Sexual Health
+1 y

Is it normal for girls to be grossed out and scared by sex and sexual things?

Now before I get started I just want to make it clear that I'm not in this relationship with my girlfriend to have sex, its just the way that she talks about it whenever it comes up that has me concerned. Anyways, me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 years now, I'm currently 21 and she's 19. Its been an awesome 2 years and I can honestly say that I love her. But I'm just kinda concerned about the sexual part of our relationship... during the past two years we've made out and stuff and we do hand stuff with each other occasionally . But never anything more than that, like one time she gave me a BJ and afterwords she was all quite and wouldn't talk to me and acted all weird the rest of the night. It always just seems like I'm the one that initiates any making out or anything like that, if I wouldn't initiate it it wouldn't happen. Anytime I bring up sex or anything sexual she gets all weird, and sometimes even mad, and tells me to stop talking about it, its like she's scared of doing anything sexual. she's told me before that that stuff is scary to her and she doesn't like thinking about it. Will it always be like this? I mean not no sound shallow but having an intimate part of a relationship is something I think is important. is there anyway that I might be able to make her not as scared about doing "stuff" or anyway that I could make her actually want to do "stuff" without having to be the one too initiate it?
Updates:
+1 y
I tried talking to her after the BJ and telling her that it was OK and that I really enjoyed it, but she just said she doesn't like talking about stuff after we do it because it makes her feel like a slut. She's basically ashamed that she feels pleasure from doing stuff like that... and it wasn't something I pushed on her we were just making out one time like we normally do and she went down and did that without me suggesting or telling her to do so.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I'm going to assume she's not religious because this seems like a fear issue. Honestly, two years is a long time but your ages are still very young so it can still be considered normal to not have had sex.

    You may be able to ask if she's been sexually traumatized before by an ex or something. The common thing girls say is "I don't want to be a whore/slut." A lot of girls think that if they get sexual with a guy and it doesn't work out that they'll be labeled such. Women in their 30's I notice are much less likely to have these comfort issues. These mainly seems like emotional issues she's having.

    The main thing to let her know is that sexuality is important in a relationship and that you're there to address her sexual needs as well.

  • If she's not comfortable with it, she's not comfortable with it. Could be that something happened in her past that had a pretty unpleasant effect on her. I understand a lack of intimacy can be frustrating, but personally I can't condone pushing it. You could ask her why she is so uncomfortable with the idea of sex, but if it's something she refuses to even talk about, I'm inclined to believe something happened to her and sexual situations make her relive that moment or moments.

    I'm just spitballing here, but it's a possible explanation. I think the best thing you could do to get some clarity is ask her.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Maybe something happened to her when she was younger. I don't understand why she feel like a slut afterward. She doesn't seem to realize that sex is a big part of a relationship. It's normal to do this things. It doesn't make her a slut at all. Don't push her but the only way is to talk to her, to try to understand why she think this way. One of my friend has never done any blow job because she though she would be humiliated. With some friends, we told her about our though about it and told her to take her time but it was something normal to do in a relationship.

  • She just maybe scared. Did you ask her what is scary to her about it? Some people can be scared off trust, affection issues, disease, they just don't like the ideas of sweat or exchange of bodily fluids. Talking about sex doesn't bother me persay but the act I may stop like Oh my god do I trust him, I feel like I'm a slut now does he think I'm a slut, and I spiral into a laundry list. So I found it's just better to be asexual lol. Everyone is different but I think you should ask her in a real not eluding to anything conversation.

  • Some people have very strong beliefs and have been trained to believe it's wrong to do anything sexual. Her being quite after the blow job because she didn't feel comfortable and felt guilty or she didn't feel like she was good enough. You have to talked to her about it. She's going to be awkward and uncomfortable but tell her it's important for you to talk about it for your relationship sake.

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  • I think she may be scared and not used to expressing her sexuality, especially f she says she feels like a slut after.

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