Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health I notice on here that many guys will act quickly to call a woman “prostitute” or “golddigger” simply because she wants to be courted, taken out to fancy dinners, before having sex.
Obviously there are women who hook up even with men who disrespect them and hit them. So saying that there are women who have sex without expecting anything in return isn’t a valid argument.
To me, a man who chooses the “freeway” shows that he doesn’t value me enough to care to impress me. That in itself is a turnoff whether I am looking for something serious or not.
Again, Why is it wrong for women to expect to be treated generously before hooking up, but not for men to expect sex for nothing?
Why do many guys think they are entitled to effortless sex from women?
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What Girls & Guys Said
33 186Look, if they don't want any they can leave me alone. Don't give a sht either way.
Sex isn't just something that should happen because you think someone is attractive. It has more meaning behind it. It should be between two people who love each another and actually are in a relationship/marriage.
I wouldn't treat a girl to those things if the plan was to hook up only. If the plan was for us to date then absolutely she deserves a nice dinner and I would bring her flowers and chocolate etc whenever we met up for a date. Same goes for girls taking guys out on a date. though I think most guys don't mind not getting flowers or chocolate. Perhaps soda and chips or something like that. Good luck and Best regards
Nothing wrong with it but it should never truly be about how much money someone spends on you. I never had the attitude that if I spent good money on this date I am more likely to get sex. The questions is why are you dating her. Was never about the sex for me
If you get turned on by guys who happen to have big purse but not by those who can't affort to pay a stranger ecpensive dinners... That is what golddigger actually means, woman who get attracted to mans money not to man himself.
Yeah, I guess under your logic, I should aspire to be with a homeless guy who can't court me. If not, I'm a golddigger. It's sad how guys don't have a problem with being turned on buy hot, beautiful women, yet have something to say when women are turned on by men who can provide for them and spoil them. #Hypocrisy #doublestandard
There's nothing wrong with wanting to date a man who is desirable to you and has financial security. Having one without the other poses significant problems.
It's not hypocrisy, girls are allowed to be turned on by good looking guys as well. If a woman want a guy to finance her it's shows that he is not independent. Also money is not part of a man.
I mean "it shows that she is not independent".
And it's to avoid situations like this is why I contemplate sticking to just me and my right hand
I'm quite sure you wouldn't believe me when I say that sex is the last thing on my mind. I've led a very fortunate life, not that I realized it at the time. I'm quite sure now that when I was growing up I had a few women interested in me.
I'm over 30 now, and I still think that sex the final stage.
Why must I court a woman? Maybe she should be the one to work hard to earn my dick.
It's a turnoff to me, when a woman has the attitude of "okay, lets see how far he's willing to go to earn the vagina," instead of "I really like spending time with this guy and I'm physically attracted to him. Hopefully we have sex once we feel ready."
Sex is a lot easier for women to find than it is for men. Women are the gatekeepers of sex; men are the gatekeepers of relationships. For that reason, sex isn't something women go above and beyond to get. In fact, some women go above and beyond to get a guy to commit to them.
Agreed. Its always 2 sided. Some men & women don't go through the courting motions. Some men have the same perspective as our asker, and expect as such from women, as they should be allowed to. She should work just as hard to impress you!
Oh... Can't disagree there. I guess I just don't see why women don't have to put in effort to get the relationship part. You say they go above and beyond but it's always the man who has to spend money and perform romantic gestures to gain a woman's affection.
No that is not the case. I, as a woman, perform romantic gestures and spend money to gain my man's affection. I won't say I didn't do it without second guessing myself, because I didn't want to come across to him the wrong way because he is very manly and would probably prefer to be the provider of such affections. He wants to open doors for me and such, and I was told by my male coworker to allow a man to do kind things for you if he wants to.
@AwesomeCookie Hmm... Okay. Was that the case when you were my age as well?
@celtero I can say I've matured over time. My expectations of men & view of how women should treat men, and be treated by men has also changed over time and through failed relationships. You truly live & learn.
Gatekeepers of relationships? Nani?
@ImagineSketchy no I simply just agree with the asker and the other people on this forum 😊
What?
@Celtero She show in immediate interest in 55 years old man only because he said that he would pay, she it most definitely an golddigger, now there is no any doubt lest.
