Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Why don't women like gentlemen and good guys?

It always amazed me that the guys that treat women like complete shit have the best looking women. and all the other women are chasing them. I am a gentlemen. I listen. I treat them like a lady. I get the door of the car for them. I give them flowers. I tell them they are beautiful. I do things with them so I can spend time with them even if it is not something I really want to do (or maybe a movie I don't really want to see..). And I routinely get thrown away. I want so bad for a woman to actually pursue me. To have a woman that really wants to be with me and not someone that tolerates me because she just doesn't have anyone else at the moment. What is wrong with women? why is it that you need to be treated like shit to want a guy? it is really frustrating. I cannot be that way to a woman. So I guess I am in for a long lonely time or a lot of dating that never goes more then a couple weeks.
Updates:
+1 y
Ok ladies, that was too much of a generalization. I apologize. I should have said why do so many women, not all ladies.
+1 y
I should also add that I think I finally found someone different. She had a lot of bad dating experiences previously. she has introduced me to some family and it went well. we have had 6 dates. maybe I found a woman that has had enough frogs...
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Ok well some "nice guys" are really just creepy. Like many of them claim her looks don't matter, but only chase good looking women for example. They'll claim to not want sex, but the girl knows he wants it so badly. Or they'll do all these kind acts and claim they're selfless and she'll feel uncomfortable accepting all this special treatment. Yet when she turns him down he flips out proving it wasn't selfless.

    Now assuming all the creepy "nice guy" stuff is not going on here basically you're encountering women who have a very distorted view of their own self worth. It's not necessarily and high view of self worth but it's not a low view either. It's just distorted. These girls get chased enough and it inflates their ego. All that special treatment like opening the door, etc inflates their ego.

    So they're so used to it. Now when you have a guy not doing all that stuff, she has a challenge. She thinks she is so special that she can change him and nothing would be more gratifying to her than going back to all her friends with this new "project" of hers. She wants to go back to all her friends and brag "Before I met him he was (this this and this), but since he met me he's changed so much!" The problem is the guy really doesn't give a shit.

    So what actually happens is the guy probably beats her, fucks the shit outta her, rolls her over and fucks her some more and he instead goes back to all his friends and brags about how much of a slut she was the night before and laughs about how she thinks he's her boyfriend and how he has another girl's number and how he's gonna fuck this other one tonight.

    Now had she been sticking with the guys who have been treating her right, sure, she'd be fine. But the reality is that these girls in particular think they're so special that the guy's gonna change for them. So they'll keep repeating this pattern. By the time they're done, they have so much baggage that no guy's ever gonna want them.

  • You're going to get a lot of women (and some white knights) on here saying," That's not true! And here's why...blah blah blah." Take it from me, I've had the same experiences you've had when being nice. They don't like the gentleman. The girls I treat with no respect -- because I didn't like them at all -- are the only girls who have actually liked me and tried to be with me. The girls I liked that I treated with kindness, compassion and consideration all took advantage of me and put me in the friendzone. I still don't understand why this is, but it's the way of things. Maybe it's because they feel like the nice, normal guys don't need them to save them. Whereas the assholes girls like, desperately need someone to reform them -- or that's how it's perceived in any case. I'm sure it's a whole variety of things. Fact is, the only successful daters I've met are the ones who treat all the girls they meet like subhuman creatures not worthy of respect. I'm not being the nice guy who finishes last anymore.

    • And no being "nice" doesn't mean you're boring or a sycophantic suck-up like a lot of the people (especially the white knights) on here describe. I've never let a girl treat me like a bitch and I'm always having fun and doing adventurous things. They just don't like be treated well.

    • " The girls I treat with no respect -- because I didn't like them at all" Yeah you're not a gentleman in fact I wouldn't even consider you an adult.

