Sexual Relationships
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Husband has private account for porn and follows naked woman daily, is this normal?

Been with him 10 years, married for less then a year. 36 weeks pregnant. First child. Both 32 years old.

He is so loving towards me but he has a porn addiction and follows a lot of women on social media, facebook, insta and his you tube shorts mostly women too.

I have spoken to him about it a few times over the years...

The last discussion was 2 nights ago, I found a twiiter account of his that is completely private (under his nr) no one follows him, he just follows porn and *young* girls. I told him how insecure it makes me feel because we maybe has sex once a week, and he NEVER shares anything sexy with me, he scrolls / pleases himself when he is bathing or alone. Never around me.

He told me he will try be better as he loves me... I dont mind the porn honestly, I enjoy some of it too but I dont want it to be a private thing. Why not include me, you wanted to marry me?

I think the following of the accounts to see daily content bothers me... the rushing to see what they posted... not the porn itself..

This morning, I saw as soon as he went to the bath, he was on twitter account and followed like 4 more accounts. Which means he still searches in private and still wants it in his life. Still craves it. can't go a day without looking...

Should this really bother me as much? Will he ever grow out of it or must I just accept that my husband enjoys browsing and looking at other women, I will just never be enough?

I am struggling here. I feel like I have spoken to him... he is not abusive, he is kind, he makes me laugh but he also craves daily sexual attention and after all these years still won't include me.

I need the men's honest opinions here. This affects my mental healrh and soon to be child.

I want a man that will not need social media for fantasties, I want a man that will be with me and know I am enough. Not wondering when he is slone, oh he must be satisfying himself and then come to me for hugs and kisses. Is this normal, do all mem do this?

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Superb Opinion

  • Firstly, sad to read what you are going through especially when you’re pregnant. Must be sad to have such repetitive conversations.
    Secondly, how long have you known about his addiction and other than talk, have you done anything else about it?
    Thirdly, how was the sexlife prior to becoming pregnant?
    Fourthly, when you say, following a lot of women on social media… what is he particular following?

    Most men including myself browse porn-sites and various accounts on twitter to imagine ourselves consciously or unconsciously with others. A lot of females do it too. I would say it is normal, at least more normalised in the westernised world. With regards to social media, I have tons of female friends and follow ton of female accounts to enjoy the non-sexual content, though at times still can imagine myself with others to ejaculate. Again, I don’t see it as a problem with it unless it’s only sexual content. If you have addressed this in the past and it has interfered in his life other than having sex with you, then seeking professional help might be a path to go. Getting him to do it is not going to be easy and demands ultimatum. Only then I believe he will listen and be honest about it. Why I asked about sexlife and pregnancy, sadly its common that some men don’t fancy their girlfriend/wife’s pregnancy figure and seek excitement elsewhere. Once you give birth, he might seek your attention again.

    My wife, which I’ve now been married for just over 2 years with, knows of my high sex-drive and that I have private accounts on twitter and other porn sites and need to release myself often and she is cool with it as long as it aligns with the boundaries and agreements within our marriage and without it jeopardizing our sexlife.

    Looking back at my personal life, just like your husband, I was “addicted” to watching porn and masturbating frequently. For many years I just wanted random encounters and once I had relationships it became a problem because unlike your husband, I wanted to have sex often and the outcome of it was that I couldn't perform sexually, and consequence led to messy break-ups. In one relationship though, the girlfriend found out about my “addiction” and decided she wanted to be part of it. She took initiative and together we fulfilled some of the kinks and fantasies I sought after. Eventually we watched porn together and our sexlife improved tremendously. I felt my addiction calmed to some extent.

    Nowadays, I feel my “addiction” has calmed a lot mainly due to age and not having that stallion energy I used to have (for reference I’m 39 and work, gym, daily activities etc takes a toll on once body). I also intend to spice up the sexlife, so we do keep it active and alive.

    Since this is causing distress and discomfort for you, it is helpful to have an open and transparent conversation about the impact his actions have on you, and what each of you considers acceptable within the relationship. Just as you told us about your worries and fears, share this with him. Maybe consider indulging yourself into his fantasies and hence spice up your both sexlife. The key in the end is communication so you can navigate these kinds of sensitive topics and ensure that you both feel respected and understood.

    • To sum it up, about 3-4 years ago i noticed his instagram had just half naked women and his history also just sesrching woman, brought it up. Quiet for a while. About a year later I saw he searches porn quite often, brought it up. Again went quiet... basically after that every social media account he has, has half naked or naked woman linked to it.. Recently i found his private twitter which is just porn. Him loving posts and following different woman who never wears clothes.. and its daily, I can see him following more and more. I brought it up a few times and every time I am calm and understanding because i actually don't mind it, i just want to be included, I have asked so many times to share his fantasies with me, I would absolutely enjoy it too! I won't judge him... I've sent him messages on insta with sexy things I've found, I brought a video to one of our sexy times and still nothing. He prefers his private time... I feel like i am begging him basically. Sex once a week, because the rest of the time is his fantasy world? Before pregnancy I would say the same once or twice a week... Our relationship the first couple of years were wild, shared a lot but now it's private and mostly for him to explore alone...

