Sexual Relationships
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Should I wait (to have sex) for MARRIAGE? ?

Hello peeps
I am struggling lately with my choice of whether to have sex or not.
I am 20 and still a virgin. Never had a first kiss until a year ago so i am very inexperienced with flirting, dating etc. All of my friends , literally all of them lost their virginity when they were like 15-16, even my younger cousins did it, and i am here waiting because no one is making any moves on me. Ok you might think "you must be ugly then".. I'm not the most gorgeous girl on the planet but people consider me good looking so I might believe them.. now you must think "maybe you are too shy and that can be unattractive for most guys" no.. it's not even that.. I'm a Sagittarius and I'm the most outgoing person ever.. I like to be in the centre of attention and I like making people laugh.. so why? Why do I consider myself as a loser somehow? All of my friends are like "right, this year is your year.. you HAVE to lose your virginity. Trust me sex is amazing and waiting more and more is not worth it"... I don't know if I want to believe that.
I sure hope sex is amazing but at the same time I know that if I wait for marriage, the guy who is then going to be my husband will LOVE me for sure, because if a guy waits months or even years in order to have sex with a girl he must really LOVE and RESPECT her.. and that is what I want.. I want the assurance of someone loving and wanting me like that. At the same time tho therestmy sexual frustration: it's not like I want to give it to anyone and everyone but I am starting to feel like I am missing out.. I feel like am still a child and I don't spread sexiness and femininity.. but if I had sex I would completely change my image and maybe I would be more confident with myself. If I like a guy mostly for sexual chemistry and tension... should I go for it? How can I convince him? I am afraid that if I go and have sex with any guy, I will lose the thing that makes me special and different from all the other girls, and I won't find love anymore.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I think there's a big difference between waiting until marriage and having sex with a guy you like "mostly for sexual chemistry and tension." There's a lot of area between those two and my personal opinion is that neither of those is the right approach, but that something in between is.

    You made a statement about waiting meaning that the guy "will LOVE me for sure, because if a guy waits months or even years in order to have sex with a girl he must really LOVE and RESPECT her" and I agree with that, but I don't think that has to, or should, mean waiting until marriage. My opinion is that what it means is that you wait until you've developed an emotional bond and a level of trust and respect with a guy that makes you feel confident that he loves and respects you and doesn't just want you mostly for sex. I think that can happen in a few months, but that getting married is a much more serious commitment that should wait until you've been dating someone for something like 3 years.

    There's a difference between "he loves and respects me" and "we're confident that we can live happily together for life". My opinion is that when you reach the first one, then sex is appropriate, but marriage should wait for the second one which will take a lot longer. And actually I feel that having sex is a part of getting to knowing that you're good life partners. Suppose you wait for marriage only to find out that you're not sexually compatible? Then you either have to get divorced, which is difficult and stressful, or live the rest of your life sexually frustrated, which is difficult and stressful too. So why not be sure you're sexually compatible before committing to each other for life? (The same, by the way, goes for living together. I think a couple should do that for a while before marriage also to make sure they're compatible in that way. Living together is a lot different than dating and not living together.)

    So, to summarize, my opinion is that you should not "go and have sex with any guy" but should wait until you've been dating someone for at least a few months and have developed a close emotional connection and feel that you can trust and respect him and that he loves and respects you. Once you have that, then I think it's time to add sex to the relationship. If that goes well, all everything else continues to go well, that should make the bond even stronger and after about 3 years together, it might be time to get married. But I don't think sex should wait until marriage. It should only wait until "committed relationship" with a pretty good emotional bond in my opinion.

    At 20, I don't think you should feel any urgency to have sex. There's plenty of time yet. I know people that were well into their 20s and still virgins and everything turned out fine. So don't feel rushed.

    Regarding why no guy is making any moves on you, that's an entirely different subject. I'd need to know more about what you're doing and not doing in order to form an opinion on that. If you want to discuss that, let me know.

    • Why is marriage a serious commitment but sex is not? You're saying it's okay to have sex after a few months but you should wait 3 years before you'll know if they're the right person to marry. Well, if you don't know if they're the right person yet, then don't have sex with them yet.

