How important is sex for guys in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

When my boyfriend was breaking up with me, one of his reasons shocked me and I found it to be really unfair. He said that we weren't having enough sex which I had noticed too but I thought we were on the same page because he never brought it up or "made a move" so I thought, okay we don't always have to have sex and that is a good thing. Especially that we know we have good sex, and how much sex we used to have, I thought it wasn't a big deal. Maybe we're going through a stage where we dont have to have sex all the time. But apparently it made an impact and he said something like "Im a young guy, of course I want to have sex." It shocked me because his actions spoke otherwise. Then he went on to continue saying he doesn't want to cheat on me looking for it somewhere else especially that we're long-distance. I told him of course I wanna have sex with him and love it but its not fair that he brought it up as he was breaking up with me. He didn't give me much of a chance by talking about it first. So the point is, I saw how important it was for couples to have sex, then I came across an article where it stated that long-distance relationships can make an impact on partners and its mostly physically and sexually where they're likely to find someone to have sex with since their partner isn't there. But then I go back to another question I posted on here and most of the guys said that sex isn't that important, its not going to make you stay with them, or that their emotional bond is much greater than sex so I figured sex isn't that important. So from a scale of 1-10, how important is sex for guys in relationships? 10 being really important and considering all these factors especially the possibility of cheating. by the way, me and him are together but we haven't had sex. I want to have sex with him so bad but I thought it was too soon after getting back together.

[GoNanas]

10.
I stayed in a horrible relationship just because the sex is so good. I don't mean it in a "total bro" way either, I mean I was taken to another dimension when we would have sex.
Keep in mind, every human is different.
Maybe he was just using it as an excuse, but let's take what he said at face value. I find it odd he wouldn't bring it up before just breaking up, and I find it odd he wouldn't have been "making moves." So, perhaps there is something else going on. Maybe there is something he desires sexually that he's too embarrassed to ask for?
Surely you know this guy better than anyone here, so you'll have to be the one to feel it out correctly. There are appropriate, subtle ways to go "poking around" if he has secret desires ;)

[Trippintfout]

It’s hugely important. At a certain point, guys quit trying when they always have to make the first move. When it’s 100% up to him, or mostly, we don’t feel desired. SO in a relationship we can initiate less, or if married we just stop trying because the rejection sucks. Women who leave how much sex that are having to the guy always making a move will often find they are NOT happy with that part of their relationship. A girl who likes and desires you is highly sexual with you. We notice. A girl who isn’t we assume she isn’t into us that much that way and it can kill things for us for sure

[ChronicThinker]

It can be exhausting for a guy to always be the one initiating sex. He likely took you never initiated sex as: I don't like/don't want to have sex. Mind you, he should have just fucking told you that.

[Trippintfout]

If he told her, he couldn’t trust her advances. We want women we are with to want it all on their own. If she never initiates we assume she just isn’t that into us sexually... and that’s a deal breaker for most guys

[TrixiePooch]

You really have to ask guys this? You know they want it. But you got to also initiate sometimes or both will not be getting anything.

[Adi2270]

Its necessary to advance ur relationship to next level

[joeb73]

For me sex helps bond a couple together. If you are not having sex and also unknowingly rejecting his advances for it and other physical affection it can be devastating to a relationship

[SoCalRon]

Sex is vitally important. Companionship and friendship and all these other things are great but I can get those from a guy friend. Sex is the one act that is supposed to bind two people together. But if you never turned him down when he requested sex, then he may be making excuses. But if he felt like you tried to change the subject whenever he got romantic, then he has a valid complaint if he could never get to the point where he could ask you for sex.

[MackToday]

It's nice it's there but not the primary reason for the relationship.

[Anon-ymous1]

Very.

And you should read this.
Girls-- If He Doesn't Want Sex, Something is Wrong. ↗

[SeanshterMonster]

How would something be wrong if the guy does not want sex. I don't want sex because it's used for procreation. I don't want a babe eirly in my life.

[Anon-ymous1]

@SeanshterMonster Soooo... use birth control. Wear a condom. And yeah it's good that you don't want a baby early in life, that's obviously wise, but that doesn't have to do with wanting sex or not; we can want sex because it feels good and not want to reproduce at the same time.

[SeanshterMonster]

That's another thing I don't understand. Why is sex important in a relationship? I mean I've never masterbated or thought of anyone like that because it's like discriminating.

[Anon-ymous1]

@SeanshterMonster... Discriminating? I don't know what you mean.

[SeanshterMonster]

Like it's rude to think of anyone in a sexual way. Rude, discriminating. Or basicly making them less then who they are.

[Anon-ymous1]

@SeanshterMonster How's that?

[SeanshterMonster]

I don't know, it's what I was told and told myself when I saw people get in trouble for it. Sexually thinking of the person means you think of them as someone you would want to have sex with and doesn't that mean they are less then who they are?

[Anon-ymous1]

@SeanshterMonster I dunno, I mean if a girl liked you and wanted to have sex with you, do you think that would mean that she thought less of you as a person compared to like your mom or sister or dad or someone who doesn't want that?

[SeanshterMonster]

No I guess not. I lived under a rock my life. All I want to know is why is it important to have sex in a relationship? Is it discriminating to think of someone sexually also is it normal to not have masturbated at 17.

[Anon-ymous1]

@SeanshterMonster I don't think you're using the word "discriminating" correctly, necessarily. I think what you're trying to say is that, would it lessen your opinion of them, or something, right? And don't worry about what's "normal." Just worry about what you want and like.

[SeanshterMonster]

I just want to know if it's important. I would not know what to do If my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex. I mean I've never even kissed someone or seen someone naked.

[SeanshterMonster]

I do really want to be in a relationship but if I ever have sex just for pleasure my parents will kill me. The last time they did it was 12 years ago to have my sister.

