Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health +1 y
I'm too slutty for my boyfriend...how can I change this? (long)
Anonymous
I know this sounds like a silly question but its something I'm starting to worry about, not for my own sake or anything, but because this guy I'm seeing doesn't really approve. Usually I would just kick him to the curb and get a new guy but I kid you not when I say that I think he's my soul mate. Lol we are so in tuned to each other and our connection is so intense and I am actually in love with him. Maybe its more than "in love"...I've been in love before, this seems like something so far beyond that...okay I'm rambling. So I can't lie I am pretty promiscuous or slutty. I've been this way for a very long time. I get that he doesn't like that but he also doesn't like what he calls "slutty sex." He means like nasty sex. We are on the same page about everything except sex. Lol he only likes very vanilla sex, pretty much just safe missionary where he's on top and he said he likes to do most of the work and he likes it all romantic and sappy. Lots of slow sex, eye contact, etc. I think that's fine but I do like nasty kinky sex so much better. I love being on top with my ass facing the guy so I can work my hips around and show him my moves while he stares at my bum. I have a nice round ass. He needs to see this! Lol he doesn't like it when I deep throat on him or gag. I love being in doggy style with my back arched and have the guy spank my ass and yank my hair hard. I like to be slapped in my face hard as well and he won't even lightly slap me. I got into being spanked with hands, a paddle, or a belt and he isn't willing to do more than slap it once or twice. Also I LOVE dirty talk. I love name calling and sh*t like that. He hates it. If I say something like "f*** yeah baby make me your little bitch" he will literally be like "so um why would you say something like that about yourself." I've also been around the block a few times and I've done things he hasn't and things he isn't comfortable with me even wanting. For example when we first started talking about our sexual pasts I told him that I've had threesomes, group sex, etc. And how my ultimate fantasy would be to have a gang bang with only all guys (like 7 guys is my fantasy I don't know why) and have them use me up, f*** the sh*t out of me, pee on me, come on me, whatever. He REALLY didn't like that. I don't know why I mean its a fantasy. I guess it scares him because he knows I could do it if I wanted to but I don't think I would cheat on him. I've never actually cheated on anyone who was my official bf. We are dating but not official, just sleeping together and hanging out. He wants to be my boyfriend because he doesn't trust me to be loyal if nothing is official. Temptation is always around me but if I really care I don't think I will cheat. So is there anyway to literally train myself to dislike all this stuff and genuinely get into vanilla sex? And generally be less slutty? We are so perfect together that something as stupid as this shouldn't get in the way.
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What Girls & Guys Said
13 30well make sure not to cheat... but ya you guys are on completely different levels of sex... he sound so damn uptight with it when anyother guy would gladly slap your ass and talk dirty to you and sh*t (tho everything you said sounds like a good time I'm not a fan of the p*ssing on ppl) so maybe just work SLOWLY into getting him to do more kinky sh*t... I know my friend scott was into pretty normal sex til he started dating my friend megan and then after a few months of them dating I find out they are doing bondage and whip and kinky sh*t lol
the first positive sign is that of you know who you are and what you do. but if you think this guys really is ur soul mate then you could make sacrifices for him and let go that life style.
I don't think so. She's far too comfortable in who and what she does behind closed doors.
k me I like to have dirty sex you know ass smack hair pulling dirty words etc... and my girlfriend doesn't say nothing she just moans like regular so I know your situation cause she doesn't like all that nasty stuff really she told me like she doesn't want me to come on her or anything like so there are moments I don't wanna have sex, well there's one thing you can do is your gonna have your fantasys and stuff but just try to calm down a bit just try not to show it when your alone with him do it and try and act smart that's a great turn on for your boyfriend but I wish I had you as a girlfriend so sad lolz but hope you guys work everything out
If you are so dissatisfied with your girlfriend why don't you get a new one? I am pretty sure she wouldn't have liked reading something like this.. especially wishing you had a different girlfriend..
oh come on...one day without asking or saying anything...just be that nasty cowgirl!...and just show him how round your ass is and what kind of a bitch you are...dont stop at all untill you do all the >wild< things!...let him beg for your mercy!
Well I am not shure if you could ever get past your sexual desires so you may have to dump him! Maybe he is Gay? I have a lot of guy friends, I work together with thousands of men with my job. I have never heard of a guy that did not like any of your fantisees! If you leave him let me know because I think that's very hot! Or I could just be in your group sex!
i don't think this will work. sex is how some people express emotion. I think you will be happier with somebody else. sex is a big part of a relationship. you may not get what your looking for.
people should not have to change for other people, I really think people should find people that want the same as the other people. people should go for the ones that really care and love them
How can he be your soul mate if you are looking to change yourself? If he were the one for you, wouldn't you both be perfect just the way you are? I am not trying to diminish your concerns, but it sounds like you want to be something you are not just for him. Eventually you will be miserable and possibly blame him for being what you are not meant to be. Good luck!