  • You are so right u will lose 1 of the things that Makes u special
    You have to really know in your heart that's what you want because once u do it it's done u can't take it back
    Then the guy you do it with u have to make sure he's the guy you truly want to do it with because if he doesn't know what he's doing your going to cry and say WTF I should have waited
    I wanted to feel it so bad I was that guy was in it only for myself I think either that or I was scared every min thinking don't get her pregnant but after the 3rd time every thing changed I became more aware of what it was all about and to this day I still love sex but I love making it all about her I'm single at the moment but to this day even if it' was going to be a 1 night stand I would make it as if it was her first time so she would love it and not have the feelings I did about 8 months ago I was set up with a friend of a friend that came in to town she was a virgin we all went out everyone stayed at my house she and I talk about it and I told her the same thing plus more about 45 min after we talked shevwalk up to me and said can I ask u some thing sure ,, she asked if I would have sexy with her we went in my room we talked and I said I REALLLLY WANT TO but she had said a few things to me earlier and I really wanted to but could help but thinking she's going to be so mad afterwards st herself so I sad ok with a smile , one thing started it and it was on, over and he of foreplay and I made her orgasm 2 times after the second time she just laid there her body pulsating her hips jurking I said some thing to her and she didn't say a word I got close to her put my arm around her and 20 min later she was shaking me say u won't believe what happen what happen are you ok , she said she had a out of body experience and she had never felt like that before then she asked if I made love to her lmao I said what I think she was teasing I never said yes or no I just left it like it was thst morning she was on top of me slip sliding away her hair in my face her saying make me feel like thst again and bam thevdoorbflys open it's my friend she jumps on the bed and says I heard everything last night she was trying to get under the covers with us and it all ended with there but for her and I it was special and good make sure thsrscwhatbu want 100%

Most Helpful Girls

  • "I am afraid that if I go and have sex with any guy, I will lose the thing that makes me special and different from all the other girls, and I won't find love anymore."

    My fiance back then didn't care whether or not I was a virgin, he was just happy to get some!

    I lost my virginity in 2012 just for the sake of losing it. Actually, it wasn't that big of a deal because the first couple of times, you won't be good in bed anyway...

    I think sex feels better if it's with a person that you love and care for deeply... If it's just sex, then that's all it is... sex! ... Not only that but you MAY get pregnant if you and him aren't careful about using protection and being strict with it! ... I know that the Plan B is available, but if you have never taken it, then it might give you unwanted side effects such as fatigue and or vaginal bleeding (uterine bleeding) and cramps, even painful ones! Also, maybe a headache... but talk with your doctor or pharmacist because they will be able to really recommend a good birth control option for you.

    Next, if you lose your virginity, that shouldn't be anyone's business really but you and your partners! ... Even if you bragged about it, I don't think anyone would go look down there to see and inspect if your hymen has been broken! So really! It's really not that big of a deal to them! Or shouldn't be at least! Your business and what you do in the bedroom shouldn't be top news! ... That is unless you want it to be! ... or you and or your partner is the kiss and tell type!

    Another thing... can you HANDLE a pregnancy? ! ? Can you handle the side effects that you are also going to have if and when you DO get pregnant? ! You should times the side effects of the birth control by two or three when it comes to the pain of labor!.. (Well I really wouldn't know because I have never been pregnant before but I am sure it is very similar!)... Can you handle the comments of people that are going to judge you say if you did get pregnant and aren't married or even with the guy anymore? ! Can you handle morning sickness to where you will throw up and be nauseous not just in the morning but noon and night as well? ! ? ! ... Can you handle a guy JUDGING you in the bedroom and leaving you if he's an asshole and thinks you suck in bed or has found a better woman (or what he THINKS is a better woman? !)...

    All these things you have to consider before doing stuff like this! ..

    • Oh and if you go put the baby up for adoption or have an abortion or God forbid, a special needs child, would you (you and your hopefully supportive spouse) be able to handle it? ! The finances of raising said child, etc? ! ... This was surely the things that I considered before having children and well I hope you will too... But also good luck... I know your hormones are raging right now because you are still young! ... I say Good luck because life consists of a lot of hard decisions! Some of those decisions can have a lasting impact on your life for the long- term!