[Anon-ymous1]

@SeanshterMonster I think by "discriminating" you mean "disrespectful," right? Anyway, no, that's probably not the last time your parents had sex.

[SeanshterMonster]

I just can't imagine my parents having sex for pleasure. They do have a very close relationship though, no arguments and they stayed together even after being Teen parents. They had me when they where 17.

[Anon-ymous1]

@SeanshterMonster Ah. So what do you think about that? About how young they were?

[SeanshterMonster]

I think it's very young and risky and I can tell that they started out for pleasure. I think it was a bit too risky but at the same time they said because of me my dad was motivated to get better jobs and work harder and my mom to change for the better. At first (for the first like 3 or 4 years) they where yelling at each other and you would think they where about to kill each other but I'm happy they did not get a divorce. They had the papers but they went to a church and that saved them. But Ya, very young and risky and they did do it drunk so underage drinking to and I disagree with that.

[SeanshterMonster]

Sooo they got down and did it at 16 and I born when they were 17.

[Anon-ymous1]

@SeanshterMonster I see. I bet you have a lot of feelings about that.

[SeanshterMonster]

Ya. It was scary to see them fight but I'm happy there happy now. I just wish I could get into a relationship and she won't break up with me just because I'm bad at sex or I don't have sex or something.

[Anon-ymous1]

@SeanshterMonster Well these things take place one bit at a time. You don't need to rush into anything.

[SeanshterMonster]

I know that, I just don't want to be the guy who is been in 20 relationships because he won't have sex.

[Anon-ymous1]

@SeanshterMonster Well then don't think about it as "I won't have sex." Just think about it like "I haven't had sex yet but maybe someday I will, if I want to."

[SeanshterMonster]

I will if it comes up. If I really to love the person I'm with then I'm willing to do it. I just need to push past my sexual repression.

[Anon-ymous1]

@SeanshterMonster No worries man. Do whatever you're comfortable with.

[SeanshterMonster]

Thanks. Have a good day.

[SeanshterMonster]

Don't do it unless you want children.

[PatriceONeal]

The 1-10 is direct correlation for how attractive the guy is. If he's a 10 then he'll expect 10 sex. If he's a 5 he'll expect 5sex. Made sense in my head lol

[thatnicksuitsme]

Its really important. But its on the 2nd or 3rd place.

[icebearln2]

Meh I don’t care I’ve had my chances and turned down it depends on the guy eg most my friends and horny desperate turds where as I don’t care

[jiianglui]

See dear, sex and relationship have their places. The love of a relationship is far better than having sex. But as it is hard to control our biology, we tend to have sex. It's okay to have sex with our partner. You could approach him or have a romantic night while both are in a good mood. Whenever I don't find my partner with me, I use sex toys which I get from Hismith and it gives pleasure but real-life sex has different fun. Spend time with him and slowly move towards it, and hope you both enjoy your relationship ahead.

[melkwar]

I would say 10... I didn't know it for a long time. I was in a relationship for 13yrs. The first three years it was amazing and always like the first time. Then I guess i did something to make her feel like i didn't want her. From that point on I got rejected frequently. It got to a point where my confidence was so shot down i would never try to initiate. Long story short our lack of sex brought me to looking to cheat and eventually leaving the love of my life for a total sl*t.

[Hornyyysomuch]

90% we are like animals

[Condrake]

So it is different for everyone, but at least for me this is how it is. For me sex isn't just about sex, it is intrinsically linked to the emotional health of a relationship and on some level it is a big signifier about how my partner feels about me. Initially I am fine being the one who "makes a move" as it were. But somewhere along the line I don't want to be the only one pushing especially if I get rejected. While intellectually I understand that sometimes it just isn't a good time for physical intimacy, emotionally it feels like my partner isn't interested in me. When my partner also shows interest in physical intimacy and is clear that they want to be with me in that way then I know I am valued. If he stopped pushing then it could be that he felt like the physical arousal was one sided and though he didn't say it he may have wanted you to "make a move." For me casual sex is about a 2, it feels great in the moment but often without an emotional connection it ends up making me feel empty. When I am in a relationship though the importance jumps up to about an 8 for me. I am a very physically affectionate person and so a lack of perceived desire on the side of my partner can be very painful for me. Alternatively if my partner is fine with having sex often but doesn't seem to have any personal interest in physical intimacy then it can feel as though I am being awful for wanting it when my partner clearly does not enjoy it. So to sum up, in my opinion relationship sex is deeply important but mainly because it signifies something more than just physical pleasure.

[Theguy16]

Sex just provides tons of relief for guys and some guys enjoy it a lot, but it shouldn't be the primary reason of a relationship.

[Danmanly]

Eleven

[Nturavgniceguy_69]

I need to be attracted to her that way. My love language is mostly affection and slightly less quality time. So sex becomes the needs category once we're in a relationship and I hope I meet her needs too. If she's too inexperienced, I feel like she may be too young. If there's enough emotional maturity, emotional intelligence and good communication, I'll teach her.

[Nturavgniceguy_69]

But at the same time there is so much more needs in a relationship than sex. Confidence in the person. Can you lean on them? I mentioned communication that is a huge one that almost everyone I met was horrible at.

[Aphrodite801]

You don’t need to worry about sex “nice guy”. You clearly aren’t getting any.

[Nturavgniceguy_69]

Ohh 😭 says the one who can't show her own face.

[Anonymous]

I am in a LDR and a sex life is very important. If physically there is no contact, emotionally there should be a bond at all level. Having something sexual whit your SO is showing that you want everything whit that person. The problem comes when the schedule is entirely different, and when the sex drive frequency of each one is different as well, plus other things that can make you really doubt about the stability of the relationship.