Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health +1 y
So my boyfriend thinks that "good girls don't get raped" and I'm not sure what to think about it
Anonymous
Or at least "good girls rarley get raped". There is this girl in hour school. She got drunk at some frat party and then appearently got raped. We were talking about and the first thing my boyfriend said about it was "I'm not saying she was asking for it, but you know how she dresses and you don't get that drunk that you can't even yell for help anymore" We discussed it a bit further than that and it became obvious that while he clearly says it's the rapist fault, he also thinks it's partly her fault for being irresponsible. He said Girls who stay in groups, dress moderatley and don't act crazy barley get raped. That rape was mostly a matter of oppurtunity and she was making it easy.
Updates:
+1 y
Ok so honestly I was a bit surprised in how extreme the answers here were. I mean I disagree with some of the girls that say my boyfriend has no respect for women and could possibly rape me too, but I also disagree with some of the guys that seem to think rape is OK if you dress slutty. I guessed I shouldn't have asked this here
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What Girls & Guys Said
22 18All girls have a CHANCE of getting raped. Good or bad, unfortunately
you mean everybody has a chance of getting raped
Yes, boys get raped too, but very rarely
well I think its somewhat ture, you should always try to be with a friend in a aprty and try not to get too drunk.
He is right. It also doesn't go for just girls. Plenty of dudes have been raped as well but society doesn't take it seriously. If people would use common sense that your boyfriend mentioned, then bad things wouldn't happen to them.
-Bitch about this part as much as anyone wants but deep down we all know it is true-
Likely underage girls that get drunk at a frat party, make out with equally drunk guys, grind on them all night and then decide to go somewhere private with the guy...guess what? the guys are expecting sex...like anyone would. Then when she decides that she feels like a slut & her self esteem is injured after doing the walk of shame, she can decide that she was 'raped' in an effort to save face.
Sadly, any girl that cries rape will always be believed and the 'raper' will have to prove his innocence.
**99% of the bad things [rape/abduction/etc] would not happen if people used some common sense
a lot of assumptions here, but lets for the sake of the argument just agree that she she actually was raped, shall we
im not excusing rape im explaining that there are always a lot of unknowns and in rape cases it is always going to be about that evil male that took advantage of some perfect precious angel...regardless of if she was drunk & encouraging sexual activity. if a girl dresses slutty then guess what people will assume about her...
People shouldn't assume anything about a woman because of her clothes. Its 2013! Men walk around with no shirt, tight clothes, a low hanging pants. You don't think THEY attract predators? No one ever accuses men of trying to attract unwanted attention and sexual harassment for being attractive. Apparently we are still in the stone ages and women's bodies are STILL considered dirty/bad/nasty bits that need to be covered to protect society. Sad that people still think this way in 2013.
washize you got it all backwards - it's about YOUR OWN F***ING SAFETY! Nobody said that "women's bodies are dirty and need to be covered" and the fact that it's 2013 still doesn't mean that there are no rapists around!
...but you can freely remain brainwashed by all that feminism bullsh*t, walk around almost naked in dangerous places claiming "but it's 2013" but remember - if bad sh*t is going to happen - IT WILL BE YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT!
Guys like you say crap like this, and have the nerve to believe that its Misandry when women are weary OF ALL MEN and fear that they are ALL potential rapists and attackers. Guys like you spread sexism against men and women and have the nerve to get offended when people uphold your view that all Men are violent uncontrollable animals that will rape women because they see their skin. This is the advice that causes androphobia. Telling women they are responsible if bad men abuse them.
YOUR CLAIM: Any girl that falsely accuses a guy of rape will be automatically believed. THE TRUTH: The vast majority of rapes go unreported largely because the victim knows she will not be taken seriously.
KONNOUR'S CLAIM: A woman who goes to a "dangerous place" (that she obviously should have identified as dangerous in advance - how silly of her not to!) fashionably attired invites rape. APT ANALOGY: Someone who enters a lion enclosure at the zoo when the lions are on a starve day, dressed in a meat dress, invites being mauled by lions. THE LESSON: Konnour thinks that men are no more capable of reflecting on their actions than wild animals.
noumenon - my claim about any girl that yells rape still stands correct. you saying that it goes unreported backs up what else I have said about girls that are upset about their image after doing a walk of shame deciding to claim rape.
washize - fine girls can wear anything they want and not be judged. since no one should assume anything about a person based on their clothes, I'm going to wear something similar to a police uniform. if a girl is being chased and comes to me for my help, I will just tell her that its offensive of her to assume things about me based on how I dress.
