Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health I'm 42 and have been with him since I was 17. Obviously I'm not the same person I was when we first got together, I was a child.
In the beginning, I worshipped him, gave him everything he wanted, but after years of this one sided relationship, I started resenting him. I begged him to try therapy and he refused. So, I stayed and continued to try. He didn't care, it took years, but I started not caring too. Years of crying myself to sleep, asking what I could've done differently.
The sex is nonexistent. He never even tries to initiate sex unless he's intoxicated and it's such a fucking turn off at that point. Oh, and there's the porn. Which, I think in moderation is fine, but he's addicted. He can't touch me, but can touch himself while watching porn, with some questionably aged girls. It sickens me. I used to find him so desirable, but can't stand the thought of him touching me anymore.
And then there's his drinking. If I say anything, he just drinks more. I no longer invite him out with friends because of the multiple times he has humiliated me in front of people, with his lack of self control to the insensitive remarks he makes.
I hate him.
I have thought about leaving so many times, but we have a daughter and I feel so guilty for her.
I'm not perfect by any means, but I really have tried and don't know what to do. I'm so fucking lonely even with someone who is supposed to be my life partner in the next room. I'm too embarrassed to even fully open myself up to friends about the situation, they're all happy with their spouses.
Please don't judge, but after 15 years of being faithful, I even had an affair. I know it's wrong. I used to judge cheaters myself. It was only a temporary fix, but it felt amazing to be wanted again. And yes, I felt guilty.
I just feel so unlucky in love. All I want is a partner who gives as much to our relationship as I do or did. Is that asking too much? Has anyone else been in this situation? What did you do?
I'm so miserable.
I hate my husband... need insight from another perspective?
Anonymous
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What Girls & Guys Said
11 30How old is your daughter? I think you should leave him, but your daughter's age matters if you take this step.
" but we have a daughter and I feel so guilty for her."
No don't be.
You didn't make anyhing wrong
That lovely girl is a terrible tragic situation. First I would like clarify a couple things. 1. His he abusive in any way i. e. physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, and or financial. 2. Has he or yourself been unfaithful. 4. Hate is a strong word. Be sure its fitting. I believe I have vast experience and can help if you wish.
Not physically, but yes, I would say emotionally and psychologically. He's never physically abused me. But with his sometimes erratic behavior, especially when he's intoxicated, I question how he would handle me leaving him.
I tend to believe that at some point in all long term relationships hate is a good word speaking figuratively and for lack of a better word. If he's just a prick than it is what it is. I do highly recommend that you leave the marriage prior to arriving in another relationship. Real talk.
May I add that you are dealing with an addiction to what sounds like alcohol and porn no doubt if what you are describing is even partially correct. In that case you are dealing with a sick person. There is absolutely no hope if the addiction is allowed to continue untreated. In that event, nothing will get better because it is a progressive fatal condition if left without help. No wife, child or even his own life is enough to stop it. Tread carefully and understand you are not the cause nor the solution to his mental illness of addiction and or any other physiological underlying issues. He must come to the hard bottom, and it has a rocky reputation indeed. He must lose all hope to gain hope. He must lose to win. Stop enabling , create healthy boundaries, and keep them. God bless and peace be with you
Divorce and find someone better. You’re daughter is prob just as miserable as you are.
I get that you have a daugther, but you gotta remember that you're an example for your daugther. Imagine her doing like you've done, would you be happy for her?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCny16h7paE
You should give this song a listen
Well take your daughter and go stay at your families place and tell them what's going on feel free to follow and pm me if you need a friend to vent or talk to
I've talked to my mom, but I feel like she's old school and thinks I should stay no matter what.
Ok feel free to follow and pm me any time
Just leave him. Stop whining on the internet. If he's a drunk and you hate thim then at this age there's no reparing things. Leave him.
I was your husband until my wife said she is walking unless I modify my behavior, not change. I realized what I had and worked on myself hardcore to be the man I was when we met. Dont know if that will work for you
I don't know Gemini's are pretty unfiltered and then have a way with manipulating so yeah
Y'all don't know*
I feel for you. Look let me say. I got married at 18. She did not tell me her uncle raped her over repeatedly for 5 years. That took 18 years of hell. The last 18 years was great. Hang on if you can. If you can't run. But only you. Him and God can make changes. Some changes are good some changes are bad. Bad ones teaches us and mold are character
I think it is time for you to leave. Once you reach the point of hating your spouse the relationship is over. Staying with him for your Daughter is only teaching her that it is ok to live life miserably. You might think that you are not letting her see it, but kids understand what’s going on.
Toxic relationship 100%
You only live once don't waste your time tell him maybe he hates you tok
Honestly you are right you were young at 17 and if u have not been receiving the same effort your putting forward then you need to speak on it. And if that doesn't work I find writing a letter seems to help it's very personal and your partner has no choice but to read it. ... But remember and I mean this always remember you deserve to be happy as well as your daughter ❤️😘🤔♥️
You are married to an alcoholic.
You have two choices.
One stay, go to Al-non meetings and therapy and cling to the hope that if you change he will change. You will get decades of "gold" chips for your hard work of dealing with a spouse who is an alcoholic.
or
You get yourself together and leave. 9 out of 10 men will leave a wife who is an alcoholic. 1 out 10 women will leave a husband who is an alcoholic.
If he refuses to get help you can't make it work and the loneliness is going to a burden that will affect your health long term. If he doesn't stop drinking you will be taking care of him in his old age and god forbid you get sick. He won't be able to take care of him.
P. S, I"m not slamming Al-non but I realized going to the meetings was making more depressed and I didn't want to be sitting in that room 10 years down the road. It did help me put things into perspective.
Never been in a relationship that sounds as bad as that, but have been in relationships where I wasn't happy and went on longer than they should, sounds like it is time to get out. I felt so much better when i finally dif. If it's been that bad for that long don't think there is an easy fix and doesn't a toxic relationship can be just as bad for a child as separated parents, she can still have a relationship with her dad afterwards
Leave, get a divorce. I know it's not something anyone wants to go through, but you're making excuses because of fear. Just end it and leave. You should have a long time ago. Your daughter is an excuse. This happens all the time and children are fine (it's how you both handle the divorce that affects the child). Plus, I'm guessing she is older now, maybe even an adult? She'll be fine. You are scared and don't want the hassle of a divorce, understandably, but do you want to continue to be miserable forever? You have to do something about it or it won't get better. You've tried to get him to work on this, he won't. So end it.