Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health +1 y
Help! I don't know what to do sex has gotten to be so bad with my girlfriend that I dread having sex with her.
Anonymous
everything is perfect in our relationship except the sex. For example this morning my girlfriend woke me up with a back massage then said “now its time for your happy ending”. She started kissing on my neck we started making out, we took off each others’ clothes then I started kissing her all over her body then she got on top of me grinding on me, I got on top of her running my hands up and down her body and when I was moving my hand down from her breast to her vagina she didn’t thrust her hips up like she does when she turned on or do any of the other things she does when she turned on. This really killed the mood for me but she then grabbed me and tried to put me inside her but she was completely dry so we grabbed lube and started having sex. About 10 minutes went by and she got on top of me started riding me and said “whats wrong I can tell you don’t want to have sex” I said “idk I'm sorry baby I'm just not really in the mood right now” then she got really upset. Sex with my girlfriend use to be amazing but now I dread it 9 times out of 10. Although she tells me she still finds me attractive and sex is amazing I can tell she is lying. We have only been dating for 4 months but we have been having sex for 10 months. For the past 2 months 90% of the time no matter how much foreplay we have she is not turned on before sex. she says she is turned on but I can tell she isn't. She is never the least bit wet before sex but that's not the only reason I think she isn't turned on. I have been having sex with her for 10 months I can tell when she is and isn't turned on. I've tried everything to turn her on like kissing her all over her body.. slowly getting more aggressive and making my way to kissing her neck down to the insides of her legs, talking dirty, being rough with her,.. all the things that use to drive her wild. The foreplay is always longer than 20min. The only thing that still turns her on is having sex places where we could get caught or if I use a sex toy on her. Anyways so after we've had 20-30 minutes of foreplay and she still not turned I no longer want to have sex cause I feel almost embarrassed. But if I don't have sex with her after foreplay she asks me why I won't have sex with her I tell her why and she gets really upset so I usualy have sex with her even though I'm no longer in the mood. Because she isn’t turned on it takes at least 40 min of really fast and hard sex for her to come whereas 2 months prior it only took her about 10 minutes to cum. I ask her what I can do to turn her on more she say she loves everything I do. I ask what I could do to make fingering her, eating her out, and sex feel better for her she just tells me I'm amazing at all those things. She won't help me find out what I can do differently or better to improve our sex life. She masturbates everyday so its not like she doesn’t know what she likesI just feel like she doesn’t want to be turned on by me anymore.I just don’t want to feel like this anymore and I don’t know what to do
Updates:
+1 y
i don't really mean our sex life is bad I just put that because I knew it would draw more people to the question. the wetness has little to do with why I feel she isn't turned on. but thank you all for helping me out
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What Girls & Guys Said
33 46Did you tell her everything you're telling us? Sometimes people need sex as a habit when they are in a relationship. It's hotter sometimes than others. You perhaps are more of a romantic. Maybe get out of your head a bit. Roll with the regular sex, and put energy into making the occasional sex a little crazier or experimental
Not everyone is turned on by the same things. And maybe she is turned on and isn't reacting to it the same for a number of reasons. If she uses sex toys frequently it could be her getting desensitized the same way a man could masturbating to porn and getting erectile dysfunction. It could also be her wanting to try new and more interesting things, such as dangerous sex, or using kinks. Also, trying to use more or rougher foreplay is not always the answer to these types of situations. You could implement things into daily sex like toys or danger that get her wet, but it's also likely an emotional/mental thing that she's developed. She may think she's horny or even be in the mood but due to a mental block is unable to perform in such a way. It could be wise for you to get some couples therapy or do some research together. Don't just ask how to make it better, explain why you want to make it better. If she doesn't know this problem exists you can't help it. Communication is key with every relationship. I'm not an expert but I hope this provided some assistance.
It sounds like you need a whole new experience. Ask her how she feels about threesomes. Or find a sex group near you that has orgies and join them. Anything to break up the same old same old.
You say she masturbates daily. Well dude that is probably the problem, if she is getting off with a toy then she does not have any pent up sexual desire.
How about you tell her all of this. Also mention that you feel like you're failing her, so it seems less like your blaming her but more like you're not good enough.
Maybe she has been masturbating too much or she has some kinks that she's imbarassed about so just really try to talk it ouy
Slow down make sure you are kissing more on both sets of lips plus use your fingers, as for play is just part of it. if that isn't working then you might need some help with your your technics as I may not be hitting her hot spots ! If not well it's just another thing you can look forward to after menapos! Or just buy some lube
My wife is always ready even if she is not in the mood. Kissing fingering and licking fix that.
Comunication in bed is so important. She may not like the toys and letting you do it because she thinks you like it. This could also be all in your head too with your own insecurities. You need to tell the other what you like as its being done, if your just off her spot tell her to move your head a bit when giving oral and tell you thr things she dont like. Also tell eachother your fantasies and desires every time you have sex should be better than last time
Just talk to her and get her to do what u ask
Time to leave. Sex is part of a relationship. If it’s bad now , imagine the future!
In all that treatise you wrote, I never saw anything about going down on her. Why don't you try that? Guaranteed to make her wetter than Niagara Falls.
Send Her Right Over... I would delight in showing g her a good time
Try changing your cologne/haircut/daily routine. Get out on a vacation or leave town for a couple of days. Talk her into stopping her masturbation practice for a while.
Buy a vibrator or some other toys to spice things up.
either break up or, sadly, suicide
sorry to hear that
Communicate
Dude just enjoy. you are way over thinking this.
Well you better get it figured out fast and rock her boat again