Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health +1 y
Advice about sex? Someone to tell me something that I'm not seeing.
Anonymous
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a month. And now my problem is sex. Some of you reading are probably going “WHAT A MONTH AND YOU’RE THINKING OF SEX?!” and some of you are like “What….? You haven’t had sex yet?” My friends, most of them aren’t even virgins. I still am. My one friend, who has at least 10 sex partners since spring break and might I say, you can label her as a whore by now… she thinks of sex as, “no big deal. Losing my virginity wasn’t a big deal. I don’t get why people make a big fuss over it?” My best friend (who is like my sister) has gone to let’s say 3rd base. And her and I share similar views on sex but it seems she acts like a know-it-all with sex and I don't know hard to explain. For me, my boyfriend and I, we’ve talked about sex. Through texting and in person. He tells me “sex isn’t a big deal to me. I'm in this relationship not because of sex. I could care less whether we have it or not. I'm not saying I don’t want it at all, of course I wouldn’t care if we did, but it doesn’t matter. I’m ready whenever you are ready.” And him saying that makes me feel okay to myself. Calm. Not pressured. With my friends, they always talk about when they’ve had sex, say how it’s no big deal. And with my best friend, with her boyfriend, she’s went that far and it almost feels like a race. Hard to explain. My boyfriend and I the farthest we’ve done was make out and had me shirtless (bra too). Even then I was freaking out. When we were over at his house on his bed, doing whatever lol, he went to try to undo my shorts, and he looked at me as if to see if I was OK with it and I shook my head no and moved his hand off my short’s button. He didn’t get mad or offended or whatever he seemed okay and came back up to just kissing me. He will do that, almost like testing me if I’m okay with it but when I tell him no, he stops. I know he tells me sex isn’t important but when it comes down to it, I know he’s ready to go. I can tell to myself now, I’m not ready for sex. But I feel pressured by my friends that I should be having sex now. Anyone who finds out I’m a virgin will say “WHAT? You’re still a virgin?!” and it puts me down into thinking “maybe I shouldn’t be” I have the desire to want to have sex with him, who knows it’s just my hormones, but when it comes down to being on a bed with him I start to get nervous and scared. I’m scared that I won’t know what to do, my body won’t be what he’s looking for, or something’s going to happen that’s going to be extremely embarrassing and we won't be able to look at each other the same way. A girl I know, which is still in my head of her saying “if you don’t give him what he wants, he’ll just go else where for it” and that always stays in my head. This whole sex thing stresses me out. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I lead myself to believe “sex isn’t a big deal. Losing your virginity isn’t THAT big of a deal. You’re going to e
Updates:
+1 y
You're going to have sex eventually. But then I think I'm just lying to myself to feel it is okay. I really don't know what to do. I'm just nervous, scared and unsure. Advice? :(
7 9
What Girls & Guys Said
52 202This guy sounds like a perfect dude, keep him!
Don't be pressured... Heck, ya'know people still wait till marriage right?
Just sayin'
That's perfectly normal.
My cousin was trying to be a good Christian she didn't have sex with her boyfriend until after they were married found out he had a little dick and wasn't good they broke up soon after sex is important relationship so is communication if you could could communicate be honest you'll make anything work
If your boyfriend listens to no sex is ok with them
Honestly, talk to him about your anxieties over sex. He will likely help you through. Everyone is terrible the first time. It takes time and practice for you to know what you're doing and it's the same for him. We're all afraid of being judged, sometimes it just takes a person who you feel absolutely comfortable with who doesn't judge your appearance to be the one to help you over the hurdle of anxiety.
And it's ok to not be ready. It's ok to be ready too. When you have or don't have sex has no real timeline.
You need to stop being afraid and just let things happen. The problem with you is you analyze things to much in your mind. As for knowing what to do, just do what comes natural to you. IF your body wasn't what he is looking for, then he wouldn't be with you. Just go for it and do it.
Just.. don’t have sex after a month, because he could just use you.
Sex is to be enjoyed! It's not something you should deny yourself. Enjoy your life and don't be repressed.
My best advice is that if you have to write a friggin' book about whether you should or shouldn't means you're just not ready. Don't be doing it if you're not ready - you'll regret it and it can cause irreparable emotional harm.
