Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health Gave my boss a blowjob. It saved us but I feel terrible.
Anonymous
My husband and I (married for 1 year) work at the same place for the same boss. Totally different functions though, so we don't have any influence on each other's job. Our boss had to let 6 people go and my husband was one of them. We did not see that coming and it totally ruined us. We had to sell our car and were in serious dept. We just needed some extra income so he could get a new job, for which he needed a car and extra schooling. I asked my boss so many times for a promotion, did all the extra work I could but he wouldn't give it. He did always flirt with me and checked me out. I got desperate and thought I could use his interest in me as an advantage and I got on my knees for him. Now my husband has always hated this guy's guts. They went to school together and kind of bullied my husband, so he was not happy when he became the new boss of the company. I did get the promotion and it saved our lives tbh. My husband got his new job, got out of his depression and we payed our dept. But I of course am living with a terrible mixed feeling for saving us and living with a horrible secret. I keep thinking of how I was doing my very best to give the guy who almost ruined our lives the time of his life. I even acted like I was more enthusiastic than he was. I even told him I liked pleasing him better than my husband to get him off. I did a terrible thing yet do not know if it was the worst option. I also am shocked of how one asshole can play with peoples lives for a blowjob. Please give me some opinions cause I don't know what to think.
Updates:
+1 y
I went to a therapist. She said these things happen a lot more than most think. She said it was a terrible mistake but that I shouldn't keep it on my mind and that guilt doesn't help. Also said that telling my husband might not be the best choice.
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What Girls & Guys Said
25 63I think what lies at the heart of this is your motives. How much of this was motivated by your financial situation, and how much was motivated by an interest in your boss? Do you find your boss attractive? How long and how often did you think about sucking his dick before you finally offered to get on your knees for him? Did you imagine yourself potentially doing more for him than just blowing him? Did you undress for him at all or let him touch you while you sucked him? You said you acted very enthusiastic, like you really enjoyed it. Did you enjoy it? Did it make you wet? Did you let him finish in your mouth? Did swallow for him? Have you ever thought back on what you did and touched yourself? I think the answer to many of these questions would shed light on your motivations. If you did it purely to help the financial situation, I think that's more forgivable than if deep down you really had a good time. I hope you can live with the weight of this secret in that case. It's hard to have true trust in a marriage when you're keeping something like this a secret.
You have gotten some good advice, and some terrible abuse. I am a retired therapist. Writing about it was the absolute best thing for starters! Now, google the news reports about PTSD after 9/11. Then identify a trusted friend and talk about what happened until it just plain bores the living hell out of you. If you don't have such a friend, call your local distress line and talk till you are bored to death! What you did, during your "darkest hour, in you time of need" (look up the song on google or wherever (Gram Parsons/Emmylou Harris) and listen to it. Then find Harriet Lerner "The Dance of Deception" and read it. I would tentatively advise not telling your husband, this is part of your journey in life, if he wants to know about it he will eventually sense something is wrong and ask you about it! Until then, it's your story about your life. I will tell you this: you have opened a Pandora's Box for a whole lot of guilt-ridden others. I'm no "holy roller", but God bless you. Go forward, and trip no more!!
The complicating factor is the guy bullying your husband... If you tell him it will really hurt him, maybe worse. If you are honest about your reason, and you really want to stay married, forgive yourself and move on... And never sleep with an enemy of your man! What's up with that? Did the same guy bully you too? It sounds like he did.
Get a new job, maybe a new town... get physical distance from the bully, he's a psychopath.
Respectable, good, young people can do regrettable things, live and learn... time heals all wounds. Good luck. Never tell.
My opinion is that you are partly a victim in all of this. The system ( and your boss) drove you to this. Of course the choice was partly yours but it s easy for people to judge when they are not facing the same situation. You should pardon yourself, you did it for a good reason. Jesus said that " the one who never sinned cast the first rock" ( sorry I only know in my language, I guess it s not the right quote in English). It s sad to see that many people feel no compassion at all, they are trolls. I guess many of them are christian bigots, but no true christians , rather Pharisians, since christianity doesn t stop at the first Testament, you have to add the second one. That s where Jesus shows humanity.
It s easy to blame the victim when the system is corrupt, then we don t have to open the eyes.
You need to tell your husband about this. just think how you would feel if he did the same thing even for good reasons to a girl you hate. Even for good reasons it's disgusting and if you really love your husband he deserves to know. I'm sure if he cheated on you, you'd like to know.
This is fake if it wasn't then all you had to do was talk to HR, and say so my boss says if I want a promotion, I have to suck his dick, should I?
