Feeling depressed due to herpes (HSV2) diagnosis?

[Anonymous]

Hello im feeling depressed due to positive herpes results. Before you judge me the person who gave me herpes I knew for over 3 years, Condom was used but he removed it during sex. I'm so scared I won't find a partner and if I really like someone, they will reject me and break my heart. I know I would not accept it if somebody had herpes. How can I get through this and find somebody

[exitseven]

I was going to make a wisecrack but I know this is not funny. This is not your fault. It a a tough break and it may impact the rest of your life. I think that there is a way you can safely have sex when you do not have any breakouts. I imagine that there are many people who would not see this as a dealbreaker. Hopefully there will be a cure someday.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[molonski2]

Seriously deep breathe , its no big deal and is very easily managed , there is also a very good chance that it will only appear once , so don't get stressed , now from memory not google , around 20% of the population in USA is positive..

Once you take the course suggested by your doctor , you have never even notice that you have been diagnosed.

[Asker]

Thank you :) the doctor told me that I should only take the antivirals when I have break out. But I feel like the acyclovir made me break out even more

[molonski2]

I was once ( falsely ) diagnosed , I kinda went to myself " Sht that took a long time to happen " , but they mixed up blood tests and I was actually clear. But , they did give me a course of antibiotics , which thinking I was positive , I took the entire script , I then went back to another doctor who accessing the same blood test ( centrally stored ) , that I was not positive at all. When I was 18 , I had an older girlfriend 27 , who was positive , but even way back then she knew when she was contagious ( this is like LIFETIMES ago ) the drugs are much better now , I never got infected. So , look , you can only trust the doctor , and I well understand your feelings , but from all the numerous people I've known who have gone though this , it honestly may just never return , so just enjoy your youth , I've never worn condoms ( well mostly ) and I'm mature age and completely fine. I also happen to know my sister was diagnosed, and reacted similar to yourself , also the infection never returned , so please dont take all to heart too much , it really will be fine. 40 years ago , they used to expell horror stories about this stuff , none were real , your doctor can advise same.

[Asker]

Did your sister find a man who loves her despite of the virus? And also I don’t know how to tell people I don’t wanna get rejected.

[Asker]

What meds work the best for her to prevent spreading

[molonski2]

Well , this one they gave me was great ( so they told me ) but can't remember what it was called , and I'm sure there is better now. You are looking at it from a point like you are always going to be infectious , and you will not , its a virus remember , no Virus ( including CV19 ) ever goes away , but it doesn't mean it always presents. Yeah well my sister ( old woman now ) , just never had another outbreak , so the virus just lay dormant , it will not affect your sex life at all.

[Asker]

Sometiems I see bumps on my skin and don’t know whether it’s herpes. Was your sister able to find a partner to accept her? I have uti symptoms though does you sister too?

[molonski2]

I can just remember her telling me , that she was shocked and in pain , and of course ( like you ) something she never thought she'd get and it just cleared up and never returned , thats what happens with many , plus remember stressing will make things worse , thats any virus.

[Asker]

But I have to get up to pee at night, almost every night. You are cool but how come you’re not answering the question if she find somebody who accepted her. I never really had an outbreak until I was diagnosed two years later and they made me take acyclovir which made it worst.

[Asker]

I’m not really worried about the outbreaks but more about passing it on, telling future partners, and nunable to find love

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, I can completely understand why you're feeling so down right now. Finding out about an HSV diagnosis is really scary and depressing. But please don't lose hope - you will get through this!

First, try not to blame yourself or the guy who passed it to you. The virus is very common and often people don't even know they have it. Focus on your own healing now.

Second, being open with potential partners is important. Most will understand this is a very common STI, and if they truly care about you they will accept you. Don't lose your confidence!

It also helps connecting with others who have HSV. You'll realize you are not alone, and there is a whole community who can relate and support you.

Lastly, take good care of your mental health. Practice self-care, talk to friends/family, join a support group - prioritize your emotional well-being. Loving yourself despite this diagnosis is key.

I know it's hard now, but stay hopeful. You absolutely will find love and happiness again. This does not define you unless you let it. You've got this girl - keep your head high! Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to.

