Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health Hey everyone,
I don't know if this was a big mistake. My boyfriend was always loving and kind during our relationship of 4 years. I discovered a tendency to be bisexual during this relationship and asked him whether I could kiss a girl or even make out a bit,.. he said - after thinking about it for 6 months - yes you can. I had a date with a girl and almost kissed her but I didn't.
He also said if I am the only girl he sleeps with in his whole lifetime he'll be the luckiest man on earth.
Still, when I asked if he would participate in a FFM he said he wants to live it once.
Then I broke up with him as he would fuck another girl. He said it's not a must have for him. But it's something he wants/ would like to experience.
Is the break up okay, or am I totally wrong? And: Would it be totally legit if I wasn't bisexual? Cause I think then he'd still like to f another girl together with me...
we have a bad past. maybe that's why I snapped. I feel guilty for breaking up bc of a wish. I hope you guys won't judge me. I am the nicest girl ever normally. I just don't unterstand my rage quit.
Lots of thanks for reading!
Break up over his sexual fantasy - right?
laracr0ft Xper 2
2 3
What Girls & Guys Said
15 46What are you 12 or something?
He allowed you to date and even make out with another girl, when he could have even found it gross and ended relationship with you, but he allowed you to experiment.
And now you just end things based on a fantasy he didn't even attempted?
True that. Might be based on our history but still the actions happend the way you described them. I think he thought women were only sexual experiences to me and I could not love them, at this time. I think that's why he allowed me to date them. He said he can love women, so that's where the double standard came from. Do you think it's the same though? I mean.. even without love I would've gotten sex and attention from someone else and he wouldn't have, right?
Also I think he was turned on by me and a woman. If it would've been a guy - and he would have ended the relationship.
Last one. Sorry, I don't know if you can edit posts here. He said he would like to do that fantasy with me. What's not attempting about it?
But you said that you left him because he wanted to fuck another woman, not love her. He too can get sex somewhere without a romantic relationship. He only said that he would like to do it with you. But also note that he knows that you have bisexual tendencies and thought that you might enjoy it. He didn't ask you to arrange one, did he?
ooooh.. that's true. He CAN love women but desired sex not love with another girl. So did I. Basically the same, yes. But I'm an Alt - F4 girl as it seems. Thanks for your honest opinion. If you desire sex with someone else it's bullshit to make a difference if you can LOVE that other person. Also it doesn't matter if you have boobs or not. I was SO jealous and i feel bad now.
It's okay. It happens. Probably he would have also been jealous if you said that you were attracted to another guy instead of a girl.
Maybe you should talk with him.
i don't think it's worth breaking up over but, i do think you need to talk about it
why you're having sex during a FUCKING VIRUS, i do not know
:D funny you say you are the nicest , when i am the nicest lol just kidding,
well yeah you did complicate things yourself, and opened up the door fot it, so he is not wrong for wishing it..
If you dont want to do it, and he is trying to force you
then it would make sense to break up with him
if the threesome was your idea, and he said he was open to it... but said it wasn't the most important thing
and then you broke up
that seems like your fault.
That's the problem here. I was asking because I thought he'd never like to do it. So it seems like it's my fault, yep.
So he gave you the go ahead to explore and you broke it off when he admitted he would enjoy the company or another women joining you two in bed? Kinda sounds like you both would be satisfying your fantasies. I may have missed something though.
It is the bad past making you snap on him.
you should have done the ffm 3some with him
Why do you think I should've done it?
it seemed you asked if he would participate in a ffm and then broke up with him for it.
That's why I feel so bad. The pictures in my head started to come up during sex. Though I was the one wanting another girl first. I'm french I don't know the English word for when you score in your own goal, you know.
Yeah you're totally wrong and a little nuts
What lol
hmmm... i dont know if this was the best but it depends on the other factors in the relationship - surely there were other reasons you broke up?
