My girlfriend f***ed a 40 year old man!

[Anonymous]

Geezuz I'm sick to my stomach! One of her friends told me while we were at a party. I was so pissed off and disgusted so I really let my girlfriend have it. I said some pretty bad things to her about being disgusting and worthless. Then she gives me that "past means nothing" bullsh*t, which all disgusting girls use as an excuse to overlook nasty sh*t like that. And I pretty much broke up with her, but she keeps trying to talk to me. Should I respond to her? Seriously I hate her, she's disgusting and I thought she was worth more than that. And I thought I loved her but now I'm just trying to get the hell away from her. But it might just be in the heat of the moment that I'm feeling this way, what should I do?

[CaptainFrost]

You ego is going to cause you to lose a great girl forever.

Once she finds someone who won't judge her, she will never think about you again and you will be the one trying to talk to her.

Women like older men.

If by the time you are 40 and you've lost your inferiority complex, do you think that you're not going to be attracted to women in their 20s?

40 isn't actually that old. It's actually the prime form men's looks which is why James Bond is middle aged instead of some lame teenager.

She never cheated on you. You have to ditch the immature attitude of jealousy and ego or you are gonna end up one of those guys who can't get the girl he wants, so he's always complaining about how others behave in their own lives.

You might even end up with a girl who's never been with a 40 year old, but cheats on you consistently and gets away with it behind your back while you're thinking how "clean" she is.

[Asker]

Dude I broke up with her because I realized she wasn't a great girl at all. I want her to get the hell away from me but she just keeps trying to get me to change my mind. I don't get why she won't get out of my life.

[CaptainFrost]

If it's all based solely on what she did before you were with her you're making a mistake. She obviously really wants you. Which won't last long. It seems that you asked this question just to get people to agree with you. By the time you realize your error, she will be with someone less superficial and more deserving.

[J_White90]

Ok, everyone's bagging on you here, but I can definitely see where you're coming from on this one. Look, people have deal breakers and it seems one of yours is her having had sex with a person twice her age. And there is NOTHING wrong with feeling the way you do. Because, despite what everyone here's saying about how they don't care about the past, I'd be willing to bet that ALL of them have something about a potential S.O.'s past that would be a deal breaker. I'd also like to point out to everyone that the whole "everyone has a past" sentiment (sexually speaking) really only applies if you HAVE a past. And maybe this is just me, but that means being older than your lower 20's (if you're even that old).

[rotinaj10]

Most people I know had multiple sex partners in those early 20s years. Quite a few had more than one in high school. What difference does it make? Unless this girl lied to him about never having sex with anybody but him, he's got nothing to be mad about. Except being a douche.

[Asker]

Thanks man, for me sleeping eith a dirty old man is definitely a deal breaker. I'm over her anyhow, I've already slept sith another girl too so I'm ready to get a new gf.hopefully ill find a girl I can respect.

[J_White90]

QA, one thing that I forgot to mention (which I really needed to) is that, even though you find what she did disgusting, you definitely should NOT have belittled her like you did and she deserves an apology. Because the fact of the matter is, that just like there is nothing wrong with feeling how you do, there is also nothing wrong in what she did either and you really should have just left her and vented some other way.

[samhradh_leannan]

If my boyfriend had raped or murdered someone, or done something else really extreme, that would certainly be a deal breaker for me. But having consensual sex with someone- regardless of their age or gender- wouldn't be. I know married couples who are 15-20 years apart. Yes, that was a big age gap at her stage in life, but it wasn't some perverted messed-up act. The QA is responding as if she molested a baby, and that's unfair and uncalled for.

[Asker]

Yeah I didn't apologize and frankly she can go bang any old she wants to. I've found a new girl whis never had sex with an old guy so I'm pretty damn happy. @Leannan: what matters is that I found it to be repulsive, so yeah its a deal breaker.

[samhradh_leannan]

It can be a deal breaker for you (I was simply saying it wouldn't be for me, and that it's somewhat extreme to judge this so harshly), but its still wrong not to treat her with basic human respect. There's no way around that. You can choose to break up with her but abusing her is not a right you have.