    • Oh, that hurts. Nothing you or anyone else on here says means anything because you're making character statements based on tiny portions of information. This is just the trend I see. There's no emotion behind it. Keep your immature assessments to yourself. They're worthless and nobody respects you for it.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Just because you are nice and good doesn't mean that women are going to find chemistry and compatibility with you and it doesn't mean they should either. There are plenty of nice and good girls out there who also don't find men but you don't see us constantly whining about it on the internet. I consider myself a nice/decent woman and I also struggle A LOT but I've accepted that not every guy is going to be into me, feel attracted towards me and will find compatibility with me and that's totally okay. People have their own set of preferences, attractions and desires and no one is obligated to date you just because you are "good", "nice" or a gentleman. It's also not very nice by the way to generalize all women and to say we all like to be treated like shit. We don't. I don't. Neither do my friends. I can assure you no girl finds it pleasant to be treated like "shit". Problem is, we like what we like and might fall for the wrong guys just like guys fall for the wrong girls all the time too. Boo-hoo. That's life. You win some and lose some. But I promise you no girl purposely decides "Let's date guys who will make me cry my eyes out, who will hurt me and who treat me like shit". This wrong and any guy who believes that has got it all fucked up wrong.

    • Well, you need to bring it down a notch first of all and maybe read the updates there were there before you posted. Second, I have seen plenty of women do exactly that..say "that guy treats women like shit..and in the next breath say how much she wants him.." just makes me shake my head. I won't change for any woman. I am fine living alone. I would just be happier sharing my life with someone.

    • Read the other replies of the women. Most of the time we never knew the guy was a asshole to begin with. We fall for a guy who is seemingly nice to us and before you know it they start hurting us. It's difficult to let go of someone who you are in love with. Even if they hurt you. If it was so easy to let go of people you love or have fallen for we'd have A LOT less sad people around!

  • What a "good guy" is is pretty subjective. I also don't see many women staying with an abusive guy unless they happen to experience Stockholm Syndrome. How do you know those guys treat their girls like shit anyway? Do they go around beaten black and blue when they're not dating you? Do their men insult them in public (I don't mean arguing, I mean regular verbal abuse)? I've had one "good guy" complaining to me that his crush's boyfriend was an abusive, self-absorbed jerk, when in fact... he didn't even exist. The girl made him up and didn't even assign these characteristics to him - the "good guy" just filled the gap the way he wanted to see it.

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VXXXX9iVPI



    Not saying that this is your situation, but she makes a lot of good points in this video.

    • no, but it was interesting to watch. I do not date out of my league. I probably date under what I could really get. I open car doors, I listen, I ask their opinion, I buy flowers, I give them compliments. And I keep getting the "your such a sweet guy but I don't feel that spark..." it is frustrating.

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What Girls & Guys Said

27 13

  • As you get older you want a good guy, however, a lot of people are fakes. I was with someone that fit your description of a gentleman and he turned out to be a deceitful snake. Where are the real men at? To hell with being a gentleman or not. As long as a man respects his woman, don't cheat (guess that falls under respect category ) and loves her through thick n thin, protects, I can get my own damn door!

    • *applauds* This user is focusing too much on the "wooing" to the point it comes off as suspicious.

    • Lol thank u!

  • I know a guy like that and he comes off clingy and desperate

    I don't feel special. I don't feel that he likes ME it just seems as if he's desperate for a woman and is that nice to everyone

    don't assume that I want the polar opposite, someone who treats me like shit.i just want a guy who doesn't seem to fall head first for any girl who looks his way

    • Well said as always! He didn't mention anything in the question description that emotionally stimulates women.

  • i like guys who are good, caring and treats a girl like a gntlemen...are u one of those? :D (all excited)

    • and in ur question update u mean ur the prince? :D

    • I try my best to make them feel like a princess. I will put them before me. Although because I was in a very co-dependent marriage I am trying to not do it as much. I do want to do things I want to do sometimes. but I am happiest when I can make her happy. And yes, i am hoping she sees me as the prince she finally found. I am crazy about her and things have been going really well.

    • you seem like a great guy..she must be very lucky :)

  • I you're conveying a sense of need then she will find that unattractive.

