Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health +1 y
Why does my boyfriend look at porn when he knows it hurts me?
Anonymous
I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and we have this on going fight every time I find porn. I had a bad childhood experience and found my dad's stash when I was about 6 years old and ever since then I've always viewed it as disgusting and hurtful because my mom and dad used to fight about it a lot as well...I don't want to be like them. I've tried to except it and be one of those "cool" girlfriends that doesn't care but those girls in the porn are so much prettier than me and I can't stand to think my boyfriend would rather look at them than me. Just thinking about it is bringing me to tears and over the past 4 years I've expressed to him how bad it makes me feel about myself and he says he would stop but it never happens...it just seems he doesn't care if I get hurt as long as he gets off. He tells me I don't give it to him enough but I can't feel sexual and willing if I don't feel good about myself but I still try. I'm really not a prude or anything I'm actually very adventurous in bed and love to try new stuff...when I'm in "the mood" which he doesn't seem to put effort into getting me into the mood. I know guys have more urges than us girls do but I just wish he would come to me to take care of that stuff instead of looking at strange girls. I really just wish I could be pretty and perfect like those girls he stares at all the time but I can't compete with them. I want to know what I can do to make him less interested in those girls in the porn and turn his focus to me like he used to. I know everyone says just have sex with him more often but it's not that easy when I don't feel good about myself or my body and he doesn't try to make me feel special anymore. I just don't know what to do...I know he loves me but I don't feel it when he does stuff like this.
Updates:
+1 y
Maybe I should make myself clear Yeah he comes home to me, most girls would say that's all that matters but it's not fair that I'm still laying in bed while he locks himself in the bathroom for 2 hours or more to look at porn when I'm available for him!
+1 y
How often do we have sex? ugh when we first moved in we did it like 4 times a day but we were 17 then now we work full time and I feel like I'm not living up to how I used to be but neither is he now we both work full time and maybe 1-2 times a week now
+1 y
1-2 a week is like drought levels for us...we have been so tired and he works hard but isn't more effort to jack off alone for who knows how long instead of laying down, getting me in the mood then lay back and let me take over.?
0 0
What Girls & Guys Said
21 36Seriously those girls are all fake, they are pretty, but they are also not real. What I mean by that is that most of them have no moral values, and they don't give a crap about anyone. All they want is to get paid.
Seriously don't worry so much about it, what you need to do is initiate the sex. Start touching him and rubbing up on him, when he lays next to you try kissing him and gently sucking on his neck and ears, whisper naughty things to him, tell him how much you want him inside you right now. That sort of stuff gets a guy turned on immediately! Seriously give it a try.
all guys watch porn, and all guys masturbate. And I gurantee you he was doing it way before you guys hooked up. So relax, he's not your dad, so leave the past behind you. Porn is really not all that bad, its educational and its fun to watch as a couple :P
Hun my boyfriend does the same thing... Don't let it bother you.. it's not cheating because he's not having sex with another girl... Yes it hurts but don't let it get to you because there are bigger problems to worry about.
As long as your sex life doesn't give up completely then as long as you two still have sex things are always going to be busy in life... just try to make time. plan out a schedule or something. or surprise him with something sexi.
I like that answer that's what I do with my boyfriend
You ladies are in unblissful denial of the reality you know exists. If you don't have higher expectations...well, rarely do we get higher quality than we demand.
Honey I think you might need some counseling. If you hate the fact that he watches porn so much then you need to dump him. You need to really think a bout it and decide if you really hate him watching porn so much that you would end your relationship, or if you can try to forget a bout it and go on with your relationship. If he were my boyfriend I would have already dumped his shitty ass. But hay maybe you really love him. Watching porn is just like smoking, some can stop but allot of people cant. If he isn't willing to change you might want to dump him. And your self esteem really needs some help. I bet you really are pretty. Besides if it helps, most of those chicks in porn are plastic. They've gotten a bunch of surgery's done. Do you really think some girls could have boobs that big? At least your 100% natural.
for one, when we want a quick wank, porn is easier. we don't have to do anything at all and we don't have to impress anyone. I have sex with my girl often, but sometimes when I am tired I don't want sex, just a quick wank, to realease some stress.
