Sexual Health
+1 y

Girls: How many sexual partners have you had? Am I overreacting?

I recently found out from my girlfriend that she's slept with a large number of guys (think the scene from Clerks, except she's not just talking about BJs), and I've been hung up on it for days. I haven't slept or ate since I found out. I'm so confused. Part of me thinks its no big deal, a lot of girls sleep around in high school and college and settle down later. But more of me is really freaked out. I have all these insecurities now. Like I think about her with all those guys and I just get mad for some reason. And ever since I found out, I stopped being attracted to her sexually. I mean our sex means nothing now. I don't mean to say that I don't find her attractive in general anymore or that I don't think I could have sex with her again, but at least right now I'm so mixed up I can't do it. And now there's all these other thoughts that pop into my head, like how can I trust someone not to cheat who thinks so little of sex? But then I think of other things, like the fact that she already realizes that the way she used to be wasn't good for her and she's changing that. And then I think about our past sex life, and I realize that she's still trying to live out these fantasies of being taken and abused by a guy (won't go into details here, too graphic I think) through me. Even though she's affectionate at other times, the way she wants to have sex is really making me paranoid that she hasn't changed. I'm saying a lot of negative stuff here, but I wouldn't be asking on here if it was all negative, so my conflict is that she's also obviously likes me, my friends can tell as can I. And I like her a lot too, we get along really well although I have only had a few girlfriends so I don't have much frame of reference. I also have no reason to believe she's cheating on me or would cheat on me. I mean like other than this one thing, our relationship has been going great. But I just can't evade these negative feelings about it, even though I myself don't have any moral/religious opinions about sex. Still, I can't help but thinking these things, like what if she was low balling it like I'm told most girls do? What if it's really more? Or if the number she gave me didn't include guys she just fooled around with? I mean we could be talking triple digits if she just meant guys she's slept with and not anything else. I think I'm not being rational but I can't help it. So I'm asking here, just ballpark range, ladies, how many guys have you slept with? Do you usually lie about it? Do you include fooling around? I don't know who to trust in real life with this because I don't think my friends girlfriends were necessarily honest with them when they told them how many they'd been with (I'm told most people aren't), so I'm asking the anonymous internet. Do you think I'm overreacting? I feel like my reaction is too harsh, she's a human being who doesn't deserve to be forever rejected because of her past.
Updates:
+1 y
Talked to her about it, found out a lot more, like she cheats on guys, has had sex with her ex since she's been with me, doesn't know if she can control herself, etc. Our relationship is over. Thanks for the advice anyway everybody :)
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I found myself in your same position a few years back. I met what I thought was this nice college girl, and at some point we were sharing how many partners we have had, and back then I was so inexperienced, I could count my sexual encounters with half a hand. This girl on the other hand told me she lost count at 50 guys. I would have never ever guessed it. Like you I felt sick about it, and as much as I tried to look over that, I finally realized that there are plenty of other guys that racked up the same body count at her age, so I figured she would be better off with somebody that had a similar experience.

    I thought I deserved better, and well, I just broke it off, and looking back, good thing I did.

    Basically, if you have an issue with her body count, then I would then ask the question, can I get over this, and if you can't, then simply come to the conclusion that I did---there are other men out there that are better prepared for this girl, so just go find somebody else that has what you consider to be a 'humane' body count cause if you don't have her type of numbers, then you deserve better, and believe me, plenty of other girls out there that don't get around as much. Good luck.

    • Thanks for the empathy. Thing is, I probably don't deserve better. I'm a pretty f***ed up person.

    • Well, somehow subconsciously you think you deserve better; otherwise this issue wouldn't be a problem for you. Good luck in your final decision.

    • Thanks man.

  • All you girls are fucking the same unfaithfull ASSHOLES that make you feel like shit and unwanted *but enough ".. HEY *gruff*" that you give in and fuck 'em. And lo and behold, he ain't faithfull, CUZ YOU'RE ALL FUCKING HIM.

    There's a reason y'all can say 8-10 guys EASILY, and some bitter ass lonely nice fucking dudes are barely scratching a few. Maybe you should fuck the guy with under 5 sexual partners, before he turns into an angry bitter fuck who finally gets how to abuse girls emotions so they FUCK HIM.