    I would guess that at one time men always held more power then women and the risk of him seeing weak when wooing her was much lower. He would always seem benevolent which is very different from subservient. Women like benevolent power. Subservience seems fake and weakness is unattractive to them.

    Based on that you might want to dial things down. You're the prize. Be basically courteous but don't try to suck up. Be as nice to her as you are to others. Don't expect anything back just be as nice a person as you choose to be.

  • Ah so many of these.
    EVERYONE likes good guys. We all want nice people.
    Too many guys use "nice" as their excuse when they are shy to initiate, or are pushovers.
    There's no such thing. Stop making excuses.

  • I've been that girl, chose jerks got hurt. Chased them. Not anymore. Don't judge us all, we make mistakes and we liked bad boys but we realise what kind of guy makes a good bf and it is guys like you they do want. A lady is out there who will appreciate you. Don't give up :)

    • yes, I put an update that apologized as I hate when I get lumped in with the asshole men out there. it is just so frustrating. and I cannot change the person I am. I just cannot treat a woman badly.

    • That's a good thing. A girl doesn't like nice guys but a real woman does. Maybe she chooses wisely or has had enough jerks in her life to realise when a good one comes along. You'll find her :)

  • I personally like nice guys. But not *too* nice. I want a guy that I feel safe with when I walk with him at night - like if someone messed with us, I'd like to feel like I don't need to do anything (to a reasonable degree of course).
    I don't like jerks. They're jerks lol. Confident guys, yes. Jerks, no.

    • I am confident enough. And I am a big guy 6' 3" about 275. so not skinny but I don't consider myself fat either. but I can handle myself. The woman I am with is 5'4" and on the smaller side. Things are going great. we will see. maybe she is different.

  • Men have said that for years about women, are there women who go for those types yes but men do the same when they pass ovet nice women and go for the girls that will spread their legs at the drop of a hat and take all of their money. People are attracted to screwed up people. But not everyone so don't be dramatic there are good guys out there who get good women. It happens.

  • Like you said, you should have said many women and not all ladies. There are many ladies who like the sweet gentlemen. I would kill for one. I feel like there just aren't enough good guys out there and rather ones who do treat woman like crap. I think it's because most girls feel a lot more wanted if the guy is a complete asshole because we were always told as you find that if a guy picks on you and is an idiot to you, he likes you. Also lots of women just like bad boys. Me on the other hand along with lots of other Ladies I'm sure like I said before would kill for that one special gentleman.

  • "I am a gentlemen. I listen. I treat them like a lady. I get the door of the car for them. I give them flowers. I tell them they are beautiful. I do things with them so I can spend time with them even if it is not something I really want to do"

    ^ I would LOVE to have someone do that for me. I love it when a guy is being a gentleman. And trust me you will find that girl.
    Not generalizing but girls who run after guys who treat them like dirt usually later come to their senses and appreciate a guy like you even more.
    Let them kiss their fair share of frogs ;)

    • Thanks. I am hoping the woman I am with is that woman. She has had a lot of bad experiences with dating in the past and we have been taking it very very slow. But it causes me to worry every time I get a text that it is the one telling me we are done. But I am hopeful. She just introduced me to some of her family on Saturday and it went pretty well..

    • See its already working out! Also, it must have been a relief for her to finally have a guy whom she could introduce to her family and not worry about how he would behave in front of them. Parents will always see how a guy is treating their daughter and since you are anyway great at that, you have at least THAT area taken care of. Jerks-0 1-You :P

    • Well i am older so this isn't parents (hers have passed away). but it was her sister, best friend, and niece. All her closest family. So that is a good sign. And most of them are friending me on FB so that must be a good sign as well...

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  • Women love gentleman and good men. Women do not love boring ass dudes who have no personality and play out some BS roles that are about as genuine as fifty day old crusty crackers are stale.

    Women like people. Women don't like "gentlemanly doormats". There is absolutely nothing sexy about going out of your way ALL THE TIME for another person. That's dependency. That's weakness. Have a life and make an effort to conjoin lives.

    The reality is simple: You sound boring.

