Sexual Relationships
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Why is my boyfriend so horny and violent in bed?

i recently got into a relationship with a guy i really love. we’ve been friends ever since we were in in middle school and it wasn’t until last year that we realized our feelings for each other. i’ve always admired him because of his humble, polite and modest nature but recently my opinion of him has changed ever since we got intimate. he tends to touch me in inappropriate areas which sometimes makes me uncomfortable. not only that but he loses his calm everytime we’re alone in private. i allow him to do with my body as he pleases because i don’t want to upset him but my breasts hurt everytime because he gropes them too hard or sucks on them too harshly. i don’t want our relationship to fall apart as i genuinely love him. are all men like this? if not is there any way i can tell him to control his lust without sounding impolite?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Hun u need to communicate with him, right from the start just nip that sh*t in the bud right now, kindly of coarse.. but always, always, ALWAYS, communicate with ur man without even having to think about it first u should be able to just speak your feelings as they are happening, while still in bed, just say it.. just say it in a way that down plays it maybe so it doesn't sound like its a huge deal or sound like ur comin down on him, yellin at him, or insulting his methods in bed or anything.. just say it like no big deal but right away just like "hey damn shit that hurts haha softer babe be soft" then start kissing him to take his mind off of it so he hears u but doesn't even have a second to get mad or hurt feelings. but u can't hold this shit in, not if u dont like that type of sex u need to let eachother know. it will never last if ur coming to the internet before ur going to eachother. communication really is the key to every relationship working.. that, and trust. everything else can be worked out. If he doesn't listen though and continues to be rough despite all hints or comments about it, u will need to eventually sit him down like two mature adults and just say how u feel, tell him u love him but the rough sex is just TOO rough and it more painful then pleasurable at this point and u just want to ask him to just tone it down a bit. some girls like that stuff so he might have been with a girl like that before he met you.. guys have to re learn everything with each new female sense females are all SO different from eachother. its kinda sad actually.. imagine how stressful that would be not knowing and having to just take the risk that this girl will like the same thing as the last one or not. but the ONLY way he will learn or know any better is if u tell him and communicate this straight to him!!! he needs to know. especially if ur physically being harmed, thats not ok. He might not even realize quite how hard he is being! So tell him, talk to him!!

    • and actually, if it makes u feel any better... in my experience, most men prefer it when a girl talks to them about what they do and dont like in bed. If they want it harder or softer, slower or faster, talk dirty, whatever it is.. guys usually wanna know and they actually enjoy hearing the girl actually say it... cause it can be sexy almost like dirty talk. so instead of looking at it as telling him what to stop doing to you, instead kinda tell him what you DO want him to do to you... so instead of sayin "Ouch stop! that was way too hard that hurts dont do that again please!!" maybe try saying with a soft and sexy voice "Soft babe, soft" then just start kissin him on the neck while u whisper that to him, i can't think of a single man who would be able to get upset in that moment lol. If it were me, and my man was being so rough that i couldnt even get the chance to slip a sexy little comment in there like that to stop him, i would litterally meet him where he is at and get on his level real quick then PULL him back down to mine! meaning, If i had to to get his attention i would grab him by the throat and push him agaisnt the wall (it would take him by surprise trust me, he would stop) THEN before ur moment passes, whisper "soft baby, be soft" and kiss his neck while ur other hand is letting go of its grasp on his neck haha. u might have to play his game to get his attention if thats how rough he is being,, i mean if words aren't working.

    • thank u so much <3

  • I had a boyfriend like that, he would grab my breasts and nipples kind of hard that it would hurt. The nice thing was though he told me to let him know if he was hurting me and he would usually go easier on me when I would tell him. Communication is key and it's easy sometimes for things to get too rough. Just make sure that both of you talk before hand about what feels good, it isn't always perfect in the beginning, sometimes it takes a few tries to get it right.

Most Helpful Guys

  • I can assure you that not all men are like that. I would hope that not even most men are, but as a straight male, I can really only speak for myself.

    Have you tried speaking to him about this? It's possible that, if he's inexperienced, he may not know any better. If you're not his first, then maybe he's used to acting that way from a previous relationship.

    Either way, communication is not only key, but essential for both partners to enjoy themselves. Don't be afraid to speak up, and ask him to be gentler with you.

    Hopefully that's all it takes, but if you talk to him about it, and he continues acting that way, you may want to consider moving on. I understand that you love him, but sexual compatibility is nearly as important as affection in a relationship, and you don't want to be stuck in a relationship where you're fearful of having sex.

  • No all guys are not like that.

    you need to really pull his leash and get him to stop.

    it’s complete lack of respect of you as a person.

    you need to make some very clear boundaries and limits.

    if he crosses them, then he needs to understand everything stops, no kissing, no touching and if naked, get dressed.

    if he can’t live with that, then look at leaving him.

    If he is unable to change, he will likely turn more abusive rather than less.

    he may just need that pull on his leash to get him to behave.

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What Girls & Guys Said

5 19

  • Because he has been watching BDSM porn a little too much and is acquiring a fetish.

    Don't make the mistake of thinking I am kidding Ms little.

    Why is my boyfriend so horny and violent in bed?

  • Men are horny…

  • "Honey, that feels good, but it would feel even better if you did this. . ."

  • All mine are not like that no. I'm sorry he's making you uncomfortable. Have you tried telling him what you prefer in bed?

  • Scary … if he’s hurting you, tell him! If he loves you, he’d understand and probably be gentle next time. Be honest with him. If he gets mad, time to think if it’s worth staying …

  • you're 18 so I guess this might be the first real relationship for both of you so tell him maybe he saw it in porn like that and thinks its good

  • You guys are like 18, he's probably just letting out a bunch of pent up energy coupled up with not knowing what the fuck he's doing.

    Just start off slow and very gradually. Talk to him a few times and it will be fixed.

    He's not God, he's not gonna realise he's doing anything wrong or that you maybe have sensetive breasts. Woman's bodies can be confusing.

    Especially since every woman likes sex a little differently. He just needs to learn what it means to realise its not all about him. Which is totally natural.

  • Some guys like that. It can be super hot actually

  • You're not just some vessel for him to do with as he pleases. If he is hurting you then you should tell him.

  • I suggest telling him that your breasts and whatever else hurts and you need him to be more gentle going forward. A good guy will respect your wishes.

  • No all guys are not like that. If you don't feel comfortable around him you should move on. Or just give him a talk and talk about your feelings that your concerned about. I hope this would solve your problem

  • Be upfront about it that it's not ok to treat you like this or touch you like that. Not all men I don't think are like this.

    • If he can't understand, then he needs to leave.

  • If you are "intimate", what areas would not be appropriate?
    If he won't be kinder to your body, move on.

  • If you fear now, waiting it get worse and worse. I sorry to say that.
    He talk to anyone about it

  • I think you're settling

  • Who wants to see the Atheist Burning in Fire?

  • you should talk about your sex type both of you

  • he's got issues get out before they get worse and you get hurt

  • I don't know why he is that way. But its best to communicate at the earliest. That way you both can find ways to make it more meaningful and enjoyable for each other. Otherwise he'll wonder why you spoke about it at a later stage?

  • you need to talk to him it is about both of you not just him

  • Show More (4)

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