Am I in the wrong here, kicking my girlfriend out because she's chosen to cut me off from sex due to politics?

Question

I strongly suggest you read the context before commenting.

So basically this woman I am dating, we have been together for 4 years, she's 5 years younger than me, I'm 36, she's 31. Has decided arbitrarily to completely stop having sex with me. Like full on, no sex period.. I'm also not permitted to masturbate apparently, as she sees masturbation as cheating. This is coming from the leaked court docs about roe v wade and the Supreme Court possibly overturning it. She says that until they make the correct decision there will be no more sex, period. Now I'm very much pro choice, as is she.. But I think making me suffer because of politics is just stupid. I talked with her about it, she said because I'm male it's my fault.

I politely yet firmly advised her she had 48 hours to move out of my home. That I was done with her if she was going to make that choice. I said because I could not and would not force sex on her nor would I try to change her mind about her choice to use me in her protest, that i simply could not have her in my life any more. She used the old argument "but I don't owe you sex". I agreed and said "of course not, but I also don't owe you the use of my money, my car, or my home either"

She left but called me sexist, and a ton of other names. I feel like I dodged a bullet..

Am I in the wrong here for standing my ground when it comes to sex in our relationship and kicking her out?

TheLoneTerran · Accepted Answer

Sometimes this kind of thing happens. You aren't entitled to sex from/with her but she has absolutely no say on whether you can masturbate either.

If boundaries were set and made clear, then there's nothing wrong with enforcing your boundary. It's actually necessary for a healthy relationship. And it's not a surprise that two people having an argument don't have sex. But by trying to become the gatekeeper of sex and trying to forbid what you can and cannot do. Trying to exercise this amount of control over someone is an insight to their thought process and should be at least mentally bookmarked for review later. This type of control, along with ultimatums, are often the death knell of a relationship.

Additionally, grouping you with 'all men' so it's 'your fault too' is childish "logic" and ignores the fact that there have been women on the Supreme Court for decades. Not to mention the legions of women who support the overturning the decision, including anti-abortion Congresswomen that interviewed and signed off on allowing the candidates onto the Supreme Court's bench.

I've seen the myriad of calls for a "sex strike" until the course has been reversed but these calls lack any critical thinking. It completely misses the fact that this is not something that we can vote on. The decision rests entirely in the hands of the Supreme Court. Not the average joe on the street. All we can do is stand in solidarity with women in getting government regulation out of women's bodies. I do not know what a "sex strike" accomplish beyond adding tension to and straining their relationship.

It should be added that women are under no obligation to have sex with their partners and vice versa, but trying to pretend that sex isn't an important part of a relationship is simply a stupid endeavor. And it should also be noted that there is a massive difference between being too angry, uncertain, or scared to feel like having sex or simply being disinterested in sex and weaponizing sex and using it as a tool to punish their partner. All the second option is going to do is fuel her anger, make her partner resent them for a decision that doesn't make sense to them, and to quickly start harming the relationship. The harm to the relationship doesn't come from not having sex but because an aspect of the relationship has been weaponized and used against a partner. Similar to how abusive men often weaponize a woman's access to her friends and family as a means of control. This kind of behavior has been labeled as abusive by doctors and experts for years and years. If someone reading this realizes their partner has done or is currently doing this to them, the situation rarely improves and will become more all encompassing as time progresses. Think very hard about the decision of leaving this kind of abusive partner.

letsbelovin · Accepted Answer

Definitely sounds like you dodged a bullet there. You can guarantee that if you stayed with her this wouldn't be the last episode of her wanting to control you. This episode with her was about a lot more than just sex. I'm sure you could reflect on this situation with her and look back at your relationship and you would see signs that things were a bit off.

If she doesn't want sex then that's fine, that's certainly her choice, but to tell you to stop masturbating because she says it's cheating, that is the most absurd thing I've ever heard. And what has being male got to do with anything that is going on through the courts? Let alone using you in her protest when the court case has got nothing to do with you, except for the fact that you're male. She's a complete and utter fkn looney 😝

She sounds like the kind of woman who would not be happy in a relationship unless she completely emasculates her partner and then wonder why any relationship she would be in would ultimately fail. The mind boggles 😣

whirled_up_girl · Accepted Answer

Yeah, it's strange, especially if you're prochoice, its like she wants to take her anger of other men out on you or something. Some people are like that unfortunately. I think you're right for ending this relationship but did this behavior come out of the blue, were there any warning signs that she might have these extreme reactions to things? I'm not blaming you but I've heard of other people being in similar toxic relationships and it seemed that things built up over time, learning to see if there were red flags might help you avoid this scenario in the next relationship if you choose to enter one again.

