I love my boyfriend but he has bad hygiene, what can I do?

Question

I love my boyfriend and I've been with him for 2 years. I need to rant that he has bad hygiene. Problem, he doesn't think so. Living with him made me realize how dirty this man is :( I spoke to him couple times regarding his hygiene but he doesn't agree with me. He just don't think he has bad hygiene. 

Shower is a big problem with him. He is always too lazy to shower. If he doesn't go out, he doesn't shower. He can go on without shower for 3-4 days. He has body odor and I have to admit it's a bad one. If he doesn't shower for 1 day, he already smells like armpit and feet. He also loves to wear a thick sweater indoor and make himself sweat. The entire sweater smells like strong body odor and it is gross. But, he can wear it for a whole week without washing. His balls and penis also smells like it hasn't been clean for days! At that point, I avoid being next to him. It makes me angry that it turns me off! The worst is, when I ask him to shower, he refused to. Once, I had to yell at him saying that "you smell like complete s*** & you stink! How is it fair that you want me to smell your body odour!! I don't even want to be near you. It makes me disgusted!" Then, he immediately shower. He works outdoor and doesn't shower after work. He change to his pajamas thinking he is clean. There's so many dust and germs and on top of that, he is full of dry sweat. He doesn't even shower after going to the gym or going to a beach. That is why I don't like going to the beach with him. He comes home and hop to bed with his feet black and his body full of sand! Disgusting! Once, I forced him to shower after working out! But he did not use any bodywash & just rinsk with water! I really don't get it. Also, he only brush his teeth once a day in the morning. If he doesn't have work or don't need to go out, he can live without brushing his teeth for "days"! Help! I love him but his hygiene is terrifying! It takes him 5 minutes to shower and 3 minutes to brush his teeth! I don't get it!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Honestly. this would be a HUGE deal breaker for me. I'm a very clean person, well I try to be. I'll admit that I do smell even after 1 day and I work in an office. But I will shower as soon as I get home. I try to shower often, at least once a day, sometimes more.

I can't imagine what you must be going through. It's unacceptable to have a physical outdoor job and come home and not shower. That's not okay.

If it was just him living by himself, then fine. But he lives with you and I'm sure you two share a bed together. I know for me personally, if I don't clean my sheets (even when I shower before I go to bed) I get acne real bad. He could be putting you at risk for skin problems by not showering and hoping into bed dirty.

I would sit him down and let him know how you feel. Let him know this is preventing you from wanting to continue being with him. That may be hard for him to take, but he needs to understand that it's important to be clean!

You can't be expected to want to sleep with him or have sex with him when he is that dirty. 3-4 days with an outdoor type job is not okay.

And no clean hands, I wouldn't let him touch me. That is unsanitary and unsafe for you. I once had a guy who worked on cars try to finger me with dirty hands, you bet I marched his ass to the bathroom to wash them. That is just unacceptable.

He needs to be more sanitary. It can seriously make you sick! What if his hands are dirty and he eats something and touches food that you later eat? That is how people get sick!

If he refuses to change, you need to leave him. IT's not too much to ask him to wash his hands and shower once a day. That is just basic stuff with a physical outdoor job.

samhradh_leannan · Accepted Answer

Communicate. It sounds like he is resistant to making changes, but he may not fully understand how problematic his lack of personal hygiene is for your relationship. Be honest with him just as you have been with us, but be as tactful as possible. Let him know that you don't want to hurt his feelings, and that you want to respect his right to make his own choices. But be clear that his failure to prioritize personal hygiene and cleanliness is unusual, obvious, and very unfair to you. Remind him that he works outside, sweats, exercises, and that this means he really isn't clean at the end of the day. Point out that most people shower after a day or work outside or after getting dirty, and there's a reason why they choose to. He's not a child- adults get dirtier and they need to adjust their personal hygiene routines appropriately. Let him know that it's legitimately unpleasant for you when he doesn't shower after work.

Katie1964 · Accepted Answer

Wow, about the closest I can come on this is that when we (hubby and myself) finish exercising we both don't smell our best. But unless we are planning on spending the day working on the yard or some other outdoor activities we shower. Not sure what to tell you.

Maybe take him in the bathroom and tell him you want to give him a bath or just bath with him. My husband jumps at the chance to let me bath him or shower with him. Its a big turn on and just clean fun.

Honestly, I could not be with someone who did not have good hygiene. Not being judgmental everyone has faults but I am a neat and clean freak. That may be my fault, hey at least my hubby has the same fault so we're a good match. Good luck.

meesh1220 · Accepted Answer

He sounds like an immature man-child! I actually dated someone like that and it got so tiresome having to constantly remind a grown ass man to shower AND brush his teeth. We eventually broke up because I lost feelings for him and I started to feel more like his mother than his girlfriend. Pure laziness and immaturity. Yuck.

