Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Is this considered rape if it was my boyfriend and it was my butt?

So at a party with my boyfriend of 2 months. I went to bed earlier and he was drunk when he came to bed. We started having sex and then he tried to put his penis in my butthole (I’ve never had anal sex ever in my life) and I told him no, and backed away. He pulled me back and tried again, again I said no and pulled away. So he went for my vagina again and then a few minutes later he tried for my butt again, here I pushed him off. He tried sticking it in without any lube or anything and it didn’t feel right so again I said no! And few minutes later he tried again and I guess I let him for a a couple minutes but it was so painful I pushed him off again and then it all ended. The next day my anus is torn and bleeding all day, and two days later still faintly and hurts. When I brought it up to him he said he didn’t remember but I know he wasn’t that drunk because he remembers our conversation from around that same time of the night.
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Superb Opinion

  • Everything AFTER “NO” was RAPE! And you need to tell someone what he did to you!! If you are physically at school, tell a counselor or a teacher you trust, if not call the RAINN rape crisis hotline! You have done NOTHING wrong! You didn’t ask tiff this, and you didn’t lead him on! Please at least give the number below a call. It’s an anonymous rape hotline! Good luck sweetie, you are not alone! I was raped too! Nothing you did makes THIS okay! If you don’t get help, that feeling you have gets worse!

    (800) 656-HOPE (4673)

Most Helpful Guys

  • 🚩🚩🚩
    Personally I would consider that a huge red flag moment. The attempt should have stopped after the first series of no's. I understand that between partners a no isn't an always firm no and you can change your partners mind. BUT that is after discussing it with your partner and not through continuous provocation and force. I would 1000000% percent called what he did rape. I understand the idea of being drunk but that isn't an excuse especially if he was coherent enough to remember a conversation that same night too. Ma'am I would highly consider reevaluating your relationship with this man and/or have a serious conversation with him where you clearly state that he raped you.

  • So normally I would give an answer to a question that being said there are some questions that need a reply of the question.


    My question being what do you feel about all this. I mean you said the story and everything, but what do you currently feel about your situation? Answer that and i can answer your question.


    The reality is that no matter what my opinion is you’re ultimately the person that’s going to have to make some decisions after so I’m just trying to get a feel for what you think about this beyond just the story.

    • Well truthfully this happened to me 2 years ago. It was with my ex boyfriend. I mentioned it to a friend recently and she was like that’s rape! And I had never considered it. When it happened I was so in love with my ex (who l later turned abusive) that I dismissed anything he did.. my self respect was not high. I feel mostly ashamed for allowing it and now I’m afraid of anal sex, but I don’t feel psychologically damaged from that night (but our relationship in general perhaps). But yeah after it happened I was more like “why is my butthole bleeding, I must have a tight bull hole, this isn’t for me”

    • First of thank you for talking about it. For some it can be difficult, and it in reality is a difficult topic to talk on. That being said you told him no and he didn’t care, and did what he wanted regardless of your feelings both physically and emotionally. Rape is Legally defined as “The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” As is defined by the Department Of Justice. Moreover as defined by the Department Of Justice there is no statutory limit on rape. Now in the past there have been state by state mandates of statutory limit but those mandates are often anywhere from 6 to 30 years; because of the fact that it may have happened when on was younger and the trauma of the event may not sink in till years later.

    • The reason I provided you that information is to help you further define your understanding of your own situation and to let you know that should you one day come to realize that yes you were infact raped that you’re not alone and you have more resources than you think.

      Statistic fact:
      1. “Nearly 1 in 5 women (18.3%) and 1 in 71 men (1.4%) in the United States have been raped at some time in their lives, including completed forced penetration, attempted forced penetration, or alcohol/drug facilitated completed penetration.

      2. More than half (51.1%) of female victims of rape reported being raped by an intimate partner and 40.8% by an acquaintance; for male victims, more than half (52.4%) reported being raped by an acquaintance and 15.1% by a stranger.”

      As researched by The national sexual violence research center.

      Please understand that you are so far away from being alone in this and you have resources come the day that you’re ready to say and call it out for what it is.

      All of that being said though you’re the only person that can make that decision and determination. You’re the only person that can tell your story, and you’re the only person that can stand up for yourself.

      Just know that when that day comes you will have support and you will be heard as so many have.

      If you could do this one thing go to these two websites and if you feel that they are not for you then you have your answer, but if you really read the information in them and feel some kind of way about yourself then you use that info and fight for yourself.

      https://www.nsvrc.org

      www.justice.gov/.../updated-definition-rape

      I hope that everything I’ve said to you as of this reply helps you in some way even if its just letting you know that you’re not alone in this.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You said no, therefore it was indeed a sexual assault. If you make an excuse such as telling yourself that you "let him" for a few minutes, it means very little because you did it out of coercion. The question now is, do you want to make it a formal issue by contacting the police, or do you want to talk to him about it and let him know that you expect him to respect your boundaries hereafter? Whatever you decide, don't forget that this is considered a red flag.

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What Girls & Guys Said

10 41

  • Yes.

  • Not cool. Are you at least comfortable enough to talk to him about the situation?

  • "I guess I let him for a a couple minutes"

    Not rape.

    • Yeah that’s why I thought maybe it wasn’t since I wasn’t fighting him the whole time but I don't know

    • @Asker did he actually get it all the way in? and im sorry thats mean!

    • @MarkyMark77 yeah:/ most uncomfortable feeling I’ve felt

    • Show All

  • The fact that it was your boyfriend and it was anal sex is irrelevant. The fact that you eventually consented to him doing it for a brief time is very relevant.

    • Still rape. She said no several times.

    • @Shuttlebus78 "I guess I let him for a a couple minutes" Very relevant. Have you ever tried a case to a jury?

    • Im not talking about how the judicial process works. In many cases, it is a joke. They let murderers and rapists go free all the time even though they are guilty. However, if she said no at any point, yes it is considered sexual assault. Not once did she say it was okay and she made it clear that she did not want that done to her body. One no is enough. She even tried to push him off of her. Stop standing up for rapists.

    • Show All

  • Anything sexual that is done without your consent is considered as harassment/rape.

  • It’s only rape if it’s in the vagina. Unwanted butt sex is more in the realm of fraud.

    • Who the fuck told you that? That's the dumbest shit I ever heard.

  • It's definitely sexual harrassment at the very least, and probably can be classified as rape.

  • Yeah, I'd say so.

  • Seriously, break up with him when he tells you that he doesn't remember it. You're not a fool and it's your body

  • Yeah that’s rape.

  • Technically, "Yes", but (no pun intended) a lawyer would be reluctant to take your case as you did nothing to end the situation by either tossing him out of the bed or moving to a couch or another room. Girls say "NO" so often when everyone knows she means "Yes" that unambiguous action is necessary to legitimatize the "NO".

  • If it was sexual and you didn't consent then it's rape.

  • It sounds like rape. You should speak to the police.

  • It doesn't sound so much like rape as it does you have an overly aggressive asshole of a boyfriend who doesn't really care for you or your feelings. You can do better. Find a guy or girl who really cares about you and treats you with respect. You'll enjoy sex so much more that way.

  • That’s rape get away from him

  • that's sounds awful :(

  • Yes it is.

  • Yes. That's rape.

  • Yes, it is rape, even if it's your boyfriend and even if it's anal. You said no several times. However, you should have never let him try it, even for a few minutes, if you didn't want him to. That can be seen as a go-ahead (even though any reasonable person would know it's likely not, since you said no several times in the prior moments).

  • Report him to the police immediately. He raped you and you know it.

  • Show More (31)

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