Do they expect sex or do they just want to sext with you? Those are different pairs of shoes. I understand that you might not be comfortable sending nudes of yourself to some random guy you just met, but I'm not sure if in this day and age it is feasible to physically be taken on a date before you go any further. That's not to say you shouldn't get to know them, but the goal posts of "right time" for sex might have to be slightly shifted.
Are you saying sexting is needed prior to meeting in person? I am very new to the online dating world but that seems ridiculous
@Eikz1000 No, I'm not saying it's needed. But it definitely shouldn't be excluded or made contingent upon meeting in person.
Huh, I never thought of sexting someone I hadn't met before. Interesting idea.
I’m just saying that guys shouldn’t feel entitled to have sex or even receive nudes from women without putting effort to get them in the first place. Those things shouldn’t be “givens”. That’s what makes men disrespect women and perceive them as worthless because they’ll think that women are “too easy”.
By the logic a women who charge men for every sexual act is the most respected. :)
I treat women on an equal level because, well they're our equals, but let me tell you how many women have took me out to dinner, paid for the date and courted me... zero.
Marvelous answer.
Men don't need to be courted. You all value sex more than courtship, right? #evolutionarybiology
@babylips14 a hell of a lot of women don't need courted but it would still be nice to be asked.
There isn’t anything wrong with wanting the feel loved through actions but you have to make sure you don’t offer sex as a reward only, that’s already a red flag that means you don’t actually find him attractive and are only using him for your benefits.
Of course not. I would never have sex solely to extract money from a guy. I just want to be shown appreciation.
"Again, Why is it wrong for women to expect to be treated generously before hooking up, but not for men to expect sex for nothing?"
Because you are treating sex as something you give to a man. Like it's some sort of a reward only you can offer when it should be mutual. Imagine if a guy acted like towards to you. "I'm not gonna give you dick unless you take me on a fancy dinner" It's ridiculous.
Well said.
That's because it is. You do realize how hard it is for men to find sex than it is for women, right? Sex is part of the leverage we have as women. The courting is part of the competition with other men for her, as he is signaling that he is worth being with and, including, having sex with. Why should we settle for men who think they're entitled to it when there are plenty of dudes who will put in the effort to get it?
No it isn't, are you stupid? The world is becoming more equal every single day, including relationships and courting. And getting sex isn't nearly as hard for men as you seem to think it is as long as they're at least relatively good looking and have some "game". You don't have to settle for anyone at all, but similarly don't expect men to settle for you either when you're basically just as entitled as the guys you whine about. If you think it's a guys job to impress you and throw money at you, that's fine. But more and more guys want a relationship where you both impress each other and it's not as one sided.
It's not entitlement. I only put someone on a pedestal if we've been together for a while. If not, you're just another human being to me, so why should I court you just for sex? Seems like a waste of time. You can't be treated like a girlfriend in exchange for sex, it doesn't work like that for some guys, especially me.
Okay. I see your point. There's nothing wrong with having your own rules in regards to courtship and wanting to be in a relationship first. My issue is with guys who want girlfriend benefits without giving her boyfriend benefits. If a guy doesn't have courtship standards like you do, he should court a woman if he expects anything sexual from her.
They give her boyfriend benefits, but those who not include payment for sex.
Most guys don't care for girlfriend benefits like cuddling and holding hands. They just want sex, which isn't a large part of being a girlfriend and shouldn't be.
If you give guy sex because he offered you food, you are using it as commercial good, trading sex for food, market value being price of food.
I believe sex is sharing, so both gives other enjoyment, market value would be 0. And if guy offers food on dates, buys drinks, guy will do much more work for same price. Girls should do some of the work too, I won't date anyone who uses me as a bank account.
WAnting to exchange sexual favors solely for goods is what makes you a prostitute. Wanting to have sex solely to have fun, but desiring to be courted is not prostitution. It’s called having high standards and wanting to be appreciated. No one should ever get something for nothing. I would say the same thing to a guy who was asking why women want to be courted without giving anything in return. I say this because it’s a lot easier for women to find sex than it is for a guy. Therefore, sex is much more valuable to men than it is for women. Women are the gatekeepers of sex; men are the gatekeepers of relationships. You don’t see many male escorts out there, do you?
