Why do so many people, think we guys have the upper hand, have it easier than girls in the dating/relationship?

[Anonymous]

boyfriend/girlfriend scene? C'mon, this should be obvious, whenever people are angry, complain, depressed, frustrated about being single, about having horrible, bad luck attracting members of the oppossite sex, being unable to get a date or boyfriend/girlfriend, it is generally, usually guys, not girls, and it's not just on this site, it happens on many other similiar sites, PUA Forms, Don Juan Forums, and even Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, and in real life, etc. Also, whenever there is dating and relationship, how to attract, how to talk, approach, hook-up advice, it is almost always geared towards guys, not girls, c'mon, why do you think people such as Neil Strauss who wrote "The Game", and Mystery Method, David DeAngelo, David X, Alan Roger Currie, Ross Jeffries, and many others out there. C'mon, if there is no attraction happening between the guy and the girl, it is almost always the guy's fault, because obviously that's the tradition that has been around for centuries and probably always will be. When girls are asking advice, it is almost always advice what to do while the relationship has already started, while they are already boyfriend/girlfriend, but for guys, it's mainly how to get the girl, how to attract her, get her to like him and that's far more important than while in the relationship, getting it started is the biggest stage, step. that's why there are no women, men, or just people who write books, articles, that give advice to women, girls on how to attract and talk, be successful with guys, men. Also, there are more male virgins out there than there are female virgins very likely, since obviously it is much easier for a girl to get laid, same thing with single people, for people who have never been in a relationship, never dated, have always been single, there are probably more guys out there in that situation than there are girls. That it's easier for a girl to get a boyfriend than it is for a guy to get a girlfriend, and I hate it when people say "for every girl that has a boyfriend that guy has a girlfriend, so it does not make sense to them" yes obviously that is true but the guy had to do all or most of the girl in order to get the girl, the girl did not have to do anything. Also, they say that throughout Human History, since the beginning of Human Civilation, that less men have passed on their genes than women have, more women than men have passed on their genes to the next generation, I forgot how they literally, said that but it makes sense. So girls, do you feel you have it easier than we guys do since all you girls have to wait, stand still, and welcome or deny advances? that you girls have "Veto Power" you have the Final Say, all you have to do is approve of the date and relationship, you girls control the outcome, girls actually choose the guy more than the guy chooses the girl because whoever is the one to initiate, does not get to have the final say. Obviously I can't speak for every guy.

[DebiPie]

I'm really very tired & bored of these silly questions that try to state facts by saying "they" say this & "they" say that. But you don't know who "they" are.

The simple fact is, everyone believes they have it worse off than the next guy. Men think they have it worse than women. Women think they have it worse than men. NOBODY, NOBODY can prove who has it worse off in the dating/mating game. NOBODY! Get that through your head.

I know of no women who just stand around, either by themselves or in herds, waiting to welcome or

"veto" your advances. That is truly one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. Absolutely absurd! Women do not control the outcome of choosing relationships or who goes with whom. The opposite is said by women who are shot down by men or who are never asked to dance by a man at the bars or ever asked out. You see, women feel the same as you do about this.

As there is a higher population of women than men, so your hypothesis about more women mating & trolloping about is a fallacy.

When I read this stuff, I wonder what has made someone think such things & why it has to be such a bitter contest? If you ever want to have a good, healthy & loving relationship with a woman, I strongly suggest that you just chill & give up the war. It truly isn't worth it, is it? Why bother? Everyone has their share of the problems. Unless you are just trolling, I don't expect to see a response.

[Asker]

ummm yes women do control the outcome they have the final say

[DebiPie]

Hardly. Men say no & walk away from women, and just don't "approach" women in the first place, just as much as women.

[DebiPie]

Re: your update, I don't know any man who want to date losers. You had better bet that the majority of men want a woman who will validate them, have a great personality, confidence, the right attitude, the right mentality, the right social-skills, conversation-skills & make him feel like a man. Oh! did I mention that she had better be hot too? Two way street buddy. No man wants a brainless, ugly, no personality, bad attitude, poor social skill, awkward gal...you wouldn't go after her. THINK!

[Asker]

yeah but women find it a turn off when they see a man who wants validation, approval, it is a form of weakness, it's like we guys are not supposed to want companionship?

[DebiPie]

You, "mr." have no idea what women think. I know this because you are a man, and I am a woman. We women all know that you men want validation & companionship because we all want it. It isn't a secret or a surprise. I do not know why "you" think it is, or why you believe it to be a weakness. It is human, not gender based. Women see it as a weakness & weird if you don't want it. Don't you see? Not a turn off at all. We all want the same thing. You need to be yourself. But if you have this attitude

[DebiPie]

that woman have it easy & just sit back, etc., you really are going to have a hard time out there. If you start to see that everyone has difficulties with this, you may start to understand more about women. That in itself could help you to relate to females in a better way, and perhaps a less judgmental way. This could allow you to meet & get to know someone without any defenses being up. Thus, you may actually find someone that you could be happy with.Please give it a try.