second, I masturbate to porn all the time even if my sex life is good, there is really no connection here. I see it as a completely seperate activity.
third, he doesn't want the porn girls, trust me. we like to jerk off to nasty girls we don't really want and then date the girls we actually want. it sounds strange maybe, but it is true. we never really want the porn girls or strippers or anything, we just like the idea of jacking off to them. he doesn't see them as perfect, trust me. he is with you for a reason. he does not want you to compete with them at all. seriously, you have the wrong idea.
you need to stop feeling bad about yourself just because he looks at other girls sometimes. girls don't realize that all guys look at other girls and think about sex. I'm sorry to say, but we do. the difference is whether we act on it or not. if a guy is loyal and doesn't cheat then he is a good guy. don't expect him to never glance at a hot girl sometimes though. we all do it. if my girlfriend's sister is wearing a low cut top or tight pants, I am going to notice. I would never dare go after her nor do I want her at all, I want my girlfriend. doesn't mean I don't notice her hot body.
I honestly think you need to stop being hurt rather than him stop doing it. you need to get over this self esteem problem. if he stops and you don't get over your problem then it will rear its ugly head in some other way. you will get hurt when he says a certain actor is good looking or when you catch him glancing at the waitress's chest.
you need to just stop being hurt by this.
it is so unfortunate that men have the biological reaction to check women out all the time while women somehow have the reaction to hate this. how strange. I guess it has something to do with men's need to spread our seed (and with the most biologically superior women) and women's need to secure her mate so she can get seed and raise children. the thing is, we can't help but react this way to some extent, but we are smart enough to recognize it and choose more wisely. I will choose to only have sex with one girl, and choose a smart nice girl even though my biology is telling me to choose many women and to choose the hottest ones.
given that we are in control of ourselves in the important respects, I think we need to let go some of the smaller reactions we don't like, like glancing at a girl walking by or being impressed by a man who is rich and can lift heavy things. I accept that my girl is naturally attracted to certain things about guys other than me. as long as she doesn't cheat I'm happy.
this isn't a matter of you having to improve sexually, it is not connected to that.
Hi I ran into your comment while search for answers of why my boyfriend occasionally watch porn stars. I understand your explanation and agree with you to a certain level. My question for you is, if we do not have limit, and just 'let it go', then how do guys know where the limit is? My concern is that there are so many sick stuff on the internet and many unrealistic looking bombshells online. Do you think an innocent act could lead to more perverted ideas in relationship?
Ill answer this... love....your mans minds is the most perverted place known to........man lol he watchs the kinda p*rn that coincides with his fantacies to possible ones. Porn to us is like shopping to you.
*or possible ones
Doc is right very right...
"my guy needs to get his shit straight too and needs to come to terms with the fact that the girl he said he loves is hurting because of something he's able to control"...
Great point! Why don't you try counselling from a local church or something? They are often free.
First of all, you were deeply affected by your dad's porn stash and that event is affecting your relationship. I think you need to speak to a professional about your childhood experience, so you may get some insight about why it bothered you so much. DO NOT FEEL LIKE ANY OF YOUR EMOTIONS ARE YOUR FAULT. You were very young and that's a lot for an innocent 6-year-old.
Your boyfriend should be more understanding. If he knows it bothers you so intensely, and is aware that there is childhood trauma behind your behaviour, he should try to help you.
Lastly, everyone likes porn. Women and men. Some porn is violent and very wrong, but all people are aroused by watching other people have sex. Once in a while, a boyfriend OR GIRLFRIEND will view porn, everyone needs a change ONCE IN A WHILE.
However, doing it a lot around someone who has a deep-rooted issue with it, is just inconsiderate.
Also, don't feel bad about feeling jealous of the girls in the porn videos. Jealousy is normal. However, you have no reason to be jealous. Seriously, no respectable guy would actually date a pron star.
honey, I think you need some counseling.