    The men who "treat women like shit", for the most part, don't treat women like shit. It's not some common epidemic. In reality they have fights, they get angry, they aren't always the one holding the door, they are genuine, they are people, and they have flaws, and they aren't fake. They aren't "bad boys", they're just men. MEN.

    TL;DR: You're fake. You suck.

    • Agreed 100%

    • Wow, that's a little cold. He may not be a doormat, I'm def an Alpha, ask anybody, I'm the leader of the pack but don't allow followers and also I'm a gentleman, I'm abstinent and not looking for anything in return, very active swimming, brazillian jiu jitsu, athletic etc.t I'm a cool damn good looking guy, and I can tell you I HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR NOT DATING GIRLS IN MY AGE GROUP, I'm focused have my own sh! t I'm trying to get but some, not the majority of girls just want to play and aren't looking for anything real, some want bad guys they don't have a future with, he has some valid points I have down to earth good guy friends that have been hurt

    • I am cold on this issue and there is a reason. These topics always "look good on paper". They never portray an actual person. There is, in all of these, a sense of demand of reciprocity: "I do X, why don't I get Y?"; this is wrong. A good man is not upset because he doesn't get something for being good; he is good by nature and enjoys being good, it's not a question of whether the "tactic" isn't working but instead it isn't a question at all. He is just a good man. These men get tons of women. Threads like this however are turn-offs in real-life and sound great on paper. The "Romance Novel" of a man in real life is an extremely dependent, weak-willed, weak-minded individual. He is not you. He is not me. He is not any man. He is imaginary for a reason. He is, in modern terminology, the "Ultimate Beta". He does nothing on his own. He does nothing that would upset his loved one. He always acts with her as number one. He is a SLAVE.

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  • Because they don't respect you. Change how you treat women, and you'll find more success.

    • He makes a good point...any female that is attractive to you, shouldn't be treated so well. WHY? She didn't deserve it yet. Yeah so she's pretty and you're attracted to her. So the hell what? Make sure she EARNS your good treatment. Because if she doesn't feel in her mind like she truly "earned" you treating her well, he respect for you is gone and usually doesn't come back.

    • Mr. Asker, always ask yourself this: "What does she do for ME, to earn the right for me to 'treat her like a lady'"?

  • i guess because of the thrills and probably they believe that they can change the guy... but after spending some time with this guy or after they got married, they will then realize that what they truly want is a nice/good guy :D

  • THAT is how women are. they always prefer the assholes and jerks.

  • Same reason women give shits tests and the only way to pass is to basically blow her off in a manner than conveys you don't give a shit.

    Because women are programmed to want men who don't give a crap about them--and by extension, must have better options and be a great catch.

    • Very un-politically-correct answer bro!!! But is truth. A guy who puts up with ALL of a female's shit is seen as a guy with low value in said female's eyes.

  • bad boys fuck better

    • oh and just to add, they can just as often act like gentlemen, they're just not pushovers.

    • "Good guy" does not mean "pushover". Bad boys are bad news and not long term relationship material.

    • oh yes they are, they're great

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  • People are just dysfunctional and full of pain in their hearts.

  • things that you do, girls like that and apriciate that. but sometimes, some girls want to pursue their pray and guys like you, unfortunatly, are percieved as boring or uninteresing, mostly because girls know you will always be there for them when they need help and they know they don't need to try hard for these guys.
    Things that you do are perfect when you are in a relationship for a long time, but when dating, at the beguning, you should try playing hard to get, or acting less interesed than you actualy are...

  • I love good guys. I can only date guys who treat me like a princess, and bad boys aren't the type to do that.

    • mine do

    • I had to thumb this up. :)

  • Maybe you're looking in the wrong places for a woman? Do you expect to find a great girl in a bar or club? try nicer places

    • I would never pick up someone at a bar or club. Currently my only option is online.

    • I should add that as an IT person I think that is the best option for dating nowadays.

    • I'm not too savvy in that field. I don't trust online dating

  • Show More (20)

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