Sexual Health
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How do you have sex with a strangers?

I need some experience sharing... I just recently got heart broken by a guy I really liked..I don't wanna start the dating game so soon now,i've never tried a one night stand..i've some flings before,but it always lasted for some time,i'm the kind of girls who need to like the person to sleep with him..but now,i don't wanna feel attached.i wanna have one night stand but I don't know how to go about it..I'm an attractive confident woman,i do get guys at the club..the problem is that I've been really picky with the guys I sleep with,the way they talk,they dance,they carry themselves..i just get really picky that I end up with none in the end at the club.. how do you do it with strangers?without the need to get too drunk
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Most Helpful Girls

  • I had my heart broke by a guy I was with for 5 years. I was having a really hard time getting over this. A close guy friend of mine I had been close to for almost 6 years, told me he always wonder what it was like to be with me. Which was REALLY weird, because we talked about EVERYTHING! From sex experiences, to family problems, etc! I loved him! but not like that. He had always been a player..but had a longtime girlfriend & now a child. I felt bad, but I knew he wasn't happy in his relationship, and he didn't care. I guess part of me had wondered what he was like. I was very comfortable with him as he knew EVERYTHING about me!but this was not my character...AT ALL! But I thought if I could do this, it would take away my pain from my break up. So we did it. It was all good..but the way I felt afterward was sh*tty! We messed around 3 times after, and then I kinda put a stop to it, because it made me feel like crap. Now when we talk/text I can't help but know he's thinking about that. He told me its cool if I never wanna do anything again, he wouldn't want to lose our friendship over it. Sometimes I regret doing it. It makes me feel bad because I KNOW I'm not that kind of girl. You sound like your not that type either. Reconsider what your thinking, the right guy will come along. G'Luck =)

    • Yeah I agree with this girl this FWB thing Its weird You might fall for the guy .

  • You said it yourself that you require a connection with someone before you have sex. That's a good thing, ultimately you being more guarded and protective of your heart and body is a good thing. Unfortunately, you're feeling really low because of your ex. Don't have sex with random strangers. You won't have to worry about unwanted pregnancy or STDs.

    Work on YOURSELF right now. Read a book, watch some movies, eat junk food, have a good cry, go for a walk, go shopping, hang out with the girls, work out. Whatever it is you do to feel better.

    • Thanks dear,sweet of you ;-) I do occupy myself with workouts and shopping,playing some piano..but at times,i feel like I want some male company,someone to cuddle and and lean on..

  • ...Why would you even wanna do that...i understand not wanting to date but f***ing a complete stranger has so many risks, why not just get a no strings attatched f*** buddy? think, a stranger could kill you, or kidnap you, or give you an STD...Is it really worth it?

Most Helpful Guys

  • Just relax go out to the club have a good time. When you have a cute guy there who is entertaining at the moment just talk about sex casually like it is something we all talk about all the time. Talk about the things you like about sex the things that turn you on (E.g. passionate, dominate, wild, romantic) what ever it is that makes sex hot too you. This will put you more in the mood and let him know what you expect from him later on. Then whenever you feel like it invite him back to your place (your place is better because it is more familiar so it will be more comfortable and comfortable means better sex). Then just do it set music if you want or candles, lights on or off whatever puts you in the mood and have a good time.

    At some point you need to mention that it is a one time thing that you plan on enjoying him but he shouldn't expect to ever see you again or if he does to ever have a second night.

  • "i'm the kind of girls who need to like the person to sleep with him..but now,i don't wanna feel attached."

    When you're chatting with a boy you like, drop that into the conversation and see what he does.

    "I have to be her boyfriend." WRONG.

    "You should just sleep with whoever." WRONG

    "I get that. I feel just the same way." WINNER!

    At this point you can respond: "Good. I was considering sleeping with you."

    Don't beat around the bush here; if you pussyfoot or get coy, he'll think he said too much too soon and shut down. You're having the sex talk with a potential new partner. This needs to be clear to you both.

    Good luck.

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 9

  • You say "i'm the kind of girls who need to like the person to sleep with him." You just went through a breakup. Make SURE that you really wanna do this; that you're not gonna regret it one day. Make sure it's not a temporary change of heart. In the end, there's nothing wrong with one-night-stands as long as nobody hurts anyone, but just make sure that it isn't against your personality :)

  • I have the feeling that a FWB would be better in your situation! I don't know if you are emotionally detached enough for a one night stand!

    You posted this 27 days ago...did you try it out in the meantime? Did it work for you? DM me if you prefere that.