She didn't say he asked.
I think you should tell your understand, and I think you need to find a new job. And maybe move (because everyone deserves to leave behind a life of bullying, both you and your husband).
There are a lot of negative comments on here so it's understandable if you are feeling very bad right now.
A lot of people on here probably were not in your situation so it's easy to make assumptions. You had bills coming you. You probably had a mortgage. You had SERIOUS debt. What about food? What about water? Your husband lost his job. He was probably feeling miserable (you mentioned depression. That's a mental disorder, and it's difficult to know how to respond to daily situations.), which was adding to your plate as well.
You did what you thought was best in that situation. Your decision may have been impaired by major anxiety or whatever reason it was.
Unfortunately, you cannot take back what you have done. You just need to move forward. It's in the past now. Tell your husband because you want him to know, and you want him to know from you, not from anyone else. Maybe even print this out (not the comments), sit down with him, and ask him to read this.
Sorry, my mistake. Tell your HUSBAND.
thanks for he answer. I know that pleasing my boss was wrong, but it's as you said. There was so much trouble coming from everywhere that I got scared and made the decision in bad circumstances. I don't think I can tell my husband.
Nice advice. "You were at the end of your rope, back against the wall; what else could you do but offer to suck your husband's constant aggressor's cock? I would have done the same, honey. Honestly, it's what we honest, caring, faithful wives do for our men: we whore our mouths out to the enemy of the man we're supposed to love. We all do, honey; you're not alone." I guess she saved herself from the dignity-crushing prospect of applying for food stamps and unemployment and dealing with poverty for a few months. How can you uphold such immoral, disloyal, and depraved behaviour? This subhuman deserves the scorn of the Earth for the betrayal of the solemn oath she swore to a husband she obviously discounts.
While Hrothgar is being brutally blunt, he's telling the truth. Betraying the trust of your partner is never justifiable, it's understandable if your life is on the line or something but quite frankly pretty much all people live on and recover from things like this. I agree that you need to tell him, period, but like Hrothgar you should never try to condone or justify this behavior in your head. What you did was wrong, do not try to sugarcoat it.
i think it was a big mistake QA, but you're not subhuman as Hrothgar says. Many people, including myself, have done things that we've regretted.
... and if this boss had herpes that can spread to your mouth which could then be spread to your husband's genitals should you ever decided to give him the same treatment you gave to your boss. Good luck explaining that if that happens. I get that people make mistakes but people don't usually screw up this bad without seriously thinking about what they're doing. You guys should just get a divorce. "In richer or for poorer" you shit all over your wedding vows. There's no going back from that. My parents have been unemployed with nearly 60,000 in debt before. My dad was denied unemployment so my mom took on a second job for a few months. She didn't suck off her boss for extra cash. She's a real woman. You, QA, are a whore. I honestly hope you two don't have any kids.
What kind of relationship is it with this dark cloud hanging over them? This relationship will sink from this lie forward. Only the truth will set her free
It's going to come out eventually. This guy used to bully your husband. What's to say you won't be at some Christmas party and your drunk boss decides to rub it in your husband's face that you like his dick better than your husband's. I'm sure that will be a lovely conversation. Either way, you're screwed. Your husband is going to find out and he is probably going to leave you. You would have been better off getting a second job or something because you probably won't have a family for much longer... so you became nothing more than a prostitute for basically nothing.
When I picture you as my wife and the guy that has bullied me in the past as that boss guy. I wouldn't know who to beat the crap out of first. No offense, but that's the embodiment of evil what you did. I would beat him up and break up with you, if I were him.
Its better to live poor and homeless than to do what you have done.
I'm sure there is a way out of that, but not telling your husband is not one of them. Perhaps there is this thing called forgiveness, but how you go about it, I'm not sure.
Stop doing this, and find a new job from now on, I do expect that your husband could not reveal this fact in future, but it is impossible.
I don't see what the big deal is. Alls well that ends well. Your boss got the BJ and you and hubby got some economic security. Just don't tell hubby.
Ok so you're looking at problem solving right, alright well your husband will find out, period. They will meet again, and your boss will throw him a fucked up grin or they'll be drunk in the bathroom at a Christmas party and your boss will mouth off, something like "Hey bitch, your wife sucks a mean dick! Yeah last June, she even talked shit about you the whole time". At this point it's damage control, and basically there isn't a blade you don't have to throw yourself on.
