Should I tell my mom I’ve been raped?

Hey there,
I had a rape incident back in may, and I am studying out of the country so I live by myself, it happened at home with someone I trusted for a long time. After that, I cried for like a month, stopped talking to my friends, and was very hurt. I am living with my mom rn, and I’m thinking about telling her, but am not sure how she would react, if she would handle it well, say the right things (cause I’m still very sensitive when it comes to that topic) but I don’t wanna wait years either to tell her. What are the pros of telling your mom about it? Or it is better to wait till you’re completely healed?
0 3

Most Helpful Girls

  • i also have sexual trauma & my parents do know :/ so ig i'll just give you my pro's & con's if that can help (by the way pers i don't think you should tell you mom unless you need like therapy real bad & can't afford it but I don't know):

    pros:
    -if you're broke or something like that you can get therapy maybe
    -she'll understand better why you seem to be going through something & will have more empathy and be less harsh about it normally
    -you get another shoulder to cry on (that actually cares about you & that's free) if you're comfortable talking about that shit to your mom
    -she'll be more mindful of your triggers
    -you can get away with more, like with being a bitch, or whatever
    -she'll be extra nice to you at first and after it's not fresh anymore she'll still be nicer to you than if you weren't raped

    cons:
    -that might traumatize her (can actually make her get 2nd hand ptsd if the rape was bad enough) or make her depressed. it will def really affect her though & she'll struggle with knowing that a lot if she cares about you
    -she probs will be empathetic and supportive but she maybe might react really badly. blame you, call you a slut or something like that, try to know everything about it & pester you (and be convinced that that def didn't really happen or that you asked for it. can be a defense mechanism for her though). she might also tell you shit like get over it and make you feel bad for still being affected by it
    -it's probs going to be embarassing & uncomfortable for you for a long ass while knowing they know
    -she might treat you like a child again and police what you wear out, put a strict curfew, make you go out with a tracker, check you bag & room for drugs/alcohol/blades, watch who you go out with, exc..
    -she might be really paranoid you want to kill yourself (so bad she might send you out of prevention to a hospital or force you into therapy or like some sort of therapeutic away program)
    -she might start obsessing over your mental health
    -she might tell other people
    -you might feel guilty about causing her pain
    -if she reacts badly or it's all supportive or everything but doesn't understand anything about mental illness to a point where she pesters you to get over it, you'll suffer from that

  • I would only tell her if you’re completely ready to reveal that to her. I think you could probably use support in dealing with what happened to you but if her reaction is going to cause you pain, then I’d hold off. Professional help to work through the trauma might be a good idea and help prepare you to share your experience with family.

Most Helpful Guys

  • I hate to have to say this but... I think there should be a cless in junior high in every school that covers this subject, for boys and girls.

    "I was just sexually assaulted. What should I do next."

    If you want anyone to believe you then you have to report it... NOW!!!

    Ignore emotion, forget that it might upset some people in your family. The result of sexual assault is long term, deep, it affects everything about your life for YEARS whether you realize it or would admit it.
    I don't care how you feel. You need to report it as soon as you are able.
    It's a horrible experience and it will affect you long term so getting the help you need as soon as possible is critical.
    Consider this: the one who assaulted you might continue to do it to others. Ok, you're embarrassed or somehow ashamed but how are you going to feel when you find out he did it to someone else? Even younger? Then you have the shame of your own assault and now you have the hidden shame that if you would have done something about your assault he might have never had the opportunity to rape that little girl/boy.

    YES!!! TELL HER AND REPORT IT TO THE AUTHORITIES!!!

  • It sounds like telling your mom might be part of healing. If you are waiting to be "healed" from such a terrible experience before talking about it, you might have things out of order. Healing from trauma such as rape requires conversations about it with trusted individuals (I was licensed therapist and have a Master's Degree in Counseling). If you think she will react in a way that triggers you or is potentially harmful, but still want to tell her, you may consider writing a letter explaining the event and what your fears are about her reaction. Do this while you are away from her for a few days. This will give her time to processes the information and potentially be more reasonable by the time you are face to face. Make sure to tell how you would like her to react for your sake. Remember that people who love you share to a degree in the trauma you experience simply because they love you. If your mom loves you, then it will work out with honest communication. Consider EMDR with a licensed therapist. I found that it worked with many of my clients when I was practicing.

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What Girls & Guys Said

9 30
  • My situation wasn't as bad as yours but i still haven't told my mom and its been 10 years now

    • Why not? Just curious

    • She can't handle it. I just told her that he held a gun/knife to me earlier this year and she wanted to go snap on him. I can't tell her the full story. She may go to jail

  • that sucks, that is why i always watch out for drunk girls when i get out with friends, some men are just dirty bastards, i would get back at whoever did it. Yes you should tell your mom, she will understand and help you through your healing, stay strong!

  • Are you Ok?
    You should tell her..

  • Just talk to her about it. Chances are she has a similar story

  • It usually is someone you thought you could trust.

    I'd tell your mom, I'd tell police too.

    Are you afraid how your mom would react cause it was someone close to her too? Like your uncle/her brother.

    If he or she, I don't know who did it. If they dont get away with it that may help you feel more comfortable that a bad person got the punishment they deserve.

  • You should have reported right away to police and have rape kit done and a hospital checkup.

  • Yes you should

  • Tell your mum. The more you live with the secret the more alone you will feel. It needs to come out so you can fully heal.

  • I would tell her , cuz eather which way it’s going
    To stick with you , there is no right or wrong time in a situation like this , so it’s better to get it off your chest and deal with the consequences now then to hold it in and do nothing about it , telling someone you trust and love will help you heal faster and move on from what happened , it will never go away but it will help you bury it better , I was molested as a child and I held it in and I regret holding it in as long as I did , I felt more at ease opening up about it to be honest

  • Tell her when you feel ok enough to do so.
    I’ve been there before hon. I’m here if you need to talk

  • Your mum and the cops. Yes. As soon as possible.

    Please remember whatever happens that it was not your fault. No matter what you did or did not do, wore or failed to wear. It was not your fault.

  • If she's supportive of you, you should. If not, then no

  • If you've changed to the point you've pushed friends away then she's probably noticed something is wrong and is worried.
    What did the police say about your rape? Are they prosecuting? won't your mum find out when it goes to trial?

  • I’d rather tell your friend or peer. Your mom might not take it well parents don’t take that news well I think.

  • You should have told her immediately. That’s serious.

  • if you were a mother would you want to know? not only that, im sure youve been holding it in for a while, sometimes its good to share whats on your mind to prevent it from eating you inside, many tears might be shed and lots of pain but at the end of the day not only would it increase your bond with your mother, you will feel a whole lot better getting it off your chest

  • Sure. Discuss it with whomever will make you feel better. Even better, a professional conselor.
    And for gods sakes, forgive yourself - it's not your fault, and you don't have to continue on being a victim. Time to move on with your life, find strength in yourself.

  • I understand that something like this is very emotional and taxing on the mind.


    But do what you think is best and when you’re ready to do so.

  • I think you need to see a professional. I’ve dealt with a lot of these cases and highly recommend you speak with a therapist and or a consoler. Worry about yourself before others

  • i personally wouldn’t say anything To your mom. It’s not gonna reverse what happened. Although I would pursue legal action against your rapist if possible, if u don’t they will likely keep raping

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