My girlfriend says she is not ready for sex, but I don't see why not?

[Anonymous]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 6 months and she never mentioned sex. So i told her this morning about it and she stted she was not ready, then i told her what do you mean? i think it's time we have sex, then she said again she is not ready and was looking kinda sad, what is going on?

[MissNowhere]

She said she's not ready, obviously she's not ready yet. Don't try to manipulate or force her into doing it, don't make her feel bad about not wanting to do it yet, respect her choice. Every girl is different, for some it takes a long time to trust the guy and be fully comfortable with him. Don't push sex onto her, seems you're only gonna push her away that away. You need to make her feel comfortable and ease her into talking about sex and eventually having it. You've been together for quite a few months, so it would be normal for you two to talk about sex, doesn't mean you have to do it yet. The more you're gonna talk about it with her, the more comfortable she will feel about the thing. You can't just drop a bombshell on her one day ''LET'S HAVE SEX NOW, IT'S TIME!!!'' like you pretty much did. That's not how it works.

[Asker]

i won't pressure. and i said it nicely today. I will re assure her. again i won't force anything

[MissNowhere]

Good then

[Stacyzee]

Is she a virgin?

If not, she's probably holding back a traumatic experience from you.
If this is the case, your relationship will eventually die because she is refusing to go to the next level with you and isn't opening up about why.

In order for you to better understand her , she needs to be open and honest.
Do not force her to open up to you.
But eventually it is expected that she does.

You can't wait for someone forever and be uncertain about which direction things will turn in.

[Asker]

yes she is a virgin and so am i, i don't want to pressure her. But why was she sad? was it cause she thinks she let me down? Should i further more ask her why?

[Stacyzee]

Okay... she's a virgin. Understandable. She was sad because she feels as if you're not contented with her. Let her know you still care for her the same. That nothing really did change. She'll eventually be ready, there is no set time-frame.

[Asker]

i do care and love her. I will say it and talk to her.

[Stacyzee]

<3 Good choice. You seem like a great boyfriend.

[Asker]

thanks :) whatever she chooses i will be with her until she is ready.

[JulyAndrews]

If she's not she's not ready. Don't pressure her. Maybe you think it's time to have sex but you're still dealing with another person, who owns the body you want to have sex with.

Just ask her if there's a specific reason to it without asking her again to start having sex. Maybe she experienced something very negative sexually and she hasn't told you yet? Maybe she has a medical condition? Just ask her respectfully.

[Asker]

i don't want to pressure her. But why was she sad? was it cause she thinks she let me down? I will ask her and i would never force her to have sex

[JulyAndrews]

Only she knows why she's sad. We are all different, we are all individuals. Maybe asking her again after she already said no is what made her sad. Just because you think it's time for sex doesn't mean she feels the same way. What did you expect her to say after saying "I think it's time we have sex"? even after she said no?

[Asker]

i only asked one time, which was earlier today and then i posted on here.

[SolitaireBond]

Are you deaf as well as daft.. If she says NO she means just that.. NO

She has made it very clear indeed that she is NOT READY.. It's as simply as that.. When she is, am sure you will be the first to know.

Until then don't pressure her into doing something against her will.. Instead just be there for her.

Patience Is A Virtue

[Asker]

i don't know why you are so mad? i'm never going to force her to do it. I just asked her today and she got sad which bothered me but i will just talk to her and tell her i support her.

[SolitaireBond]

In that case one day you will be rewarded am sure.. Everything Comes To Those Who Wait.. Good Luck :)

[Asker]

thanks

[SolitaireBond]

You're very, very welcome.

[Setsu]

First question: Is she devout? If she is living a serious Christian life, she won't want sex until marriage, and that's actually good. Sex is supposed to be both exclusive and permanent; she probably knows this on some level. For both parties' sake, I would wait until wedding bells before taking my clothes off in front of her. Once you start, you won't want to stop, and for that reason, sex will make breakups all the harder. For sex to be thing of beauty that it's supposed to be, both parties must be ready to make their bond tight, stable, and indestructible. You're capable of being casual about it now because you haven't had it yet. When the circumstances are right, you will be glad you waited.