  • I'm sure you have heard, if your friends jump off a cliff does that mean you have to too? Frankly I have no idea why girls think that they have to have sex before they are at least 18. If you have no self control with that then what will you have self control in? I think girls/guys should be concentrating more on getting good grades so they can get into a decent college then spending their time sexting, sending nudes, and having sex when they are 16. More than a million teen girls get pregnant every year and how many of them have to drop out of school to be mothers with no future? If you want to be a Lemming and have sex like "everyone else is" then that is your choice. Just remember there are consequences for everything and you are going to own them so consider carefully what is more important to you. You are in a different class in that you are out of high school and possibly in college and still a virgin, so congrats on that! I would just say be responsible when having sex and use protection. But remember, the pill or a condom alone are not 100% effective against pregnancy. Using both will lessen the odds of getting pregnant down to maybe 5%. That is much better than 50%.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • So many conflicting Opinions before I read this question. And quite a few are great opinions.

    So I look at your age: 20. Hence I assume you're either in University or working.

    Religion has a clear cut view. Hence I assume if you want to please God, you won't even be here.

    Thus I assume "deep inside", you want to lose it, be it out of sheer curiosity, or lust.

    With such, I suggest, follow your heart, but be safe and safer.

    2020 is the 2nd decade after the New Promiscuous Millennium.

    TBH, if you hold on to your virginity, you may not even get a date.

    And marriages mean little nowadays. Divorce is almost as common as marriage and many failed their first two marriages.

    So why save your virginity to only met with frustrations?

    Hence I suggest again. You're already a mature person. Follow your heart. Live life and be happy.

  • Yes. That way, he can't ghost you afterwards & leave you to deal with an STD and pregnancy all by yourself

    • Actually I don't understand how people go for sex then don't worry about those things like pregnancys and so on

  • Ultimately this is up to you and on you to decide. It's your life and your body. Decide what you believe is the best option and choice for you.

  • I genuinely don't see a point in waiting because, for one, people you get with likely won't wait and it's unrealistic and kind of unfair to expect someone to. Now, if it's for religious purposes, then sure - I guess you can but good luck finding someone like that these days.

    If it's love you want, then you can absolutely wait until you have a relationship and establish those connections before you have sex without the looming gridlock of having to involve the law first.

  • It is best to wait till marriage. If you have sex before hand, what would marriage feel like? It would feel exactly the same as it would when y'all are just dating. Trust me from experience. I'm married and had sex with him before marriage. It didn't feel special. If you want marriage to truly feel special, I would wait to have sex. And plus, you could accidentally get pregnant and dating or even engaged isn't 100%, but marriage is, or at least SHOULD be. I don't know how many times I ran across several very very depressed girls in my lifetime because they got pregnant and the guy ended up leaving. It isn't fun to deal with pregnancy alone. You may love this guy, he may say he wants to marry you and that y'all will last forever. But believe me.. Nothing is 100%.

    • Oh, and dealing with a baby alone definitely isn't fun. And it's possible to get pregnant with more than just one. Me and my husband had twins and I'm 20

  • Lucy: We waited for marriage, and were very glad that we did. It is true, that if you only have sex with your husband, there will be a bond that he will feel, and you will feel, that can be made in no other way. Yes, sex is great. It's also great waiting for marriage. True, you lose out on sex in the mean time. But in fact, all that sex outside marriage, comes at a cost. There will never be the bond that you would have had otherwise. When you've had your first, and it's your spouse, it's really special. And it is true, you are much more likely to find a guy who really loves you, if he waits for you.

  • You shouldn't be asking us this question.
    Ask yourself the question. Why are you virgin in the first place?

    Is it for the guys so that they may find you more desirable? Or is it because of your religous beliefs and convictions?

    Because if it's for the boys then many of them might now prefer a virgin.

    And if it's for yourself and religion then the boys opinion doesn't matter either way.

    • Of course it matters for religious guy who wants a religious girl like them

  • How will you know your partner is the right one? I’d have sex with as many people as you can to get experience, she what your into then marry.

