Do I need a permission to have sex?

Question

Imagine you have a partner with whom you enjoy the sex and have done it multiple times. If you partner wants to do again should he/she needs to take your permission ( or at least ask you ) .

thegirlfromthething · Accepted Answer

You do need consent but you don’t have to explicitly ask if you may have sex with her. You could suggest that you want sex by rubbing her leg, pulling her closer to you, starting to kiss her, etc. Initiate the foreplay so it’s clear that you’re leading up to sex but she has time to say no if she’s not in the mood.

Yads_Is_Back · Accepted Answer

That would be such a turn-off. ”Baby, can we have sex?” *sex drive drops way below negative* Get in the mood or forget it lol

horsenrhinounicorn · Answer

Depends on the laws of your state/province

laPrincesitaRoxi · Answer

You ask every time you have sex?
Omg how is consent such a fucking concept to you?
You can’t just think because someone chooses to have sex with you that automatically means they have to whenever you feel like it.

MissKittyz · Answer

No, he better NOT ask me. That's a huge turn off and a mood killer. If he wants sex, all he has to do is try to get me in the mood by kissing me, touching me sexually, etc. Then, that will most likely lead to sex. But asking me to have sex is not going to get me in the mood at all. Just like I don't ask him for sex either, I just get him in the mood and try to turn him on. And if he doesn't want sex because of pain or any other issue, he will just tell me that.

I still remember once, my fiancé actually asked me to have sex with him. He was laying in bed and I was just sitting on top of him (we were both fully dressed to go out). And we were just chatting, laughing and kissing. Then he was like "do you want to have sex?" and I was just like "uuhh if you have to ask, then no". I was obviously joking though and he was too since he knew I didn't like to be asked lol we ended up having sex anyways though lol but anyways, just wanted to share this story :)

akihon · Answer

Does it really matter when regret rape is a common occurrence enough that a name, regret rape, has been coined for it.

I think then given that a formal agreement of written consent for sex is becoming a must, of course it doesn't stop somebody consenting to sex and then a few days later claiming it was rape, because he didn't read her mind or some such bs. But with a written consent it at least gets rid of more of the ambiguity behind did she consent or didn't she.

Maybe something to think about, of course there will be loads of women who will downvote this, but as far as I'm concerned they'll only really do that because they know that it's more damaging to them in the long run, kills of finally the notion of romance and passion, also a good thing if you ask me. It also means that a woman can't hold that power over a man and makes women more responsible for the choices they make, and if course we all know how many women love to be held accountable for their actions.

BusyLizzie321 · Answer

My partner if he want to go again, he will actually say "you want to do that again?" ... honestly it makes life easy

Investigator · Answer

"Do I need permission to have sex?"

Yes, absolutely. However, given the context of the modern day (post-#MeToo), I think the insinuation is "how do I go about asking for it and when does it get revoked?"

Part of the issue at hand lies in communication style: if you decide to search "how men and women speak", you will stumble upon a myriad of articles that can be summarized as "men speak to convey a goal or conclusion and women speak to convey emotions and desires". Men are often taught to ignore what a woman says and instead focus on how she acts, because female speech patterns are littered with hidden signposting and cue indicators, and her mannerisms usually betray her speech. She might say "no", but she acts like she means "yes"--hence the trope of "woman acting 'hard-to-get'", which exists purely because of differences in tone construction.

Women probably hate the idea of being "asked" for sex, even though they want to get consent, because it assumes an explicit statement of imminent action rather than a strong possibility. "Implication" is easier to walk back than "definite answer", which is what men ask for when they say "how do I get permission?" There's more going in the realm of dating and consent than a woman crying "rape" and the guy getting accused of misconduct.

False accusations of rape aren't harmful to men because they keep "male harassers/abusers" at bay. They are harmful because they nullify the "rules of the contract". If a woman says that she was raped, even though she had consented at every point during the encounter and never had a problem, she is retroactively making the verbal agreement between the two parties null and void. While this may look like a good thing to women--if consent is based on something as ethereal as "feelings", rather a known consensus (which is supposed to be more concrete), then feeling like consent was not appropriately respected is valid--the seemingly-arbitrary, sudden, unexplained nature of this redaction comes across to men as the "contract" they thought they were agreeing to no longer having value. Thus, the "sexual encounter" becomes less of a mutual understanding between two like-minded individuals and more a hostile takeover, where one party can change the terms on the fly yet force the other party to accept the conditions without recourse.