[JanJan]

She didn't sleep with him while she was with you, did she? If not, you have no reason to get mad. I understand why you are surprised, but get over yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, and she is obviously trying to spend time with people who are better for her now. Frankly, she has every reason to be mad at YOU for treating HERthis way. Yes you can tell her that you don't agree with her decision, but it was her decision to make. Who she slept with before she met you is none of your concern. And she is (was) with you now, so obviously she's moved on. She might have changed, but now you will never know. I suggest appologizing, even if you don't want to continue seeing her.

[samhradh_leannan]

I agree. At this point the QA is the one in the wrong.

[Asker]

I think she ought to firgive herself, because its disgusting to sleep with a guy more than twice her age.

[JanJan]

Maybe she already has. Have you thought of that?

[Asker]

No and I don't give a damn, this was a consequence for her nasty behavior.

[Anonymous]

I think you are definitely letting your emotions control your behavior, I completely understand why you are upset, I would certainly not be happy of comfortable if I were in your position but saying all those nasty things without letting her explain is not cool. You just need to take some time to not focus on it, calm down. you certainly do not need to stay with her or even really talk to her. her response "whats in the past means nothing" says it all and is not a good answer, it does not say anything good about her. I think you owe her an apology at least even if you hate her now, you didn't before right? there's no need to be an a**hole, just move on instead

[Asker]

I have move don. But she insists on trying to communicate with me. She thinks I'm going to change my mind about it and I'm not, I've already done things with another girl and injust want to forget about her. But I won't apologize for having standards.

[caniaskyousomething]

In my oppinion you ar ecompletly over- reacting. No offence, but it really does not matter who she has slept with or the ages of people she has slept with, as long as she didn't do it when she was dating you. If I were you I would appologies. Put yourself in her position. If you mad that mistake, wouldn't you want her to forget about it and just accept you for who you are now? Instead of who you were. It's unfair if you can't get over it. You say you loved her right? Well it doesn't seem that way if you can't even forgive her for something she did in the past.

I know you don't like what I'm saying but it's true. You are in the wrong. Sorry :(

[Asker]

Well thanks for not being a total bitch like the majority of people who answered. And in my case f***ing a dirty old guy is a definite deal breaker. She just keeps pestering me even though I broke up with her.

[jsm1966]

Wow, are you a saint? You sound like a ignorant chauvanist! Who are you to judge? Her past sexual encounters before she met you are none of you're business! She's nasty because she had sex with a 40 year old? You think older people are nasty? You're not going to be young forever and hope you live to see our age. You have a lot of growing up to do and know nothing about women! I'm sure you did something in you're past that you are not proud of! Wait until you're a forty year old man. I'm pretty sure you're gonna want to screw a 20 year old gal.

[Asker]

Of course its my business, wouldn't you want to know who owned your house before you? And I think sleeping with an old man who could be her father is a disgusting thing. If I hadn't known this id still be with her, so yeah her past is definitely my business.

[jsm1966]

Macho man who thinks he's above everyone else. You're unrealistic, and always have to be right. Why would you even listen to her friends and their gossip about her in the first place.? Unless she gave you an std then you have the right to know. Did you let her know you're past. I know men like you, you can do anything and don't care who's feelings you hurt, but when the tables are turned, you act like a selfish bully! she's better off without you.

[Asker]

Of course I let her know my past. That dumb bitch never told me she banged an old guy so I was disgusted on two different levels. And they werent lying, it was true. And I have the right ti know anything I want about her if I'm dating and f***ing her.

[samhradh_leannan]

Everyone has a past. If you can't handle this, it's good that you broke up with her. This doesn't change who she is. You wouldn't have known this was in her past if someone hadn't told you, and that proves that it didn't make her a bad person.

[cyrus7]

not everyone has a past, just saying

[Asker]

Ive never done anything that gross in my entire sex life. I think it says a lot about her character, and I don't respect her anymore, so I can't date someone who I find disgusting.