  • Sex isn't all that special. Being a virgin does not make you different or special. It's just myths maintained to oppress women.

  • That’s your personal choice. I was 21 when I gave my first boyfriend my virginity. As the years have gone by and experiencing terrible sex with my first vs the sex that I have with my partner now, I know that I could not be married to someone who does not please me in bed. Gotta rest the product before I decide to buy it.

    • test*

    • Sorry to hear that you had bad sex experience. But let's suppose the first product was bad and now the second product is better. What in case the second product breaks down in the long run? Are you going to try another product?

    • Wym break down? Like erectile dysfunction? No. I’m not overly lustful and horny all of the time as it is... just for my partner. And we use toys just fine with or without him inside me.

    • Show All

  • If you wish to wait, that is a personal decision only you can make. I would support your decision either way. Do not bend to bullying or peer preasure. It is your body and youhave the right to make the rules.

  • I would strongly suggest waiting until marriage, not because that a man will love you for that alone, but because you will be clean and not have stuff from other guys, same with finding a guy that is also clean.

    Think of it this way, would you want a cake that other people had been gnawing on or a fresh baked cake that is entirely your's?

    Too many people these days are too quick to jump into sexual relations, and that kind of thing destroys the intimacy of the whole thing, it makes it more about selfish sexual gratification rather than it being something truly intimate and special.

    So I whole-heartedly suggest saving yourself for marriage, don't listen to people who tell you that you need to have sexual relations now, they are only in it because of their own lack of self control.

  • Yes, wait. You will miss out on experience and knowledge, but just having sex makes you forget about the connection between sex and love. Some guys care that you're a Virgin, others want experience, but you want the guy that wants what you want. Don't be scared, just make your decision and stick to it. Too many people have forgotten what sex is about and it hurts their love life and relationships. If you decide to have sex, you could have a great experience, but you probably won't. Way too many girls totally regret their first time. Wait. To experiment and find what you like, masturbate. Be you and don't be forced into anything. But if you want to know how to "convince" a guy to have sex, you can seriously just ask any guy to fuck and only rarely will he decline and that's probably cuz he's married.

  • No, because you waste so much of your sex life that way. Just play it smart and you will be safe, take all necessary precautions and you'll be fine.

  • Noone can make this decision for you but its not like you never intend to have sex, you're just waiting.
    Having a long term relationship, and a sexual one at that, will help you grow in ways you can't imagine but you'll still be the same fundamental person.
    There are never any 'for sure's in a relationship. You make your choice based in the information you have and hope the two of you will grow together.
    You have to weigh up what actually makes you special and different. Is it that you're a virgin, or that you have a winning personality and an attractive smile. One will change after sex, the other will not.

  • This the way I see it... Some people have the ability to separate sex and love and have casual sex, but for MOST people especially women that’s not the case. It’s an emotional bond that strengthens a relationship, therefore not saying you have to wait for marriage, but just make just that if you do have sex it’s for the RIGHT reasons like a committed relationship with an end goal for marriage. Not all relationships work out, but guys will respect that if you’re not a virgin you only had sex with someone at that point in your life that had serious intentions. Not just for the experience. When you do find the one you love and he loves you it we make it much easier on your conscience to know you only had sex for the right reasons before him. Trust me.

    • Great response, and my thoughts exactly! If waiting feels right for you, then wait. But if you feel that it is something you are ready for, then do it. This decisions differs from person to person.

  • Wait for love and after your married

  • It's only amazing when you are doing it as you like it. If you want to have sex within a relationship that feels right for you, have sex then. If you are comfortable with a casual thing, have casual sex. Just decide in which context you would like to have that experience. I wouldn't obsess about sex, it's a natural thing to all of us. Obsessing induces anxiety, which is not really augmenting your libido. Don't give in to social peer pressure, whether to those who are saying that you need to get laid right now with anyone or to those who have some other (religious) agenda making you feel bad about sex (only allowing it in marriage). Sex is great and fun, just figure it out in which way you would love to have an orgasm.

  • You should wait for the right person.

  • I say wait for marriage sex isn't something that should be rushed into.

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