    Instead of the retard who's nice and appreciates you from-the-get-go, so you think this means love and in turn MAKE HIM WAIT FOR SEXUAL INTIMACY WHICH IS ALSO PART OF LOOVE FOR A FUCKING MAN.

    this shit is fucking retarded. Ugh. Kinda wish I could throw my pussy and ass around and get affection.

Most Helpful Girls

  • If you guys really like each other I think you should work it out I personally have had sex with 7 and been with about 8-10 (can't remember) I usually say I've been with five. I'm with the person I lost my virginity to but we broke up a couple times and I slept with other people then. My bf has had sex with far more people then me even when I lost my virginity to him and it upset me for a long time although it didn't make me not want to sleep with him. He assures me that I'm the best and most attractive he's been with, and I think he's telling the truth. That reassures me but even thinking about him watching porn which I won't let him do angers me. Try to be fair with her even though she been with what seems to be an excessive number of people, she probably doesn't remember them that well or think about them when she is with you.

    It's just a matter of whether you can live with it, she obviously cares about you to be honest with you so don't hold it over her head because she's probably trying to put it in her past

    But I would have her get tested and use protection.

  • 1 (1.5 - i attempted sex once with the only other guy i have ever loved but DH popped my cherry), but I don't include how many guys I've fooled around with but would be honest when asked. 3rd - 5, 2nd - 8 and 1st 28 (2 girls & 8 were dares or spin the bottle). All of it happened between 14 and 16. I am 28 (almost 29) now and have been with who is now my Husband since I was 16... It'll be 13years in a few months and 9 months married. the past is the past. Think of it like a guy... it's experience... doesn't mean it meant anything at all other then fun and learning what the hell you were doing. Being wild young was great for me cause now when people talk about missing out on something when they were young... I don't have that. I lived it up and was done. Try if you can to get over it. It was what it was and it's done. If you can't get over it cut her lose.

    FYI my husband had only kissed 6 girls including me. Only went to 2nd (hand and finger) once before me and he was able to get over himself. He was 18 then and almost 31 now and we have an amazing relationship.

  • I don't think you should worry so much about it. I have had quite a few sexual partners. Over 40 just talking "straight" sex. Not oral or messing around other ways (which would add a lot more) and all of that was before I turned 18. But when I was in college I settled down and got married and have never, in 10 years of marriage, cheated on my husband. The way she wants to have sex may be because of her experiences, people do tend to like things they have tried, but also a lot of people enjoy rough sex that haven't been with a lot of people. I don't think that is a sign that she hasn't changed. I don't think you should base your feelings about her on how many people she has had sex with, but on how she acts now. Women who have had sex with a lot of men often feel like they have been used and mistreated by men in general, so to have you reject her because of it would probably be heartbreaking. If she obviously likes you and you like her, don't make your judgments on her past and realize that people can and do change.

    • Thanks for the advice. My logical thinking agrees with you completely. Unfortunately my feelings in this situation are coming from something much deeper in my psyche that I cannot seem to control, which is why I'm in such conflict over it. Do you have any advice on getting over it?

    • uh...

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What Girls & Guys Said

10 3

  • im 22, and have only been with 2 guys... people call me frigid and shit like that, just because I don't go home with the uy at the bar. but you know what? one night stands just do not appeal to me. having sex, with a guy I'm not in a relationship with, just doesn't appeal to me.. so yeah, I get very shocked when I hear that chicks my age, have slept with over 20+ guys! ridiculous!

    • You are a dying breed of woman! Please come to england so I can marry you :D

    • LMAO

  • Two.

    And she's with you now isn't she?

    You, not all those other guys.

  • I feel that if it's bothering you this much than no you are not overreacting. Perhaps you feel a little betrayed by her casualness when it comes to sex. And now you find yourself second guessing whether or not she thinks sex with you is also this casual. Maybe you should talk to her about it and as lame as it sounds express your feelings about this--more than likely she will get defensive but if you keep it calm maybe you guys could work past this. Good luck

  • Well, as long as she hasn't ruined her life, it really doesn't matter. If you like her enough, and if she is faithful to you, you should just enjoy having her in your life, and don't hold her past against her.

  • Five guys in all.

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