[Asker]

Thank you, I’m just think I’ll be alone forever. Even I can’t accept somebody with a lifelong std. and also the guy who gave me it. It’s hard to not blame him as he purposely removed condom and gave to me. And indirectly told me afterwards saying “I never knew u had herpes” trying to shift blame

[Oliverlogan263]

I totally understand why you'd be angry and want to blame that guy - what he did was just terrible. Wanting to shift responsibility like that is such a cowardly thing to do. But try not to let his actions or this diagnosis define your whole future. Someday he'll face his own karma, that's out of your control now. All you can do is choose to heal and move forward in a way that honors yourself. It's okay to feel alone right now as you process this. Give yourself time and space to really feel all the big emotions. Confiding in close friends or support groups could help too. But don't forget that you deserve real love and intimacy in your life, just like anyone. I know you'll get past this initial shock and pain. With education and empathy, the right partner will see way beyond something that's not even your fault. You've got so much amazingness to offer the world. This diagnosis doesn't make you any less worthy of happiness. Keep the faith - your person is out there.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

It happens. It’s not that big of a deal. Just watch the flare ups and be open with your partner. But I know how it feels. Something similar is happening to me. Will share with you if you PM me and we can talk.

[Lliam]

1/6 (over 16%) of Americans have HSV2.
It's not really a big deal but, naturally, people who don't have it don't want to catch it. So it does make finding a partner more difficult.

There are dating sites like this one https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=percentage+of+americans+with+herpes

[Asker]

Thank you for the statistics ☹️I have a feeling I’ll be forever alone

[Asker]

Because I’m scared to tell anyone

[Cheapskate]

Am in the same boat. I think there is an STD dating site, can't remember the name. I guess just be open about it when you get to the relevant stage. And see what happens. Hopefully you'll meet some guy who doesn't care.

[JacobJordan]

Lol what do you mean you wouldn't accept it. You fucked a guy who had herpes for 3 years. You literally made the stupidest choice and now you have the consequences of that choice. Let it be a lesson and use it as a way to encourage others from not joining you

[Asker]

No I didn’t know he had herpes, he never told me. Have some empathy, I was going through a hard time, he pretended to be there for me. Then removed the dam condom

[Asker]

If I knew he had herpes why the fuck would I sleep with him. Learn some empathy u clearly lack it and will make somebody lull themselves

[Asker]

Kill

[JacobJordan]

Lol if my lack of empathy makes someone suicidal they aren't mentally or emotionally strong enough for life anyways. Cause life is way less empathetic then I am. And even if you didn't know you had casual sex with someone. For years men have been saying that casual sex has a infinitely higher chance of std and here you are proving our point. So learn from this. You engaged in casual sex and the consequences which are well documented came to pass. Now you have an std. Had you not engaged in casual sex or had you insisted he get tested before bring with him you wouldn't be in this situation. Now you ask I be empathetic I ask for what? You made these choices and you didn't take the necessary steps. A condom wouldn't stop the spread so that is just a cop out on your part. You could have asked him to get std tested as you should have as you yourself should do regularly when engaging in casual sex. Or you could avoid casual sex. Either of those options would have prevented the situation YOU put yourself in. You failed to take the appropriate precautions and now you see why those precautions exist

[Asker]

Well what happened already happened. I know I did wrong I don’t need an extra person reminding me that I fked up. So instead of taking a dump on me, give me some good advice and encouragement

[Asker]

But you won’t because you lack empathy

[Asker]

But u like to blame the victim instead of the dbag who purposely removed the condom. And said “I never knew u had herpes” and carried on with his day. Ofcourse it’s my fault

[JacobJordan]

Well you engaged in casual sex you know that shit carries heavy risk... what did you expect? Everything to be fine? Casual sex is in and of itself a very rude and disrespectful act. Both parties are using the other. As a result it requires both parties to be equally shitty. He is shitty because he didn't share he had herpes. Which why would he? He is looking for casual sex he wouldn't get laid if he shared it. You were looking for casual sex and as a result you failed to take the proper precautions because why would you? If you did you wouldn't get laid. It is both of your faults because you both put your physical needs of your physical well-being and when you do things like that there are consequences. Stop asking for pity and encouragement I am not your mom or your dad. This is an important lesson for you to learn regarding casual sex and the question is have you learned shit?