So in your mind a girl wearing clothing that you find attractive automatically makes you believe that she will service you for sex? It is ILLEGAL to impersonate an authority figure. People who pretend that they are law enforcement GET ARRESTED and charged with a federal offense. Considering that prostitution is illegal, soliciting a woman for sex is ALSO illegal. So you believe committing Illegal acts justifies behaving irrationally.
jump to conclusions and miss the message. if you wear a whores uniform then why would you expect people to think you are not a whore. present a good image & use common sense and your likelihood of having bad things happen goes down drastically
Illegal metaphors perfectly explain your message. You are a rape apologist and believe that Women bring rape upon themselves. There is enough data and evidence that has been collected for decades that proves all of you rape apologists wrong. You are least likely to be raped by a stranger. Bad things are less likely to women who Choose to avoid men WHO THINK LIKE YOU DO. I'm guessing you'd rape a "whore". You can judge a woman's character by how short her skirt is? Sharia law at its best.
LOL how many profiles do you have washize calling me a rape apologist does not bother me...it is a silly ad hom attack that you are using to try to dirty my anon internet profile in an effort to discredit what is legitimate. there is no need to rape a whore/slut...they give it up for free or at the most just a couple drinks ;)
One of those people that doesn't like facts of science. One of those guys who would take a "whore" if she doesn't give it up, because she's slept with x amount of guys, so you deserve a turn too. Yeah, I bet being called a rape apologist doesn't bother you. If you have the mentality of a rapist why would it? "whores" getting their just desserts, you're a pretty big cheerleader. Avoiding men like you, is avoiding dangerous situations, and avoiding being raped.
so do you have any links to show how all men are rapists or is it just those mles who don't agree with you? since you want to call me a 'rape apologist' please find where I said rape was ok?
Like most men, I despise rape and rapists, but I can't change the fact that there are bad men who do bad things. Nor can any women, or any law for that matter. We have to live in the realm of reality, and the reality is that women who take precautions are FAR less likely to get raped.
It's one of the things that sucks about being a woman. Most men wish they could change that, but we can't...
well I just though he was seriously lacking compassion for her. No matter what she did or didn't do ,what happened to her was terrible. He said he didn't really feel sorry for the reasons he stated
Let me put it this way...when someone runs out in traffic, without looking, and gets hit by a driver who wasn't paying attention, do you feel sorry for them? Of course. Do you think they behaved stupidly? Of course. Not to take away from the fact that the rapist is a POS who should be castrated and go to jail for a long time. But the PC thing today seems to be to encourage women to do whatever the f*** they want and not consider the possible consequences. We need a little balance...
But the driver wasn't purposely trying to hit the hypothetical person. The rapist purposely raped the victim.
Ppl who justify rape are people I'm not comfortable being around. I bet party rapists would say the same thing. It makes me wonder if your boyfriend was at a party and he ran across a girl like that would the thought of raping her cross his mind
I never agreed with the statements that claim that if a woman behaves or dresses a certain way, she is inviting herself to be raped. People who believe that are trying to justify rape, and that is seriously f***ed up because rape should never be justified. I believe a woman should be able to dress however she wants, party as hard as she wants, and not have to worry about being sexually violated against her will. Yes she may be putting herself at risk for doing so, but if she is raped for doing so, that doesn't give the rapist a get-out-of-jail-free card.
4 rape sympathizes and counting...
Your answer simply states logic and morals that everyone should have, yet you got 6 down votes? WTF is wrong with people?!
Disturbing, isn't it?
It most certainly is. I'm a little worried now.
I'm really worried to after reading a lot of the other guys comments and answers, I didn't expect that at all. Maybe it's time to move to a more liberal country
i was in a situation .. wasn't quite rape but when you get drunk dress whorey around guys things are more likely to happen. plus, the guy was drinking too.
while I don't believe in blaming the victim, going half naked to a frat party and drinking tons is kind of like walking out in moving traffic-you are putting yourself in a potentially dangerous situation.
intoxication is a defense to rape.
I'm sorry for what happened, however, the situations are not comparable. If I were to get hit it'd probably be an accident... If I were to get raped it'd be the rapist's conscious decision.
ok but let's say you are making out with some stranger drunk and half naked, alone in a room. you are letting yourself face a risk by putting yourself in that position.
