Sexual Relationships
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Guys, They say "make a guy wait for sex". Well, what if he had to wait 3 years?

Let me explain,

A couple of years ago I used to go to school with this guy he was the class clown but also really charming. We started going out, it was purely just to experiment and explore our sexuality. The relationship lasted 2 months, keep in mind I. was a virgin and we never had. sex. The relationship ended and I moved out of the country and went away with my parents to continue school in Europe. Every year I would go back to see family and we never spoke, wrote or saw each other. Then suddenly after three years of moving away, I go back to my hometown for the holidays to see the rest of my family and he texts me. He suddenly does everything right to try and impress me and win back my admiration, he reserves a seat a restaurant with beautiful views, take me to the beach, takes me to art exhibits, museums. We had a romantic and beautiful time then we finally had sex after all those years.

Point of this story is, technically he waited 3 years but in those 3 years we we'rent together and we never kept in touch, does that STILL means "he waited?" or was it too fast?

0 1

Superb Opinion

  • There's no such thing as "too fast," or "too slow" when it comes to sex. I've seen happily married couples who had sex on the first night, and divorcees who waited until marriage (this isn't to say that the number of people a girl has sex with doesn't affect her marriage prospects, because it does).

    However, it seems like he just kinda wined and dined you, then got you in bed. I don't know your relationship, but it seems to me that you weren't very hard to get in bed- and he certainly didn't "wait" 3 years. Now, this may not affect how he views you, but then again we have no idea if he actually is interested in you for a relationship, or just a fling.

    To be clear, making a guy "wait" is when you're exclusively seeing each other and you hold off on giving him sex. If he's able to have sex with other people (which he invariably did during this 3 year period) he's not really waiting for anything, he just hadn't had sex with you yet- and from the sounds of it he wasn't even in contact with you; so, there's nothing he actually had to do to maintain the pursuit.

    FYI: the longest I've ever waited for a girl to have sex was 6 months (almost on the dot), but she was very religious and a virgin (it was extremely frustrating). Other than her (my current girlfriend) most girls have sex within the first month including those who were virgins as well, just to give you a sense of what the standard is out there.

    • well this happened a year ago, after I went to visit my family and we hung out and everything I back to continue my life in Europe, university, etc he still texts me every week and calls me every other month, sometimes even facetime, does this mean something?

    • Not really. It's very little effort to keep up that minimal communication. He is likely keeping a connection in case you come back so he can hit again (or possibly date, but at least hit). Imagine how many notifications you have on your phone; now, divide that by ten and that's what a guy's phone looks like.

    • james do you mind sending a private message, I would except I'm only a 1xper soi can't send messages. if you don't mind i'd like to ask you some questions in private is that okay?

Most Helpful Guy

  • I love this question and this story. I think you both waited. There's no difference calendar wise between your situation and if you had been in the same town and going to college for instance.

    Now, if we want to get down to brass tacks, did he wait? No. But that's only because you didn't actually (I assume) say "in three years I will have sex with you" or some other arbitrary deadline. But these are semantics.

    Here's the thing: I don't think your situation was too fast. This was not a new guy. You were not a new girl for him. You both had/have a deep, solid foundation in all measurable areas and you built upon that when you returned.

    I think you did what more couples should do: you had sex at the right time for you.

    I'd celebrate what you found in this guy and what he found in you.

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What Guys Said

(10)

  • The whole point of waiting if making sure that sex is not the main definer of the relationship, and you aren't too intimate with someone that you suddenly realize that you don't like. If you have sex with someone before you know them, you risk finding out that they're a narcissist that now feels an unhealthy attachment to you, when the only healthy option you have is to try to get away from them. I've done that, and I do not recommend it.
    Whether or not he's waited long enough depends entirely upon how well you've communicated with each other, and if you think that you can trust him. That could take years if you don't talk much, or a single day if you're both open and honest.

  • sounds like he read some books and watched some videos to swoon you. note, he didn't come back again right? player...:)

    that wasn't waiting 3 years, he found others before you and figured out the "game". He wanted to go conquor what he didn't before...

    • well this happened a year ago, after I went to visit my family and we hung out and everything I back to continue my life in Europe, university, etc he still texts me every week and calls me every other month, sometimes even facetime, does this mean something?

    • depends what he's saying. he either loves you or lusts you.

  • Years apart doesn't count, he start from scratch in his new courting process. People change. So you should let him wait for it but not another 3 years.

    • so i gave it to him too fast, does this affect anything?

    • Potentially it's up to him and his values.

    • well this happened a year ago, after I went to visit my family and we hung out and everything I back to continue my life in Europe, university, etc he still texts me every week and calls me every other month, sometimes even facetime, does this mean something?

  • You did kinda give in too soon so it will be interesting to see his reaction. Will he still pursue you? Or will he move on now that he got the sex?

    • well actually this whole thing happened about exactly a year ago so after I visited my family I came bak to Europe to continue. studying and every. sine then he texts me every week calls me occasionally to see how i am, what does that mean?

    • That is a good sign because he is still pursuing you and may be developing feelings.

  • Wait for marriage

  • Nope... not realistic. No mater how well you get a long, love each other, etc... sex and physicality are a component in a successful relationship. You know all the sayings "You don't buy the cow without trying the milk..." or not buying shoes until you try them on. It's a thing. We're animals, we have instincts and urges... It's unreasonable.

  • Whatever bro

  • Doesn’t mean he waited. He was probably having sex w other women. Now if he said he hadn’t had sex all that time since you left, that he waited for you I’d say yes that he was waiting. But no you just happen to be down to give it up at that time. I’d have sex w girls who didn’t give me a chance in high school. Doesn’t mean I waited for them, hell no I was plowing other fields. They just happened to allow me into their field at that time.

  • i liked the story

  • Didn’t really wait, you just knew each other and reunited, who knows how many times he had sex with other women in between

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