Do you think I could've been molested as a child? Is it possible to not remember it clearly?

[Anonymous]

i have my reasons to believe that i was sexually molested as a child and thats the reason why i had/have mental issues. When i was around 5-6 years old we had a nanny. She was very creepy and rude. I remember that my mom had to fire her because my brother said that she was hitting him. I don't remember anything clearly at all. But, i keep getting weird "flashbacks" of this nanny touching me in my private area. Its really weird. I've had these "flashbacks" for a long time. I don't think my brain would make something up like because that would be sick. When i was 5 or 6 during nap time in kindergarten i would masturbate and reach orgasm. Ever since then I've been obsessed with sex. I started watching porn at 9 years old and i developed a severe case of anorexia at 9 years old too. I was hospitalized at 13. When i was little i also hated being around people and never trusted them. I still don't. Im obsessed with sex and touching myself but the thought of someone touching me grosses me out to the point i want to throw up and runaway to a place where no human is around. Im afraid of telling someome , because what if it didn't happen ya know? And that would be sick if i was just making this disgusting shit up. But i seriously keep getting these images of the nanny touching me. Can someone help? Is it possible to not remember clearly since i was only a child?

[super147]

Whether it happened or not, if you are even considering that it happened and you believe that it is seriously affecting you then you owe it to yourself to seek out some therapy. It's not about being right or wrong, it's about being healthy. That is your goal. You want to be healthy in body and mind and to be able to live a full and happy life. Let's say that you are wrong, what's the worst that could happen? You are not accusing a specific named person, you have not filed a police report, you can't be arrested for lying. You are talking about getting help for something which is traumatising you.

It is definitely possible to block our traumatic memories from childhood, the brain seeks to protect us from things which it deems we cannot cope. Your behaviours are a different matter though, they will often be affected whether you remember the root cause or not.

There is enough supporting evidence in what you have said to suggest that you take this seriously.

[CheshireCat89]

I completely agree. These symptoms could be consistent with a history of sexual abuse. Many of the therapist I know working with anorexia also specialize in childhood sexual trauma. Know that therapy is a long road, but with support and time it is possible to move forward to a point that these events don't effect your daily life. I can help point in the right direction if you need help finding a good counselor (if you don't have one already, then you know this already).

[CyberToothTiger]

Yes, your case seems similar to mine.. I always had a obsession
with sex at a very young age.. Such as going to 1st grade in school
than as years went on i remember the problem got worst and i did
masturbate in 5th grade in class.. Going into my teen years was bad
I was told by my therapist that I was very much a victim of sexual abuse
but like you, I can't recall who done but did remember one time something
did happen so I feel for you this happens to many of us.. I wish you the
best and hope you can put this behind you cause i know how you feel.

[CyberToothTiger]

Thank you for Most Helpful Guy :)

[cherryphi82]

Yes, it's possible. Two of the behaviors outlined as signs of sexual abuse in children is sexual behavior that is inappropriate for a child's age and not wanting to be left a lone with certain people. Also, an excessive talk about or knowledge of sexual topics. Though you didn't describe it like that, I'd file your early obsession, not just discovery, of sex and especially porn, as that. I'd see a therapist. They can help you talk about those memories as well as process them, and suggest steps you can take to heal.

[Curlybeauty17]

It is very possible and it seems to be a very accurate theory. Your blocked out memories are a subconscious action meant to protect yourself by not having to deal with it.

[Embercelica]

Yes probably you wouldn't be the first. People can repress memories as a defense mechanism. Being sexually assaulted can ruin sex or an sexual activity for people.

[timeonmymind]

I think your right, it's weird that you has orgasms that young though.