Sexual Relationships
+1 y

No lube or foreplay?

The other day, I had my first sexual encounter (and yes, I mentioned that I was a virgin). He used a condom, but didn't do foreplay or use any sort of lube to prepare me for the deed. It was so incredibly painful, to the point that I couldn't relax and he just stopped trying to shove it in there, eventually. He does want me over again, but I'm afraid it'll end up just like the last time.

I'm curious as to how guys think about penetration with a virgin – do you think the girl should be fine without lube/foreplay, or do you think it's a must?
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • Foreplay needs to be seen as a crucial part of sex. Without lube or foreplay of some sort it's simply painful. Sex should never be one sided. If a guy's only concern is himself, he's not the kind of guy you want to have sex with. Penetration with a virgin or a non-virgin ought to be purely focused on bringing her pleasure and on showing her affection. The guy is either a virgin, or he's never learned anything about sex other than "use a condom so you won't risk pregnancy." I would strongly advise against it, at the very VERY least until he's actually bothered to learn how to have sex in a way that isn't self centered.

    Admittedly I'm generally not a fan of sex before marriage. Sex creates emotional bonds between people as an unavoidable side effect. It can cause people to make a lot of poor decisions that may well end in a lot of heartbreak. I tend to think the risk is far greater than the reward, and the reward simply isn't worth it. So... yeah I guess my general advice would be to avoid having sex outside of marriage in general, and to just get a vibrator/masturbate instead. But, in terms of having sex with that guy in particular, unless he learns how to do it right, you do NOT want to have sex with him.

  • Him going right for penetration without foreplay was a very dumb move, and because you were a virgin, you did not know to stop him and slow things down. Sounds like the two of you were talking, decided to have sex, took off your clothes and tried to go at it.

    You certainly need the foreplay to get moist and loosen up. And it should be a fun time of sexual exploration for both of you.

    If he does not completely change the way he approaches it, the next time will be just as bad.

    • Oh no, I definitely knew wetness/lube/foreplay should have happened. I asked him to prep me several times, and even asked if he had lube once or twice as he was trying – although we had both been drinking, but he was sober enough to ask me if I was okay a lot.

    • I cannot imagine me ever having sex with a woman without taking the time to enjoy her body for a while before penetration. That enjoyment is for her and me both.

    • Thank you for MHGuy, :-)

Most Helpful Girls

  • That's crazy. Lube and foreplay is a must. And if you know enough to ask about it why didn't you tell him to go get some some lube? If you knew you need to be prepared for the deed, maybe you should have communicated with him.
    I don't imagine it would be as painful as the first time. But you definitely won't enjoy the act if you're not aroused. Please talk to him about making things comfy and enjoyable for both of you. Read a bit on clitoris simulation, if you don't know about it. And teach your partner too, it'll benefit everybody.
    Good Luck! :)

    • I absolutely asked him to prep me and if he had lube. We had both been drinking, so I'm kind of putting the non-answers from him to that, though he was sober enough to ask if I was okay a lot.

  • Being sexually submissive does not mean you can't be assertive. Bring your own bottle of lube. Express your needs. Assert your desire to have foreplay and to get good and hot and wet and ready and to use lots and lots and lots of lube. :)

    • I mentioned needing to be prepped several times. Asked him if he had lube and even tried to guide his hand down there. No use.

  • Definitely need foreplay to lubricate yourself, even if it's just passionate kissing for a few minutes. Sounds like this guy is just untalented at sex though... maybe get another guy for your first time?

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

Related Questions

What's your opinion about pubic hair?
My guy bestfriend massaged my boobs and nipples during watching tv does he wanna have sex with me?
Guys, Is it true that the pussy being tight doesn't necessarily mean it's the best you've ever had?
Is masturbating about 6-15 times a day too much?

What Girls & Guys Said

1 25

  • Foreplay is my favorite part. Guys who want to skip foreplay are almost animals in my mind, they are being so disrespectful.

