I love my boyfriend but he has bad hygiene, what can I do?

[Anonymous]

I love my boyfriend and I've been with him for 2 years. I need to rant that he has bad hygiene. Problem, he doesn't think so. Living with him made me realize how dirty this man is :( I spoke to him couple times regarding his hygiene but he doesn't agree with me. He just don't think he has bad hygiene. Shower is a big problem with him. He is always too lazy to shower. If he doesn't go out, he doesn't shower. He can go on without shower for 3-4 days. He has body odor and I have to admit it's a bad one. If he doesn't shower for 1 day, he already smells like armpit and feet. He also loves to wear a thick sweater indoor and make himself sweat. The entire sweater smells like strong body odor and it is gross. But, he can wear it for a whole week without washing. His balls and penis also smells like it hasn't been clean for days! At that point, I avoid being next to him. It makes me angry that it turns me off! The worst is, when I ask him to shower, he refused to. Once, I had to yell at him saying that "you smell like complete s*** & you stink! How is it fair that you want me to smell your body odour!! I don't even want to be near you. It makes me disgusted!" Then, he immediately shower. He works outdoor and doesn't shower after work. He change to his pajamas thinking he is clean. There's so many dust and germs and on top of that, he is full of dry sweat. He doesn't even shower after going to the gym or going to a beach. That is why I don't like going to the beach with him. He comes home and hop to bed with his feet black and his body full of sand! Disgusting! Once, I forced him to shower after working out! But he did not use any bodywash & just rinsk with water! I really don't get it. Also, he only brush his teeth once a day in the morning. If he doesn't have work or don't need to go out, he can live without brushing his teeth for "days"! Help! I love him but his hygiene is terrifying! It takes him 5 minutes to shower and 3 minutes to brush his teeth! I don't get it!

[Anonymous]

Honestly. this would be a HUGE deal breaker for me. I'm a very clean person, well I try to be. I'll admit that I do smell even after 1 day and I work in an office. But I will shower as soon as I get home. I try to shower often, at least once a day, sometimes more.

I can't imagine what you must be going through. It's unacceptable to have a physical outdoor job and come home and not shower. That's not okay.

If it was just him living by himself, then fine. But he lives with you and I'm sure you two share a bed together. I know for me personally, if I don't clean my sheets (even when I shower before I go to bed) I get acne real bad. He could be putting you at risk for skin problems by not showering and hoping into bed dirty.

I would sit him down and let him know how you feel. Let him know this is preventing you from wanting to continue being with him. That may be hard for him to take, but he needs to understand that it's important to be clean!

You can't be expected to want to sleep with him or have sex with him when he is that dirty. 3-4 days with an outdoor type job is not okay.

And no clean hands, I wouldn't let him touch me. That is unsanitary and unsafe for you. I once had a guy who worked on cars try to finger me with dirty hands, you bet I marched his ass to the bathroom to wash them. That is just unacceptable.

He needs to be more sanitary. It can seriously make you sick! What if his hands are dirty and he eats something and touches food that you later eat? That is how people get sick!

If he refuses to change, you need to leave him. IT's not too much to ask him to wash his hands and shower once a day. That is just basic stuff with a physical outdoor job.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks!!

[samhradh_leannan]

Communicate. It sounds like he is resistant to making changes, but he may not fully understand how problematic his lack of personal hygiene is for your relationship. Be honest with him just as you have been with us, but be as tactful as possible. Let him know that you don't want to hurt his feelings, and that you want to respect his right to make his own choices. But be clear that his failure to prioritize personal hygiene and cleanliness is unusual, obvious, and very unfair to you. Remind him that he works outside, sweats, exercises, and that this means he really isn't clean at the end of the day. Point out that most people shower after a day or work outside or after getting dirty, and there's a reason why they choose to. He's not a child- adults get dirtier and they need to adjust their personal hygiene routines appropriately. Let him know that it's legitimately unpleasant for you when he doesn't shower after work.

[samhradh_leannan]

If all else fails, show him this question and all the responses from people. Or, if it feels appropriate to you, don't have sex with him until he agrees to try a little harder to keep clean for you. This should come from a genuine lack of interest in sex due to his lack of hygiene, though, it shouldn't be an arbitrary punishment.

[Katie1964]

Wow, about the closest I can come on this is that when we (hubby and myself) finish exercising we both don't smell our best. But unless we are planning on spending the day working on the yard or some other outdoor activities we shower. Not sure what to tell you.

Maybe take him in the bathroom and tell him you want to give him a bath or just bath with him. My husband jumps at the chance to let me bath him or shower with him. Its a big turn on and just clean fun.

Honestly, I could not be with someone who did not have good hygiene. Not being judgmental everyone has faults but I am a neat and clean freak. That may be my fault, hey at least my hubby has the same fault so we're a good match. Good luck.

[meesh1220]

He sounds like an immature man-child! I actually dated someone like that and it got so tiresome having to constantly remind a grown ass man to shower AND brush his teeth. We eventually broke up because I lost feelings for him and I started to feel more like his mother than his girlfriend. Pure laziness and immaturity. Yuck.

[Bluemax]

Does this relationship, where you yell at him to clean up his act, sound like a good one? I believe you know the answer to that. You sound like his mother, not his lover. That's not a good thing. I get that you have feelings for him, but it doesn't seem like this relationship is good for either of you. Moreover, I think you probably know this.

[AustinMan]

Talk to him, of course. If he won't literally clean up his act, I suggest moving on. It's a sign of disrespect if he won't fix it.

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10152-how-to-talk-to-your-so-about-sex

[Asker]

By the way, he doesn't like to wash his hands too even if he just take a dump. Also, he works outdoor doing labour jobs and still never washes his hands! I sometimes make him and he gets pissed!