Bluemax · Accepted Answer

Does this relationship, where you yell at him to clean up his act, sound like a good one? I believe you know the answer to that. You sound like his mother, not his lover. That's not a good thing. I get that you have feelings for him, but it doesn't seem like this relationship is good for either of you. Moreover, I think you probably know this.

AustinMan · Accepted Answer

Talk to him, of course. If he won't literally clean up his act, I suggest moving on. It's a sign of disrespect if he won't fix it.

lindacalloway847 · Answer

Ugh. This is the absolute worst. Just make sure he uses an antibacterial penis health creme for improved hygiene down there... keep in mind that you are engaging in very intimate sex acts and you definitely do not want any of his odor or infection-causing bacteria. I use a creme and it works great... my partner loves it too. Cheers.

johndugan1217 · Answer

If he's having penis hygiene issues... Just make sure he uses an antibacterial penis health creme for improved hygiene down there... keep in mind that you are engaging in very intimate sex acts and you definitely do not want any of his odor or infection-causing bacteria. I use a creme and it works great... my partner loves it too. Cheers.

jesshkah · Answer

Omg you live with this rancid piece of meat? Eugh, sorry.. 😖 This would definitely be a huge problem for me. I don't get it either like does he not like water.. Or what. Cuz a shower with soap can take like 10 minutes, it's not like it's hard.

SilentShadow · Answer

You might as well be living with a homeless person, that has no access to hygienic products... He's disgusting. Either keep reinforcing the need for showers, or just don't date him.

brianna_b · Answer

If this is getting to be a dealbreaker for you, talk with him about that factor, in an open, calm, thoughtful way.

pr3ttybr0wn · Answer

i dont see how youve been putting up with him for 2 years

AthleticMom · Answer

Tell us why you think him not a bum and worth further investment... good paycheck? best sex? as good as you can get? what?

lumos · Answer

Ewwww what a slob. I would break up.

lexythelou22 · Answer

Tell him that you can't stand the smell and that if he wants to "get some", then he needs to be properly cleaned.

truthbeknown · Answer

What if you shower together?

Shorty1991 · Answer

Eeeew! Smelly balls! Lmfao. Make him shower, if he doesn't listen to you. F**king drag him into that shower. Tell him to brush his teeth at least twice a day. I couldn't stay with a guy that's has bad hygiene. I would gag at the smell of him when he got close. I would leave him because I wouldn't want to be classed the same as him.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Why are you still with him? Is this what you want for the rest of your life. Is this the role model you want for any male children that you have?

madhatters4 · Answer

you just need to tell him that he needs to be better about his hygiene. a shower daily sounds like a must. and if he expects to have sex he can't come to bed with an odor.

in terms of his funky sweater you can just start putting it in the laundry

erandal · Answer

He is being dirty and unhygienic. You have to give him an ultimatum, clean up or you are history!

lightbulb27 · Answer

Wait a minute, take a photo of him... is he really hairy, about 8ft tall? That's the Sasquatch... lure him into a cage and trap him... he's worth a lot a the zoo!! Dang, your gonna be rich!:)

Guys sometimes take training but this one appears "special". Tell him this is a deal breaker and let him decide. What else can you do... fighting fire with fire may "backfire". Maybe he needs to find a nice "french" girl... they don't shower as much?

MikeGaultier · Answer

Whenever he's around, go outside. He'll eventually come out and ask you what you're doing. Tell him that his scent is making you dizzy and you just need some fresh air.

EllieLexis513 · Answer

That's just fucking foul. I don't know how you do it. Showering every day isn't necessary for a lot of people, especially those who don't exert a lot of energy during the day, but if he smells that bad, you might have to tell him how you feel and that you may not be able to live like that much longer. That's just nasty. Geez, how do you have sex with someone like that?

I would like to know, though, how you never noticed his bad hygiene before you moved in with him.

JuicyBrain · Answer

You won't change him. Just leave...

somebodysaycheese · Answer

I gagged reading this. Their is nothing more smelly than stank balls... that's a grown ass man not a child if he is too immature and irresponsible to shower you need to give him an ultimatum Shower or its over. I mean cleaning your self doesn't take much effort.

nikki_24 · Answer

How can anyone be too lazy to shower? The fact that you have to yell at him to shower is horrible. He isn't a child who needs to be told its bath time. Does he just like being dirty or could he be doing to piss you off for whatever crazy reason?
Reading this post my mouth dropped Im in awe..

Floppy · Answer

The only way you will learn is if you walk out the door. And I would think that this issue is so important that I question why you love him or if you love him

Tenseven · Answer

If you've told him this many times and he's not listening then there's only one thing to do Leave him That's just plain nasty and I would be so turned off I couldn't help but leave. Yuck...

Luci92 · Answer

Simple. Show him this question and all the responses. If harsh public opinion and people telling you to leave him doesn't motivate him to change... I don't know what will.

