Should I lose my virginity to an experienced man or a virgin man?

I just turned 20 and this man is in his late 30s with a body count of 9 (all with long term girlfriends, no hookups, he said) We have known each other for 8 months now. But he started expressing his feelings for me recently and how he wanted to become a couple and do couple stuffs like sex (he is respectful and doesn't pressure me). I told him I also have feelings for him but I am unsure about doing the sex part right now. I have always wanted to have sex after marriage but I don't know if I am wasting my time by waiting for marriage. But anyways, the real question is, if I should lose my virginity to an experienced guy or a virgin guy? I know a person shouldn't be judged by their body count but I am unsure which one would be more comfortable for me. I know it is up to me but does anyone have any advice or opinions? Thank you so much.
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  • This guy is in his 30s and has had 9 relationships? None of them resulted in him being married by now? I would be wondering why those 9 relationships didn't work out. I would definitely go slow with him if I were you. But I personally think you should lose your virginity to a guy who is also a virgin. You will both have an equal experience and might even stay together because of it.

    • If I picked 9 people you’d marry one of them? Please get some standards

    • @CrabCakes11 You're not understanding me correctly. I'm saying that he's had 9 relationships throughout his life into his 30s, and not one of those relationships ever resulted in him finally getting married and building a life with that person. He's had 9 (obviously) failed relationships, and not all of them can possibly be the women's fault, there must be something he's not doing entirely right either. My point is, by now after 9 he should be better experienced at relationships and choosing the right partner to the point where he can already be married.

    • A relationship breaking off doesn’t mean it failed. Marriage isn’t the end goal for everyone

Most Helpful Girls

  • Him being over 30 with 9 long term relationships and you being 20 is honestly a big red flag. Stay far away, it is exceedingly rare to hear of a good story between a girl and a guy when it's like that, he'll probably use/manipulate you in some way.

    Don't have sex with that guy, do not enter a relationship with that guy.
    But also don't wait until marriage, you're basically leaving it up to a dice roll if you and your partner are sexually compatible if you wait to find out after marriage.

  • Saving yourself for marriage is definitely NOT a waste of time. But wasting your virginity on a man who isn't husband material (the vast majority of non virgin men) is most certainly a waste of time. For best results, stick to someone on your level. You have a lot of access to good men if you are saving yourself for marriage, that will pretty much go out of the window if you lower yourself to that guy.

    • Is your value determined by your relationship with men? That’s sad.

    • As far as marriage value? Yes, not being damaged plays a large part in why I have such high marriage value. That's why men and women like me have such higher rates or marital success.

    • That’s a depressing way to think. I’d never marry someone with such a broken mindset.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Best to lose your virginity to an experienced man who you like and trust. He'll make a point of taking his time, go slow and easy, be tender, and make your first time very special and enjoyable.

    A virgin guy wouldn't know what to do and might accidentally hurt you without meaning to. And he wouldn't know how to do take his time with foreplay - kissing and caressing - to get you excited and ready.

  • I personally think it's good to be with someone on the same level as you. But as you said, it's all up to you in the end.

  • to someone you connect emotionally with and trust...

  • Experienced makes far far more sense , go with him.

  • You should lose it to someone you care about and who you want to lose it with

  • Virgin. And nothing wrong with judging body count, you have a right to whatever you feel comfortable with or not

  • I think lose it to this experienced guy. Just make sure you’re on the pill. Levlen is good. Use plenty of lubricant gel and use condoms. I was about your age when I lost mine.

  • Nah its better to lose it to someone on the same level as you. I've heard from other women that lost it to a experienced man that he rushed into it and did not make it enjoyable. At least with another virgin you know he'd go slow and not rush since it's also his first time.

    • Yep, this is true. Men who've already had sex and meet a virgin girl are desperate to be her 'first' and they will try to push her into sex quickly. Or they want the thrill of sleeping with a 'pure' girl.

    • @ManOnFire exactly and I just think another virgin is more special and will take their time. It won't be just another bitch to fuck like it is for this guy. Ask any guy with a high body count does he remember number 10? Probably not

  • There are pluses and minuses for both of those options that only you can answer, because it is a personal choice, but It seems to me that you are just not ready to lose your virginity to anyone based on that question alone!

  • Depends. I kind of think the guy is too old for you but I lost mine to a virgin, he was kind of a dumbass when it came to sex and was insensitive. All I can recommend is don't lose it to anyone unless you are 100% comfortable to do it with them. Also never feel like you have to do it and if you change your mind tell them right away.

  • You'll know in the moment when the time is right.

  • It depends on the guy if they're respectful—experienced or not. Personally, I'd go for the experienced one. Just find someone who takes time to have foreplay and doesn't rush. Someone who cares for you. It will be worth it since they know what to do, but I also advise to take your time to choose.

  • No experience required in this. You both will learn themselves how to care each other. First find someone attractive, caring, lovely, charming to whom you can live longer. You will automatically find and do everything in life easily. Good luck.

  • Save it for when you are in a caring exclusive long term relationship.

  • It is better if one of the couple has experience. At least one knows what bit fits in which bit.

  • Do what feels best. Virginity is a social construct. “Lose” your virginity to whoever you want.

  • You should do it with someone you intend to be with for a long long time.

  • I wouldn't believe that easily if I were u

  • If you have to ask the internet that, than I say you shouldn't lose your virginity to either

  • Virgins should stick with other virgins.

    • Why?

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