    • Thanks again for sharing. This addiction of his seems severe and given how it makes you feel, you should address this problem sooner than later. Be honest about what you've observed and express your concerns clearly. Use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory and if he goes quiet again or says everyone does it, set clear boundaries and expectations. Don’t let it continue again until next time. For example, you might request him to commit to therapy or even couples therapy (if your down for that) as a condition for continuing this relationship. Express this feeling you’ve got and the fact that this is causing you distress about losing interest in the relationship or him. I can imagine it is hard to utter those words but still make sure these demands are reasonable and aim for mutual agreement. Offer practical support, such as helping to find a therapist for him or for your both and understand that he might deny the problem or resist help. Stay supportive but firm in your concern for his health and well-being but most importantly the progress and love you both share especially soon you are becoming parents and him a dad. Him acknowledging he might lose you and going separate ways can be a trigger to act or understand his issue. With this said, avoid ultimatums that you are not prepared to follow through on. If saying therapy is a condition for continuing this relationship and nothing happens and you let it go, then you won’t get anywhere.

    • I would also like to add what you wrote about you wanting to be included, that sometimes we men don’t want to do the porn we watch with the person we love just cause in our minds its disturbing and degrading. For instance, I enjoyed IRL and still enjoy watching facials but even though wifey suggest it, I don’t want to do it. Neither do bdsm, ton of other kinky things or even hardcore. I want it to be respectful yet can enjoy watching other forms of porn. He may fall into the same category of men hence not involving you into it.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes, it is perfectly normal.

    There could be many reasons, have you ever tried asking him if he liked something in particular? If he wanted to try something new?

    The fact that he follows porn does not mean that he does not find you attractive, perhaps through porn he vents his sexual fantasies or kinks that he would be afraid to confess to you.

    • Might be that it's something he doesn't want to share but isn't that the whole point of marriage? Open, free to be yourself? (I actually know what it is he likes, I've mentioned that I am interested aswell) yet he hasn't really tried to include me.. so it's confusing

Most Helpful Girls

  • I think you need to tell him that you don’t mind him watching porn or naked ladies on social media, he’ll stop hiding. Girl as long as he married you and treats you right, there’s nothing to worry about☺️! Because he finds you physically attractive. He doesn’t know those ladies and will never meet them, let him fantasise them. Since he loves sex, try having sex with him 3times a week after giving birth and also try learning new sex styles. Try buying sex toys and different sexy lingerie. Try having sex in parks and crazy places. Try offering 3some with a younger girl that you’ll search. Make your sex life interesting. He’s your man, it’s normal there’s nothing to worry about

    • Ooooe something exciting to look forward to!!! 😍 I suppose you are right... i must include myself! He is mine, he would have left if he wasn't interested in being with me

  • That sucks to hear your husband does that. But why did you marry him if you knew he did this sort of thing for awhile? I never liked guys that are addicted or need porn because they are more likely to get bored with you since they are always watching women who don't look anything like you. It is normal for a lot of guys but there are normal guys who don't need that kind of thing too.

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 18

  • I don't think that's normal at all, but since you're already married and pregnant it's a bit too late to be worrying about it.

  • Sounds like more of an addiction issue and less the porn. If he's that involved it might not really do anything for him he's just chasing a high. Sex addiction is a thing taken seriously by professionals. Maybe kindly suggest he speak with someone? He'll have to want to for it to help.

  • At first, I thought it wasn't normal but then after talking to several guys, they said it was. I caught my college boyfriend jerking off while he looked at porn. I was hurt that he looked at other girls when he could do it with me anytime. I found out that he thought about me when he masturbated and it doesn't mean he found other girls better looking.

  • It's not normal but I'm sure there are many husbands and boyfriends that do that.

  • I think it is not normal.

    • You and me both...

  • I’m married and I watch a lot of porn, but I don’t follow anyone and it doesn’t affect my love life. It sounds like your husband has a problem and he needs to get a grip on it

  • its messed up but too late to ask for change
    u should've decided on first day of meeting him not after marriage

    • Sad truth 😞

  • Nope not normal

  • If he's addicted to it and it's affecting your relationship negatively, he may need professional help.

  • You need to have a serious sit down and tell him how important this is for you

  • And you stay married to this cheating creep?

    • That's the thing, he has never actually cheated. He searches porn daily or follows women on social media... can that be considered cheating? :(

    • How is he cheating?

  • Probably not

  • Watching porn is normal, its fine as long as they aren't flirting with any of them or giving them money.

  • You need to speak to him

    • I have, i think in his mind he doesn't see it as a problem. He says everyone looks as long as you don't want to look to replace...

    • I don't think you're comfortable with this. Can I ask a question?

    • I am not, i have spoken to him but what if he just hides it better the more I bring it up... Absolutely, you can ask

    • Show All

  • Wow great question. I'm slightly uncomfortable that he won't share his porn viewing with you. At the very least, he should be showing you what genres or kinks use interested in so that you can experiment with them together.

  • Ask him why he needs it in his life

    • Will a man ever reveal the truth.. 😔

    • if he truly loves you he might

  • In this case I say its not normal because he seems to be addicted.

  • It's fine

  • Probably. We all look at sexy pics. Sometimes porn. Perhaps being superficially ignorant will keep the peace. Like never taking a shit in front each other. Even after 20 years.

    Some things remain in darkness.

  • Definitely not normal that you've put up with it all these years

    • The best line ever in a movie was from Harrison Ford in “Clear and Present Danger.”The president was worried about his association with a bad guy. Rather than flee from it, Harrison told him to embrace it. The press wants a scandal, but if you admit to it, it kind of puts the flames out.

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