Sexual Relationships
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Did I get raped by my own husband?

My husband is an alcoholic and last night he came home very drunk. I'm used to it now so I was ignoring him. He owns a gas station and often times he comes home late so I always leave his dinner in the microwave. I was watching TV in our room when he starts calling me into the kitchen claiming that he can't find his food. I refused to get up because he knew exactly where his dinner was but he was just being stupid. After a few seconds he starts screaming my name very aggressively. When I finally make my way to the kitchen I was super mad and he just starts laughing saying he missed me and trying to come on to me. He starts grabbing me and rubbing all over me which he always does when he's drunk. I was not in the mood and I kept pushing him away. He wouldn't stop no matter what I did. I even slapped him which made him mad and he got very aggressive. We ended up having sex anyway because I got tired of fighting and I was actually kind of scared if what would happen if I kept fighting him. The entire time I kept thinking about what would have happened if I had fought harder and kept fighting. Would he have stopped? I left for work early this morning because I didn't want to talk to him. I did talk to my friend about it and she is insisting that he raped me. I hadn't thought about that until she said it and it's really bothering me. Did I just get raped by my own husband? I have no idea what to say to him. I'm not sure if I should just drop it or bring it to his attention. Is my friend being dramatic. If my husband did in fact rape me what should I do? I know this is the dumbest question but im really conflicted right now and I think I need a few more opinions.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • It's not clear. I'm not sure what 'he got aggressive' means. I'm not sure what his past history was.

    It's clear you consented because you felt threatened. What I can't tell based solely on what you wrote is whether your fear was reasonable and he threat was clearly implied, in which case it was rape, or whether that fear was all in your head and him 'being aggressive' was something that has not in the past, and would not, have lead to violence if you'd refused.

    I'm going to be very blunt - it seems to me that either your husband needs to get treatment for alcoholism and conquer it, or you should divorce him. that's more clear than whether a reasonable observer would have considered your husbands actions threatening or not to the point it was rape.

  • You should find a good therapist and work with them on what to do about this.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Something similar happened to me when I was married. I was sick and he knew I didn't want to have sex. He came in to the bedroom and got on top of me. He tried to hold my hands down. He was pulling down my panties. I was groggy because of the medicine I had taken. I kept telling him no... he wouldn't stop. Finally I started crying and he stopped. I think the only reason he stopped was because my son was down the hall from us. The next morning when I confronted him about it. He told me I was crazy. It still haunts me. He never said he was sorry. It took me a long time to talk about it. It sounds like your husband is abusing you. You need to get help or get out of the marriage. I have been divorced for 8 years now. I am much happier. Good luck.

  • You said no, so yes I believe it was rape and you should talk to him about it. You need to tell him what he did was not okay and he shouldn't be drinking to that point if that's how he is going to treat you. It's really not okay and maybe he needs to get help.

  • You were raped. You can't drop something like that. Report it to the police definitely. Even if you don't want to press charges, you need to have legal documentation of it to cover you if this happens again or the violence gets worse. Don't wait. Do it now.

    • I read some of the GAG guys opinions and rather than argue with numbskulls I'm just going to add, if you're in America, there are laws that protect married women who were raped by their husbands. In my opinion your situation was rape no matter what country you're in. But after the first no, any forced sexual act is rape or assault. You need to get out of there.

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What Girls & Guys Said

8 15

  • This is definitely domestic violence and rape. No means no and when a guy refuses to listen to a womens plead that is indeed rape.

  • Technically, maybe.

    Does it matter? After all, you picked him in the first place because you wanted to have sex with him.

    You have to decide on the whole package. Either you stay with him, warts and all, or you divorce.

    I've had my gf's climb on top of me when I was trying and wanting to sleep and told them I didn't want to have sex. Am I going to file a criminal complaint against one? No, by our sleeping in the same bed and having had sex many times, they had implied consent.

    • You can't compare it. Was any of yours gf's able to beat you? Did they fought with you to have sex with you? Probably not. So you're totally out of topic.

    • @goldfinch23 It is comparable. Any of them could have taken a gun from the drawer. I told them no, and they did it anyway. But I don't care because it isn't important. This woman should decide whether it is important to her or not. If it is, she will divorce him.

    • Did you feel emotionally devastated like women does? Most likely not. Did you get your orgasm? Most likely you did. It's really hard to rape the guy. If he doesn't get hard, nothing is going to happen. But it's too easy to rape woman. But you are right, if she doesn't divorce him, she can't complain.

    • Show All

  • Rape can occur in a marriage this is a case where I believe it is right prior to probation men would come home drunk and force there wife's to sleep with them he was violent he didn't respect the fact that you didn't want to have sex if you had fought he probably would've beat you and gotten in anyway I would definitely call the police I would definitely leave the guy if you have to go into witness protection and go forward but I do not stay in the situation

  • Yes, you've been raped by your husband. It's your choice what you're going to do next. You can talk to him. But because he's alcoholic, it's very unlikely something going to change. You can get over it. But there's a big danger it will be worse and worse. Or you can go to the police. Like this you can save your life.

  • this is definitely rape and domestic abuse. report it and get out

  • yeah, that's pretty sad.

  • not really. however this is not a healthy marriage. your husband shouldn't be coming home drunk all the time and you should never deny your husband.

  • yeah thats rape...

  • I'm not sure but your husband needs help anyways his behavior and being an alcoholic do not mix well together as for instance of what happened

  • Definitely rape.
    The fact that you struggled is enough.

  • You won't be able to prove it it gonna be a hard battle to. Especially because your married

    Divorce him since u don't want him

  • No. Your friend is just butting in your relationship.
    However, if you feel raped, then you were.
    If you have to ask, then your feelings are being fucked with.

  • Yeah, you technically did. Leave that excuse of a human being. He's fucking worthless.

  • File a police report. Then get out of that marriage.

  • Yes, sounds like rape to me.

  • You didn't want it and he forced it upon you. Sounds like rape to me.

  • Yes you were raped and yes you need to talk to him when he's sobers

  • Call police! You were raped. Marital rape is a crime!

  • That's going to be very hard to prove in court , but yes , he did. He was drunk though so he wasn't " in his right mind " , but when he sobers up you need to tell him what he did. If he chooses to drink again , he doesn't give a damn.

  • It's hard to say from this description of it was legally rape, but he sounds like a complete asshole so I'd file for divorce. Do you have any family or friends you could move in with? If so, do it and leave his drunk, belligerent ass.

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