Sexual Relationships
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My ex has my nudes and won't delete them, advice?

I broke up with my ex boyfriend a few months ago after a 2 year abusive relationship. At the beginning of my relationship with him he had his ex (from a few months prior) nudes and after me asking him politely to delete them refused due to him not wanting to revisit them to delete them, so of course being my helpful self I offered to do it for him, to this offer he denied and they remained on his phone the entirety of the time I was with him. So stupid me didn't think for a split second when it came to sending stuff myself because I viewed us as long term, now I'm in a situation where I know for a fact he still has them, all 3717482+ of them, I spoke to our mutual close friend who asked my ex to delete them to which my ex replied "she never sent any to me, I don't have any of her" when in reality a solid 30% of his camera roll consists of my peeled potato body. I know he's not the sort to post them online (is hope anyway) but I fear a future girlfriend will see them as I saw his previous girlfriends. I feel massively uncomfortable Him having them, despite I was the one who sent them in the first place, I would consider going to the police but they started being sent to him when I was 15 and until the age of 18 all nude photographs are classed as child pornography and I am therefore in an as equally big shit storm as he is for providing him with 'child pornography', so is there any advice you can give and also from a males perspective if you had indecent photos of your ex and chose not to delete them what would be your reasoning?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • The answer is right in the first sentence you made. You were in an abusive relationship with him. This sounds like his way of still trying to control you in some way. He can't have you right now, but he has "you" in a mental sense. He's got something you want, never mind it's not him. As well, it's a way to for him to have an anchor to your life still. Usually, abusive people are very insecure and needy. They abuse because they are scared of you leaving or something. So now you did the right thing and got out of it, but he still doesn't want to let you go, so he has these photos of you to hold on to you. I don't even think it's that important to him that they were nudes. The importance of them being nudes is that it's more psychologically strangling on you since he can put more weight on his threats of holding on to them than if it were just you two together. To me you have to be strong enough to say to yourself, "ah well, so what he has nudes, I'll take the consequences when they come", sort of feeling about them. Because he'll threaten to show them if you don't come back. Guaranteed that's his biggest leverage. So, you have to decide, are you strong enough to still stay away from him and face the possibility of those photos being released, or are you going to give into his further controlling attitude and go back to the same abusive bullshit he put you through for the last 2 years?

    • Thank you very very much, you've actually helped me massively understand it this idea didn't even come across my mind once, I just thought he'd of kept them because he had the choice

    • All how you described him, he sounds obsessive. You're probably not going to get those photos back, but be glad you're not with him anymore.

    • Thank you, again :)

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  • Even if you could destroy his phone, he likely has those photos backed up to a cloud account. And those are then backed up by the cloud provider - probably many times - in case they need to recover from catastrophic data loss.

    So, yeah, it's unlikely that you're ever going to get them gone. Sorry, but unless HE decides to delete them everywhere they might exist, there's not a lot you can really do.

    • Well, fuck.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I'm so sorry you're going through that. I was in the same shitty situations a while ago.

    If he's not the "dangerous abusive" type, tell him he could go to jail for child pornography, and that you're gonna go to the police if he doesn't delete them. Maybe talk to a lawyer.

    Anyways, if he posts them online, it's a crime called revenge porn and he could go to jail for it.

    Good luck!

    • Thank you! And I'm so sorry to hear you've been in a similar situation it's awful!

  • The only advice I can give is learn from this and never send nudes to anyone ever again. If you want him to see you naked, do it in person.

    • It's the advice I'm definitely going to take, the guy I'm seeing at the moment fully understands why I've decided to make this decision

  • Hopefully your lesson is learned and it will quietly go away. But I must ask, you were sending nudes at 15?

    • Yeah, it was the fact he was older and I kind of felt the need to because I was scared of losing him because he didn't get what he wanted, there's a whole bunch more reasons, of course at the end it's still my fault they were sent but he's a manipulative bastard and would ask and ask and ask, lesson learned now that that's the kind of guy to swerve

    • Hard lesson to learn but at least you won't repeat the mistake :)

    • I know :)

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What Girls & Guys Said

10 26

  • This might be a bad idea, but I would probably just pay someone to steal his phone for me lmao.

    • Not gonna lie I've had offers😂 but I'm too much of a pussy to let things get thrown back onto other people for my own wrong doing hahah

    • Man you're in a rough situation, I'm stressed out for you lol. Have you researched the laws and made totally sure you would get in trouble too if you went to the police?

    • I've checked the laws, and 99% of the places I've researched said that I could be done for it as well the other 1% said that I might just get spoken to, the whole ordeal is just embarrassing tbh, thank you!

  • He probably wants to keep the pictures for jerk off motivation. In most areas, nude pictures of underage children are not illegal per se. They are illegal if the pictures depict sexual activity such as masturbation or having sex with another person.

    With that clarification, are the pictures of you that he has illegal?

    • Majority are legal in cases of what you're saying however the Cunt bucket has 2 videos of sexual activity between himself and I which at the time I was unaware of, don't know where I stand with that tbh

    • Are you in the US? If so, in what state?

    • I'm in the uk, England, laws are fairly different here I think

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  • You're clearly a troll

    • But I'm clearly not 😂

    • You clearly are, or you're an idiot. So for your sake hope you're a troll

    • An idiot I am, a troll I am not, thanks for the inspiration words hun

    • Show All

  • That is a problem and even if you got a court order to return them to you, that doesn't mean there isn't a second copy somewhere. I'd say you have a problem. Child porn pictures can get him into a heap of trouble. You might use that as a bargaining point. Gee tough spot. Might be able to bluff him if you got an attorney to contact him. I suggest talking to an attorney about the legal implications and where you stand.