[Asker]

not a serious christian but she is one. iwill ahve a talk with her and i won't force anything

[BigJake]

If she's not ready, she's not ready. Maybe she's had some sort of traumatic experience in her past. Either way, she's had a different life from you. Don't think that just because sex is right for you right now that it's right for her. Girls are also different about sex than guys. If they've been sexually assaulted or harmed, they can lose a lot of trust in people and faith in the world. They feel like part of their power has been taken away. Just play if cool and earn her trust by showing her that you're there for her.

[Asker]

i won't force her but i will talk to her about it. and say i respect her decision.

[snowangle]

It sounds like she's just not ready for it. It's pretty normal for her to feel that way around this age.

[Asker]

alright

[GirlScoutsRevenge]

She is feeling pressured into having sex, that's what's wrong. If she isn't ready she isn't ready.

[Asker]

I don't want to pressure her, i didn't say it in a way that i want her to have sex bad i said it just as a convo starter type thing. But why was she sad? was it cause she thinks she let me down?

[GirlScoutsRevenge]

Maybe because she doesn't feel close enough to you yet and that makes her sad. Maybe she feels like a disappointment, maybe she feels sad because there is a reason she doesn't want sex... the only way to find out is ask her I am afraid.

[Asker]

doesn't feel close enough to me? we are hanging out almost everyday of the week and we have a great time. I will ask her and see.

[GirlScoutsRevenge]

That doesn't mean she feels close enough emotionally.

[Asker]

i will talk to her about it, but i do try and be romantic and make her feel good. but again i'l have a talk with her.

[jennylovesmusic]

Is she a virgin? If so.. I can see it I guess.. and it also depends on how old she is.. after 6 months though if she is NOT a virgin and she is an adult.. then.. she should definitely be ready and know if she loves you by now.

[Asker]

yes she is a virgin and so am i. i won't pressure her but i will just have a chat with her. Should i worry about this? cause she is a virgin.

[truthbeknown]

Couples need to communicate! She needs to talk to you, and you need to talk to her. Sit down and have a mature, adult conversation about what you want and what she wants. Relationships are about compromise and cooperation, and most importantly - communication! If she isn't ready for sex, how about oral sex for the time being?

[Asker]

i won't force her but i will talk to her about it.

[truthbeknown]

Nope, nobody said anything about forcing it. I am only suggesting options.

[AleDeEurope]

Have you asked her why she's not ready? My ex was a virgin too, and when I asked her the first time she said she wasn't ready. I didn't pressure her, she knew I wanted to do it, but I asked her why isn't she ready. She told me and I fully understood it, I told her it was okay, that we will do it whenever she was ready, no pressure.

Be comprhensible, and ask her why.

[Asker]

yup i will

[zombiebabe]

she is not ready! don't try to pressure her

[Asker]

i won't pressure her.

[CHARismatic110]

It means that she isn't ready. Sex is kind of a big deal. The most important part of it is being ready. So if she says she isn't ready, don't pressure her.

[Asker]

i don't want to pressure her. But why was she sad? was it cause she thinks she let me down?

[CHARismatic110]

Possibly. She probably thinks that you're upset because she isn't ready. So explain to her that you understand and that you aren't mad.

[Asker]

oik will.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Just chill and 5 knuckle shuffle on no worries for it dude.

[Anonymous]

After 6 months and she isn't ready? Is she the wait for marriage type?

Now, don't pressure her into sex--but you don't have to keep dating her either.

[Asker]

i won't pressure her but i will just have a chat with her

[JulyAndrews]

They're both virgins. 6 months of no sex is not a big deal for virgins who feel like saving themselves for the right guy.

[Anonymous]

It means she isn't ready dude, the more you pressure her the less she's gonna wanna do it, just relax and say okay when your ready love, the relationship is more then sex yanno, yeah it's good but it's not the only thing your gonna be doing and it certainly doesn't always bring you guys closer especially if you end up doing it when she isn't ready, she;ll dislike it and you, it's a lot more to women then it is men :)

[Asker]

i won't pressure her but i will just have a chat with her. i will respect her decision

[Opinion Owner]

That's a good start :) Good on you man, just let her know it hasn't upset you and that she doesn't need to feel bad about it, you understand it's a big thing, never pressure that stuff, trust me when the time comes and she is ready it'll be great, and you'll be glad you waited for her to be happy too... oh and don't forget the condom well unless you want kids of course haha good luck to ya :)

[Asker]

yuuuup

[Anonymous]

Don't be the typical douchebag who pressures her.

[Asker]

no i won't