You are. Going out and driving is a risk. However just because you are doesn't mean people should purposely hit you.
It's a sad world we live when we tell women to dress a certain way or she will be raped. I see there's men out there that are animals
He's saying girls that don't party wildly and hang out with the wrong dudes don't get raped. However, I resent people saying this as if bad girls/sluts deserve rape. No woman deserves rape
he didn't say that she deserved it, but that he doesn't feel sorry for because of the way she acted
Saying that it was awful and that she didn't deserve it, but that he still doesn't feel sorry for her, doesn't make any sense at all to me. How can he think and feel this?
These women on here are overreacting. No women is asking to get raped or anything like that but she did put herself in a bad position being drunk at a frat party and that she is to blame for. If I walk in a crime ridden city road at night and I get robbed of all my money and beaten, did I deserve any of that? No, but was I stupid for putting myself in that scenario and I have to accept that I didn't make the smartest choice. She definitely put herself in a bad scenario. People have to protect themselves first and she put herself into a bad situation being drunk at a party and she has to live with that decision.
Good girls are socially responsible so they aren't as likely to put themselves in those sort of situations. Things can still happen, but again, if a girl is being responsible and doesn't get involved in the wrong crowd, she'll likely be just fine.
I love how you label socially responsible people as "good girls" as if rape victims are "bad girls." You think the victims of the Ariel Castro case were "bad girls" or "asking for it?" I personally know people who are socially responsible and don't put themselves in anymore danger than the average person and were raped.
I certainly don't think most good girls go out and get hammered drunk, party religiously, frequently dress provocatively, and if a girl was smart, she wouldn't associate with sh*tty people, so that's all about being responsible. If all you (likely socially liberal) girls are going to disagree with that, you need help. You can do all that stuff, but if you're around a dirty, awful crowd, or are in a bad part of town, your chances of getting raped are greater that's just reality. Stay in control.
I never said it was girl's own fault to actually getting raped, but questionable decisions can lead to negative outcomes, which the likelihood of them occurring is only amplified by consuming too much alcohol, or substance abuse, and hanging around with dingy people. It's common sense!
No I'm socially liberal and I don't go out an party a lot, but I realize people do and they should be able without fearing that they'd get raped. Particulary on college campuses that are supposed a bit safer than the real world. I mean if you know everyone at a party you don't expect to get raped and if it happens I'll still feel sorry for the victim and not say she had it coming anyways
your boyfriend is dumb
Girls gets raped regardless of what they're wearing, or where they are. It's never their fault, some rapes happen within families.
I don't see what was so wrong about what he said. I had a stronger reaction reading the title and it weakened and turned me after I read the rest of it. Bad choices do increase the chances of bad things happening. That's not limited to rape or even girls. It's for everyone.
I mean I believe in taking precautions too, it just bothers me a bit that give her any falut. It clearly wasn't her fault. The same way it's not in any way your fault if your house gets robbed even if you leave all windows and doors wide open
'not in any way your fault if your house gets robbed even if you leave all windows and doors wide open' But its STILL a very bad idea to do that.
Sure, it's not most of our faults that there are bad people in the world. The fact is that there are. That's why I don't really understand the thought process of someone saying that you're blaming the victim. It would be one thing if they thought the person that raped or murdered or robbed shouldn't be penalized, but no one really thinks that way. I'm really mind boggled by the girls' answers. I hope they don't tell their kids not to talk to strangers. That's idiotic and blaming the victim.
that doesn't apply here-there are no warnings to give for rape-do you blame raped men for being slutty? of course not. do you blame her? link so why blame her? link it's not a matter of clothes or drinking. if someone wants to rape someone-it's rarely about looks. telling someone to cover up so they don't get raped is simply sexist and has no grounds in reality.
It certainly applies here. Your problem is that you have this cookie cutter idea of what rape is. It is that and nothing else. As with any other crime, that is not the case. Every one has different circumstances. Some those things might not come into play. Others it will. Being in certain environments and doing certain things increase your chances. That doesn't mean that you were asking for it. That doesn't mean that rape or any other crime against you is right. It's just a fact of life. Not
everyone is a good person that will abide by the morals of society. To assume differently is an opinion that has no grounds in reality.