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your help and for your nonjudgmental attitude! 😊

[Asker]

Lmao I’ll let it slide since I know you’ll always be a judgmental old fart

[Asker]

Also miserable, your reply just shows how much you hate yourself and others around you. Stop spreading your misery old man

[JacobJordan]

40 isn't old child. Also not miserable if you don't want honesty don't ask questions. Now since you have deemed yourself important enough to insult someone you don't know. I will leave you with equality. Don't spread your herpes and enjoy the remainder of your life.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I don't know what advice to give you considering that people would rather not get involved with people that have any form of STDs, I think the mistake was that the person you knew for 3 years wasn't your partner, are the herpes even curable?

[Asker]

No not curable but meds can help subside outbreaks and condoms can be used to lower chances of spreading

[ChicoFromThe305]

That sucks no lie, did he not tell you he had them?

[Asker]

Nope, he told me after through text that he never knew I had herpes. And just went about his day, that means he passed it on to me and tried to frame me.

[Asker]

He was a scum, I want to sue him for removing the condom but don’t really have proof, he will just say “she asked me to remove it”

[Asker]

Everyday I wake up dreading life

[ChicoFromThe305]

STDs can be genetic as well but considering he went on with his day and didn't get angry sounds like he's guilty of giving them to you, smh

[Asker]

Yes I don’t know if I could use that as proof, sad thing is it happened two years ago.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well I can't say I would dread it either in the same position but you should try your best not too and learn from your mistakes, also don't do what he did if you will continue being sexually active.

[Asker]

Yeah it was poor judgment of character on my part.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Yea he sounds like an asshole

[Asker]

I want to maybe record a conversation to get him to confess but I know he likely won’t if he’s not dumb. But he looks like a creep so I don’t know if they will help

[Asker]

That*

[ChicoFromThe305]

It won't in court but if you can get a confession it will, let's also not forget there's also a possibility that he himself didn't know he carried the herps if it's not visually shown

[Asker]

Days after we slept together, he messaged me “I never knew I had herpes”. Like what u said, if he got herpes from somebody wouldn’t he be angry or be like wtf?

[Asker]

Sorry “I never knew you had herpes”

[ChicoFromThe305]

Yea that's True, he seemed too calm to just be realizing he had herpes

[Asker]

Man I don’t even know what to do, I know if I just let it go I might regret it in the future. Right now I don’t have enough money to sue him as I’m in debt. Also, insufficient evidence and he pretty much disappeared off the face or the earth sometiems he will resurface to send me money like a herpes outbreak. I called the police and ministry of health about it. The ministry of health said I can’t sue him for giving me herpes but I could for removal of condoms.

[Asker]

What would you do in my situation

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well if you can get him to admit he gave you herpes you can get him to say why he removed the condom, if he admits he had herpes you can then be like "then why you remove the condom?" If he says some horny shit like " I wAnTeD iT tO fEeL bEtTeR" then that might work in your favor tbh.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I wouldn't know what I'd do tbh, it's a good thing I've chose to keep myself clean and wait for a virgin girl I guess

[Asker]

Do you think recording will be enough proof? What if he keeps sayings I told him to remove it

[ChicoFromThe305]

Then you deny it, if he lies it's cause he suspects you are recording him so if you are going to record him make sure he doesn't suspect or do audio only

[Asker]

I’m worried if I keep the recorder in my pocket, sounds wil be muffled

[ChicoFromThe305]

Then put it somewhere else, like in a shelf or under a chair or something

[Nik1hil]

Be with that person.. if You got herpes from him, you can do following things...

1) Stop him from spreading it to others.

2) Normal healthy person cannot be with you, they will be infected too.

3) You cannot be with Other Herpes person, Since you will have different strand of Herpes. So you both will get infected twice.

4) Whoever Gave you herpes, shares the Exact same Strand of Virus as you, So being with him, is the safest option for both of you. Since you cannot Infect Each other, any more than you already have.

