Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health +1 y
Incest/harassment or just kids being kids?
Anonymous
Ok, I need help sorting out something so please respond... When I was in middle school, my older brother (3 years older) used to masturbate in front of me. It really really grossed me out and disturbed me, and I used to yell and shout at him to leave the room. Like, I'd be sitting at my desk doing my homework, and then he'd burst in, and I'd yell and scream. Our parents worked a lot so the house would be usually empty. This lasted for about 2 years. For some time, I had been under the impression that this scarred me, and made me afraid of male sexuality. Actually for a long time, I used to deny this even happened to me, but over the last couple years, I've been trying to come to terms with it. I still haven't said anything about it to anyone, because I know it's weird and abnormal. However, I read somewhere that one in 5 females face incest, which seems so high. So I don't know--am I blowing this out of proportion? Could it really be as traumatic as I thought, or is it not such a big deal? I know I have to get over this, but I just feel like I've overreacted and am maybe being too sensitive... PLEASE BE HONEST. I'm at a point where I want to properly assess this whole thing and how it impacted my life (and not over-assign blame).
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+1 y
Thanks for your replies. I didn't really expect the answers I got. I was trying to make this okay/normal in my head, because I really don't understand how I can still be traumatized by this (this happened years ago) and it's not like I was violently abused or something. I do think it has been a factor in my inability to form/be in a real relationship, and some of your responses make me feel less guilty and sh*tty about it. So a sincere thank you, especially to those that had thoughts to share.
+1 y
If you don't think it's a big deal, could you please comment? You could comment anonymously.
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What Girls & Guys Said
14 17It sadly isn't as abnormal as everyone hopes. My brother is also 3 years older than me and about a year ago a lot of the memories came back about what he had done when we were younger. I did the same thing you did and did a little digging to find out how common it was or if what happened was even incest or just normal kid stuff. It wasn't until I started thinking about what happened that I realized how much it had effected my behavior. For years I couldn't stand anyone touching me. I almost never thought about being in a relationship and when I was in relationships I was emotionally distant and guarded. My brother is now a bit of a womanizer so I just felt like one of the girls he had tossed aside and used. The silver lining is that knowing what made me behave like that has helped me break out of my shell and try to improve.
Reading your story has made me consider confronting him about what happened back then. Best of luck with your situation!
Thanks for sharing--yeah, I have that problem too--with touching. It actually really matters how a guy physically approaches me before our first kiss, and I honestly can't let too much happen. It's like a physical reaction. I'm sorry that stuff happened to you. I agree that knowing the why helps, and I'm still kind of digging (and also denying and putting it off). But it still really requires a concerted effort, you know? Everything seems so natural and easy to other people.
Good luck if you choose to confront him. If you don't feel too weird about it, would you mind letting me know how it felt afterwards? I just cannot imagine ever saying the words out loud to him. I can't even think about saying it to people who know our family--my best friends included. You're brave, and I hope it helps you.
i think that at that age he should have know better
Depends on the age. Young kids who are discovering their sexuality, are going to do strange things and experiment. It's the old "you should me yours I'll show you mine" phase were kids are curious but don't have an understanding of what is acceptable behavior. Remember, sexual development starts as little as infancy when babies begin things like gyrating their hips.
Basically if he was young enough to not really know better, I wouldn't worry to much about it, just kids being kids. However, if he was old enough to have a better understanding of what he was doing, then your brother might be guilty of a little sexual deviancy. It's tough to define an exact age and I'm not a psychologist. My guess would be somewhere around 10yrs old would be your cut off age, give or take.
I also think the reality is everyone has been through some sort of relatively traumatic experience that has in some way influenced our emotional health and our relationships. But people hide these demons so it leaves you thinking your the only one who is damaged. Sure some people are damaged more than others, I'm sure your nowhere near the only person who has had something like this happen. For some its just merely being cheated on, it can be anything.
i think that is very abnormal. was he laughing like it was a joke?
Sometimes
A, you should seek help
See a therapist.
I was sexually abused as a kid an trust me it still affects me even though I hardly remember it.