Guys, Why my husband watches other naked females online?

[coffeelovergirl]

Hello. I would like to ask you guys, if you're all watching females online - are you comparing them to your woman? Are you watching on something you don't get at home (perfect body etc.)? I am asking, because lately i've been struggling with jealous and I'm working on it, but why am I telling this - I've broke the boundaries of my hubby, I've looked into his phone, because as it felt at that time, every peep felt suspicious. So I discovered that he is looking on naked girls in Telegram channels. I have told him, that this bothers me, but not telling where I do know this, so he keep telling me, that he is NOT watching anything like it. Why does it bothering me? Because he is opening these channels before sex (I know, because I can see he was online and there are only these channels there). And I think that I am not good enough and also that I am just a sex figure to him, because he is fantasazing about other. Is it really like this? I am ok that everyone is watching porn, I don't care, but here I do care, even tho I would like to not. And this makes me really angry and sad, I am young and beautiful and sexy, I'm 23, my hubby is 43 and because of all this I am turned off at the evening, because I feel that he is using me, because those girls aren't around.

Also we have a great sex life when everything is okay, but this bothers me, so it is not as often as before...

Please let me know, I know this question triggers a lot of guys like it is your insecurity talking blah blah, well maybe, but this is what makes me feel insecure and I don't like it.

[DaveJord]

So yeah, I watch porn. And honestly, I seem to watch more porn when I am with someone then when I am not. Why, because when I am with someone, I seem to be way hornier than when I am not. And that is because when I am around her, I think of her and that makes me feel good.

Am I sexualizing her? Well now that I think about it, I guess I am. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. I mean I have never been in a serious relationship with a woman I was not seriously attracted to on an emotional and sexual level.

So just because I watch porn, does that mean I am serious fantasying about another woman when I am with my SO. NOOOO, absolutely not. But with that said do I still like looking at another nake woman? YES I do.

Is that wrong of me? I do not feel that it's wrong, and if it is to her then maybe she is more insecure about things then I am. Hard to say, because this one of those things were yes, he should respect your feelings, but in doing it comes at a cost to his own feelings.

When I first got married the deal was sex at least once a week, but it was like 3 to 4 times a week for the first year or so, then it was once a week, then every other week, then once a month... then you reach this point around 10 years in, where you couldn't remember the last time you had sex with her.

So yeah, jacking off to porn seemed easier to me then dealing with her. But that because there were all these other things going and her attitude over sex had changed over the years and that was a problem to me. So I watched porn, and that was that. The whole time I would of rather of had sex with my wife, but she was not making that very easy for me... because she had her own hang ups. So instead of wanting to work that out with me, she made it about all these other things,

[Anonymous]

No most men never compare their girls to porn. Sadly a man could be w the hottest girl on the face of this earth but he would still want to fuck other women. I don’t know if that’s nature or not. I mean you look at male animals in wildlife, a lot of them procreate w a lot of females. If he isn’t that good looking he may be wishing that he could be w someone hotter. But because of his “league” he can’t pull girls from a higher league. There’s just things that turn us on too that we may discover. I love Asian girls, but the whole school girl outfit isn’t the same to me w a white girl as it is w an Asian girl. Sure it’s still hot but not as hot as the Asian girl. I wish there was a way to turn that part of my brain off once I’m w someone, but it can’t be turned off. That’s like asking women to stop being emotional.

[JamesMI616]

It's more about instant gratification than comparison. I can't say that I would do the same thing though. I think it's a problem that he's lying about it rather than inviting you to share in the viewing. I'm sure it wouldn't bother you as much if he acknowledged your feelings. He's using them for sure. Porn is clearly at least a distraction from your relationship and if he'll lie about that he'll lie about anything

[OfMiceandMen]

Not sure why he is looking at other women online. Why, when you have perfectly real beautiful person at home?

Anyway, some guys need to look at other women they know they can't have. It goes back to... I know I can't touch, but damn!

Personally, I think it's a waste of time and doesn't help your relationship. I mean what positive thing does he expect to get out of looking at other naked women on a screen?