I know I sound stupid, but this is the most logical solution, I have another unethical solution but I won't say it publically and also that might not be your thing!..

[DextroShade]

Your dating pool is now limited to other people with HSV2.

[kellytheman]

Yeah that’s pretty tough but if you meet a great guy that truly loves you he might be okay as long your are safe about it

[Anonymous]

The only ones who will not reject you now are others who also already have that infection.

[Anonymous]

I got it from my first relationship when I was 14. I’ve not liked sex since. Mine is aggressive and I take expensive medications for it every day. I’ve tried not to take medicine for it but the flare up is so bad -
I sometimes get depressed too, something I have to accept that I trusted someone and I shouldn’t have.
I’m celibate.
I wish there was a cure. But pharmacy makes money off the sick.


Good Luck Gurl, your life is different now

[Asker]

Omg that’s terrible, when you meet someone and you like eachother, do you let them know? I’m scared to tell future partners because of rejection

[Asker]

Hey girl we can make it. We’re lucky it’s only herpes and not HIV or HPV. We just won’t have that much sex. We can still achieve a lot and treat ourselves like queens

[TheSpaceGnome]

if you don't tell future partners you can go to jail for knowingly infecting them through deception.

[Opinion Owner]

Otherwise I’m very successful and own lots of nice things and work a lot. You can put off having sex with someone and just get to know them - when they want sex rights away it helps you even having to tell them and u can ditch them. But when they become open and talk about things is a good time to mention it.

[Asker]

@TheSpaceGnome I know I will but the person who knowingly gave it to me. I called the ministry and they said I cannot sue them because they will sue me back. I can only sue for removal of condom

[TheSpaceGnome]

The ministry? Go to the police and courts with this, why are you consulting religious groups and not authorities?

[Asker]

@TheSpaceGnome I called the police, they suggested I speak with the ministry of health

[TheSpaceGnome]

Yeah no, speak to a prosecution lawyer.

[Asker]

@TheSpaceGnome ok Mr sassy

[Asker]

@TheSpaceGnome I’ll try that

[Asker]

@TheSpaceGnome thank yooou!

[TheSpaceGnome]

You're welcome.

[Anonymous]

Okay, I'll start with the positives; Any partner that is worth while has to love you for whom you are as a soul / person / life in totality. Whilst life is complex and people all have their shallow aspects, the most important relationships are the deep ones which transend our mistakes.

Practically though, firstly you need to get appropriate treatment; Secondly you need to be fully honest with anyone new you become intimate with (and be ready to accept someone whos not already sharing the condition shouldn't have to feel bad about deciding not to persue the relationship). It's always going to be somewhat of an issue, its a life changing diagnosis. It's why having a single partner whom your commited to is always best (though that's obvious, it shouldn't not be stated).

Also, you should recall that the number of people who have your condition is huge, and it actually might make sense to date other men who are in the same boat as you find yourself. This takes off the pressure and potential heart ache of falling for someone who might choose to reject you because of this condition.

So, the good side is, its manageable, many people have the condition and your fortunate to live in a time where medican may be able to offer (if not a cure) but a way to make it not overly impact your life.

[Asker]

Thank you for your answer, but not as much people have HSV2 genital herpes. I’m also unable to forgive the person who gave me it because he purposely removed condom and gave me it and after tried to say “I never knew you had herpes”.

[Opinion Owner]

So, think about this, the chances of you catching a super rare condition are very very low. The higher probability is that this condition is 'common enough'. The thing about STD's are they are rarely well reported, many people on finding they have it would rather live in some denial space where they can have ""normal"" lives. This is of course how they spread so widly. Though, your right, maybe its report rate is not high so statistcally its still rare. Anyway, my sympathies, but managing it is the future. Still, in this area science / medican is moving fast, your biggest difficulty is the USA is making it all about money so will be hard to source the best and most lasting treatments (which are also less popular to develop when its all about revenue vs cure [less money in a cure, sad but true]). I truly hope the world can 'grow up' as a whole and get to a "Star Trek" point where things aren't about "figureheads" and "fame" but about making everyones lives richer to live.