If this assumption between the sexes becomes standard affair, then men simply opt out altogether; the benefits of being with a woman being vastly outweighed by the ramifications of her changing her mind. Claiming rape when it was previously the understanding that she was fully willing and consenting and then finding out that she was not, in fact, raped, comes across as "I didn't know what I was doing. Sex happened to me and I was just along for the ride." She becomes an unreliable narrator and neither her words nor her actions carry any weight, the "connective tissue" that gave her motives continuity having disintegrated. This is worse than deception, which is hiding goals under false pretenses. It is negligence masquerading as informed action, very similar to gas lighting. This is how people (including myself) now understand sex and dating to work and that is incomprehensibly dangerous. There won't be relationships if the zeitgeist continues in this direction.

Just my two cents

Hurlyburly · Answer

Yes, of course you do. Inside of a relationship it doesn't have to be a vocal consent, body language works aswell. However, a no is a no, it doesn't matter how long you've been together.

EriFrancis1994 · Answer

You don't need vernal consent. If they consent by reciprocating with their body, you're good to go.  But one 'no' and you should stop

egarcia1360 · Answer

As you get to know your partner better over time both inside and outside the bedroom, it stops making sense to explicitly ask to do every little thing. But you always need consent in some form; with the great power of getting a "yes" from body language comes the great responsibility of looking for a "no" from body language as well. If your partner seems uncomfortable, it's best to pause and figure out what's going on.

You definitely shouldn't need a written contract every time you have sex with your partner, though! 😂

kyroxiss · Answer

maybe not asking directly the permission, but you need to have each other's consent, otherwise it's rape.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

If consent needs to be in writing, they're probably wrong for you.

hsshannah96 · Answer

Yeah you need permission

normalice · Answer

You should first tested for sociopathy. If you have it, then yes you should definitely have one of these cards every time you have sex. If you are not a sociopath, then relying on your basic human empathy will get you by just fine.

BlacklightShade · Answer

Sex without your partner's permission is rape.

Hannibal_Lecter420 · Answer

Some form of it. If they purse their lips and try to push you away then that's a no. But if they're kissing you back and taking off their clothes and yours she wants to fuck. If you meet at a club and they ask if you want to come to their place that is usually an indication they intend on having sex

ecfresh · Answer

You should both have permission and power to refuse sex at this point.

As you have already had sex it’s implied you give permission to have it again. But with the implied contract they should feel empowered to say no at any point. And whether they actually say the word no or do so with their non verbal behavior you must be sensitive and respect their boundaries.

People who abuse others are those who push past the boundaries when their victims say no. You never want to do that and if you have any doubts it’s ok to pull back or even ask at each step. You want them to always feel safe and in control.

This is one reason why building up some trust and knowledge of the other person is so important because as strangers it’s hard to read their behavior and it can be confused. Once you have that trust and understanding you can go to the edge of those boundaries with full trust they will respect your decisions.

1CentWorth · Answer

if so, you're with a dangerous woman.

SpiderManFan2002 · Answer

Yeah 100% you need consent. And consent has to be certainly agreeing to it. Basically saying "yes I want this."

Finchie40 · Answer

You need consent first , either verbally or body language , if you just throw yourself on someone without their permission and they say no then you should back off or it would be considered rape , if you are with a partner that never wants sex and always says no then you should
Really reconsider that relationship and find someone that wants you like you want them , if your partner uses sex like it’s a weapon or a tool to gain something from you then dump them , they don’t value you like you value them , you are just a convenience to them , It’s ok the be spontaneous and most sex is better when it is spontaneous, not planned , so if you try to be spontaneous to your partner and they keep denying you then I would dump them and find someone I could be spontaneous with , Never let a partner have full control over you when it comes to sex , That is borderline abuse , you should feel loved and wanted like you make them feel if they can’t do that for you then you are just wasting your time with someone like that

jgokgotit · Answer

As men, we DO need verbal consent or we risk a lot of legal trouble down the road. I've seen many guys who went ahead with having sex with a girl who "seemed into it" or "they did not indicate they wanted to stop" who later ended up accused by the girl who bold faced lied and said she only went along with it to please the man for (whatever reason, fill in the blank here). EVERY one of those men lost EVERYTHING. 2 of these girls even admitted they lied but no restitution was given to the male victims of the false allegations. This is not to say that every allegation is false (I believe most ARE true), but it is to say a man should NEVER try to guess a woman's body language and base consent off of that. Women change their minds faster than lightning strikes and men are the ones who pay for it. NEVER NEVER NEVER have sex with a woman without verbal consent AT A MINIMUM.

Do I need a permission to have sex?

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