Will he think of me differently?

[Anonymous]

I went home with a guy from a bar recently and things were heating up. I told him that I didn’t want to hook up and he asked if we could make out. I agreed. He kept trying to make a move on me, but I refused. I have trouble having one night stands as I was sexually assaulted a few years ago and still sometimes struggle with that. (He was not aware of this at the time as I keep it to myself). A few weeks later I saw him at the bar again and I was brave after having a few too many drinks. I ended up explaining to him that I am not a tease and that I hope he doesn’t think of me that way and then I explained to him that I was sexually assaulted in the past and still struggle with that. He seemed very understanding. I know we have sexual tension and I would love to get to know him. I am just worried that this will this change the way he looks at me. Did I mess this up by telling him about my past?

[DaveJord]

Yeah I would totally think you were a tease, I might be nice to your face because there might be a chance we can hook up later and fuck... but in my head I am thinking you are a bimbo.

You go home drunk and make out with drunk guys, but don't want sex... that is definitely the definition of a tease and I work strongly recommend that you stop doing this before you find the wrong guy and you end up assaulted a second time. Going home or taking a guy home drunk to make out without wanting to have sex is about the stupidest think a girl can do... crazy dumb.

And yes you messed up, now he will probably be into hooking up with you again... but most guys don't want to take on baggage like women who have sex or insecurities over being sexually assaulted. Especially when you act like a tease and don't put out.

[Asker]

Ya dude. Sexual assault isn’t baggage.

[DaveJord]

Well sorry for use of word baggage. But guys don't really get into chick's with sex issues. Or insecurities over having sex. So you put a lot on this guy you harderly know.

[Citizenkirk]

No, you didn't mess up. If you want to see him again try a formal dating situation where physical intimacy is not a given until you get too know each other better.

[Daniela1982]

You went home with a guy and things were heating up? Seriously? What were you expecting a guy to do when you pick him up a a bar? Play tiddly winks with you? If you were really interested in something other nthan sex you wouldn't meet them at a bar nor bring them home. You would go to a coffee shop or something. You were being more the tease than anything else. "Hey big boy, want to come to my place?" and then, "No, I was just interested in talking." Come on, are you trolling?

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

You mentioned that he seemed understanding, which is great… The only way to find out if he thinks of you differently (in a negative way), is to ask and continue talking to him.
It’s good that you were being open and honest with him, but from person experience and others, it tends to scare *SOME* guys away with this information.

[boggboss]

If he seemed understanding not sure how this messed it up need to stop overthinking hun

[Twalli]

Probably not. He will treat you differently though. He, hopefully, will be more willing to take any sexual relationship with you much slower than he would ordinarily since he knows.

[steveRogers12]

Being honest about something like that is not messing up

[Anonymous]

No. I think you did the right thing. Communicating why is important.