  • You have been conditioned since birth to think the way you do. That makes it almost impossible to make you understand how some people can do that. The best way to explain it that I can think of it is, masturbation. Unless you are very unique, you masturbate from time to time. Think of sex with a stranger as masturbation, with help. No it is not the physical/emotional equivalent of honeymoon night sex. But in the mind of the male, it has little more significance than masturbating. Does that help?

    • Thanks for your interesting explaination,it's true indeed,masturbation with help..i figured that is how guys treat one night stand,but how guys sleep with stranger girls,is it true that guys don't think when it comes to sex?like they can sleep with any girls,as long as they are pleasant looking?without getting slightly attached at any emotional level?

    • yes, true. Emotional attachment can take months, if it ever happens. And a lack of emotional attachment does nothing to reduce ones sex drive. It is very hard for males to understand female sex drive. We know you get horny, you masterbate, but you often don't have sex. That part is hard to understand. In our minds, if you are horny, you want sex, but to you, it is something different.

  • Really, don't do it. It's demeaning after. The before and during are the easy parts.

    Find someone you can do a FWB or NSA sexual relationship with; lots of guys love that. Be open and honest- men appreciate it and you will to.

    Again, I recommend you don't hit it and quit it with strangers.

    Good luck!

  • Don't be so picky.

    Being picky is fine if you're buying a dog. You want one that's well trained, and won't crap all over the furniture, bite the postman, etc... But if all you're doing is playing with it there in the pet store, don't be so picky. Just pick one that will amuse you for 15 minutes, and have some fun.

    Same applies to the horn dogs in the clubs. You're not looking for potential dating partners. You're looking for someone who can show you a good time for a couple of hours, and then never see again. Does it really matter how he talks? Really? How many words are you going to exchange in the next few hours?

  • I don't and I never would. I have too much self respect and pride to do that. But, I guess you could just go up to any one in a bar or club or wherever you hang out and be like "wanna come back to my place?" or something. They'll get the idea, they'll enjoy it. If they're like me and don't care then just take it as "ah well" and move on to another. It's your choice.

  • I just force myself to do it because I can't find the right woman that wants to be my girlfriend and because I'm horny.

  • there is more than one guy here willing to help you without getting drunk, But you should pick me, I can teach you some new tricks. haha

    maybe you should post your facebook profile here, so you can select from several potential partners

  • sometime I do.

  • no never.

  • i'd start with a stranger and if that's not too bad you might wanna try strangers

  • You don't, unless you want STDs. Do you realize how many people are walking around with STDs & all you need to do is sleep with them to get what they have... You can also get sTDs from oral, anal, & putting any part of your body near sex organs. Even if you wear a condom, if a guy has genital warts, scabies, you can get that by having his skin run against yours. Be careful, you don't want to have sex with strangers. Every person you have sex with needs to get tested, as well as you. You can never be too careful, STDs are not a joke, trust me.

  • That's like being a slut or a whore you know.

    • Very true

    • Why is a woman automatically a slut or a whore just because she wants to have sex?

    • I a woman wants to have sex with her boyfriend or husband, that's cool. If she wants to have sex with some random person, that's being a slut or a whore. It's even prostitution if she wants to do it for money. Nothing wrong with wanting to have sex, unless it's with someone you don't even know or care about.

  • My question is why do this? The emotional and health risks are very high. All this for an orgasm or two or to remain validated as "prime beef". If you need to stay in the groove, you might consider a FWB if you know a candidate.

    What you really should do is rebuild your character. What you were doing never works for long. Develop new interests and look for a better class of guy.

    • i think sometimes it's nobody's fault, maybe me and him are just not meant to be together for long.. I'm tired of getting involved emotionally,like jumping from one relationship to another...I've never tried one night stand before,i figured I may wanna try if it is my thing..coz one night stand is short and sweet, both get satisfied sexually and no one gets hurt the next day..

    • But honey, one day you might get sick of the lack of emotional attachment... and lets just hope you don't have a "reputation" by that point...

    • no one gets hurt as long the rules of the one night stand are set (that it stays a one night stand..no feelings are pretended which don't exist etc)!

  • Re-read your own question and think if you REALLY want to have a one night stand because to me it sounds like you're basically trying to force yourself to do it when you really don't want to. If this is true you are really going to regret the one night stand after it happens.

    • Yes,i may have slightly forced myself into doing it..but I'm not ready to get involved with another guy for now,but I have sexual needs and I don't like masturbation..and yet I'm picky about guys I sleep with..so what shall I do?=)

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