[AustinMan]

Sounds clear to me that he's lacking basic hygiene. That says it all, pretty much, no?

[lindacalloway847]

Ugh. This is the absolute worst. Just make sure he uses an antibacterial penis health creme for improved hygiene down there... keep in mind that you are engaging in very intimate sex acts and you definitely do not want any of his odor or infection-causing bacteria. I use a creme and it works great... my partner loves it too. Cheers.

[johndugan1217]

If he's having penis hygiene issues... Just make sure he uses an antibacterial penis health creme for improved hygiene down there... keep in mind that you are engaging in very intimate sex acts and you definitely do not want any of his odor or infection-causing bacteria. I use a creme and it works great... my partner loves it too. Cheers.

[jesshkah]

Omg you live with this rancid piece of meat? Eugh, sorry.. 😖 This would definitely be a huge problem for me. I don't get it either like does he not like water.. Or what. Cuz a shower with soap can take like 10 minutes, it's not like it's hard.

[SilentShadow]

You might as well be living with a homeless person, that has no access to hygienic products... He's disgusting. Either keep reinforcing the need for showers, or just don't date him.

[brianna_b]

If this is getting to be a dealbreaker for you, talk with him about that factor, in an open, calm, thoughtful way.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

i dont see how youve been putting up with him for 2 years

[Asker]

He improves here and there. Then, he goes back to original. The thing is, I don't think I am being unreasonable at all. For example not showering after a long day at the beach or after working out. I personally think that is gross and I think 95% of the population will agree with me. He makes it sound like I am being unreasonable and that I am being ridiculous for complaining about it!

[AthleticMom]

Tell us why you think him not a bum and worth further investment...
good paycheck?
best sex?
as good as you can get?
what?

[lumos]

Ewwww what a slob. I would break up.

[lexythelou22]

Tell him that you can't stand the smell and that if he wants to "get some", then he needs to be properly cleaned.

[truthbeknown]

What if you shower together?

[Shorty1991]

Eeeew! Smelly balls! Lmfao. Make him shower, if he doesn't listen to you. F**king drag him into that shower. Tell him to brush his teeth at least twice a day. I couldn't stay with a guy that's has bad hygiene. I would gag at the smell of him when he got close. I would leave him because I wouldn't want to be classed the same as him.

[OlderAndWiser]

Why are you still with him? Is this what you want for the rest of your life. Is this the role model you want for any male children that you have?

[QuarterNote]

Maybe because she loves him. I'm sure he could change his hygienic ways, as anybody can improve on themselves with enough push. I wouldn't say he's this static loaf that will always be this way "for the rest of [her] life." People can change, and she maybe loves him enough to stick with him through that.

[OlderAndWiser]

@QuarterNote It is true that people are capable of change. The capacity of the human spirit is almost boundless. Part of that capacity is reflected in the optimism which you expressed in your post. One of the things that experience will teach you is that, although people are capable of change, most people do not and will not change significantly. At your age, many people enter into relationships having concerns about some aspect of their partner's behavior but believing that "I'll be able to change him [or her] once we establish our relationship." Those relationships almost always end in frustration and disappointment, because you don't understand why your partner refuses to make such simple changes that would obviously be for the better. You could be so happy if only. . . She has already discussed this with him, pleaded, exploded in frustration, and nothing has had any effect. This seems to be very engrained behavior. I stand by my original reply.

[Asker]

Actually, I already realize that this guy doesn't change! Recently, he's been showering more. I always compliment him that "I love it, you are so clean." He doesn't seem very satisfied with that! He just goes, "I know..."

[erandal]

He is being dirty and unhygienic. You have to give him an ultimatum, clean up or you are history!

[madhatters4]

you just need to tell him that he needs to be better about his hygiene. a shower daily sounds like a must. and if he expects to have sex he can't come to bed with an odor.

in terms of his funky sweater you can just start putting it in the laundry

[lightbulb27]

Wait a minute, take a photo of him... is he really hairy, about 8ft tall? That's the Sasquatch... lure him into a cage and trap him... he's worth a lot a the zoo!! Dang, your gonna be rich!:)

Guys sometimes take training but this one appears "special". Tell him this is a deal breaker and let him decide. What else can you do... fighting fire with fire may "backfire". Maybe he needs to find a nice "french" girl... they don't shower as much?

[MikeGaultier]

Whenever he's around, go outside. He'll eventually come out and ask you what you're doing. Tell him that his scent is making you dizzy and you just need some fresh air.

[Asker]

Whenever he's around and dirty, I hide I the bedroom or kitchen while he is sitting on the couch! I don't think he gets the message. He will come around and see what I'm doing but he doesn't think because he's not clean or smell.

[EllieLexis513]

That's just fucking foul. I don't know how you do it. Showering every day isn't necessary for a lot of people, especially those who don't exert a lot of energy during the day, but if he smells that bad, you might have to tell him how you feel and that you may not be able to live like that much longer. That's just nasty. Geez, how do you have sex with someone like that?

I would like to know, though, how you never noticed his bad hygiene before you moved in with him.

[JuicyBrain]

You won't change him. Just leave...

[somebodysaycheese]

I gagged reading this. Their is nothing more smelly than stank balls... that's a grown ass man not a child if he is too immature and irresponsible to shower you need to give him an ultimatum Shower or its over. I mean cleaning your self doesn't take much effort.

[nikki_24]

How can anyone be too lazy to shower? The fact that you have to yell at him to shower is horrible. He isn't a child who needs to be told its bath time. Does he just like being dirty or could he be doing to piss you off for whatever crazy reason?
Reading this post my mouth dropped Im in awe..