Any advice for a virgin at 29?

[Anonymous]

I’m a bit embarrassed that I haven’t slept with someone at 29. And whenever I say it to friends or even guys that are friends they look at me like I’m a unicorn. Even doctors and at the ob 😂

I want to get out there but I’m just nervous. I haven’t even really kissed someone like for real 😅 just when I was drunk in my younger years but I don’t remember much.

[MrOracle]

Your virginity isn't the issue - the real issue is that you haven't had a romantic relationship in the nearly 15 years that you've been sexually mature. As important as sex is, it's less important than your inability or disinterest in finding a relationship partner.

In the modern world, it's POSSIBLE to live your whole life single - but it's going to be a lonely and often miserable experience. Having a partner to share the experiences and the important moments in life with is one of the most important and valuable things you can do with your life. I realize that Feminism teaches the opposite - that you should focus on your career and that you don't need a man - but that is not a path to happiness.

I don't know you so I have no idea why it hasn't happened yet, but it's nearly impossible that you haven't had opportunities at 29. Having said that, finding a GOOD partner takes work and focus - a lot like getting an education or finding a job; you have to make an effort and make good decisions if you want a good outcome. Few people who are out of work have their perfect job seek THEM out at home - for most people, you have to go out and do the searching and vetting yourself, and it's the same with relationships. Sitting at home is not going to get it done, and for the love of God, stay off the dating apps, which are really just hook-up apps.

If you are like the vast majority of women, you will deeply and profoundly bond with the first person you have sex with, and it will become incredibly important to you that he also has feelings towards you and that he wants a relationship with you - even if you don't think you'll want that going in, you almost certainly will want those things with him afterwards, and you'll want HIM to want those things too. If you just have casual sex with some guy, and he disappears, you will feel profoundly hurt, even if you tell yourself that you were only looking for casual sex in the beginning.

That's why it's more important to find a quality relationship partner and focus on that - if you do that well, the sex/virginity thing will solve itself.

And it's very much in your own best interest to choose a man based on his morals, values, and life-goals, and NOT on how hot he is or how popular or rich he is or how jealous your friends will be. Whether a guy is totally average or super hot, after you're together for 6 months, you won't care, because you'll have gotten used to him either way, and what you will "see" is his personality, morals, values, and life-goals - those are the things you will care about long-term. And I can tell you that men who are hot are almost never the men with good values, morals, and life-goals - hot guys will use you for sex until you become an inconvenience or until they get bored, and then they'll dump you and move on.

[PositiveFlight]

Best advice is to focus on always being yourself and comfortable in your own skin. That drives respect toward you. Once you attract the right guy who is mature, smart, honorable, loving, and respectful, you can then take it slow and build a committed relationship. When it’s the right time, things will just fall into place and it will happen. There isn’t any race. When sex finally occurs, you can rest assured that you have a foundation for sex. Knowing you mean something way more to him where he doesn’t value you exclusively for your body. You can do it.

[Dinklex3]

Just don't feel rushed or sleep with someone you don't like just to have sex.

My best friend is 30 and still a virgin and my other best friend is 34 and a virgin.

If it makes you feel weird then just don't talk about it, lol. No one but my best friends knew I was a virgin before i had sex.

[Hawner]

There is nothing wrong with that. You are a late bloomer, so what? I think it is better to wait till the right one appears, whenever that may be.
Don't obsess with that.

[Asker]

Thank you. I just get embarrassed by peoples reactions. They make me feel like crap. And it doesn’t help that my family always says “you’re the last one left, meet someone and have kids” it’s suffocating. And at the doctor people saying “well I thought you would be sexually actively at this age” it’s mentally exhausting. I know you’re right though.

[Hawner]

Yeah, I get you. Everybody around me is like that as well but with marriage and such. "When will you find a girl and have kids?" Ugh... Just ignore all that. It is your life and your body. If you have other things to do, then it is ok. It will eventually come your time, if you are interested in it.

[lightbulb27]

I did the same, some are late bloomers. some are shy introverts. and some lack social communication skills and confidence... due to poor training, lack of training, or trauma in life.

So you just have to go to work working on yourself, working on your objectives and that's that. Sooner you start, sooner you get somewhere else.

[Asker]

Thank you! I was confident in my earlier 20’s, talked with everyone but was still so nervous. And now I gained some weight and I feel like garbage which I’m sure doesn’t help my confidence. I’m just scared of how men will react. I had trauma growing up and it contributed to how inexperienced i am.

[lightbulb27]

I did as well, a lot of us have those impacts from trauma or abuse. what happened to you? I was not secure with how I looked and felt ashamed and unworthy, at minimum. I had layers of problems and so took me well into my 40's to start. You really have to work on yourself... heal those wounds as much as you can, come to peace, remove the lies, remove curses put on yourself or by others. It's like emotional surgery. Otherwise, those things "control" and often that is not good. It's sad how it works, but it is what it is. you can succeed! You can work on your condition, that's easy. Lots of guys go for larger girls, it all depends. Personality, communication skills, dating skills, confidence more important. Certainly looks influence, but not only thing. Remember.. there's the other side as well... he's got his issues, it's not all about you:)

[Asker]

A family member took advantage of me at 6-7 years old. It’s something that I blocked for a long while and it just started to hit me when I got older. And when I was 21 a guy I liked took advantage of me. That was tough. Do you feel like you are in a better place? This was really helpful. And something I needed to hear. I appreciate it.