You go girl! The first picture almost made me cry... Society is awful.
how does it apply? if clothes,amount of drinks,looks can't stop it-what can? NEVER being alone? how can you know if your friend won't rape you? or someone in your family? that happens all the time. there are no warnings to give-it just happens because people are f***ed up-what we need is education on empathy,not warnings about trivial things that don't make a difference
You're being ridiculous. That's the case with any crime. Sometimes it does just happen. Sometimes we accidentally put ourselves in situations where the chances are increased. I said in my last comment that every case is different. I'll go back to the kidnapping thing I mentioned. Just because you tell your kid not to talk to strangers and he/she doesn't, they might still get abducted.
i'm not being ridiculous,you are,telling children not to talk to strangers ACTUALLY prevents kidnapping,wearing the ''right'' clothes,being sober,gender,looks-it doesn't prevent rape-it doesn't factor into why someone would rape you or have the opportunity to rape you
What do you not get by me saying that every case is different? You really are using the cookie cutter case of rape. You really are. Yeah getting sloppy drunk and not fully aware of your surrounding doesn't give anyone an easier opportunity to rape. What was I thinking? I'm so crazy. Let's just end the conversation by agreeing that rape is wrong. Otherwise we'll be going around all day.
if drunk women get raped,and sober women get raped-then why not tell them all to be drunk? it doesn't make it easier,rape victims are usually in shock and paralyzed with fear and can't even fight back,not to mention that most rape is men against women-larger men against women. it.doesn't.make.a.difference.
ugh...Yeah, you're right. Rape is completely different from any other crime where other circumstances may or may not make a difference.
it clearly is when you look at the diversity of the victims. there is no special lifestyle that prevents rape. feel free to prove me wrong,if there is such a lifestyle,i'll live it. this isn't ''oh,rape sucks,girls rule'',i'm talking simply about the fact that there is no proof that any of the warnings given to women prevent rape.
It really isn't. It's a crime like any other. I'm sure you can see the diversity of victims in other violent crimes. Here's the thing: I'm not saying that if you live your life "perfectly" that you will never be raped. That clearly isn't the case. It does sound like a "girls rule" type of thing because I don't think you would be saying this about any other crime. This is "special" apparently. What else can really be said? You think I'm wrong. I think you're wrong. Where do we go from here?
rape is about dominance,torture and denying a person control over their body-robbery and murder aren't-it's not something that can in any way be avoided. if it was,men would be told to cover up too,so they can't be raped. give me some evidence.
I think part of your problem is that you seem to think these sociopaths have one person in mind for their crime. That it is inconceivable that they can look for ways to take advantage. It is also nice to hear from people that think rape is so different and so much worse than anything else. As if other crimes can't be about dominance and torture
''I think part of your problem is that you seem to think these sociopaths have one person in mind for their crime. That it is inconceivable that they can look for ways to take advantage.'' that seems to be your problem,i'm saying that anyone can get raped,not just pretty,drunk girls in short dresses. rape is a unique case because it's the only crime where people assume only one type of person can be the victim and that being that person gives the criminal an explanation.
So I suppose it's been selective reading all along. I've said numerous times that anyone can be raped. Also, I'm not giving the criminal an explanation and it's not any different. Again, see the kidnapping analogy.
but why do you support the ''don't wear short skirts/drink/be female/be alone'' warnings if you KNOW anyone can be raped? it's a contradiction
It's not a contradiction. I've said that anyone can be raped and I've said that some things increases the chances of being raped. It's not a contradiction at all.
I'm on my way out now. I'll continue the conversation later if you want. Though admittedly, I am fairly bored repeating myself, so I don't know if I will in fact respond but who knows?
how can you know what increases it if so many rapes aren't reported,especially rapes that happen to men,and believed when it comes to women? and how does it increase? ''Research data clearly proves that a way a woman dresses and / or acts does not influence the rapists choice of victims. His decision to rape is based on how easily he perceives his target can be intimidated.''
For the record, it's a fact most victims know their rapist. My boyfriend knows that too, but we were kind of talking about the other kind, where they don't know each other. I kind of agree with both you. She really was one of many. There were tons of girls dressed like and as drunk as her, she just go unlucky. At the same time I agree that girls who were less drunk and continuously among friends would have made less easy victims, but they could have very well been victims
Well I don't blame her for the rape but she certainly didn't put herself in the best scenario being drunk at a frat party. Maybe that's what your boyfriend meant and he just didn't word it well