[samhradh_leannan]

Okay, newly conceived fetuses don't have a past. What I don't understand, QA, is why you find it THAT disgusting. 40 isn't that old- it's not like she slept with a grandpa. And it's not like she committed incest or something really controversial like that. You're really flying off the handle here. If you're that judgmental, fine, good that you're not with her anymore. But frankly, I think SHE'S the one who can do better. Your view is too extreme. It's as if you feel threatened by it.

[cyrus7]

I don't have a past (we're talking interms of sexual relationships?)and last I checked I'm not a newly conceived fetus

[samhradh_leannan]

I'm not talking JUST about sex. There are lots of different things people can do that they regret, big or small. The fetus thing was an exaggeration, but very few people have done nothing that someone might judge them for. My real point is that life is messy, and none of us are perfect. The QA had every right to leave this girl, but at the same time, his response to the situation has been unbelievably intolerant. He clearly didn't have strong feelings for her in the first place.

[lace1228]

I hate to tell you but a lot of men in their 30's and 40's are very sexy its officially when a boy loses that boyish look and became that manly man look. In fact the prime of a male model starts in his 30's, where for women it starts at 18 and ends at like 25. If she slept with him in the past then you need to get over it because she choose to be with you now. If she cheated then you have the right to be upset but you do not have the right to treat her like f***ing sh*t and belittle her.

[naturaldisaster]

LOVE YOUR ANSWER!

[rotinaj10]

This guy is a douche

[Asker]

I can treat her however I please if I choose to.

[lace1228]

Acutally by law you can't.

[TheSwedishGuy]

I think you think she's better than that, and that's what made you dissapointed. The real reason you are mad is probably because you think she lacks self-respect. Instead of leaving her for lack of self-respect, you should be a man and show her how to respect herself, and also make her realize why she should do that.

[12elizabeth]

who cares if she f***ed a 40 year old what matters is if she did it while she was WITH you,..

[Asker]

No it matters to me that she banged a guy twice her age.

[12elizabeth]

well yeah, but if you really love her now, than you'd get over it, if you can't seem to do that, then look for a better girl.:)

[JmannTruth]

A lot of people would care. From the girl’s perspective he could have been her father; from The guys she could have been his daughter. Just seems gross.

[madiocre]

I think you didn't actually love her anyway. love is more powerful then that , it can't be dissolved by someone's past.

[SixStringSeal]

Simple and true. I like that.

[Asker]

Yes it can, I don't love her anymore. In fact I'm repulsed by her.

[madiocre]

my point is that you never did

[katiesmuff]

She will be much better off without someone like you!

And she is right, what she did before she was with you is none of your f*ckin business just as your disgusting past is none of her's.

[rotinaj10]

Word

[Asker]

I don't have a disgusting past, and of course its my business. Thanks to this information I found she wasn't my type if girl.

[naturaldisaster]

If you really loved her like you say you do, you wouldn't have broken up with her. You would have forgiven her and moved past her indiscretions. You're being a little immature, yes you should respond to her calls/texts.

You should forgive her for acting like such an a**hole and ask her why she had sex with an older man. It is nothing disgusting, people of all ages have sex. Please stop being immature.

[Asker]

The guy was her fathers age. I don't want to have a girlfriend that did somthing so damn gross.

[sixstring]

The way you put it, it seems like they had sex before you two were together.

[Asker]

Yeah, thank god I dodged that bullet. We were tigether for a year and a half.

[openwide]

I understand its a deal breaker for you, what I don't understand is why haven't you tried to find out why she did it? Might be that she was just insecure and needed attention and that guy was giving her? To me you sound childish because you haven't tried to understand what actually happened, its like pride is getting the better of you.

If after talking with her you get to know the reason and you don't like it, then its fine, otherwise you act shallow and also you seem rude, the girl is trying to explain her to you, let her have closure.