Emilyis · Accepted Answer

HAhahaha, That's what you get for being a Democrat. LOL

OlderAndWiser · Answer

This girl sounds like a man-hater and I'm surprised you lasted that long! You should be proud of yourself for standing your ground, protecting yourself, and dodging the bullet. What if she had your children and your daughter grew up to be just like mom? Wouldn't THAT be a huge disappointment?

Lliam · Answer

You're 100% right. The bitch is psycho. A true man-hater.
You guys have been together for four years and actually have the same values, yet she blames YOU and all men for the views of the majority in the Supreme Court? Wow. Amazing.

Good thing you told her not to let the door hit her in the ass on the way out. I'm sorry it took so long for her to show her true colors.

MCheetah · Answer

I feel like you both are in the "wrong," because no one is obligated to sex from anyone. But at the same time, she handled it like a baby and was completely immature about it. If you had stated you broke up with her because she lashed out on you from hearing that news, and not because "she wouldn't have sex with me," I think it would've painted you in the better light. Anyway, it's probably for the best you two just break up and move on.

Red_Arrow · Answer

She has chosen to punish you for being a man. That makes no sense at all! If she wanted a relationship with a woman, then that is what she should have chosen. And the only way she would allow your relationship to return to normal is if the Supreme Court makes a certain decision. Total Stupidity! And I see her belief that masturbation is cheating as a red flag that is rather stupid. You made the right decision.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

That is very odd. Especially since you are in agreement with your stance. It's like, what? She is taking it out on YOU because you two are in agreement? Weird.

IMuser · Answer

The deadline should have been of 24 hours. If someone involves politics in relationships and "blames you for being a man", kick them out.

Markie-mark · Answer

Of course, that shit needs discipline if anything, political butthurt shouldn't even factor in a relationship

Whatever2929292 · Answer

There is more to a relationship then sex. But you can't control someone's politics. Someone like this isn't worth being with anyways though

DonkeyDan · Answer

I'm going to go out on a limb here and regardless of any hate I might get from people I'm going to be totally honest. She sounds not only toxic but neurotic. Fair enough she has an issue with sex for the tine being, regardless of the reason being totally ridiculous, but to not even discuss it rationally, and just blame you because your male is an utter load of cop out bullshit.
I wouldn't even have give her 48 hours, and yes I think you dodged a bullet, there is no way in hell I could have someone as toxic as that as a partner.

2facedfa1ry · Answer

she seems a little weird... but I guess kicking out for that/breaking up is a little too much for a girlfriend of 5 years unless she's been holding off for months

kinggeorge007 · Answer

You are absolutely right and you have the right to do that. She definitely has issues. She needs to fix them before dating someone let alone living together.

Reaper1985 · Answer

for couples who cohabitate but are not having regular sexual interactions together. where both people involved aren't able to get pleasure from their sexual interactions. don't really count as a couple they are more like just regular roommates at that point.

once either tries to cut the other off from having sexual interactions with them. their relationship is likely to start slowly falling apart because pleasurable sex. is often the clue that holds a relationship together during the good and bad times.

Vendela · Answer

Ga dahm...

HawkPerception · Answer

What is up with women nowadays lmao. You definitely dodged a bullet. Don't settle for that shit.

Nalix · Answer

She's taking out her anger on you. Denying sex for the court decision only hurts men who already agree with those women. Men who disagree weren't having sex with them to begin with.

AimeeKyle · Answer

No, not at all. No sense moving forward with someone that you are not a match with.

Shamalien · Answer

Never doubt that you made the right choice. This bitch is fucking absurd. I mean you could have called her bluff and waited for her to give into horniness, but trying to tell you you can’t masturbate either? Wow. What a dumb bitch

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Get rid of her immediately.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

You are in the right but honestly it was a long time coming. Stop dating liberals. This is how they behave. It sounds like you may be one too but trying to be rational about it... sadly thats not how liberalism works in most peoples minds. Try a conservative girl next time. She would have been so happy for the decision she would be fucking you extra rn. Lol.