Either he has to open his mind and drop his inhibitions or you need to get a new man. That's the short answer, the long answer is try to talk with him, watch a few movies or the internet together. Try to ease him into things, you both need some moderation. He needs to catch up to you and you need to slow down for him. If this is a relationship you want it'll take efforts on both parts where you two can reach some sort of sexual plateau where you're both content and don't plan on looking elsewhere for Mr. or Mrs. Rightnow. When Mr. or Mrs Right is there in front of you.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) I don't think it's you who needs to change -- It would be different if he was willing to try some of the things you're into, maybe even make a compromise, but if he's saying no altogether, I don't think that's the way to go about it. I'm probably a little biased since like you, and some of the other guys that responded, a little more on the kinky side than some would like, but in my experience, trying to take yourself out of the kink world doesn't end well... all of the sudden, sex, which should be one of the most fun and exciting things you can do regardless of whether its with someone you love or not becomes boring and almost a chore... I would talk to him about it more, try to make him understand and see if you can compromise here and there -- start out slow, but who knows maybe he'll come around.
First you should realize that you're referring to yourself as a slut.. & you should have self respect for yourself. Sex is made for one man & one women. I'm sorry but nobody is gonna want to marry a slut.
All these guys that are telling you not change, are nasty & care nothing about love. I'm not saying you can't do doggy style or reverse cowgirl but that also doesn't have to be nasty, rough sex. And all the other shit, you should really ease up on. You should both take into consideration, each other's feelings.
He seems like a really respectful guy, a guy who knows how to treat a women properly. A lot of girls don't get that. Be thankful you have a man that only wants you & wants passionate sex. Because some day, the rough sex will get old too.
Every so often, switch it up, but if he doesn't feel comfortable doing those things to use, bless his heart. Nobody should be slapped across the face & pissed on. Seroiusly? Respect yourself.
you're such a good little slut and I'd love to f*** the sh*t out of you, also choke you, slap you, p*ss on you and of course come on you. I'm always looking for nasty little sluts like you...where can I find them? lol. you need to drop that p**** boyfriend of yours and get with me
No, there is no way to not desire kinky sex over plain vanilla. I personally like both but if I had to choose one, I would have to opt for kinky. I could not be happy with a guy who wanted plain vanilla only. I would lose my mind.
But wanting spicy sex with your man is not the same as being a slut and it can stop before it involves other people. I am not promiscuous nor do I want threesomes or others involved, and I do believe you can eliminate that though I doubt he can meet you halfway by wanting the rest of it.
you aren't too slutty! he should jus talk to you if he thinks you are, in my opion.. nobody is too slutty, espically if you're hot! haha I'm only joking but he should talk to this with you! and maybe things can work its slef out!
mmkay so here's how it is. you both need to make compromises or NOTHING is gonna work. its like you could LOVE blueberry pie, but you don't want to have it everyday or every week without having any other flavor for the rest of your life do you? no, you want to change it up and maybe try some cherry pie or apple or whatever. he needs to realize that just as much as he has sexual needs, so do you. just take one step at a time. and maybe just convince him how much he could like some of it too. make him want it. and being "slutty" is sort of a form of behavior, where a woman sleeps with multiple men in a short period of time frequently. its not a way of sex. sex is just like pie ^^, it can taste many different ways, some bake it longer, some share it with many different people; in the end, its still pie.
Its hard not to forget all the things you have done and enjoyed and then have to give them up, for a little while at least. You can try and train yourself but the only reward is the relationship...if you are really into him and are prepared to give it up for him go for it.
The other way to look at the situation is to try and train him up slowly to what you like and maybe compromise you do a session of what he likes and then he can do a session of what you like. Relationships are about communication, compromise and dealing with problems, if you can't work through the simple things what will you do when you have difficult choices or problems to deal with...
If its in your nature to be wicked, it would be wicked not to be wicked...
Yes, girl be true to yourself and your own nature. Do NOT change yourself just to please one guy. You'll only eventually wind up hating him for it and possibly yourself. You'll receive no condemnation from me for being 'too slutty'. I've always loved girls such as yourself.
He sounds boring, yes. But here's my thoughts on this. I love love love kinky sex, vanilla gets very old very quick. You just sound almost like you want to advertise that you're interested in doing slutty things though. That would be bothersome to me. I like the- "lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed". I don't broadcast my sexual conquests to anyone. I think that should be reserved for just the couple. He might be more interested in doing crazy sexual things if he knows it won't be broadcast. I hate to say it- but if you are in fact a slut and he's dating you... I'm sure he gets flack for that in general. But then if people start hearing things like he pee's on you, it'll lump him and his reputation into your whoredom.
My whoredom? Excuse me while I LOL for a sec...okay. you might have a point. With my friends mostly I am very honest and I'm pretty much an open book so it doesn't take much for me to confess things like this. I told an entire classroom of people a little bit about my sex life because it related to the subject. I don't know I just know very little shame and embarrassment. I do know that's how he first found out - through side jokes from my close friends that were made to me.
Okay, well again- broadcasting your personal (sex) life to a classroom is slutty even related to a topic. It cries attention.
Lol okay? I think we established that you might have a point. Although I disagree. I don't seek attention. Most people just aren't as bluntly honest and open as I am. Why should I not talk about something like sex? Because society tells me so? I'm sorry I just don't buy into that sh*t. That's not good enough for me. Sex is natural and beautiful and why should I treat it like some taboo forbidden topic? I'm so beyond that seriously. Your point is well taken though.
I had a friend in grammar/high school who used to have sex with her dog, her brother, had a "babysitter fantasy". She never broadcast any of that to people at all obviously due to taboo. Everyone has a fetish/fantasy of something taboo. That is good that you aren't interested in what society thinks, but clearly your boyfriend is worried about being judged. That's all I was trying to convey. If you keep your sex life with/without him more private, he'd be more comfortable I think. That's all.