Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health Basically the situation that I 26M have been dating a 24F.
We started out on a few dates, and during COVID ended up having something more casual where we both dated others during this period of time, now am currently officially together. She's fun we have have great chemistry and I like her.
Issue is she have revealed that she has slept with 15 guys including me. Most were either casual things from dating app, or drunk hookups when travelling overseas. This is a lot for me to be able to deal with and makes me internally upset. She also casually mentions things in the past - Eg about making out with a bunch of guys, or and ex hook up she liked choking her etc. Also annoys me that she slept with other guys (2 i know of) while we were seeing either, despite me sleeping with 5.
The part that is quite hypocritical, is that I have slept with 37 girls. A few relationships but majority were ONS. I've done much more than her. I completely acknowledge that, I am being hypocritical here. But what I am hoping with us guidance of being able to get over this massive barrier to our relationship moving forward. What is interesting is that she didn't care about my hook ups but relationships affected her, for me I don't care about her relationships its the hook ups.
How do you get over your partners sexual history?
Anonymous
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What Girls & Guys Said
43 72That’s completely normal. Just focus on your individual sex life with each other :)
What... I mean I'm sure other people have said this but like grow the fuck up? She is with you now why the fuck does it matter?
Because men's biology when it comes to this issue is why it matters. Men care about a woman's sexual history, women not so much about that of a man. Also, this is why it should matter:http://s3. amazonaws. com/thf_media/2003/pdf/Bookofcharts. pdf Take your own advice in growing up and do some actual research instead of taking the politically correct route that doesn't always reflect reality.
"men's biology" dude how you feel isn't biology. It's a thought , it's influenced by society/ the people around you.
Did you really just link an article from the heritage foundation... Whose goal mission is to "build and promote conservative public policies" a little bias don't you think?
Exactly, how you feel is just a thought. Go tell that to the majority of peopl ehere whining about double standards. While his biology clearly is triggering him which causes a cognitive dissonance. If you look at the data from where the heritage foundation has gotten it's conclusions from, you will see this is not their made up data, but collected from other parties. The stats speak for themselves. There is a clear correlation between sleeping around and things such as quality relationship. Other sources speak about it aswel. All you need to do is simply search for them
Is this not an opinion site? Right but did they do a study on men?
Yes, I believe there was a study that shows that men also get negative effects from sleeping around casually which impacts the pair bonding ability, yet it seems not on the same scale as for women. Looking at it from a biological perspective, it makes sense as men are primarily made to reproduce with as many women as possible in a short amount of time, while a woman is made to reproduce only with the highest quality of man. at least this is how mother nature made us. Doesn't mean men should sleep around now.
We are capable and smart enough as humans to recognize that it doesn't actually matter. I feel like this study isn't very accurate in regards to what you are talking about. Majority of guys I've met don't give a shit who you were with before them. I think it's more an insecurity some men have. Scared that previous partners were better than him. Some girls don't help with that by talking about ex's. Quite gross that they do that actually.
Most guys are happy to get laid, to begin with. Let alone stress about a girl's body count. Try not to overlook nuances and try not to brush dimiss data simply because it does not suit your confirmation bias and because you FEEL like it. The data and the origin of the data are genuine (they are sourced). The heritage foundation is not the one who conducted the expriments. Other parties did. Also, we can all say "but I know this, I know that", but that's simply pointing to exceptions to the rule. And we all know the exceptions to the rule do not disprove the rule itself. The truth is, men of value who can get women easily, don't want to settle for a girl they think and feel is below their standard/level. While a man who lives in scarcity will be happy to get any girl just to have a sniff at some pussy. And clearly, considering this guy got with a lot of girls, I can tell he is of high value. His instincts are ringing every bell about his current girlfriend, which causes a cognitive dissonance. In the end, his instincts are right to sound the alarm. Because no girl with a high body count should be trusted for long term relationships. Unless you want a higher risk of dealing with future problems as data can point to.
"Majority of guys I've met don't give a shit who you were with before them." Except they do. Guy meets cute girl, fucks her, realizes she's a ho, ghosts/dumps her or casually dated her forever with no intentions of getting married or having kids. This is how men behave with a girl they think is a ho. It might not be super obvious to them but men have feelings and stuff and this is what most men are like these days. Priority 1 is secure sexual access. Priority 2 is decide if they want to date her or not after Priority 1 is locked down.
How do you get over her sexual history? You don't. Its simple: You don't attach yourself to this girl emotionally. You're going to fuck yourself over if you start to invest in this girl. Why would you give more worth to a girl who doesn't even respect herself to be allowed to be used as a sexual object? The fact she talks about it so casually is also alarming. It means she enjoyed it. You're a fool if you will keep her around long-term.
In the end, you cannot override your biology which is that you're genetically coded to find women with a high body-count repulsive. You can pretend not to like it all you like, but you will never win against your biology. It's hardwired in you.