Well, I'm not investing my time to women who isn't interested me. She can freely go for those other guys for easy sex, I'm wouldn't waste my time there. Guys might want relationship, or can get sex from other girls faster. Your thoughts doesn't apoeal to either of these groups, leaving only needy horny guys left, which you probably aren't interested. (Good for you if you are)
Guys can get sex with plenty of girls, even homeless drug addict girls, for free. It doesn’t mean that they’re nearly as desirable or satisfying as women who have high standards and high maintenance. I’m actually looking for a relationship. This question only presents a hypothetical scenario. And believe it or not, many guys do have standards when it comes to sex. Whether they are willing to pay for those standards or not is a different story. That usually depends on the girl’s self-worth as well.
Yes, guys have standards on sex, it's just most cases different what you think. There is lots of girls willing to jump in bed who are really nice, hot and succesful, they just don't expect guys to do all work. And hot homeless drug addict might be better option than "high maintenance" girl. Also, those guys who are not after sex have a different standards too, and women who doesn't like them back or want just sex is waste of time for them. Sure there is lots of people not belonging these groups. Some guys are ok with that, some not.
I agree that attractive people can have low standards. There are many hot girls who are willing to hump a homeless, dirty guy, but what does that tell you about her mentality? I don't about you, but I would be turned off by a crazy guy regardless of how hot he is. It's more than just physical appearance to me. But, then again, that's just me. There are girls who only care about a guy's penis size.
It is not low standards, it's just different standards. What is low for you could be high standard for others. Homeless drug addict can be cured, but can "high maintenance" attitude be cured? And ONS might not matter at all, because for some, it is just sex.
I don't think that they feel entitled, but they are certainly trying their luck. You want to see how far he'll go. He wants to see how little he can go.
I've never felt the need to put as little effort into anything as possible, especially not a relationship. I find your view point insulting to both genders.
@Eikz1000 Excuse me, have you spend any time in clubs and bars? The uninhibited guys will try to score. Just because you exist, it doesn't mean those guys don't exist. Relationship is a different thing than having sex. The asker never mentioned she wanted a relationship with them. She just wants him to put in effort to get laid.
No I really haven't spent much time in bars or clubs, I've never been one too look for a hookup like that so I guess that's where the disparity comes from
Why don't both parties need yo demonstrate effort to get laid?
@Eikz1000 In Europe, you don't have to look for hookups to go to clubs or bars. You can also just go there to have a drink and dance with your friends. Majority of guys won't bother the women here, because they know most women aren't here to get laid. The smashed ones are the guys who try. Most of the time they aren't successful, but a few get to leave with a woman. If you have to try 20 times to get laid, I do see it as effort. It's just not that much effort put into one woman, but effort spread over 20 women lol Most women don't need to put in effort, because they know they can just walk up to those drunk guys and get laid if they wanted, but it's still no guarantee. I've heard of a woman who has tried to hookup with many of my guy's friends and those guys all pretended that they didn't understand her intentions, because they didn't want to sleep with her. Poor girl.
I've hung out in bars before just to be with my friends or shoot pool but I've never tried to date or hook up with someone there, I understand that not everything has to be about sex it just seems like we have the cultural norm that women are the gate keepers to sex and men have to be the ones to initiate and make their intentions known.
I agree. They trying to see if they can get the most benefits for the smallest cost possible. Sadly, the women who let these kinds of guys get away with it have very little self-worth.
Or they want a woman who is not with them for a payment, but for other reasons.
"To me, a man who chooses the “freeway” shows that he doesn’t value me enough to care to impress me"
Correct. When you first meet. No matter how well you hit it off. He doesn't really no you. So unless you show him something amazing early on. Should he hold you in high value over other women? Even then in my opinion, using money to impress a girl is shallow. Not saying you're shallow, but the premise. Like flashing the fancy watch, having a lambo out front, gloating about a yiat. Saying he'll take you to all these fancy places. That doesn't mean he values you. That simply means this is the only way he knows to get by.