Develop a meaningful relationship with a nice guy, and eventually the timing will be right. Give yourself plenty of time to age to adulthood and reach maturity, to the point where you're much more sure of yourself.
Guys don't fully mature in their brain 'till about 25. And they're going to say and do anything they can think of to get you to bed them. Don't fall for it.
Women are the keepers of sex.
Men are the keepers of commitment.
Don't be giving yours up 'till you have at least a little of his. Or you'll be sorry. And he'll never commit. You'll just get the pump and dump.
Have sex when you want to. But he sounds like an absolutely perfect first sex partner. Patient kind and understanding! Commit to it, go slow, remember he is nervous too. Be honest.
You're ok and your boyfriend seems to be patient with you he sounds like a keeper bc he isn't pressuring you. Don't feel the need to do it if you don't want to, it's your decision
Do hard sex. Ur boyfriend definitely like it & u also love it.
Or u can do sex with me
Well there are a few ways you can look at this. You can give him what he wants even if you aren't entirely ready. Two you can wait until you are ready. The first time will always stick with you. Even if people claim it isn't a big deal they will always remember who their first is. Three you can gradually work into it go a little further wach time slowly pushing yourself closer. Like maybe let him get you down to your panties. Just don't rush it slowly work into it.
I get what you mean about it almost seeming like a race, nobody likes to be last but you have to do what you're comfortable with. Your boyfriend is really sweet to always check with you before going further. I think you may feel a lot more comfortable if you took care of a few things you think makes you uncomfortable. Perhaps wear your favorite bath & body works lotions before seeing him, lotion and shave everywhere.(Use clippers for the bikini line and mons pubis, Nd a regular shaving thing for below (oil afterwards)) Wear confidence boosting undies and bra (who can resist a super cute bra you love the design of doesn't have to be major sex appeal either), paint your nails , do a bit of make up if that's your thing. When the time comes again you'd get so many compliments about your skin, how beautiful your looking , Nd being put together , he'd be pretty impressed if anything and him going further wouldn't seem so nervewrecking. And another thing it doesn't have to go directly into sex you both can explore together.
I waited over a year for my girlfriend to say yes to sex
Don't worry, a real relationship will allow that to happen
Yeah make sure you start slow like. you said he has gotten your shirt off all. good next let him take. of. your pants and maybe just tease before 3rd base on you next step would be sex and make sure since its your first time he gets you wet first and your on top so you can set the speed because guys never listen them just go slow. it takes time.
It depends on your age, I'm an old man 47 (joking) but I'm divorced, I've always been in long term relationships buy when I got divorced 2 years ago, no children and in a ARNP, I went nuts and sleep around. That it littlerley depleted my soul, I took time to myself and realized what I really wanted
People have different views on sex. Nothing wrong with having a differing perspective than your friends.
Personally, I share your thoughts on sex. The fact of the matter is, when you sleep with someone, you're quite literally sharing your body with them, something that needs a lot of trust in the eyes of many.
Trust like that takes time and commitment to build; Try to rush it, and you might end up regretting it. Take it from someone who has been there when I say that that sort of regret can ruin a relationship.
As generic as it is, my advice would be to wait till you're ready. Take time to become more used to one anothers bodies, it'll help you build up confidence in your body, and assure you that he does find you appealing.
Chances are your dude really will wait until you're truly comfortable. He's stayed with you to this point, no?
Believing he'd jump ship just to get laid is nothing more than an insult to his conviction.
As for the bit about being nervous and scared when it comes down to it, most sensible people would be. That's a daunting step in any relationship, especially for virgins. Hence, the need for trust. It'll help you change your perspective from 'I'm having sex with him' to 'We're having sex'. Just to help in realizing that you're in equal positions.
I think the whole NOT having sex is what is stressing you out...
Yeah. Don't do it unless you want and are ready for it.
Unless you are attempting to have children, you should not be doing it. So far, you're on the right track, and it seems that your spouse is trying his hardest to control his urges. You shouldn't let all these people pressure you into depravity. Wait until marriage or at least a full commitment to procreation.
I would classify him as a good man. However, he still has a libido, something that the majority of men do. Ask yourself this. What would you gain from taking part in such actions without having children? Absolutely nothing. You might even feel pain. It would ruin your relationship. So, you ought to follow your instincts and stay pure.