People call it "hypocritical" considering you have a higher body count. Only those who call it hypocritical do so out of simplisity and to please their own confirmation bias. Reality is, it's not hypocritical. Men and women are DIFFERENT. Women will find a man who stacked on bodies as 'attractive' while women are perceived as low-value/sluts/hoe's (you name it). This is a fundamental difference between men and women. A man who has sexual experience would much rather have a girl with no or very limted sexual experience. While virgin men are frowned upon by both men and women.
If I were you, I'd just keep her along long enough until I find a girl who IS worth investing in. Which is a girl who hasn't subjected herself to be a pleasure hole for men to dump their semen.
Let me also throw some facts here. Studies have shown that the higher a woman's body-count is, the more likely she will leave you, suffer from depression, etc. ESPECIALLY if she started having sex before the age of 18.
www.heritage.org/.../harmful-effects-early-sexual-activity-and-multiple-sexual-partners-among-women
www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/
(scroll down to "Your sexual history"
I'm sorry but I can't really be easy on this. You recognize you are being an hypocrite, I mean, you slept with more than the double of her bodycount!
If she (relatively) doesn't care about your body count, why should you? Move on and accept each other the way you are, you'll both be much happier.
Men and women see body-count differently. Men with a sexual past will be seen as studs and intriguing to women, while women will be looked down upon by men the same way as a virgin man will be looked down upon by women. So no, he is not being hypocrtical since men and women have different views on this subject.
Fucking hell man, I thought you'd slept with 2 women or something.
You're more of a whore than she is.
37 women? You're a slag!
Appearently you didn't get the dad talks. Okay, men and women are not equal. Men can have sex without stigma, women can't. If you have big numbers you're a stud. If she has big numbers she is a, well, not marriage material.
Men of value get to have sex. That's the way it has always been. Women and Beta Men can stomp around and say this is not fair, women shouldn't have to deal with stigmas and patriarchy, and everyone is suppose to be honest and equal. That's BS. That is fantasy island.
If you have it, you get it. Don't be making excuses and cutting yourself down because you get action and expect a serious girl to not be a well-used schwinn. That's for the people who cannot afford not to have poor person attitudes.
And let me tell you something else. Women lie about their counts. If she said 15, it's more like 30-45 guys. If a guy say 37, it's usually half that amount. Human sexuality in action. And no amount of feminism or righteous arguments will ever change that.
So the decesion is yours. If you don't mind her experience, which is overwhelming common with American women, make her yours while you have her. If not, go find a younger girl that just became age. She will be closer to 10 or less.
Well explained in detail
😂😂😂😂
Not all women lie! Just like not all men lie there are a few good people left out here so you can stuff the all women lie right back where you found it!!!
@DarkDream I will go out on a limb and say women lie or don't brag about all the guys they do double monkey backflips with.@DarkDream
Haha funny and men ar so truthfully about all the hay stacks they turn over also.
@DarkDream I said men lie the otherway. If they say 30, it's 15.
Your cracked me up I laughed so hard just now
Simple its history
If it were so simple, then military, governmental institutes and corporations would hire ex-convincts. Which they don't. So no, history is not always "history". This applies for women and their sexual past aswel as studies clearly show
s3.amazonaws.com/.../Bookofcharts.pdf
You just need to grow up.
Past is past.
She’s with you.
He does't have to "grow up" and the past is never the past. If that were the case, then studies wouldn't point out that there is a correlation between pair bonding abilities being affected negatively, higher chance of depression, higher chance of single motherhood etc.
s3.amazonaws.com/.../Bookofcharts.pdf
the more sexual partners a woman has. Also, if the past was truly the past, then the military, governmental institutions and corporations don't do a BACKGROUND check to see if you've not broken any laws. An ex-convict's acts will forever haunt him when it comes to reputiation and job opportunities. So no, the past is not the past.
Nexy to that, he is a man. This is a very natural way for a man to think and feel towards a woman witha high body count. Men are genetically programmed to be repulsed by women who sleep around easily. While men are seen as higher value in the eyes of women if he can sleep around easily. The biological reason behind this makes absolute sense.
At your age, you ought to know better than to tell a guy to "grow up" while you stick to political correctness. He has every right to feel this way towards this girl as everything points out that a woman with a high body count will have a higher risk of causing problems in the future in one's relationship.
lol. And also, LOL.
Yeah that's exactly my reaction to your comment
Is this a joke? 😑
Well you need to let it go if you really like her
Oh dude, just get over yourself. It's one thing to want a chaste partner if you're chaste yourself but now you just want your cake and to eat it too. Be happy that you got to whore around and still wound up with someone decent.
This!
Damn I don't understand men who sleep with a shit ton of women who then judge women for sleeping with the same amount - in your case, less*. I'd personally never date anyone who's slept with many people, because then having sex with them wouldn't be special because they're just sluts.
Men are seen as studs while women are seen as sluts. Women like it when a guy has a sexual history, that means he is wanted and despise virgin men. For a woman, it's the way around from a man's perspective. This has to do with biology.
@TruthBringer speak for yourself. I would have nothing but admiration for a virgin man. Especially if he has every reason not to be.