[lightbulb27]

I'm sorry to hear that, that's around the age I was abused by a neighbor. That's just one issue for me, there were many other issues, they get layered in and how I found GAG because I had decades of issues in relationship and was suffering more. Suffering... is a messenger! As in your case, unresolved trauma leads to more trauma. I avoided my issues for decades... didn't know what I didn't know. Relationships expose the deeper self which gives opportunity to resolve deep unresolved stuff. God wants love and life, not wasted life. Yes I am much better, but I had to suffer to get here. It (wounds) becomes your strength when healed, otherwise it controls your life... as you observe, you are living out of fear... rather than love, and your sub conscious brought you to someone probably like the abuser, and thus your fear to go out again. The imposition took your strength, self esteem, maybe you felt ashamed. It casts you down a path and more things can go wrong. You can fix that now that you know! You really have to resolve impacting issues before getting into relationships because it is the sub conscious mind that is making the decisions and "choosing". When you heal from it, it is a strength to you and you'll filter those people out and go for better quality... as you are functioning from better emotional energy. That's how it works... clear? I'm not licensed therapist but feel like a PhD in school of life. To resolve, you need to re-work the inner emotions to get your strength back. Many tools and approaches to achieve that. It's trauma.. as a child you were not able to process an emotional event. probably never told anyone. If you have a Christian perspective, I can communicate in that regard, it's helpful in my view, but not essential.

[lightbulb27]

Rushing out to mate with some guy is clearly wrong idea, although I get where you are coming from... you feel left out, question your worth, etc. All this is normal... the avoidance, "the past" is showing up now, etc.. You have some time to work on self, give it 6-12 months of real effort, and figure out what you really want. nothing is easy, but when you get to the other side... you have new gifts and power didn't know you had before, and healthier energy and choices. Your "empathy" instead of being a vulnerability becomes an asset.
Just one tidbit... you were impacted around 6-7... that might show up in how you feel based upon this research: www.studocu.com/.../26057286

It's all well understood what's going on and you can heal. Everyone is an individual, and you can find a path to wellness. If you want some guidance in that, lmk.

@midnightmoon -> my wife, in the loop.

[summiter]

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Wait for the right guy at the right time in your life.

[Berethor]

At this age you should be more worried about having children than about casual sex.

[oddwaffle]

Girl you better lose that virginity fast. It was nice and all when you were in your teens but past 25 and you don't know anything then it's really really high time you start learning.

What you really want to do is to find an older guy who is experienced, a bit dominating but nice and know what is he doing and ask for NSA relationship. He will take you through the process and handle the aftermath.

It's not a physical thing, it's more like a mentality thing. It's about getting comfortable with yourself and other people body. Looking at their not so flattering body and somehow find that charming.

Of course you don't know who is nice and experienced and who is an idiot playing daddy. It's really hard to know. The only way to know is to ask another girl.

Or just take the deep dive and go for a date with a guy you met on the dating app that doesn't look like a horny moron.

[bowenw]

It's normal to be nervous. I suggest doing things to meet a lot of new people. Sooner or later you'll meet someone you're comfortable with.

[exitseven]

Don;t be so hard on yourself. Find a guy you like and go out on a few dates , Get to know each other better and when you both are ready you can have the sex,. It is sort of a big deal not just something to get over with.

[BJP21]

You are a Dimond in the ruff. I didn't have sex until I was in my 30s. Shoot me a DM maybe we neighbors.

[peterrezeeek]

get married by loving a man first..
i advice you to don’t be cheap for any man who doesn't want to build a family..
u saved ur body clean fir 29 years do not fall it down with unclean sex with fking strangers men..
u still virgin u save ur value...

[Nahid1707]

You want love and that is sweet

[Paul09]

I don't understand why you are embarrassed. It's perfectly normal. You do it when it happens , or when you want it to happen. Who ever says it's otherwise is just silly

[CharlieDMX]

Don't be scared. It's more normal that you think. It all depends on your reasons why and if you just want to hook up or if you really want to have a nice relationship before having sex

[kareka]

I think i can help you and give you many advices..
If you wanna follow me and i will dm u

[MasterKS]

dont be too late.

[TheCloud2]

Have you ever seen a micro penis?

[Asker]

😂 no

[TheCloud2]

Do you want to?

[YourToy69]

Go slow

[Anonymous]

something you don't expect to happen to women

[Anonymous]

Just an observation that if you say you’ve been with 300 guys, everyone just says “you do you” or “just as long as you’re happy” but then when you’re 29 and you haven’t given your body to some random guy yet, somehow your virginity is like a malignant tumor that you have to remove immediately. So, since no one else will say it, you keep doing you. And don’t listen to anyone else. Just do whatever makes you happy

[Anonymous]

Be a virgin till last breath 🫁

[Anonymous]

Have you had any guys express interest in you over the years?