Mesonfielde · Answer

That's disgusting.

BeerFarts · Answer

He is gross beyond belief. I can't go a day without showering because I'll feel too grimy.

If your boyfriend continues on his path, I think you'll eventually be fed up and leave him.

You should never have to put up with anybody's bad hygiene. It's not fair to you

RandomBritishGuy94 · Answer

Too lazy to shower? WTF? Tell him.  Why wouldn't have told him already. You're 28 so you're clearly dating an adult. Kick his ass into gear.

beautifulangel76 · Answer

That sounds disgusting. This is normal behavior from a 12 year old boy not a grown man. I think you should leave him.

uknaked · Answer

I suggest that you tell him that if he does not improve his hygiene you will leave him. If he does not comply, make sure you do abandon him, there are plenty of clean guys out there to fall in love with. He could easily give you a vaginal infection if he neglects his cleanliness.

CHARismatic110 · Answer

That is disgusting. He's a grown up and he shouldn't have to be told to wash his ass. That would be a huge deal breaker for me.

abundantlyrich · Answer

Does he uses toilet paper to wipe his asshole too?

Greggy · Answer

Am really sorry u have 2 put up with such a person.. he has no ideas regarding the elementary rules of hygiene. Force him 2 shower at least once in a day, if not twice.. Remind him dat we r not living in de caveman era anymore

TheGreyMan · Answer

The guy's obviously mad.

DarkManX · Answer

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oldanddecrepid · Answer

Hmmm... fire hose?

bigboi22 · Answer

Lol I don't know about you, but if i was in any kind of relationship, that is definietly a deal breaker for me. that shit you described is gross. My girl better take care of herself and clean accordingly.

Prof_Don · Answer

If he doesn't adjust, then you'll have to break up with him. That's so unsanitary and a hazard for your health.

Deconstruction · Answer

Condition him sexually - only have sex with him in the shower :D And make sure to wash him thoroughly. You can condition him for a blowjob too, and only give him one if he brushes his teeth before going to sleep.

If he dumps you for this, he was not worth your time anyway. If he complies, well, it is all good.

swellcity80 · Answer

Cheeses crust that sounds fucking gross, that's break up material in my opinion.

ghostietoast · Answer

Well he doesn't need to wash his hair daily, but if he smells a lot he should definitely wash at least his body. at least every 2 days or so in my opinion. techncally he should be aware of his own smell but perhaps is just too lazy to do something about it. in that case, thats just like a habit, and habits can definitely change. just tell him that it honestly bothers you, without being rude about it, and if he takes you seriously he will try to change it.

Fearless_banana · Answer

Oh ma gawd.. Novel.. Not reading all that but you shouldn't have to be your boyfriends mom. No excuse for poor hygiene that's disgusting.

Wikingguy · Answer

He is like my father. I hate him sometimes. I think about how his mother was a bitch to not raise a proper hygiened guy.

RicanEyes · Answer

Girl I don't know how you even lasted with him for 2 years? I would have been left him he sounds so GROSS hell nooooooo... dump him fast. I am a very clean person that is a BIG no no in my book. Let him go you been talking to him for so long. Just the thought of it makes me want to vomit. I am sorry I sound so rude but I can't deal with that.

99percentangel · Answer

Omg he has to learn good hygeine I don't know why you're still with him. Seriously too lazy to take a 5 minute shower? Wtf get him deodorant, and make him take a shower if you have to... Someone's gotta teach him, or tell his mother about it.

CasaNorba · Answer

take a shower with him from here on now

pooper89 · Answer

How long has this been bothering you? For two years? I'm sorry but if I started dating someone and discovered that they had bad hygiene, that'd be a deal breaker

es20490446e · Answer

The reason why he smells is because of what he eats.

Tanisha69 · Answer

Kick his ass that is gross

akadatank44 · Answer

Does he not work? Like wth dude people can smell your stink. I sometimes take 2 showers a day.

Titanic1912 · Answer

He has a huge problem! He needs to learn to take care of himself!

ShaeNielson · Answer

That's absolutely disgusting I could never be with anyone like that, I couldn't even be their friend. You have to either have a serious talk with him or leave him, because that is just gross.

helloitsmethere · Answer

Oh hell no... Scientifically a person can go without a shower for one-two days. Three-four days is too much. Please talk to him about it. As a grown man he should know better... :\

Liphe · Answer

Opposite day

Dog19 · Answer

Talk to the doctor he might have a huge problem

Bowshots86 · Answer

Just tell him to take better care of himself, tell him it's important to you and if he can't respect that then he probably isn't the guy for you

Mesmaeker · Answer

Dump him already

John_Doesnt · Answer

You're clearly allowing him to get away with it, so of course he's not showering. You're not acting like a mom telling him to shower, you're acting like a bad mom who lets him walk all over you. Leave him.