@Coulis Pointing to exceptions to the rule doesn't disprove the real itself. Plenty of women who don't want a virgin man. I recall someone here in the comments (a female) admitting it aswel. I speak for the women who do, sweetheart.
@TruthBringer since you are making GENERALIZATIONS I chimed in.
@Coulis Yeah generalizations that aren't far from the truth either lol
Get a grip or don't be in a relationship with someone with a body count that you don't like. Does that sound silly?
Just accept it or get out. Is that what you meant? @kas19
He has every right to feel negatively towards her body-count. This is a biological thing men have. Just because you may not care about your boyfriend's sexual history, doesn't mean men don't do the same. Especially since studies have proven that one's sexual history influences one's ability to bond with (future) partners, overall happiness, chances of STD's, single motherhood etc.
s3.amazonaws.com/.../Bookofcharts.pdf
The best thing for him to do is to break up and find someone who suits him more (a girl with a lower body count)
@TruthBringer I didn't say he couldn't feel that way. I just said if he couldn't get over it he should leave. It's still silly in my opinion when you have over double the body count yourself lmao.
Morally speaking, it does look silly and a double standard, but understanding the underlying biological thought of it, it actually is no double standard. Men and women have different views about this funamentally. He should simply break up and find himself a cleaner girl. If he won't do that, he will never be able to invest in this girl emotionally
@TruthBringer Cleaner? Really? If they both get checked and are STD free, but t doesn't matter if she's been with a 1000 guys, she's just as clean as him. This guy, admittedly, is double standard hypocrite. Deal with it or dump her and STFU. Whiny bitch.
@Andres77 Clean doesn't always means STD free. He should simply dump her and find himself a girl with a lower body count, period.
I think you need to figure out what you're wanting... I'm guessing this might be a person you actually want to commit to and settle with?
In my opinion, and it's just an opinion, you should make that clear. And based on your two past experiences sexual intamcy isn't sacred and had become part of dating, one nighters and hookups... based on that, my opinion is, you probably won't have the connection you're looking for.
You two have defined relationships complete opposite of each other. If you don't have the same values, it might be hard for you to progress into an actual one on one relationship.
Hopefully, I'm wrong.
Intimacy and relationships seem to have become very casual instead of cherished special moments saved for a one and only.
Well said.
You’re having these problems because God intended sex to only be for marriage and when both of you have slept around like that, it perverts God’s holy plan. I’ve unfortunately messed up in my life but I plan on saving myself again until marriage. Maybe you could try going to church and not trying to sleep around with a bunch of women and actually fall in love with the girl you’re meant to be with. Or not, that’s totally cool too. You do you. But that’s why you think the way you do.
I agree with you and I’m sure a lot of people will disagree because it requires them to have some self reflection. Which most people don’t like to have.
Thank you!
Yes they both played themselves with the amount of casual sex they have had. Now they have ruined their pair bonding ability with 1 partner. Something people who don't sleep around don't have to deal with.
Yeah you’re a hypocrite. A thin skinned, little bitch of a hypocrite.
Are the two of you compatible? Is there mutual attraction? Do you have similar values? Can you build a life together? Are you in love with each other? If yes or possibly yes, you are fortunate. Don’t screw it up by focusing on the past.
Best answer
I don't care. I don't even ask about my partner exes. What is done is done.
Exactly. It’s in the past. They cannot change it. It doesn’t matter. Look to the future.
Who cares? MEN care. Women don't care of a men's past as much as men care about a woman's past. This is a fact with a biological explanation. Also, the "past is the past" phrase does not apply for everything considering a woman's past determines how she acts and feels in the future. Studies have shown that a woman's body-count influences her ability to pair bond with future partners, overall happiness, chances of STD's, higher chances of becoming a single mother etc.
Also, if the past was truly the past, then corporations, military and governmental institutions won't do a background check on their applicants. Last time I checked, you will have a harder time finding a job when you're an ex-convict.
Enjoy: s3.amazonaws.com/.../Bookofcharts.pdf
^Lmaoo what a pressed idiot. Girls I think he might cry if you argue with him 🤣🤣
@Aphrodite801 that's why I didn't even bother to answer.
😂😂😂 lmaooo
@Aphrodite801 I think he might cry if you argue with him" - Says the girl who blocks people but still reads their comments and can't come with rational arguments without resorting to logical fallacies such as ad hominems. Try harder girl, it's obvious that your insecurity is bleeding out f your ass
@TruthBringer ''Studies have shown that a woman's body-count influences her ability to pair bond with future partners, overall happiness, chances of STD's, higher chances of becoming a single mother'' and higher chances of depression
@AFellowWeeb Very true. Although I counted that with the "lesser overall happiness" part, but still good to be pointed out
It sounds like a match made in heaven to me.
I'd tell her it upsets you to think of her with other guys, so can she not discuss her sexual past? If you can't get over thinking about her with other guys you are going to have to find a new girlfriend because she can't change the past.