[Hades]

"...& give up the war" - Never.

[DebiPie]

Love...is not a war. But thinking in those terms speak volumes. So be it.

[Asker]

well women can have low self-esteem, and still attract a guy but never the other way around

[DebiPie]

Well, enjoy being alone.

[Asker]

yeah, that's enough to say that women have it easier

[DebiPie]

No, that's saying you don't know what I'm thinking and little about women. Please only speak for what YOU think, as you cannot possibly know what women think, believe or feel. Especially when we are telling you. You simply don't listen or learn. With that, life & love will be difficult for you. Good luck. If you think women have it easier, just look at what you've written, you actually "have" to tell me what I'm saying instead of taking in what I've said. Ask a question, take an answer.

[Asker]

sounds like you are saying men have it easier, I don't get it

[DebiPie]

I know you don't. You can't.

[Asker]

i still don't get why people say men have life easier

[DebiPie]

Again...you never will because you don't want to see anyone's point of view other than your own. That is one pt. I can make for this discussion.

[DebiPie]

Now, seriously, either try to take the info you've received & ponder it. Then leave it alone. It was a question asking "opinions."

[Mirandagrow]

You do realize you played yourself right? "The opposite is said by women who are shot down by men or who are never asked to dance by a man at the bars or ever asked out. You see, women feel the same as you do about this." You inadvertently said you're waiting to be courted by a man. I'm sure some of these same women who are rejected are also the ones who reject that super nice, bend over backwards guy. Your still being asked, just not by the guy YOU want. So your still choosing. Just like when it's time for marriage, in most societies, it's up to you to say yes or no to his proposal. You also got rejected by the guy you wanted. He was probably wasn't the right guy for you, but you WANTED him to be. But not that needy guy that ALWAYS sends you flowers. It all rolls back to your decision on the relationship. Because that rejector is probably at some point in time working to court a girl he likes. Sounds like men are still doing most of the work here.

[cul2cat]

It still is easier for a guy, there is all these help books for guys to land a guy because they have to do the approaching, but to be quite honest even if your not the best looking dude all you have to do is have money and a good personality. I mean look at Jay z and little Wayne, Flavor Flav, guys choose girls 80% on their looks if a girl has a good personality a guy wouldn't look twice if she wasn't attractive. Women have to do so much more to land a guy keep our hair up every part of our body shaved, act lady like but don't be a prude guy can just keep asking girls out all day eventually someone will say yes, girl have to wait to be picked off a shelf. We don't get to choose the guys we only get the choice of the small group of guys that actually ask us out.

[Asker]

actually, looks are more important to girls than what people make it out to be

[MrNameless]

When it comes to courting, I strongly disagree. Guys are the ones who are expected to come up to girls, ask them out, initiate plans, pay for the dates, etc. What do girls have to do? Just wait for the guy to come to them, and choose which ever one she sees fit. And if she is decent looking and has a decent social life, she will have guys come up to her on a regular basis.

[DebiPie]

at MrNameless: cut & paste: just because you haven't experienced a girl initiating contact with you, doesn't mean that lots of females do it, & get shot down. I know plenty that do "initiate contact" (God, I hate that term, sounds like alien relations). It's like a billion $, just because you haven't seen it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Report

[crazylove21]

@MrNamless. See that's the problem. Lots of guys like you STILL believe that only guys "do all the work" Girls go through it too. Girls have to do a lot to impress a guy, get him to like her and gilrs don't just sit around and "wait". We tell them. Because usually guys don't know. No matter how much we try to impress or flirt. The guy we have a crush on still won't know or get the whole picture. And its not gonna happen by miracle either. So we have to tell them. Its not that easy for Girls either.

[Asker]

MrNameless is right

[MikeK]

I too agree with MrNameless

[Asker]

thanks

[Asker]

you girls have the final say, all you have to do is say yes or no

[december1990]

HAHAHA... I laugh at this.. Girls DO NOT have it easier. From what I've learned it seems like all the guys that I went after had the UPPER hand. And never really liked me. Girls experience rejection just as much as guys do. Unless the guy is totally nice and likes her.

Trust me, girls experience rejection to. We get ditched. We get cheated on. We get abandoned. We are sometimes the "rebound" chick.

Trust me girls have it hard to!

[sixstring]

OH PLEASE It's statiscally impossible that men cheat more than women. It doesn't make any sense to say we do. The majority of divorces is instigated by the woman. Rebounds happen to guys as well. In western society, women still face discrimination in certain work places like the army or the police force. Men face discrimination in every other part of western society.

[socalgamehater2006]

how do girls experience rejected when they are not initiating anything? and a lot of guys out there would love to get their heart broken, ditched, cheated on, be the rebound, because they would rather have loved and lost than never have loved at all

[MrNameless]

copy+paste from another comment I made: When it comes to courting, I strongly disagree. Guys are the ones who are expected to come up to girls, ask them out, initiate plans, pay for the dates, etc. What do girls have to do? Just wait for the guy to come to them, and choose which ever one she sees fit. And if she is decent looking and has a decent social life, she will have guys come up to her on a regular basis. Girls cheat just as much as guys do these days also.