There was another thing. I met him 5 years ago, he was incredibly hurt. His ex had been mental abusive. So when we dated his eyes were shut for me, being the girl he loved. So he told me, back then: You're not the right one. I'll find a better match and then I'll replace you. Then he slept with another girl. It hurt.. deep down in my heart but I took him back, we started our relationship. But I was always insecure. I'm a nice girl, but I could not get rid of the hurt completely.. So I think the ffm was a massive trigger and I am sad because of this.
i personally believe the decision you made to break up with him because of what you raised in your question alone to be a bit of an difficult thought, but given the new information this is a big red flag. better be safe than sorry, this sounds like an unhealthy relationship. little things build up and the straw eventually breaks the camel's back. now, think about how you feel after breaking up with him. give it some time and thought. how do you feel about this, not him? do you feel happier/healthier without the relationship?
So let me get this straight, you went on a date with a girl then YOU asked him if he would ever have a FFM threesome. Then go all psycho because you didn’t like his answer. Sounds extremely manipulative on your part. Tbh I’d leave the poor guy alone you sound like a nightmare.
Lol you broke up over a fantasy he doesn't want fulfilled.. You're in the wrong here. I honestly think he dodged a bullet with you. You're obviously not mature enough to be in a relationship with him. You've taught him that honesty is not a good option with you. How stupid can you be.
Please don't date, and don't breed, we don't need your trash in our gene pool.
I think that you have mental problems and are ex5remely insecure
I think you being upset is normal.
Nothing to worry about.
Being upset is one thing, but breaking up with him is another. Especially considering he was supportive of her questioning her sexuality & even dating another person (gender is irrelevant here). She should have at least discussed this with him so she had a clear understanding of what he meant.
@jessacat83 it's her life. She's entitled to her own choices and what she considers acceptable and unacceptable.
Thank you.. the more I think and feel about it the more I see that it wasn't the ffm topic why I broke up. it was the fear of being replaced "again" hard to say. I'm an adventurous girl but got scared and scared more while being with him.. can't even recognize myself anymore.
Some people aren't a good match for each other...
You're right about that, Opinion Owner. But some good relationships fail as a result of a simple misunderstanding or poor communication. If she's feeling concerned that she made a mistake breaking up with him, then a conversation with him about the situation would help everyone involved have a better understanding of what happened. Maybe they're both miserable being apart
@laracr0ft if you are interested in getting back with him, let him know asap! You just made a simple mistake based on the fact that you didn't want to be hurt by someone else. It's human nature. If he's the right guy, he'll understand.
Have you been cheated on in the past by other guys? It sounds like this might have triggered something inside you? Perhaps causing you to over react a bit? This is a fantasy of his. It may never happen and he knows that, but he felt comfortable enough (and trusted you) to share it, and now I'm sure he regrets it. Think of your own fantasies. Whether you've shared them with him or not, is there something similar you have that maybe he wouldn't necessarily "approve" of either? Just some food for thought. Like I say, they are a fantasy and it doesn't mean it's going to happen. Especially if he knows you aren't ok with it. But don't "punish" him for having it.
Thank you. No I was never cheated on, but it was in the dating phase with him. He told me: You're not the right one, if I find a better match I'll replace you. Then he slept with another girl. I know it sounds soooo stupid but I somehow felt triggered by this. Even though I proposed it. I feel so sad because of my reaction. by the way: After his statement, he fell in love and told me I am the woman of his dreams. But I still get reminded of that scar. Then, I am not bad looking. I have about 90-60-90. It all sounds really stupid I guess but I thought a nice appearance would prevent your guy from dreaming about other girls. Anyway, I got a MASSIVE shit storm here so I think it doesn't really matter what I say now. Thanks for your reply.
Wow (that first sentence)! I can't believe some people. To actually say that to you (it's one thing to think it). So disrespectful in my opinion.
I think it hurt so bad that I got all.. I don't know. It's so stupid but I always searched for a backup plan. The first time I asked him bc of kissing a girl was after HE kissed a guy. So.. then I asked if he would wanna join I was so sure he would say no.. but he said yes. From that point I felt like the past wound just came up again. So I dated a woman. But I was trapped in my mind, because again I knew he wanted other girls (too). So that really reminded me of the past and I was unhappy.