  • Foreplay is fun for everybody! Touch tease kiss caress and when you just need to have him inside you... it will feel much better

  • it's up to you but in your specific case it seems foreplay and or lube is and should be a must

  • If I was him, I would have tried my utmost to get you wet, using lube if nothing else, because I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of hurting the girl I'm trying to have sex with. So unless it was a sort of spur of the moment sex thing where he got carried away, he should have known better especially if he is experienced himself. So if I was you, I'd probably not try with him again, as he seems like he is simply not really interested in your pleasure and comfort and just his own, unless this was something that was unplanned, spur of the moment. If it was that, then consider it, but make it very clear that you expect a better showing from him.

  • i think it can take u a while, like at least a week, of trying little more everytime. use olive/coconut oil.

    if i were him i'd spread ur legs back n penetrate ur vagina w my tounge untill u cum. lean over n cuddle w u for a while, then apply some coconut oil on my cock n work my way into you.

  • He really, really didn't know what he was doing. Especially for someone who's never had sex before (but for any girl), the guy can't just have the idea to stick his dick in there (or try to) without foreplay. If the girl hasn't gotten wet it's just not gonna work for her. And especially for a girl's first time, the guy should use extra lube to make insertion easier.

  • More than that. Any guy with a brain tests the waters before diving in. Easy for me to know if I won't fit. Not true with every virgin but if you have some hymen still in place, careful fingering will reveal it. Then it's oral to get you sopping wet, lube or "regroup" for next time with a new plan, of which there IS one.

  • Unless a girl was super turned on to start, no foreplay would be painful for an experienced woman, let alone a virgin.

    While he's either clueless or a jerk for plowing forward you also can't just sit there suggesting he get you ready. It would be like him just sitting there saying "turn me on and get me hard".

    You need to participate. Touch yourself and ask for what you want.

    A little lube can help with a condom but lube is a supplement to you being aroused NOT a replacement. If the guy has a decent size dick it would be uncomfortable with lube even if you're not aroused.

    • I asked him to prep me and asked if he had lube, even tried to guide his hand down there when he was trying to shove it in, but it was useless.

    • I mean I think he's a bonehead. But i'm suggesting with the next guy, you could do more then just say 'prep me', and do NOT just put lube on (I mean that would be better then what happened) but more happens when you're aroused then just getting wet. Lube is not making you ready for sex, its something that helps when you're aroused vagina still isn't as wet as you'd like. But like 'prep me' is not that hot. you need to MENTALLY be into it. So make out, kiss, grind, tease until the idea of his dick in you seems really really really hot.

  • inexperienced clearly you got a selfish dumbass

  • This guy is a weirdo loser.

  • foreplay is a must. If your not properly lubricated then that eventually leads to damage. You should sit him down and tell him how you felt. It takes two people for sex to be enjoyed.

    • Don't see the point in sitting down with him. I don't plan to sleep with the guy again.

    • well in that case this will at least help you the next time you have sex

    • True

  • was he a virgin also

    • He didn't say so, but I assume no. He's had several girlfriends and is very open about sexual stuff.

    • buddy didn't have time for no foreplay he was ready to hit a swan time bomb off the top role into them cheeks

  • Damn girl are u ok can u even walk? No lube and no foreplay to calm u down and ease u into it wtf he's out to hurt u

    • He didn't end up going all the way in since I couldn't relax, so thankfully I'm not/I wasn't in pain.

  • Virgin or not, You need to be sexually in the mood, and Lubrication is 100% a must , natural or bought, Although I had a girlfriend that every once in a while, she liked me to work it in dry... eventually she would get really wet and I'd slide in..

    • the fact he would not have foreplay and pleasure you, means he's an ass..

  • sounds like he was inexperienced too

  • nope both should be a must to avoid pain

  • sounds like he was a virgin too.

  • Tell him he needs to get things wet first. Give your oral or finger you

    • Asked him to prep me. He did for two seconds before trying to shove it in again.

    • That's not long enough

  • foreplay is preferred so you can be relaxed and wet but if he is a selfish lover then lube is a must

  • I think you should be comfortableand since its your first time yes for play and get you wet

  • Show More (6)

Latest Questions

I don't like clitoral orgasms. Am I destined for bad sex?
Have you ever been caught in the act of masturbation?
Is bleeding during sex normal?
Do you agree with this comedian?
Home >  Sexual Relationships  > No lube or foreplay?