Consent is at the heart of sex, but I think the world is overthinking the concept.
Does the other person - through words or actions - encourage you or indicate that something's wrong? Act accordingly.
Does the person not read or respond to your signals? Make it completely clear what's going on inside your mind and body.
I'm a firm believer in taking responsibility for oneself. Of course there are cases where you can't (e. g. being unconscious, very drunk or influenced by drugs), but I don't think we have much hope of changing the people who take advantage of such situations anyway (unfortunately).
But this idea of continuously asking for permission/consent shows an underlying issue: People don't know how to set limits or how to respect/stand up for their own limits.
But because they lack these skills, I've shockingly often talked to people who felt violated after sexual actions they had agreed to, knowing that they were on the fence or was losing interest in the sex/their partner.
So I don't believe in continuously asking for consent, and I don't expect people to ask for my consent.
We all need to learn respect and self-respect and perhaps embrace the use of safewords - even during one night stands.
I wanted to make it clear, I was talking about the first time you or they would have ever kissed or had sex with you, not every time for every interaction. I haven't quite looked up the laws, but I think thereafter, unless a partner says no for any reason, you don't have to keep asking the same person for consent. I personally have never asked for consent because I believe like you, decent human beings can tell when things are going well and when they aren't and you should back off, or obviously if your partner says a clear no, however, I have dated several guys who did ask about the first time and like I appreciate it, but it's like if I've led you to my bedroom---ugh, odds are clearly in your favor. I think it's just those creepers and rapists that ruin it for everyone. Sadly there are a lot of those especially during the college/high school years that can't or won't or don't back off and so I'd say for most young guys sake, given the crazies and vengeful girls and those that may be confused on where they stand as they stand and are doing what they're doing, it's best to literally ask the first time.
My statements also apply to first encounters. If one of us leans in for a kiss and the other pulls back or afterwards indicates that that was too soon, then we have learned that we were not yet there. And as you said if one invites the other home, the context will usually tell where things are going; whether we are having tea or sex. I don't know the laws in your country. In Denmark we had an "opt-out" rape law untill last year; you had to decline or revoke consent. Now we have a law (or in my opinion a mistake) stating that consent should continuously be ensured verbally or non-verbally. It won't affect the justice system much (which makes the change ridiculous), but it indirectly states that people are by law relieved from part of their responsibility to look after themselves. I also find it interesting that many women today express the view that men (I know rapists can be any gender) are weak and that they wish men would return to some of their former glory and become more assertive. Yet society (probably guided by the very vocal anti-male branch of feminism) expects men to practically ask for sex.
Can you explain that in a bit more. Does that law mean that for every single new thing you do, you have to keep asking for consent with the same person?
Consent is almost always implied by body language. What person can't tell from body language and facial expression if the other person wants to be kissed?
A person can always say no to anything they don't consent to.
But there is nothing wrong with verbal communication in asking for consent. A person could say, "I'd love to kiss you." Or, "I'd love to make love to you." But once two people are kissing, I can't imagine asking permission to stroke their body. "Is it okay if I squeeze your boobs?" "Do you mind if I stroke your thigh (or squeeze your ass)?" "Do you mind if I stroke your cock?" People just get into the moment. They experiment with the other person's boundaries knowing that the person can always push their hand away or say no.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!I must say it is something I would not have thought about in the past and trusted implicit consent but now, I don't know if I had a social awakening or society has reprogrammed me, I would be more explicit in seeking consent
But what about from your partner? Would you want her to ask if she could kiss/have sex with you the first time because this is asking about female seeking consent or does that matter to you?
I would probably be happy with implicit consent - I know I would be explicit, if she was not I would not mind even if things were not right and I stopped it, would regard it as a misunderstanding rather than an affront. I mentioned society has changed maybe it is a case of double standards but it would not feel as much of a faux pas if a female misread the situation rather than a male. Most males current reaction has some elements of self preservation rather than large doses of newly awakened courtesy.
Yes, both need to consent.
Has a girl ever asked you for your consent?
Not in a direct question and i never asked for consent either this way. But you can tell by a persons action if they consent or not.
Actually believe it or not I think consent should go both ways. I think if two people are going to engage in sex I think the woman needs consent from the man but also the man needs consent from the woman before proceeding. That way there is 100% proof the consent is mutual between the two people regardless of the gender of the two people wanting to engage in sex.
And it just takes a second to say you okay with this---and you---okay, let's go and there is no confusion.
in my opinion not so much. Generally men are physically stronger, and it's impossible to force a man to perform intercourse.
Personally I think it's definitely a mutual matter with both having to give consent whether it be words or actions.
I like that. I mean if you've been heavily making out, and someone's like, let's go in my bedroom and you say no, get a clue, but if they follow, I'm pretty sure there is an implied consent in that (though not legally which can be an issue if that doesn't go your way). The reality is most people would probably say, this isn't an issue a majority of the time whether guys or girls.
Mmm.. i agree with you what are you doing tomorrow... lok
Sorry... lol
I expect my partner to ask for my consent if they aren't sure they already have it
Yes, it is, but slight exceptions exist on both sides, some men and women crave having their partner force themselves onto them. but honestly thats still a form of consent, just not a spoken one.
Depends on the man, I myself don't mind at all if my girlfriend has my consent, get it girl.
Yes, it is. With the exception being texting me. It's okay to swipe my number if you're too scared to ask for it. I don't mind.
It’s fine for me. If I don’t like it, I’ll pull away.
Depends on the girl i guess. But yeah it would be nice.
Lmfao. This shit. If you can't tell if a girl or man wants you, do us all a favor and stay home. Its you awkward fuckers doing weird shit thats making this hard. 99% of us normal people have zero problems with this stuff. And no, normal people dont say "may i now touch your left breast?"
Ha, that. I think by the time you're in your 30s, if you don't know how things are going, yes, you do have issues or yes, you should ask just in case, but most people just are in tune enough to know that its okay without saying its okay. If I were a guy though, I'd for sure ask in this day and age....I have heard so many really horrible stories from guys about evil girls that want to ruin them because they broke up or something else.
Its really awkward men who are dealing with mentally fucked up women. They are the guys trying to get with a girl who is in the topless free the nip parades. Whereas i wouldn't go near a girl doing that shit. If a girl seems like a nut im going to stay away. Normal girls aren't going to sue you for rape because you caressed their hair. Lmao
Sometimes
yeah
It’s a 2 way street, you wanted equality, there it is. grown women now are getting prison terms for raping 14 year old boys, so equality IS working.
Yup, it's a decency, but many men won't bother, rather enjoy if a pretty woman made a move on them.
Do not care.
Yeah, really. Consent wasn't even an issue until recently. In fact, no one 'asked' for consent when I was high school age or twenty years after that. People were way less coddled then. Sexual harassment wasn't even a thing. I remember them having an hour-long seminar about it in high school once a year and no one really cared. There were no cameras, no phones with cameras, no phones, barely an internet. No one accused anyone of anything. I dunno? The girls had more friggin' sense? Or didn't see themselves as perpetual victims. Or there wasn't some agenda hell-bent on convincing them to be afraid of their own shadows.
Nope
I wouldn’t care and have never been asked, a woman would never need to ask to do anything to me, as long as she is my girlfriend she can do whatever she wants. Guys are not like women when it comes to that, we like to be randomly touched and would never reject it, that’s something women do when guys touch them randomly
This is not an issue for men because we are fine with accepting our responsibility in the matter of communication when there is a disconnect between what a man and a woman want. That is to say we have no problem simply saying no when a woman's advances are not welcome. Apparently some women struggle with that.
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