Ahhhh! “LOVING AND KIND” remember how you described him? Now you are getting a “shit storm” as you call it, suddenly he was an emotionally abusive cheater! Riiiiiiight!
@CrazyGirl2 hm somehow you Sound judgy, girl.
@CrazyGirl2 also, please borrow me your nickname!
You either mean “May I borrow your nickname” or “would you lend me your nickname”. However, “borrow me your nickname”… it’s just not a sentence, at least not in the English language.
@CrazyGirl2 Well that comeback was sharp. Might contact crazy girl 1 (where you borrowed that FROM) have a great evening girl
Also Can you please keep on offending me content-based? Somehow i liked that more than the grammar stuff rawr
Actually CG1 was my old account, and I forgot the username. So I created CG2 but thanks for using borrow correctly that time. And I promise, no more grammar correction. But seriously, check out Grammarly, it’ll change your life (and I think it’s free).
@CrazyGirl2 hey girl i‘m French doing the best i Can out Here hahaaa
Seems like a rash thing to do over a fantasy and you have 4 years into the relationship y
But is it just a fantasy though?
If he wasn’t with you and had the opportunity then he would try it but most guys are loyal and won’t while in a relationship because it usually ruins the relationship
But he Told me that If He was in the situation with me and it was cool - he‘d jump right in.
Only if it was ok with you he would but doesn’t realize it usually ruins the relationship
If this wish is THAT Common.. Well Then it maybe it was not that unusual that he would‘ve. But is it that cool that my boyfriend would have slept with another girl If i was there? Somehow that was sexistic of me
Don't listen to the men here.
My boyfriend doesn't want to be with another girl. It's NOT a fantasy all men have.
I would consider that to be really rude too, so I get it.
I still think you overreacted, especially because he let you go out with another girl... Just think about that.
not all but a vast majority. that being said its still just a fantasy.
@magiusX26 why is it just a fantasy when the majority would ACT on that fantasy? That's something I'll never understand in my whole lifetime
Thank you so much! But - that is based on a difference HE made. He told me: If you want to f another girl.. it's just based on gender. If I want to f another girl.. that's bad. So I was confused here..
She asked if he would like to do it. He said yea he would like to but he didn’t say he would act on it it’s a FANTASY she asked he answered it’s not rude at all.
@Birdlegs that’s Not completely true. He Said: Yeah I WANT to act on it that’s true.
Almost every guy you meet has that fantasy. The ones who say they don't are usually lying because they don't want this to happen. You like other girls, you asked him, he got excited. It was a trap. He even said that it's not a must. I'd definitely say that you're in the wrong here, 100%.
But the guys that have this fantasy... would they all turn it into a real life experience, would they live it up? I just can't believe it. A fantasy is not a problem. I was just super shocked that he would do it. Am I still wrong here?
Like I said almost every guy has this fantasy. The next guy you date if you do, he'll have the fantasy also, he just might not be honest with you. You basically dumped him for being a normal guy.
So he was basically just.. honest. Shit. That's something that I don't want to discard and I did it. But it was not shit testing, I was naive. Guess I was 23. I just thought he'd say no i would never do it. Does fantasy - to you - mean living it up in reality?
I have lived it up in reality. One of my ex-girlfriends was bi, asked me if she could fool around with other women, asked me if I'd enjoy a threesome. The only difference is that she was actually up for it. What's the problem here? Or why is that a problem? If you're kissing other women and fooling around with them especially. The poor guy must be confused as fuck, I know I would be. If you weren't actually up for it and you acted like you were, it was a shit test. Otherwise why did you ask?
I thought it was somewhat different - him wanting to sleep with other girls and me. I think I was not an accepting girlfriend then. You know that sounds stupid but I thought, never would he say yes to this. I was not expecting this. I thought it was all fantasy and men would not do this.. Can I ask you if your ex girlfriend was jealous?
No there was no need for her to be jealous. I wasn’t gonna leave her for the other girl. We broke up for entirely different reasons, long after we were doing this stuff.
I'm very glad that all went well with you and that you didn't break up over this. These are the good stories that no one ever hears about. Thanks for sharing!