Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health +1 y
Is it bad to look for validation through sex, or even just male attention? Like needing sex not for pleasure.
Lucky1227 Xper 3
OK basically I know I talk about how much I NEED sex and will have it with ANY GUY so long as he is hot (yet I have gotten chances and couldn't do it) I just get talked into things really easy, and I feel like sex = love and if a guy has sex with me he will love me and think I am pretty and wonderful, and so if one guy has sex with me easily, then he will tell his friends then they will all want to have sex with me and they will like me and think I'm pretty and funny and it will be great.. of course I can understand the flaws in my thinking BUT I just like male attention, I LOVE guys touching me and stuff, I always felt like if a guy wants to touch you (as long as he is attractive) you should let him, because there is no reason to not let him you know? And I just hate telling people no because... its so rude. I just.. I NEED to have sex because I need to be constantly told that I am pretty and feel wanted... I just... I feel like as long as the guy is hot I can sleep with him or be sexual with him... he can do whatever he wants to me (as long as he doesn't hurt me) but I don't... mind being.. like an object... its kinda sexy a little..? Is that bad?
Updates:
+1 y
The thing is I realize how bad it is... but its like beyond my control, I feel like if I have sex it will make me happy, like I am supposed to give pleasure or something. When I gave my first BJ literally I didn't need anything in return I just did it
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What Girls & Guys Said
12 15Oh, Lucky.
Have you tried talking to a counselor, like I suggested the other day?
Being an object is not sexy. It's degrading.
I'm not sure what else I could say to you to help you. I thought I had made a bit of progress with your frat question, but I guess not.
You actually did help, I ended up not going out lastnight, and when I go out I won't dress like a total slut to get attention, because its the wrong kind of attention... When I went out for Halloween last weekend I got hit on so much and I was just wearing leggings boots and a shirt, my friend wore panties and a corset and guys were so rude to her they said "Why would I talk to her she's already in panties which means its not that hard to get" so I do want respect I just need sex so MUCH!
Casual sex and respect don't go hand in hand. You've taken the first few steps, Lucky. You've admitted that your thought pattern isn't right. You've started changing your behavior for the better. You can do this. Sex is so much better when you do it for the right reaesons.
The thing is... how long am I going to have to wait? Do you understand how big of a LOSER I look like still being a virgin at 19.. people assume I can't get laid BUT I CAN.
I don't know how long you'll have to wait. It shouldn't matter how other people think of you. Being a virgin doesn't make you a loser.
I mean I know it doesn't make you a loser and like some of my friends say they respect it.. but I am almost 20, I should have had sex like 4 years ago... no its almost like.. "crunch time" or something like its just super depressing because I should be having a lot of sex I got offered sex at like 17 by this 24 year old and I was going to do it but my best friend told me I shouldn't because he was gross and I should have self respect... but I shouldn't have listened to her because I could have no
Been miserable like I am now... she probably just said that so I would not lose mine before her, but she is still a virgin too and she's 20... she said its not that bad but it is to me... I mean I am pretty, guys like me, they thing I am pretty so... they should want to have sex with me, I went to the club a few weeks ago and no guy felt me up.. it was sad to me because it makes me feel good when they do.. some danced with me but... I wanted them to try to touch me and stuff.
16 year olds shouldn't be having sex. I've seen where the path you're headed down leads to. It's not somewhere you want to go.
I mean I want to get married and have babies, and be a good rolemodel for my kids one day for sure but its like... I don't know I can't explain it, I think about the future I know I want to set a good example, I also know I don't want STDS but a lot of girls I know have random sex and are fine... they are better in life than me
You can't keep comparing yourself to other people. Don't you think it would be better to get the attention of one guy that likes you for you than to get the temporary attention of several guys that just want to crawl into bed with you (or in the backseat, a bathroom stall, or anywhere else they can have sex with you)?
Yeah that is true. But when am I going to meet a guy like that.. I mean college has not given me anyone like that yet
You haven't found him because you're too busy on finding Mr. Right Now instead of Mr. Right. If you don't mind me asking (and I will understand if you do): do you have problems with authority?
What do you mean problems with authority?
Like parents, teachers, bosses, so on and so forth. When someone over you tries to tell you what to do, how do you react?
Oh I hate being told what to do, BUT when it comes to my parents I do respect their opinions because they are my parents. Teachers... I do it because its right and its for my benefit, but anyone else ESPECIALLY people who are my age, I feel like they can't tell me what to do.
That's common. How long have you been having the urge to have sex (not typical ones, but the urges like you're now)?
I mean it has been a while.. probably a few years (like 2 since I turned about 18) but it got SUPER intense when I joined my sorority last year (in Sept of last year) because we played "Never have I ever" and I literally had never done anything (any of the sexual things) and majority of the girls had..and it was embarrassing so shortly after that I gave a bj to a guy who ended up being a douchebag and messed around with a guy in a nightclub
Did something happen in the beginning that may have triggered this need (before you went Greek)?
I mean its always been something I thought about, by the time I graduated majority of the girls I knew weren't virgins but I was OK with my virginity then because I figured at like 17 and 18 I didn't NEED to lose it but now everyone talks about their hookups and... I want a hookup.. I almost had one on Halloween too these guys invited me to drink at their house and I went all the way up their driveway and my friend said she didn't want to because no one else was there... she ruined my night
No. She kept you from possible danger. Alcohol and sex don't mix. Hookups aren't really worth it. There's obviously some subconscious reasoning as to why you feel the need to sleep with strangers. Think long and hard as to what it may be.
I have been rejected before by guys I like, I don't like taking a chance on having someone reject me... BUT I mean there is no specific reason, I just want guys to think I am pretty.. I don't like being treated differently
In that case, it sounds like you just have really low self-esteem. Still, it would be good for you to talk this out with a counselor.
I do. I know I do I am thinking about either going to my own doctor or to the school doctor...but do you think I could just.. work it out on my own?
It's very unlikely. I know, you're probably feeling ashamed and not wanting to talk about this. But counselors are trained and professional, courteous, confidential, and helpful. Trust me on this. Like I said, I've done the casual sex thing. I've known other girls that's done it too. It's not an easy path to get off once you get on it.
Well I don't know who you are I would like if you added me so I can chat but I don't think I can wait, the longer I stay on this website and associate with these stupid bitches (not you) I know that I need to have sex it will give me bragging rights
There's seriously something wrong with you. Get help... fast.
No.. there really isn't.. I think after I have sex things will be perfect
Exactly why you need help. Life doesn't revolve around sex.
I know, and I know there are way bigger and better important things in life that I should focus on like, school, and family, and friends and etc... but its like all that stuff is important but everything I have done in life has revolved around guys.. I went into college thing it would be a f*** fest, I joined a sorority because easy access to the hottest guys on campus (and alcohol) a lived in a dorm (when my house is 10 min from campus) so I could have a place to take potential sex partners.