Sexual Relationships
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Found out my significant other lost their virginity at 8/9, how do I get over this?

So I’m pregnant, and my husband randomly divulged to me that he had a girlfriend in 3rd grade that he did sexual stuff with. He mentioned a few explicit things but then tried to retract and act like it was innocent and just 2 clueless kids exploring their bodies. I am mortified. He then said he didn’t technically lose his virginity until he was 21 and doesn’t feel weird about that whole experience, they dated for several years and then he didn’t date again for a while. But either way, the thought of this hasn’t left me for the past 2 days. Could be the pregnancy hormones but I am honestly regretting everything from the marriage to having his child. I am so upset, I haven’t really ate or slept since finding this out. I’d like to feel better about it but I’m just not sure how to proceed. It’s not like I’m getting a divorce over this but I don’t know how I’m going to get over it.

1 1

Superb Opinion

  • You shouldn’t let that bother you , he was a kid and at that age he is just exploring and curious not really knowing what he is doing , I had a girl friend that I use to play with at that age and we use to fool around and get naked together and try to have sex with each other before
    Puberty hit us , I couldn’t even ejaculate at that time honestly me penis would just thump like it was ejaculating lol , I was eventually able to get it inside her but the majority of it I was rubbing it on top of her vagina more than anything , We were kids and not really Knowing what the hell we were doing we just wanted to play like we were adults for the most part , So it honestly Means nothing , you shouldn’t hold that over your boyfriend’s head cuz he was a kid probably playing House as well lol The only fucked up thing about the whole thing was , I was eventually molested by her Mom which made me think maybe she was molested by her parents as well from how sexual she was towards me , Her Mom was best friends with my Mom and that’s how I met her , every time we got together , her and I would find a spot and we automatically get naked together like it was a normal thing to do , Long story short, I never told my Mom that her friend molested me cuz I was scared , When I found out she passed away , I finally opened up to my parents about it and told them the truth about her daughter and her Mom , My Mom was devastated and of course my Dad just shook his head and said he always knew she had a screw loose , basically bashing my Mom’s friendship with her , typical male reaction , I never felt like it screwed me up , cuz in a sense I kind of enjoyed it , but as time went on and I gotten older I realized it did play a part on how I am today , I read a whole article on it and it hit the nail right on the head which shocked the shit out of me on how it impacted my life , without me really knowing , I am not just saying this but I guess for a Girl’s sake, it’s probably good for her to be with a guy that was molested , because a guy that was molested is more loyal to his relationship , He only wants a girl that wants him , he doesn’t need other girls once he has a girl that loves him and makes him feel wanted , No lie , I always questioned myself why I couldn’t just have sex with a girl for the hell of it , when most guys can , I always questioned why I need to feel chemistry and connection with a girl before I can even think about having sex with her. So finally researching about molestation answered a lot of my own questions about myself. so even though all this shit happened to me , my first official time of losing my virginity was with my first serious girlfriend that I actually had feelings for was when I was in junior high , the shit that happened to me as a kid to me doesn’t count because it didn’t matter there were no real feelings it was just curiosity

    • Thank you for opening up and sharing this. Your story has really helped me accept my husband and his situation. You sound like a great guy and any girl will be very lucky to have you.

    • No problem and Thank you 😋

Most Helpful Guy

  • At 8 or 9 while he could get hard and experience an orgasm he wouldn't be able to ejaculate until he was at least 12 or 13. I started masturbating when I was 5 and always had orgasms but I didn't ejaculate until I was about 13. I remember fooling around with neighbor girls and my female cousins when we were in the 8 to 10 age range, exploring the difference in our bodies and I remember more then one of them suggesting I try putting my dick into their vaginas but I thought they were nuts so I didn't try it but that's how easy it could happen. At that point I didn't know that's how adults made babies. Nor did I stop to think I could have an orgasm in there. I just wasn't thinking sexually back then even though those girls definitely made my dick get hard squeezing my dick and playing with it. They always seemed to want my fingers in them and telling me it was itchy down there but that's as far as it went for me, but it could of easily and innocently escalated to my dick being in them. I hope this helps to illustrate that I doubt your hubby was thinking sexually or actually being sexual when that happened back then.

    • I was able to ejaculate from masturbating at 8, I'm still a virgin though. So even if he could, that really says nothing of impulse control. At that age I had already learned about stds in books, so I was VERY anti-touching for a loooooong time out of fear. And to a point, I still am, but now also pregancy risks is a fear.

    • @TheSpaceGnome it would be extremely rare to be able to ejaculate at that age as it doesn't occur until puberty settles in andvthe normal age range for that is 12 to 14. When a guy gets pubic hair, his voice deepens his balls develop more and get bigger he starts to get facial hair and that's when the ability to ejaculate normally occurs.

