Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health +1 y
Masturbation...teenage boys...teenage girls...help!?
Anonymous
*sigh* so my daughter is 14 and 1/2 and she has a boyfriend the same age. I keep a pretty close tab on what they're doing by reading her texts, yes I know that's wrong, but I have to know what she needs help because she isn't asking and I don't use it against her I promise lol. So her boyfriend is the greatest kid he's a good boy, he's smart, he goes to church, he's respectful and sweet and he loves her and I mean he adores her and I like him a lot they've been going out for 6 months. Well let's just say he's getting a lot more sexually curious with her lately and she's not sure how to handle it because he wasn't like this when they first got together (she was his first kiss and basically anything they've done is his first ) I think I've found out what part of the problem is...this kid has never masterbated. Not once and he doesn't want to because "it can mess you up later in life" his dad was like a serial cheater with his mom and has some sex addiction issues so I'm thinking maybe this scares him and he doesn't want to be that way? but if the only satisfaction he feels he can get is from my daughter then that's gonna be a problem because she is too young and isn't willing or ready for hand jobs or blow jobs or sex(she's told him this). Should I talk to her about this? of course not telling her I read it but just bringing it up to her that he should be taking care of business himself before they see each other so that he won't be so 'intense' when he's with her or should I stay out of it and let her handle it her way(she's told him he needs to back off the sexual stuff/talking that it's bothering her and he's said he will but that he's so horny all the time that it's hard and I'm sure that's the case lol) I hate that he feels so out of control with his hormones with her but I feel this could be fixed with some at home therapy with Mr. Right Hand. Help!
Updates:
+1 y
thanks for all your comments and suggestions. I actually didn't discuss the masterbation issue with her because it just didn't seem like a good moment to bring it up at any point but thankfully they worked it out between them
+1 y
they talked about the big issue and now he's taking care of things when the pressure is too much with her blessing, he was concerned that she would see him differently because of it and she said of course she wouldnt... we'll see if it helps LOL
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What Girls & Guys Said
11 29No, you shouldn't. You shouldn't even be reading her text messages. She is your daughter; you of all people should respect her privacy. If she can't trust her own mother, who can she trust? I know I am being harsh; it is because my mother is the same as you always trying to get in my business and I am 22 now, and have hated her because of that. Do you want your daughter to hate you?
Secondly, she seems to have this whole thing under control. What parents don't understand is that their kids know a lot more than they think. You butting in can only cause more upset for her, her boyfriend, and for you. I know you want to HELP, but maybe you should help by trusting your daughter that she will make the right decision because you raised her and she is a good kid internally and externally. I hope you find better use of your time.
Haha, hilourous, your daughter is a slut and yes, 14 is when hormones go the most of the walls because they are new. He will be masturbating soon, I do not understand people that don't because I do all the time and I love to orgasm but as curious to do things as I am, I will wait until I am in a serious love relationship, which I believe for me will take a year, prehaps more. I also belive my thinking differs from that of my peers, because most of them are sluty, greedy, selfish, empty teenagers that have no vaules of right or wrong other than what socitey tells them.
i masturbate all the time and if a girl offers to have sex with me it really depends how I'm feeling. if he masturbates he might show more interest because he'll wonder what a girl feels like.
i personally didn't even start masturbating until after I lost my virginity. which I hate to say was at age fourteen.
just talk to your daughter about it. bring it up ask if she's getting curious. things like that. if she's gonna do it there's really nothing you can do about it. I know because my parents didn't want me having sex until I was eighteen. I wasn't even remotely new to it by the time I was eighteen.
just make sure she knows how to be safe. and tell her this. the one you lose your virginity to is someone you'll remember forever. make sure you lose it to someone you want to remember.
he definitely needs to masturbate its healthy and
who ever told him that crap it leads to serial cheating is a moron!
you can attack the problem with your daughter indirectly by having the
"birds and bee's talk" and be like girls your age aren't ready to be doing things kissing is OK
but like other things will be bad guys talk a lot and you don't want to be known as the
girl who does that stuff with guys, as your boyfriend tells his friends everything.
"installing fear is the best way to do it, as was done to your daughters bf*
he's really not that kind of kid but yes she knows that sort of stuff will give her a horrible reputation. Unfortunately she would probably be the one to tell one of her friends before he'd ever say what happened to his friends. Girls can't shut up either lol Yes I have worked the fear angle to the hilt trust me lol
Help
I think you should try get alone time with him talk let him know you are aware of
his sexual need. Offer you jerks him off or a give him a blow job swallow his cum
tell him your daughter to young and don't know how to deal with it
If you willing tell him if he horny feel a need you will help if time right
Difficult indeed.
You might try to be more open about sexuality with your daughter, then, during a later general conversation bring up the idea (without specifically referring to her friend) in a way that she has the impression it's her own idea.
In short, give her a course in sexology which would entice her to be his teacher in this domain.
see we're pretty open about stuff but I don't want her to think I'm so open that sex at her age is OK with me but I kinda just wanted some opinions from guys as to how to handle this...we've had the "boys are different and will always want to go alittle further each time" talk and stuff like that but we haven't discussed masterbation...I figured it out all on my own so lol I kinda thought other kids did as well. I do think she's going to have to be the one to encourage him to get some relief
Agree. Lack of values.
You could buy her (a) book(s) concerning sexuality and psychology ( scientific, not religious books! !) And don't forget to say her that she will need birth control (BEFORE having first sex, not after!) and that she can always come to to you for any helps she thinks she might need, WITHOUT risking judgment or punishment from you. PS, buy a pack of condoms, open it and leave it in an accessible place at home: self service-no questions asked.
I might be raping people by now if I couldn't masturbate. Just a heads up.
Mr. Right hand always helps me! :D
I know. I feel bad for him for where ever he got this idea that it's gonna ruin him for life (could be religious reasons as well I guess) I thought that idea was long dead but I guess not. :[
Thank you for not using the info against her. Good mom.
I think you should talk to her about making him masterbate. Your logic is correct in that if he gets all pleasure from her and only her, then his 14 year old hormones are going to go crazy and spill over to your daughter.
i think you should talk to your daughter. As I see she's smart, and two years ago, I'd probably love my mom if she actually helps me with what I should do and how I'd deal with it :). In the end though I regretted how I acted upon the same situation and I know moms can help..I pretty sure your daughter is intelligent enough to think positively on how you respond to her.
whats all the lol about?
This sounds weird but maybe you should tell your daughter to tell him to masturbate. I know you said he is afraid of becoming like his dad but masturbation helps to relieve stress and KEEP a person from going out and having sex for relief.
maybe you should help him releasing using your right hand... maybe he is big enough to handle you ahahhaahahah lol
u think the problem is he doesn't masturbate? I don't know but I think he's too young for that as well. 14 is practically babies. I'm 16 and my mom still doesn't want me dating there's really no point besides I'm shy and awkward with guys still... anyways keep an eye on it and honestly they shouldn't be thinking about having sex at all WAY TOO YOUNG. kinda weird that you talked to your daughter about masturbation
lol I found out about masturbation when I was 8. I didn't do anything I just had a orgasm while I was climbing rope. I don't think you get t intellectually decide when someones body is ready for sex. you can decide not to engage but the thoughts the knowledge the experience in one or another, is there independent of your 'ideas' about it.
sometime I masturbate then feel more horny after then I did before. So it could make things worse.