Sexual Relationships
+1 y

How soon is too soon to sleep with someone?

I'm 27. I've been single for about 2 years and the last time I had sex was a year ago. I've since met a lovely, charming guy who's been the perfect gentlman. I've been seeing him for about a month. We've had on average 2 dates per week. I believe in going with the flow and doing what feels right but when is the right time to sleep with someone? Does the number of dates you've had matter or does the amount of time you've known each other matter more?
Updates:
+1 y
In answer to a couple of your questions, obviously a year of not having sex means I'm a bit out of practice. I know when I was younger, I had sex with boyfriends very quickly, like within the first couple of weeks but more recent boyfriends I've waited two or three months. I do fancy him, that's not the question here. I could never sleep with someone I don't fancy! The dilemma is that I want sex so bad but I don't to rush into it just to satiate a lustful need.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Aw you seem like you're actually looking for a decent relationship that could lead to marriage. If this guy is as charming and gentleman as you say, then he's a possible marriage material guy that might fit the bill for you. So if you have sex too early, you will turn him off because he's consciously or subconsciously looking for a wife. Figure out, ask him why he's dating, and what he's looking for. If he says long term, ask him where he sees himself in five years (marriage?). If he says marriage great. If he says something you want. Great. If he says "nothing serious," or "I don't know," "I'm not looking for a relationship," then end it there because you obviously want a serious relationship in the end.

    Now, forget what *he's* looking for.

    I think what you want is a solid commitment and exclusivity in a monogamous relationship, Right?
    If that's what you want, then the right time to have sex is /after/ you get the type of commitment you want. Most experts say the best way is to wait for marriage as it motivates a guy more towards you and demonstrates your virtue/value..., but the next best thing is to not have sex until you agree to a committed relationship that you're happy with. And ideally if you have sex before marriage, to have it in the 6month range bc it's when you can see each other's imperfections and are not influenced by rose colored glasses of lust and romance. I think 4-6 months, no sooner for that. (Just my opinion, Id wait for marriage.)

    Make sure you discuss when to have sex when you are both NOT in the midst of making out, but while level headed. The discussion will arise soon I think and will be relevant for you to bring up the conditions that would make you comfortable with having sex.

    If he approaches you hinting at sex though, tell him you're not comfortable with having sex unless you're in. He will respect that bc you'll let him know you like him but that you're just not comfortable with sex unless XYZ.
    Easy.

    I am saying all this with the assumption that you're being selective about who you date because you're at the age where considering marriage seems right to you.

    Any sex that happens before official commitment will be too soon for you. Figure out what kind of commitment you want first before having sex. That way you won't end up assuming a relationship and going crazy about where he sees the relationship going.

  • Honesty, it is up to you to decide when you are ready to have sex with someone. For me as an individual I couldn't sleep with somebody I wasn't expecting to be in a relationship with, but I know now everyone feels that way. If you think that now is a good time for the both of you go for it, but if you're unsure I say just ask him what he thinks about the concept and go from there.

  • I have found out that it depends on the guy. Some young that's a long time. Or you have man whores like my ex friends with benefits. We discussed being friends with benefits for 2 years and he told me I was too easy and was on the same level of the chicks he picks up in the bar.

Most Helpful Guys

  • One month seeing each other 2x (avg) a week? Thats 8 dates without anything remotely physical? I would have bailed lol. Sleeping with someone early on has no difference to waiting until the 5th date. The only thing that shows is self control, which to some extent people have. Many relationships started by the 2nd or 3rd night of sex. It seems to me like you are trying to find smeone to marry

    • Of course, we've kissed (rather heavily) and there's been hands roaming. I do have a pulse!

  • If you two have been seeing each other that long he if interested in more than one night. At this point just do what feels right. If you want him to make a move make sure he knows your into it. A girl I was dating was a brick wall when it came to any kind signs that she was interested in moving things forward. I eventually pushed the issue and all was good.

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What Girls & Guys Said

10 13

  • Too soon = when you don't feel ready, when you feel uncomfortable, or when it otherwise feels rushed/like a bad decision.

  • That is determined by you and when it's comfortable for you to be able to sleep with someone.

  • Go for it babe i think a month is long enough to say sex is an option

  • The right time is when you both are ready. You just have to be honest with what you both want/are after.

  • Whenever you feel time is right but maybe within the first few interactions might be a bit soon - I suppose if we were still an item after 2/3 weeks I would start thinking of terms of next step

  • The question should be if you want to sleep with him? Are you even remotely attracted to him physically?

  • No when the moment comes, just go with it. Let it happen

  • When it feels like the time is right. This might be after the first or tenth date. Don't wait forever expecting the conditions to be absolutely perfect, but if you're both in the mood, don't waste the moment.

    The best and most successful of my relationships have all involved sex early on (within the first few dates) as opposed to waiting.

  • Give it at least 3 solid nights together.. I'd say first night chatting / flirting / touching / kissing? Maybe. And the 2nd maybe spend the night and just spoon and strip or whatever. Then yea 3rd night and you guys can't keep your hands off each other? And the relationship desires are established.. And you guys both feel the same about each other then bang it out hahaha

  • i think the moment you feel a strong connection is the right time

  • Call me whatever, but anytime before getting married is too soon in my books.

  • No such thing as too soon

  • I hate the go with the flow attitude, its not how I do things but do what you want he's willing to wait lol

  • never too soon!!

  • If you want sex so bad, then you'd better have some ;)

    You should text him and say 'I want to have sex'

    A text like that out of nowhere... He'll be like holy fucking shit.

    Yes.

  • its too soon unless your married

    • yup yup yup

  • I guess when the time is right. & you both want too. Tbh I usually wait a few months before I have sex with them.

  • I think whenever you both are comfortable with it, there is no set standard. If you feel that now or soon is right, then that's ok.

  • A month seems good to me.

  • I think that when you haven't dated in a while you begin to question the rights and wrongs because its like your out of practice and have to re-learn how to build a relationship.

    If you really like this guy, just go with the flow, build some trust and when its time, you'll know. If he hasn't mentioned anything about this or tried anything on you, I think that it'd be easy to say that this guy genuinely likes you.

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