Sexual Health
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I slept with him on the first date... but we are still dating.

I met this guy through a friend of mine. We exchanged numbers and we talked on the phone regularly before we decided to go out on a date. We went to dinner and then came back to his place to watch a movie. Everything was great and we ended up sleeping together...I have never done this before! I have only had sex with one guy before him, and he was my fiance and we had been together for six years. After it happened we both talked about it and we both said we never expected that to happen...but it just did. He called me right after I got home and he's been still calling me ever since. We have gone out since then also. I have kind of taken an "indifferent" attitude and I have not shown any type of clingy-ness towards him...Kind of like making him think that I'm the one that's in control of the situation. We have not had sex again since then, even though he tries! LOL I just want to know what anyone thinks about this situation? As a man, what would you think of me? As a woman, what would you do?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I highly disagree with sex on a first date, unless it's planned ahead and your feelings are shielded. Having sex with a guy on a first date is like saying "yes, now think of me as easy and forget studying anything else about me".

    If you don't think I'm right about that, how do you explain his trying to sleep with you again? Give a child his first piece of chocolate and he will become oblivious to everything else, as all he wants now is chocolate. It's the same situation with a man. I'd suggest withholding sex and seeing just how interested he really is in you. Likes/dislikes, career plans, and the little things that make you... well you. If he keeps initiating sex, then it's obvious your at a lost cause. Please refrain from sex on a first date if you really want something legit from a guy. What you'll only have on your hands now is a horny oath with little to any goals except sex.

    Don't get me wrong, it's very possible to develop feelings AFTER a first night meeting of sex. But the chances are far less. And it becomes painfully obvious if you made a mistake or not.

    • Oh I agree with you! That's what I've been doing...holding off on sex. I just felt very stupid for giving in...but at the same time I wanted it. I hadn't been with anyone in more than a year since I broke up with my ex and I've got to admit subconciously I was craving it as well. I honestly have no expectations. I'm just gonna see how things go.

  • That's fine if it happened naturally and you both wanted it. Sex doesn't always need to be wrapped up in emotions and relationship dogma.

    If you are looking for a relationship then you lucked out because this guy got the goods and is still coming back for more.

    However don;t get too cocky. Don't lead him along too much. Its good that you aren't being clingy and its fine to enjoy a little bit of cat and mouse but all relationships have to develop and move on sooner or later so prioritise getting to know him and being in the relationship rather than the silly games of dating.

    Hope it works out for you.

Most Helpful Girls

  • If he's mature, he won't be making too big of a deal out of it. Sex is just a part of life. It happens. Anyway, if he's that judgmental that the two of you having sex early on is going to change how he treats or thinks of you, than that's not the sort of relationship you want anyway. If you want to wait before having sex with him again, tell him. If he's still persistent in trying to have sex with you, I would seriously consider not seeing him again! If you do, than that's great, make him work. And by work I mean work on your body lol. Seriously though, the time you have sex with a guy isn't going to make that much difference in the long-run.

  • In my opinion it's best to wait at least until the 4th date to have sex with a guy but I'm dating a guy right now with whom I waited almost three months to have sex with and he's not playing his cards right. There is not a perfect formula of when to have sex. Hey, we aren't perfect and things happens sometimes. I think you are doing the right thing by not being clingy but women need commitment and exclusivity after we have sex especially if we like the person. If he is smart he will ask you to see him exclusively. In my opinion you should wait to hear that from him before you have sex with him again.

  • Keep doing what you're doing. Just don't become clingy and just be yourself, he obviously likes you. It's not so bad that you slept with him on the first date and nobody should judge you for it. Just do what feels right.

    • ?... Yes he obviously likes her, and he's obviously horny. There's a difference though.

    • If that is all he wanted he could get it from somewhere else. She said she hasn't given it up since and he still sticks around. Obviously he likes more then just the sexual part of her.

    • Or that he can't get it anywhere else...

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Seems to me you're doing something right! I'd keep doing what you're doing and see how it goes from there. Keep going on dates and all..show some interest but not too much that he thinks you're in love with him. (no guys I'm not telling her to play games) See if he sticks around after not giving him any again for a LONG time...

  • The fact that you slept with him on the first date is perfectly fine. If you wanted to and felt it was right then there should be absolutely no judgment in that.

    Do what you feel is best but there's no need to try and control him. Let things develop naturally.

  • If you are comfortable with your decision to sleep with him then that's fine, at the end of the day its up to you if he continues to call and such he probably does like you a lot but if you wanna make sure hold out on sex for a little bit and see if he sticks around if he does then he cares about you and it will make you feel more at ease about sleeping with someone so quickly.

    best of luck :)

  • I dated a girl for a year and a half. The same girl who I ended up sleeping with on the first date. -funny, we also watched a movie at her place and we just kinda ended up having sex. She also said that she never does that, and she wasn't quite sure how it happened with me. ( I believed her too, and still do for good reason). We also talked regularly on the phone prior to the date.