Most Helpful Girls

  • It's not a big deal. People are young and dumb. You can't hold the guards against him that was his past. It's not like he was out cheating on you now. I think you're hormones are going crazy because of the pregnancy. How long are you into the pregnancy

    • I’m 17 weeks and yes that’s why I asked because I feel like my hormones are partially to blame for how intensely I’m feeling.

    • You just have to pace yourself and take it easy

  • That's really messed up. You should talk to a therapist about this. This is huge.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • You are 35 years old. What is the issue. 25 years ago... let it go.

  • Whenever you don't learn everything important like that before having sex with someone, stuff like that is bound to happen. Deal with it and learn from your mistakes.

  • Just got to look at it like this he was a young child experimenting with someone of a similar age not properly knowing what they where doing.
    For all intensive purposes it was just a relationship before yours.
    It wasn't pedophilia because they where both under age.
    So he lost his virginity before you it doesn't stop his first time with you being his first time with you.
    He clearly loves you and trusts you because he married you and is having a baby with you, and he trusts you with this secret. As to why he's telling you now maybe he repressed it and it's just popped up in his thoughts.

  • Do not try to fix the unexplainable past in your mind. I was faced with it at age 11 and the only reason I did not do it is because I was totally ignorant of sexuality. There was no porn around. I just liked exploring a girl back then. Kind of scientific curiosity. But if I had known I could stick that little boner in there, I would have. I felt the urge, but I didn't know what to do with it.

  • Why do YOU have to get over it? I happened about 20 years ago! You can't change the past! The world keeps spinning and life goes on! It's not like it was YOUR virginity that he lost FOR you and, besides, how can he have lost it at 9 when he really lost it at 21? This sounds like one of those goofy deals where a kid stupidly THINKS they lost their virginity just because they kissed someone or accidentally saw someone pee! Did he ACTUALLY lose his virginity at 9 or did he just get a good look at her naked tits?

  • okay, he was 8 years old. He is right when he says it was not a big deal and they were just exploring their bodies. When I was 5 and she was 6 I used to kiss the girl that lived next door to me. We used to see people doing it on TV and we were curious about it. It is sort of a nice memory to me now but only because were were innocent little kids and we were friends.

  • He was a kid, this happen when he was a kid. Kids don't have a clue to what's right and wrong and so on. So i suggest you get over it and don't feel so strong about something that a kid did. He is a grown man now. He would not have don't this as a grown man.

  • Kids do stupid shit all the time.

  • stop worrying about it as it is not your place, business, nor problem unless he decides to bring you into it beingvany of those 3.

  • He was just a kid. If he kept having sex with other girls since he was 8, that's another thing, but just having messed around at 8, then nothing until he was an adult, it's not anything bad.

  • If your partner's sexual past was an issue for you, then why didn't you ask them about it a long time ago?

  • Step 1. Seethe

    Step 2. Cope

    Step 3. Profit

  • You're getting mad over something he did as a kid? He could have just not told you, would that have been better?

    • Yes actually it would’ve been better because I never asked him anything in the first place. I don’t ask him about his sexual past because I don’t care to know.

    • Fair enough!

  • Just kids exploring their bodies,

  • Wow. He was 8 so don't let that bother you. He had no idea what the hell he was even doing, it just felt good

  • Most likely the hormones acting up. If he's nonchalant about it, treat it that way too.

  • How can you even care about that?

  • How is that even possible? Guys can’t even ejaculate that young or know what they are doing, sounds like playing doctor than sex. I wouldn’t even count it as anything or worry about it

  • Yeah, this is why men don’t talk about their past despite when the girlfriend or wife says “I promise I won’t be mad”. This is really simple, though. Either you love your husband and stand by him or not. You may not admit that you’re mad at your husband about this but who else are you mad at? If he says he was clueless about sex when he was 9, then he probably was clueless about sex at 9. The fact that he didn’t even get sexual with anyone else for 12 years after this experience backs this up. This is just something you’re going to have to let go and get over. It is your choice to get over this.

  • Congrats on the pregnancy

    Now setting that aside what about this confession truly disturbs you? The age or what was done? Or the fact that he kept this from you all this time and he chose now to divulge it?

    Nobody can blame you for feeling some type of way about it. But as a married man with a pregnant wife, myself - I am curious about how and why you feel the way that you do?

    It goes without saying if you intend to stay with him and have a family, you'll have to forgive him. But before that you have yo process your feelings and test to see if they have changed your attitude towards him for good or worse.

    • The age and that he kept it from me and chose to tell me very nonchalantly while I’m pregnant. He didn’t act like it was disturbing at all and I would’ve liked more care and for him to describe sensitively. Instead, his first time saying this to me I thought he was joking because it was a joking context and he was kind of boating about it. Saying he got hard and she sat on him while they were on the bus, almost like it was kinky and was getting horny wanting to do something with me that morning. So I was very disturbed and still am.

    • *boasting

    • My God that is disturbing I am so incredibly sorry That's a lot for anyone to process and forgive. But you need to talk to him about it and tell him how you feel

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