[BoopBoopBeep]

I go to the museum. Doesn't mean I'm trying to steal the pictures. I have an impressive art collection at home. I still go to the museum.

[slatyb]

Get over it. It's entertainment. This probably makes him interested in sex with you.

[boggboss]

No when I watch porn I am not compering it to my partner no im just trying to get off and using visual stimuli

[coffeelovergirl]

How about watching it before sex? Would it mean that you are not attracted to your girl and need other visual stimulation?

[boggboss]

Yes that would be a bad thing in my opinion

[stratford]

Are there things he is watching in porn that you're not doing in the bedroom? Or things he might like to do that you're not keen on?

[coffeelovergirl]

I have no idea what kind of porn he is watching and I don’t care about porn actually. I do care about pictures of naked girls during the day, before bed etc…

[stratford]

Do the girls look like you or are they very different?

[coffeelovergirl]

Asian girls, tiny girls with beautiful bodies. I am a bit higher than he is and have a “normal” body, but even tho I would like to lose weight. Not some model, even tho I am working on myself to get there (to sporty body). And I am European, not Asian.

[stratford]

He might be the type of guy that is sexually aroused and motivated by 'new' or by things he cannot have. The fact that you are available to him whenever he wants (I don't mean in a slutty way, just in a loving partner way) might mean he is missing the thrill of the chase. You could try teasing him more and making him wait, but not so long that he looks for fun elsewhere. You sound very attractive by the way - he should be more grateful and be taking more advantage of his beneficial position!

[coffeelovergirl]

Thank you! Any tips for teasing?

[stratford]

Make sure you show him what he can't have, sometimes in a sexually teasing way and sometimes just casually. Your aim is to make sure he makes the first move. Perhaps also find ways to make him think you might be getting attention from other guys. There are more sexual ways you can tease him too...

[megabamse]

Huh, i have never done that. I just go on some porn page instead. No live video or people i can chat with. Just good old porn. And i do that only if there is no sex posible at the moment for some reason. And the porn is just there to sort of aid me to orgasm. No comparison to anything.

[BarryLiverstone]

It may be a habit by this point, as you said he goes to a particular channel. My guess is he’s trying to use the porn to get turned on. Do you get angry as it feels like he’s now just using your body?

[coffeelovergirl]

Yes. To me it feels like I am not good enough to him, so he is turned on by me. Feels to me like "Okay, I'll just watch these girls that I do like and then just go penetrate what is approachable."

[BarryLiverstone]

By the time he starts to initiate Sex with you can you tell that he’s already turned on and hard? Like it’s different than he used to be when he would kiss you

[BarryLiverstone]

That makes sense. It’s like you wanna be the reason he gets turned on as you are young and beautiful

[coffeelovergirl]

Not hard, but I guess he is rushing things, but just sometimes. Feels like come on until I still have those pictures in my head. It is not (I hope) before every sex, I am just aware of one, but don't know how many times it happened or is happening.

[coffeelovergirl]

exactly

[BarryLiverstone]

That makes sense. So he’s got other girls in his head and in your head now you have all these negative feelings? That can’t allow you to relax and get into it

[jeremy_09]

Not comparing just getting off and then she's forgotten.

[Wise4myage]

Have you asked him? And does he know it bothers you?

[coffeelovergirl]

I have, but maybe not really understandable (?). I have told him that I do mind that he is watching other girls (but this was in context by instagram and girls in bikinis), but haven’t told where I know he is watching it, because I did break his boundaries by watching into his phone. I am afraid to tell him that, because he will lose his trust in me and just change the password. I guess.

[Wise4myage]

If he's not chatting or sexting with these girls, then why let it bother you?

[coffeelovergirl]

I’m not sure actually. Maybe because it makes me feel insecure about myself, that something is wrong with me or something isn’t good enough. And also when I see after intimacy that he has been online right before it, feels to me like I am his sex toy which is just around, because he’s turned on, but not because of me, but those girls on pictures.

[Wise4myage]

I understand, you need to let him know how you feel.