[DebiPie]

to socalgamehater2006: just because you haven't experienced a girl initiating contact with you, doesn't mean that lots of females do it, & get shot down. I know plenty that do "initiate contact" (God, I hate that term, sounds like alien relations). It's like a billion $, just because you haven't seen it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

[Asker]

well it is very rare

[Asker]

how do girls experience rejection?

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Cause they're stupid. Guys do ALL the real work tbh. I'm sorry to say it, but guys almost all the time (studies show around 80-90% of the time) initiate the relationships. Sure women might do their fair share well after the relationship is started, but the relationship would never exist if men didn't initiate it. And since it's so hard to initiate (muster the courage, get the girl interested, etc) it's really more on guys in the dating world and it's unfair that men are expected to initiate and pisses me off.

[MikeK]

BINGO!

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

1 woman is clearly pissed at the truth lol. Soon to be more, I'm sure.

[Asker]

lol, yeah she is pissed

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

2 women now! lolz

[biirujapan]

I encourage anyone who doubts this gentleman's post to go out to a club or bar on a weekend, with a friend. Act like a girl. In other words, do not go up and approach anyone. Wear good looking, stylish clothes that say "I am rich". Unless one of you is exceptionally attractive, you will leave said bar or club alone. Moral of the story is, men initiate all manner of conversation, dating, sex and marriage. Women are passive participants in a world of men, and still demand equality.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

It's why I believe there's no real strong female character in many movies. Because it just wouldn't be believable.

[MikeK]

Women have it INFINITELY easier... you can't deny it.

[Asker]

yeah, they have higher standards, expectations

[sixstring]

Because most girls loving playing the victim.

[Asker]

agreed, and I know I'm right, almost all the time, it is guys who are frustrated by their lack of success with girls, but rarely girls frustrated by their lack of success with guys, like guys will complain, be angry, depressed about it more, and whenever there is advice for people on how to get a relationship, get a date, like I said, it is geared towards the guys mainly, not girls, so basically girls have it easy from the beginning

[DebiPie]

to QA: you obviously haven't read all of the questions. There are a wealth of questions on GAG from women on how to, where to get a man, how to talk to men, how to ask them out, etc. You're just not seeing them.

[Asker]

well not as much as guys ask those questions

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

DebiPie, sad to say, most of those women aren't asking where to get a man, they're more wanting a specific guy... aka the good looking, rich, sweet, motivated, etc guy that doesn't really exist.

[Asker]

yeah, see my next update, I know I'm right about that

[sixstring]

@update : It's easier to be a man on a biological level.

[moviedude714]

how is it easier to be a man on a biological level?

[sixstring]

Less controlled by emotions, no menstruation and no pregnancy...

[Asker]

still, girls don't need to have a life, they can be needy, clingy, desperate, be insecure, have low self-esteem and get a guy

[frustratedchump06]

well if men had just as high standards as women did, the human race would have gone extinct in no time

[socalgamehater2006]

yup, they sure do

[Hades]

I think by the time they reach adulthood, everyone knows women have it easier when it comes to dating, relationships, casual sex. It is pretty obvious. ^^'

[moviedude714]

yeah, well life is never fair

[Anonymous]

Morons like Neil Strauss and his disciplines are preying upon a particular social phenomenon: Demasculinated men. Like Tyler Durden in Fight Club said:

We are a generation of men raised by single mothers. A generation of men who were told "you are the crap you own" and you are not a complete man unless you need a woman. Women feel the need for children and commitment, most men just feel the needs for sex. This is a temporary need that can be met by any woman, whereas women need a certain type of father-ish style guy for raising kids.

As such, we men DO have the upper hand IF and ONLY IF we choose to accept it. If your goal is to please women, you will fail 99 times out of 100. If your goal is to please yourself, you will succeed. Women like to please confident men. Which doesn't mean dressing or using the Mystery Method or other bullsh*t like that.

It means accepting yourself unconditionally and living your life only for yourself.

[Asker]

a lot of men were not even raised by single mothers, grew up with their actualy Biological Father in the household, and are still deemed unmasculine

[Anonymous]

I vote A, all the way!, you nailed it!

[Anonymous]

yeah I'd say that is true

[Anonymous]

QA has such a hard time, because he can't understand or empathize with women.

He thinks women have it easy. (Wrong)

And he thinks all men have it as difficult as he does. (Wrong.)

[Asker]

i did not say all men have it difficult as I do, after all, at the end of the question I stated, I can't speak for all guys, overall my point is that for all the people that struggle with the oppossite sex, it is more guys than girls

[Opinion Owner]

And you're still wrong.

[Asker]

and why do women not have it easy? why do women have it harder?

[Asker]

i still don't buy it

[moviedude714]

care to explain your answer? why do you think it is easy for men but hard for women?

[Anonymous]

yeah I would agree with you