the secret - maybe hope you can nudge him into being more effective but you may have to live out the rest of the relationship with crappy sex.
Run - I doubt that is a positive option, but it is an option so to be true to your dilema I thought I should post it.
I just want to say how commendable it is you care that much about him to hate lying yo him, not many people out much thought into their words.
Tell him, it'll hurt and he'll take is personal guy probably has some insecurity in their, gotta let him know your not gonna lie anymore and your still with him 100% and you want to work with him so your intimacy is best it can be,
That's what I'd want to hear.
Thank you that's such a lovely response, that really helps x
Just tell him, he'll get over it. Everybody does.
**My unprofessional, but experienced advice is for recreational purposes only**. Unless it's beneficial. Then its advice from a wise mature man.
FYI. every guy takes it personally.
So please do whatever it takes to have an honest orgasm. If you need a headstart, do it. Just so he will know the difference, and you definitely will to.
You both need lessons with communication. For him... he should know when you have actually orgasmed and you need to communicate your wants and needs or "you" will never get past your prior issues and probably never achieve true happiness with this partner.
You need to communicate with him about how you are feeling, what you have been throughetc.
Wtf that's not good. Why would you lie all that time? You could have helped his already bad habits get worse by making him think he's good. Your screwed honestly, your going to have to be just straight up with him
It seems like you have a sweet heart. Okay, your going to just have to guide him better, perhaps take control for a little and when you find the groove say I like it like that and moan to get the point across. I'm sorry your in that situation. I usually get cremed on, soaked, or have them shaking so it's more apparent to me if someone didn't finish. Good luck
Thank you for your advice I might try that. Sorry I know it must sound like I'm so horrible, I really was just trying to do the right thing and was worried I'd upset him. Thanks for understanding x
That's your loss not his. He may have thought you were enjoying it. But the guy would have to be pretty stupid not to know. Sorry...
Closed mouths don’t get fed... A Year? That’s some acting dedication right there anyways lying only hurts you
@lovedejj_xo Preach sista! But she can't tell him now he's definitely gonna be hurt cause all this time he thought he was knocking it down he'll feel like shit.
Knocking it down lollll what a bruised ego that would be I’m still stuck on a year though 💆🏽♀️ that man will be hurt
From the update and trauma therapy won’t hurt
So true thatWhy you should never fake it lol
Why would you fake it? Lol
I guess she thinks that will make him feel fine and satisfied?
Yea. A ton of woman think this. Not only it's completely not the case. Only they miss out. He came everytime.. She didn't cum for over a year
Do you love him, and does he love you?