    • Thank you v v much :)

  • How old was he when you sent him the pics?

    • 18 when I started and I was 15 and until recently 21 when I was 17 turning 18

    • Check your state laws (everything is online as PDF material), I don't think you are liable for sending them while you were a minor and he is DEEP sht for having them while he was already of legal age and you were a minor. The fact that the guy had previous pics of other girls was a Big warning sign about him but you were young and he probably sweet talked you into it.. like others are saying: big lesson now you know to never send nudes again. It's also ok not to do anything, you are not the first or last nude on the internet, change your look, move on, pray about it, we all make mistakes growing up, count your losses and move on.

    • Thank you so much for the advice! And I will thank you, the person I'm seeing at the moment is fully understanding of me not wanting to and it isn't an important thing for him, I guess I'm glad I've grown up and grown out of it

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  • so bad, I seen more guy make vdo call with a girl and record it and posted in porn web with out any hide their face , so bad. I won't let someone get my nude like this, you need to try delete it if you can't you need to do surgery your face for hide a part that maybe post via internet.

  • Have some guy Friends beat the shit out of him/make and embarressing video (him shitting his pants etc). if it and tell him you'll trade.

    Since the pics where of you when you were young... can the cops.

    • I refuse to lower myself to his petty standards and would rather not get my guy mates in bad situations however, the advice is still appreciated and will be put in the maybe pile 😂 and I would call the cops but I'd be in shit myself as he was 18 when I was 15 at the beginning of the relationship 😬

    • If you're UNWILLING to do anything... then You can't Complain about the situation. Thinking that way is part of your problem.

    • I know there's just certain things I am unwilling to do such as getting people to beat the shit out of him because that'll cause more bad than good if it doesn't go the right way

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  • Use this asa lesson learned

    • Yep, I am doing never again will I be so stupid

  • Well you can't do anything about the ones you gave him. But keep some of him, in case he tries to mess with you.

    • I never got any off him, which come to think of it was pretty stupid

  • This is a very rare occasion I'll ever agree with Rissyanne about something but yeah, use this as a lesson because you can't do anything about it really. You gave them to give.
    Don't try to steal his phone or break it, you're just digging yourself a bigger hole.

    • Actually the started reading the stuff you wrote, you actually could do something legally. Do that but also learn your lesson.

    • Thank you

  • I'm sorry that you're going through this. I've seen a documentary where people like him got sent to jail for leaking nude pictures, so that might be an option?

    • It's hard because in the U. K. Different laws apply in different circumstances, I feel like the legal side of things is the last place I want to go because I can be prosecuted

    • Are you certain? You've advised a lawyer about this?

    • No but I think i will

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  • Hun, the best thing you can do is sit tight. He probably won't do much with them - and any time he does look at them, he'll probably be by himself in his room. It probably wasn't the best choice to send them back then, however we all make mistakes and we all want to discover the feeling of doing things like that once in a while.
    (I have not yet sent any nudes however or anything along those lines... Or even been sent any).

    Although it may seem creepy... from a guys perspective - I believe he wanted to keep them because A. They're photos of you, and he probably still fancies you.

    And B. He probably still feels positive from the time you sent them!

    He won't share them, because he'll get arrested for child pornography! So you need not worry from that angle.

    Best of luck, and hope you can resolve what you want to! 😊

    • And I'm happy you got yourself out of that relationship - well done! Hope you find someone who treats you with all the respect you deserve 🙂

  • The problem is bigger than his phone as I'm guessing the photos are backed up to a server (hopefully a private one).
    The police, I would have thought, would be more interested in what he received from a minor, rather than the actions of a minor (who's actions are cannot be trusted). And even as a now young woman, they may take an interest in encouraging him to delete them.
    However, there are a gazillion ways to hide electronic images so unless he honestly wants to delete them, I don't fancy your chances.
    Short of hiring a hacker, getting through to him just how much you need them gone seems appropriate.

    • Thank you, it's just a pain because unless I do it myself I have no clue whether it's a success or not but I rather not go down the route of being forced into getting into contact with him and his family for the sake of doing it, thank you for your advice

  • You gave them as a present. You don't just "take a present back", because of a break-up. If you were too naive to think of the consequences - then the fault lies with you. Deal with it.

  • I mean I think your only option here is to pay someone to steal his phone for you, like someone else said

    • It's traceable though? Like find my iPhone and find my friends and there'd be a location on the last point before having turned location off etc and I would rather not break the law 😂😩😳

    • Well that's what you pay for. Whoever does it should know how to not get caught.

    • Yep I guess, thank you

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  • If he's not showing them to others I wouldn't worry about it

    • I just feel uncomfortable with my lack of power over my own body however I realise it's my own fault I'm in this situation

    • A couple ex's of mine, and a girl i flirted with online for a year or two have old nudes of me. I spent a lot of time in the gym so I know I look good naked. Every now in the then I'll get a message from one of them saying they are looking at my nude pics and I just take Tim as a complement and find it flattering. I don't think you should feel bad, maybe even empowered that you're sex appeal makes them want to keep your nudes to look at

    • Thank you v v much

  • Digital is forever. You're S*** Out Of Luck. I hope you've learned something, including that you're criminal for distributing child porn.

    • Pretty much 😬

  • Lesson learned!

    • Agreed

  • It's considered child porn, arrest him.

    • Problem is until I was 18 it was classed as me providing him with child porn which is a more serious offence

  • He isn't a real man. What he is doing is showing you he still has some kind of control of your life. To resolve it ask yourself "What would a country girl do"

    • Honestly I don't have a clue what a country girl would do😂

    • A country girl would pick up the closest thing andbeat the hell out of him with it

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