Am I wrong for being furious with my wife for sleeping with another man while separated?

My wife and I separated for 6 months. I admit part of it was my fault. I shut her out and wouldn’t talk about how I was feeling and that made her feel distant and resentful towards me. We agreed to separate with the understanding of working on ourselves. Things have been better and I feel like we genuinely have improved. I found some messages on her phone and confronted her. She was having sex with her coworker the whole time. She said he was a good “friend” to lean on while she was going through a rough time in her life. I don’t suspect they were sleeping together before our separation seeing as how she was always home on time, I had her location through iPhone, etc. We never talked about seeing or not seeing other people while separated but this pains me. I think it’s considered cheating but she doesn’t think so. I don't know how to get over this but I don’t just want to leave either. We have 3 year old twins.

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Superb Opinion

  • Honestly depends on what you both agreed on during the separation. Was it agreed you'd both take some time off and then try again? If so I think you have a legitimate reason to be angry. After all if trying again was the goal then actions that complicate that are logically bad actions.

    If you were well and truly separated? Nah. I get your feeling. It sucks. But the very second someone says that it is over to the other person and means it, it is no longer cheating. It is difficult to feel angry, and you have every right to, but not have anyone who is really deserving of that anger.

Most Helpful Guy

  • yes, you were not together, it was unsure if you would get back together, and you probably did not set ground rules of what you could or could not do while you were apart.
    So being a free adult she made the decision to have sex with someone else, you made the decision not to do that, or at least you didn't fess up and say you did.

Most Helpful Girls

  • She cheated of course, how can she lie and say she didn’t?
    Either ways, likely she’s been done; just let her go.
    If she keeps playing games and clearly
    Still wants you. If you want her too than I’d say couples therapy would be good.
    If not this probably isn’t going to end
    Well.

  • You have every right to be angry. I would be too if I were you. Just because you separated doesn't mean that's open to going out and fucking someone else. You're still married. I understand you have kids together that are very young, but I would consider leaving in this situation.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 14
  • If you expected her to remain faithful, and if that was important to you, then why didn't you talk about that before you separated?

  • Am I wrong for being furious with my wife for sleeping with another man while separated?
    • Beat me to it lol

    • @shanshu 😁

  • separated is not divorce. you would be justified n you can "sue for divorce n money" same as if a man would cheat.

  • Being separated is often the first step towards total breakup. You are fortunate to get back together. Whatever she did during the separation... you have no right to judge her, she's human and entitled to live her life. Try to put the separation behind and move forward.

  • I wouldn't be. I my SO has a good personality, and provided there's no pregnancy or is with my friends, I easily forgive cheating.

  • No need to be ''furious''

    But she demonstrated that she's not willing to commit to you only - sexually, and in other fields as well, most likely.

    Write her off.

    Sadly, with present western lawmaking, you're bound to lose the kids as well.

    Hide your money and possessions, and wait for the thunderstorm to come.

  • Let her have her fun.

  • You were separated. Do you expect her to stop having a life?

  • You might've been working on yourself but she was working on someone else. The fact that she had sex with someone else during the separation will definitely help you big time in the divorce since it is considered cheating in the legal sense.

  • If you didn't discuss loyalty before you took a break, you can't be mad at her.

  • "We never talked about seeing or not seeing other people while separated but this pains me."

    Never assume anything during a separation. Because of this, yes you are wrong. Now you have to decide if the marriage can be salvaged.

  • Is she still seeing him?

  • Ridiculous

  • Your twins will be a better off with two divorced loving parents who are friends than a father harboring hatred for years.

  • You have every right to be angry.. you were separated to thing about things.. not to break up.. in my opinion she cheated on you.. she probably did before too..

    Time to cut her loose and move on.. just remember ALL girls cheat

  • Why did you go back? She is trash, drop her to the curb.

  • What did you expect her to do? Become a nun?