Most girls (who are not gold diggers) in my experience really don't care about you paying or spending money on them. They just want you, your time, attention and the good feelings you give them when you're around. When a guy drops tons of money on a girl who isn't his girlfriend. The vaaaast majority of the time he is just trying to buy her love and I'm confident if you cross a guy like that it will turn you off, even tho you say now these tangible things are what make you feel he cares.
I'm not saying that flaunting money to a girl should be enough to impress a girl and show that he values her, but it should be a part of the package. Golddiggers only have sex JUST for the money. Big difference between a golddigger and a girl who wants a comfortable lifestyle. That being said, the primary objective of sex is to have fun. However, women with self-respect aren't going to share that experience with just anyone who crosses her path knowing that she has plenty of options. Especially if she's hot. If there are guys who are willing to put in the effort to be with her, why should she settle for a guy who thinks he's entitled to it and won't do anything for her? This is a real life economic problem. Why settle for something you don't want when plenty of men can give you what you want? And my question to entitled men who think that women should given them sex without expecting effort is "What makes you so special that she should settle for you?"
When a girl impressed only by money, she is no different then a gold digger.
@Berethor Golddiggers are impressed by money ALONE. Freeloader.
We don't feel entitled. Women just don't speak their minds.
Personally I don't throw names around but you must have bad luck because I would want to make sure that we both get equal chance in bed even if I had to start.
Because many men feel "if I'm a good man, women should reward me".
Also, we look down badly on women who have sex with men who have bad character traits or don't have much going for them; to a man's perspective, that is seen as "rewarding bad behavior"
I agree. I just don't see why these guys are entitled enough to say that expecting good-quality courtship is prostitution.
prostitutes exchange sex for money. If gifts and fancy dinners cost money, does that not make women who exchange “gifts and fancy dinners” for sex prostitution? Why does a guy have to spend money? Why not just spend time? Is a man’s time not valuable?
And a woman’s time isn’t valuable? What about all the money she spends on hair, make up, waxing, etc? What makes a woman a prostitute is having sex with a guy solely for the gifts and fancy dinners. A woman who wants to have sex solely to have fun, but wants to be treated with generosity, is NOT a prostitute. It’s a lot easier for a woman to find sex than it is for a guy. So it’s not like he’s giving her anything that special like she is for him.
Prostitues can have fun too or are you talking about being a sugar baby? So you’re ironically entitled because it’s an honor to sleep with you.
Why is it always about money?
Not necessarily. A prostitute can theoretically have fun doing what she does, but that’s not her primary objective. Her primary objective is to make as much money as possible. Wanting to have fun and to be appreciated is something completely different.
A man can have fun with a girl without spending money, right?
To me, a guy who wants the most benefits while lessening the costs is one who doesn’t appreciate the woman he’s sleeping with even if it’s for a one night stand. And like I said, that in itself is a turn off. I being a guy would treat a woman I sleep with to something before or afterwards. Breakfast at least. It would show that I am not a freeloader.
There are plenty of girls who will have sex even with homeless men. Those girls however, have very low standards and are typically not desirable to begin with.
Can the opposite not be said? How about women who just lead men on just to be wined and dined with no intention of providing any intimacy?
If we apply the your cost versus benefit in other things in life, it doesn’t make sense. You don’t appreciate a car if you want to pay less for it...
In that scenario, it depends on the intention of both partners. If they’re both looking for serious relationships, I doubt the man is even going to want to sleep with her on a first date to begin with. But, if they’re both looking to have fun, then he is going to get sex regardless. If one is looking to have casual fun, but the other isn’t, then that’s a compatibility issue that should be addressed before even going on a date. otherwise, both people would be wasting their time.
Actually no; it would be a waste of time for one party in the scenario.
It would be a waste of time for both because the woman would go in thinking that he’s going to give her what she wants which is a ltr, and the guy would go in thinking that she is going to give him what he wants which is a hook up. So it’s a lose-lose for both people. Both people wasted their time and gasoline. The guy may have wasted more on the dinner or whatever they did, but she lost as well.
No she got a free dinner
She still wasted money, gasoline, make up, hair, etc.
She would put makeup on anyway anytime she goes out, right?
Prostitutes usually use make up too.
@Moldovan0731 Lazy, entitled men use gasoline regardless too.
What does that even mean?