Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health Is it ok not to have sex with my husband any more?
Anonymous
I love my husband very much, we’ve been married 3 year now but I’m not attracted to him any more and I dislike having sex with him, we have had so many arguments about this where he tries to guilt me into giving him sex and I have even told him that if he wants to have sex with another person I am totally ok with that. But he refuses and says that I should want to. I’m just confused because I know I don’t want to have sex with him any more and if I have to choose then I will leave but I don’t want to leave him, i love him. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to open the relationship up to him having another woman and still enjoy everything good in our relationship, I know he loves me too. Did I make a mistake and I shouldn’t have married him and now this is my punishment feeling confused and guilty?
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What Girls & Guys Said
17 70Yeah. He’s not entitled to it nor are you obligated to provide it. Honestly I’d suggest divorcing if possible
Do you have kids?
No we have been putting it off for reasons related to finance
I'd seriously consider divorcing. An open marriage where you two have a good sex life but enjoy swinging is one thing. If sex is important to him and he finds someone who cares about him and wants him sexually, he's going to want to be with her.
Just noticed you mentioned you masturbate a lot. Have you had other sex partners you wanted sex more with? Were you ever attracted to your husband more? Are there realistic changes in his shape or style or type of sex that would change things?
He looks the same as when I met him, he’s not unattractive never has been, but I don’t get turned on by him. I only had 1 partner before him it was a short relationship only a few months when I was younger so I don’t really know or even remember. Divorce seems so painful to do to someone I still love and he doesn’t want to divorce me, he said that many time’s. I think we’re ‘sexually incompatible’ because the things he wants to do I don’t, but if he found someone else who wanted more than sex maybe you’re right. He would leave. :-(
What does he want that you don't? If you were with someone else would you want sex more? What is it that makes you prefer masturbation to sex?
Prefer masturbation because I can fantasize about things I like. He wants to do things like you see in porn. I didn’t mind at first and I did them but I’ve grown tired I preferred romantic sex and I did tell him that we should compromise sometimes be romantic and he did, but it felt forced like he is acting because he know he actually doesn't like it so I stopped even liking that. I don’t know
What are the specific things that he wants to do that you don't want to do?
As long as you're cool with him having a concubine...
Do you really want to keep this up for another 20 to 30 years?
Get family counseling or end it.
Been there.
Sounds like you need couple's therapy. Probably a good idea to pair that with individual counseling too. Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship. Are there things you could adjust? Are you viewing sex as a transaction for self-satisfaction rather than a physical act of intimacy and love? Does your husband need to put more work in to be presentable/attractive to you? Does he need to learn more about how to listen to you and have good sex? Do you need to learn how to communicate better in bed to tell him how to make you feel good? I'd explore these questions.
I really don’t know
I think we’re ‘sexually incompatible.’
It's only been three years. Why did you marry him in the first place?
I suggest going for couple's counselling to chart a course for your future. If you want to stay together is bringing in other people for sex a viable option? How exactly would that work? Would you both have other sex partners? When and where would the sex occur? Is there any chance of working on the relationship to bring back the sex? Are you better off as being close friends or ending it altogether? There are far too many variables and I believe professional help would be worthwhile.
I think you should try to fix the reasons you're arguing. If both of you are still together it means u love each other. If you really really really love each other I'll "call ur bluff". (not meant in a mean way)
Being in love means, being ready to do anything for each other.
Well in this case the both of you should be ready to go to marriage counseling to fix ur marriage or start reading some good articles about marriage.
Women tends to shut down when emotions are messed by too many arguments. So fix ur marriage regarding the arguments and the rest SHOULD return by itself.
I think what happened here is you know you are tied to him and knowing he isn't going anywhere has turned you off..
Divorce him and start dating him again..
And if that doesn't works. Find a new man..
Don't waste your time in bad relationship.. Find a good relationship or stay single..
You need a shrink and a marriage counselor. You've dishonored your marriage vows.
Not wanting to have sex with your husband in your early 30s?
There's more to it than what you're saying but based on what you stated... that's really messed up. If he's willing to stay with you and not seek a fuck buddy... that's a treasure. YOU are the one with the problem.
You'd better pull your head out of your ass before it's too late.
then you call the marriage quits
Nope. Let him cheat.
Sex is part of the deal with marriage. You telling him that sex with other people is basically saying that you are looking for an excuse for divorce, but are too lazy to initiate it yourself. Sex is probably part of how he expresses love to you, and it hurts him to not be able to express this.
Still, you did well in being up front about it. Many women wouldn't be, and would just come up with excuses. You would prefer to stay together, but without sex, and you even allow him an outlet.
The problem is that you still love each other, want to be with each other, and he wants to be sexually loyal. That is probably hell for him, and clearly not too comfortable for you either. Maybe consider seeing a sex therapist?
Or just talk with him more about it, be open about the possibility of other sexual outlets for him. If it were me, I'd ask for erotic pictures of you to jerk off to. See how he responds to that.
Wdy mean you love him but don't want sex with him. That's like a roommate or gold fish kind of love. You should be honest that you've lost your attraction.
It's okay, but it's not good. You guys should see a counselor. I hope that you can get the spark back!
You should get out of that marriage and start over.
Perfect example how men shouldn't get married today. Alpha fucks, beta bucks, coming from a woman. Marriage is for sad betas who are more concerned how they'll die instead of how they'll live. Once you marry her and give her safety she perceives you as the dumb weak beta and cucks you with a dangerous alpha, who might as well be a felon. It never ends well for the man.
Just let him have side bitches. Problem solved.
I already told him he can sleep with ever he wants and he said no and refused it?
His loss