[Habakkuk]

well, that partially depends on when she did it. If it was before you were with her, then it is just the past, but if it was while you were with her, she cheated on you with a 40 year old man... which is adding insult to injury..

[koalayes]

I think so.

[Moloch]

Word.

[Asker]

It was before, but that diesnt mean I'm going to ignore the disgusting deed.

[SixStringSeal]

Guys have sex with older women all the time and brag about it, why can't she?

I just don't think it's any of your business who she sleeps with unless she cheated on you. I also doubt you, this girl, or any of her friends have any idea as to what this guys exact age was anyway.

[Asker]

Ive NEVER banged an old lady. And it is my business, if it wasn't my business I wouldn't have broken up with her.

[SixStringSeal]

Who you have sex with directly involves no one else but the person you did it with. You chose to make this your business by letting it effect you. The reality is you could have gone the rest of your life without knowing about this and had been fine. There isn't anything wrong with having standards I just think that in this case you could be missing out on a great relationship because you sent someone packing over very little. This is just answering your question, I'm not interested in debate

[gaggleii]

Can't take your side on this, I'm afraid.

[Asker]

Lame.

[vptwarrior]

if it happened during your relationship, I can see why your pissed, but if it didn't, sorry to say it like this but "GET THE F*** OVER IT" it really is the past dude, and you act like she was screwing some super obese fat homeless guy, if she wasn't, it doesn't matter, look just calm down, seriously calm down. If it really was before your relationship, screw it, it doesn't even matter. Also its just another person do, obviously one of three things happened to cause that kind of event, either A. he looked ripped, B. he was super skilled at talking, or C. she had a crush one him. Don't get mad over stupid crap like this, espically if she actually seriously likes you, your being a child.

By the way, answer back on when she actually had sex with him and why she did it.

[Asker]

It was before she met me, so below age 20. And I don't want to have the displeasure of saying my girlfriend f***ed an old man. So yeah I've moved on, we were broken up the night of the party. I just don't know why she doesn't quit showing up at my apartment and trying to call and email me constantly. My friend told her I'm sleeping with another girl already but she just keeps trying to get me to change my mind.

[vptwarrior]

okay first of all, nobody even needs to know she screwed a 40 year old guy, your friends don't need to know this, its very cruel to break up with someone over something as trival as this, and yes, it is trival, you wouldn't have even known this if your friend didn't tell you, and why is it so bad she slept with someone hella older than her, it happens all the time to both guys and girls, don't be so evil to a person for something stupid like this, plus this girl really seems to like you, the f-

[vptwarrior]

act that you broke up over something like this shows you yourself are not very nice, don't be so damn picky, YOU should be lucky as hell you have a girl that really likes you, or even loves you, try to get past this dude, I mean come on this is stupid, she misses you so much. Go to her and try, and I mean TRY to get around this, your being stupid, sorry to tell you this, but you are, by the way, why did she sleep with him, never got an answer for that.

[Moloch]

If she cheated, then you have that right. If she did it before you guys dated, don't listen to what anyone says, if it's a deal breaker for you, it's a deal breaker, simple as that.

[Asker]

Thanks bro. It definitely is a deal breaker.

[7gnat]

You are an idiot and extremely judgmental. You should break uo with her and find a perfect human being that conforms to EXACTLY what you want her to conform to and what exactly you think is moral and righteous. I hope for her sake that you leave her alone because you are a jackrabbit.

[Asker]

Im am leaving he, she's the one who won't disappear, or can't you read?

[canadianLAD]

as a 32 yr old, this story was hella inspiring!

[RedThread]

LOL... dude age is just a number and you weren't together... I'm sure you've found some 40 year old women hot.

[Asker]

Nope.

[RedThread]

...lol

[JmannTruth]

So you fantasize about nailing your mom?

[c7777]

dude wouldn't you fck a hot cougar?

[Asker]

Not if she's old, at 40 a woman is old and useless.

[Strider90]

Welcome to the club. My girlfriend was fucking regularly a 30 some year old moron while she was 16 or 17 I think. Dumped her myself just like you did.