I look at porn and I think it's a general consensus that most people at least do from time to time. My last 2 girlfriends looked at porn at least as much as I did and we definitely got some cool ideas. Any girl I've known really well to where they would admit to me that they do it, look at porn. You should try and push your parent's problems out of your mind. Just look at it in a totally different way. Porn can be fun for both of you.
I only use porn with her,she usually watching it or dominateing some amatuer site,naughty girl
sounds like he's got an addiction on his hands, good luck
Inserts Rimshot sound effect *Badoom---pissh* that was almost funny, lol. We guys shouldnt be so mean to her, this site is meant to help others...not hurt them.
hes a dick
for some men, the only way they can achieve full sexual satisfaction is by severely hurting their mate. your boyfriend is one of these men. if the porn is really a problem, try to give him other outlets for this totally normal tendency of his. it could be good to start with some light smacking of your face and roughhousing. But this is not enough. for most men it will need to progress to full anal blasting. You will eventually need to see a doctor. This will not stop him. it is really a question of whether you truly love him. if you do, you will give him what he needs to be satisfied.
let him watch porn,its normal..but jus make sure you revive romance between the two of you so that there spicyness in you life,
then he MIGHT stop watchin altogether..
he may need some help-he sounds like he is having a problem with fantasy versus reality-guys are visually stimulated and that is what pumps up his urge to find release-when you are not there it is his hand in combination with porn -do not blame yourself just try to be around him more and help him realize that all women are not there for him-----they got paid to pose and left it at that--and they are robbing you of hours of orgasms with your man! He may think its ok for now but if you give him an ultimatum-me or the porn which will he choose-i hope he is not a fool and chooses you over his hand-if not then he has not respected you-never will and has been crippling your self-esteem in a most demeaning way
Well..u said u're adventurous and love to try new stuff. So let ur boy get some ideas..nothing wrong in watching.
Porn is really addictive and is hard to stop after a while and its not that he doesn't get enough it just starts to become one of those routine things you know like brushing your teeth or taking a shower its just hard not to.
Personally I don't thing watching porn is bad. Very Freakish porn is bad. But I watch it in my home whenever I want, and let my boyfriend watch it anytime he wants. It gives us new ideas to get the desire going
I'd say he should listen to you. Yes, p*rn is part of almost every man's life. It doesn't mean your boyfriend can't make an effort to please you. It will be hard for him to cut his habits -- and maybe impossible to cut it completely -- but if he loves you, he should at least try if this is how you feel. A guy gets exposed to p*rn at an early age. After thinking things through -- and it took me a while -- I don't think it's normal to lust other women and get off through p*rn while being in a relationship with someone special, someone you love. And yet guys do it because of the conditioning of the brain. You can always pretend p*rn is only images and video, but who are we kidding? I'm fucking these p*rn stars in my mind. P*rn ruined my relationship with a nice and beautiful girl, because I couldn't make the effort. It's been a while, but I'm still longing for her. I was just stupid. I'm listening to the wishes of my current girlfriend now, but constantly thinking about that other girl almost feels like cheating in itself.
Why does it hurt you. We don't all look at p*rn because we want to have an emotional affair with a p*rn star. I watch gay p*rn just because I love watching men receive pleasure & like to imagine myself giving my love pleasure like that. It is a great way to learn how to please men & it really turns you on. Plus, even if your guy get's turned on by looking at p*rn ladies, isn't it better for him to watch p*rn than actually go out & cheat? Men don't have as much self control as women, so they need to find healthy ways to relieve themselves. I would never have an issue with a guy watching p*rn because at least he's not actually doing what he's watching with other girls, biggest fear a woman has by the way. Try wathing it with him, you might light it.
I don't know why most guys lie about it in their response. We are guys, we love sex, it's nature's intention for us to spread the seeds. Guys produce billions of sperm in one shot, girls produce 1 egg per cycle. It's nature's design for guys to f*** every women that give them a hard on. For girls, it's nature's design for her to f*** a hot guy to produce best baby and cling onto another guy who will stay there to take care of the baby.
It's simple, he just doesn't find you that attractive, offer a threesome and see him f*** her 4 times a day.
Looool I don't support this guy wot so eva, but I love your analogy.....im using it!!