geez this will have to depend on your boyfriend's attitude to gay/lesbian/bi/trans people in general, how assured he is of his own sexuality, and how deep his commitment is to you.
if he's been utterly ignorant for all this time I think it's safe to say it will be an immense shock. in the best case he'll demonstrate a higher level of understanding and continue to love you for who you are, rather than any particular label.
in the worst case he'll reject you utterly, which I'm sure will be crushing for you.
this is immensely high-stakes, and I'm pretty sure that I haven't told you anything you haven't thought of so far :P
i can't think of a way this news can be delivered without trauma, sorry to say, unless you boyfriend has been bi or at least bi-curios at some point.
there's also the lack of children thing, which may be a stumbling block all on its own; maybe that's a way to broach the topic - "i can't ever have kids." & see how he reacts to that piece of news before going much further. dunno. needs work.
what's your *legal* status? has the government agreed you're female? if so, then it may be simpler to let sleeping dogs lie :/
wow - tough tough choice. good luck whichever way you go.
Tough tough choice +1
Yes, I am afraid you do need to tell him, and the sooner the better. Someone below said "tell him from a distance", and there may be a gem of logic there. You need to tell him, but in a situation where your personal safety won't be an issue and perhaps with someone who can help him deal with his emotions. Ok, the reason you must tell him is that as a trans gendered individual you can not produce children. He may be ok with that, there are other ways to obtain children, but I think it should be his right to have all the facts before he commits to a life with you. Good luck and if he is the right guy for you, he will be ok with this.
If I'm honest you have probably waited to long. Not saying you have decieved him (as some people say), but being in a relationship is based on trust.
I would tell him if I were you, but you have to conside that there is a chance that he can't handle it. If you do tell him, and you suspect he might get violent, tell him in a public place.
That being said, a good girlfriend of mine (who also was born male) told her boyfriend and are still happy together.
It basically boils down to a few things:
1: Does he love you?
2: Can he accept you?
3: Will he feel like you decieved him (if he really loves you he will probably don't feel decieved as it is a huge thing and is very scary for you)
4: Does he love you?
hey
well to be honest , honesty is the best policy but this is a hole other level that sometimes is better kept secret
sure if he loves you he won't care but still it would be something that he just might not be able to accept even if he does love you
i know if I was in love with someone and they revealed they used to be a girl I don't think I could handle that no matter how much I loved them so to be honest hun this one is totally up to you think long and hard before you do say anything
i don't think you should tell him at all. if you love him and want to stay with him don't even bring it up..if you feel like your a totally different person meaning a woman then don't even worry about it :) I'm pretty sure he has a dirty little secret too he isn't ever going to tell :) hope the burden of keeping that from him is gone
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LOL!!! That's mean.
Its mean but its good advice. He'll probably be reallyy mad when he finds out. she should tell him over the phone or somewhere that's far away from him
He types the truth!
My personal feelings aside, most people say that a healthy relationship should be based on trust. That's a pretty big thing to hide (ok, pardon the potential jokes. It's harder than it looks (that one too) to not say something that sounds like a double entendre).
If he had been dating someone else for two years, and "just didn't tell you." You'd be pretty hurt.
Basically, you're covering up for something in your past. If you truly didn't think it would be a big deal, then why it didn't come out (boy, I just can't say anything without it sounding like a potential joke) earlier is beyond me.
That's a long time to "just not tell him." and obviously, you've put a lot of thought into whether you should tell him, which means you think that it'd be a big deal, or a deal breaker (at least with him).
You need to tell him. And if he can't handle it, then you weren't meant for each other. But at least you can look in the mirror and hold that chin a bit higher by being able to say you were honest with him. And my opinion is, any guy you date you should be telling within the first month of dating. Not the first date, perhaps, but in the first month.
If you do decide to tell him, can you make a post to tell us how it ended? Myself and many others are probably very curious.
It's tough because I'd say to just let bygones be bygones but the problem like others have pointed out would be around the time if he wanted to have kids.
If I was dating a girl for two years and she told me, I'd have to spend a week or so away from you just to clear my head. I'd then thank you for your honesty and tell you whether it would work or not.
good luck.
I suggest you dont, why take a chance at ruining the relationship. You look like a woman, you act like a woman, you truly feel in your heart your a woman. Leave it alone.
Obviously he loves you for who you are, you have been together for 2 years. You run the risk of shattering his mind and his heart. You don't need to hurt him like that.
But on the other hand, he is going to find out sooner or later. Like when you can't have children and you don't have any photo's of yourself as a little girl. Then he is going to wonder where your brother is(he is going to see a little boy with your mom in the old photo's) it is going to become complicated.
What a complicated situation, you can't tell him but at the same time, you must. I only hope for your sake love conquers all and he stays.
If he is a deep minded person, he might back off and come back later. If he is a violent person he might attack you. If he is a sensitive guy, he might leave you and hurt himself because of shameful feelings.
It is going to be hard for you to win in this situation, but there is a very slim chance he will stay and guard the secret with you.
You have to find out his feelings towards homosexuals (I understand in your case, you are not homosexual, you are a person who truly believes they were born the wrong gender). If he reacts in a negative way, expect the same or worse negativity when you reveal the secret.
Please keep us updated!
Tell him and it's over. Plain and simple. I would bet money on it. Hey, I've been wrong before.
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