    If you like him enough to have a relationship with him, then just let him know. There is no point in playing around or playing hard to get because you already have been together.

    As a guy I wouldn't think any less of you, not if you portray yourself with dignity and integrity and not like you sleep with every guy you meet. (I'm sure you don't but just saying :) I had profound respect for my Ex Girlfriend and we had sex on the first date. Sp if there is chemistry, and you like each other then go for the gold! (lol) Good luck!

  • it happens. I don't think it's my ideal. I would try to date a guy for a long time before anything like that happens.

    I definitely would almost think that's all he wanted; the good thing is though, he's dating you and it sounds like he wants a relationship.

    so

    definitely keep being 'indifferent' but if it helps, talk about it and see how he feels about the situation.

    i'd try to avoid it but be grateful that he didn't just leave you because it's a very dificult situation.

  • He is probably thinking he was not good the time you had sex... because you are not coming back for more, even though the opportunity is there...

    SO hey kudos to you, you seem you got full control of this relationship.

  • As a man I would think you had some sort of emotional problem and separate myself from you as quickly as possible. You started a sexual relationship and then removed the sex. That has to be driving the guy crazy. Sex is the reason men are attracted to women, we are not out there looking for someone to watch TV with us. He probably thinks he was no good at the sex or else he thinks there is something strange with you, sexually speaking.

    • Ouch! He did ask me, actually, if I had not enjoyed it and I let him know it was great...because it was! But that I wanted him to get to know me on other levels and that I didn't want it to be just about sex when he's with me. He obviously isn't running or trying to seperate himself from me since he's the one doing most of the pursuing. I must be doing something right LOL!

    • Well how long does sex take with you and this guy that there isn't time for an adult relationship and getting too know each other as well? He isn't going to believe you that the sex was wonderful, it just isn't logical behavior to stop it if it was good. I am afraid you are going to have to continiue with the sex also if you want him to believe you.

  • if you play the I'm controling the situation hard to get for too long hell likely lose interest. if you already had sex once , there's no reason not to do it again...its like your dating backwards or your something freakl like dat

  • I would think that you needed to break a dry spell, and with that done, you want to do the dating thing for a while.

  • He likes you, how much? Only he knows. Time will tell. Tell him you want to get to know him better, guys are really horny animals, we need sex.

    Doesn't mean you have to have intercourse with him. Give him a hand job or a blow job... Just don't go all the way.

    You need to set ground rules and boundaries. If he tries every time you guys go out, and you haven't told him that you don't want to do it all the time. Get rid of him. Explain to him you are attracted to him, and you do like having sex, but you want more. You want to get to know him better.

    • How is a blow job any better then having sex. for me I think its worst. its more personal to have a **** in your mouth then have sex.

  • Having sex on a first date is usually a mistake. Most men will make the assumption that this woman is easy, or rather will divert their attention to simply having sex again rather than with getting to know you better.

  • You're doing the right thing. I would probably be smitten. - I hope it works out though as you seem to like him. That said, I think he likes you for more than just he sex. Sex is just the icing on the cake but he must really like you.

  • You're doing the right thing. I would probably be smitten. - I hope it works out though as you seem to like him.

  • ok then it seems like you want to play him until he explodes! lol if this guy is your 2nd in line of sex then probably you feel great with him. he wants to feel you more... you want to play hard to get... that is awesome... but you might lose him...? why don't you wanna give it up?

    • I did have sex with him already! That's what the question's all about...I don't want to have sex again because I don't want it to be just about that. I guess I feel like if he sticks around regardless of the sex then he's not just in it for that.

  • how long did the sex last? depends on that. who was the dominator and submissive person?

    • What does that have to do with anything? LOL...but if you MUST know...it lasted about two hours with foreplay...I'm not talking about the actual intercourse. It was amazing!

  • you should talk to him about getting into a real relationship before even thinking about doing that again and there is a possibility he's just trying to use you don't fall into that trap ! good luck =]

  • do what you want to do. I would say if he listens to you then he's worth the investment of time and emotions. if he's being good, he will be rewarded, that's what I think. and yeah, hopefully he does continue to control himself.

  • First of all I wouldn't have slept with someone on the first date. I get attached pretty easily so I sure wouldn't want to get attached to someone I barely know. Plus, you don't know where he's been!

    • I used to say the same thing...I have very high moral standards...but sh** happens!

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