Draw up uncontested divorce papers that favor him, not the normal rape scene that most men face in court. Basically the only relationships that survive after cheating are the ones with FULL disclosure, so sit him down and explain everything that happened and why. Answer all of his questions no matter how stupid and pointless they sound. Answer them even if he asks you multiple times, answer them over the course of the next few months, at some point he will quit asking when he's satisfied. Know deep down in your heart that your relationship changed forever at the moment cheating became an option.
If he chooses to leave, support him. If he chooses to take a bat to your boss, support him. If you come home to his brains sprayed across the ceiling, defend him. In the end you're going to have a hollowed out shell of a man, regardless.
You should feel terrible.
Unfortunately obtaining sexual favors because of power is actually more usual than others think: University, public Institutions, big companies, so on. I know stories. But still i can't be too compasionate about people that get a raise sleeping with an old lady, banging the guy that already has a family, or gives a blowjob to the guy that their husband HATE.
I have no idea what you want to hear. I actually think that you somehow wished to do it and now use this "my husband got promoted" as a way to make yourself feel better.
It wasn't his life you saved, it was a freaking job and you know it's not a good enough reason to suck your boss's penis. It's brainless stuff. Things don't get solved by sucking everyone's dick. That's the easy way out. No offence. If i were your husband i'd leave you. I'd rather be unemployed but know i can trust you instead of being rich and think "Wonder Who did my wife bang today".
In these situations there is only one thing you can do and be sure to do it as quickly as possible. BE HONEST! Tell your husband why you made the choices you made and them tell him what you did. He will probabbly get furious at first but hopefully forgives you after allowing you to life on without these worries.
As long as you put the pressure on yourself to keep this a secret, it's going to hang over your head. I don't think it was a good choice, but I imagine the truth is going to come out at some point. It might be best for you if the truth comes from you before anyone else. You may also find that if you're willing to tell his bosses the truth, you have something to hang over his head.
I'm surprised you haven't watched any movie with this exact same plot? Or if you have, you can guess the outcome...
I pretty much agree with everyone else, you couldn't have done worse if you tried. If you really love your husband and wanna be with him, that's a secret you will take with you to the grave.
Quite frankly, if I were you, I would try to do what you should have done from the beginning: look for a new job. I would also move cities to far, far away.
You would have to think this with a cool head. I have bad news... but I think that was the worst choice you could have made. Nothing... and almost nothing else will destroy your relationship with your husband more than the minute he founds from him (your boss) or worse his buddies how he received a blow job from you.
Short of full on gang bang sex or cheating on him or something... that is one of the worst forms of humiliation he could receive... the love of his life was a play thing for not just his boss but a very despised individual.
I don't want to make it sound more despair than what it is... but what you did was not good. I would recommend telling him... only out of honor... I am not sure what may come of it.
You sacrificed your honor, integrity, dignity and fidelity. There were always other choices you could have made, however unpleasant. Will I "judge" you? No. You have properly judged yourself. Can this be undone? No, but you can be restored and healed.
The easy part.
Do your job to the best of your ability. Become as essential as you can be and control how much your subordinates know about your job. Look for another job. Be prepared to take a cut. Let your husband know that you "just want a change". Maybe its time to relocate. Divest yourselves of the lifestyle addictions that led to your error in judgement in the mean time. Show nothing revealing at work. Use your good performance at work as a selling tool for the next. Don't worry about a new employer asking for character references. The business world has become so ruthless that present employers will destroy you just for looking, no matter how good you are and the next guy knows that and will only verify employment acting as a creditor.
When the time comes, resign swiftly and cleanly with no parting rant. Nothing but smiles and thanks. If your new employer wants you to start immediately and will look by your giving no notice, give none. Resign on Friday , start on Monday. If you give a notice, use accrued vacation as part of it. If you are asked to train your replacement, make it as generic and unusable as possible. Stick to your job description. Remove or destroy any unique personal notes and items you can without being detected. Do not pass along tricks, techniques and routines you developed that made you good at it. Get out and make it cost your employer dearly from the cost of losing you. You sacrificed your honor for security. Give him insecurity now. Leak that the new job pays less but opportunity looks good and you want a "clean start". The boss will know.
The hard part.
After you start your new job. You will have to confess to your husband.
Not good.. because your boss could blackmail you or demand what ever he wants from you. What will you do then? Quit your job and get scared again?
I think what you did was terrible and yes desperate.
With money there is ALWAYS other ways around it.
How would you like to know that your husband slept with other women for extra cash?
I bet you would go nuts hearing that and knowing it.
Also to add.. if you guys were not financially VERY well off why get married? Usually, when you marry you know financially you are doing well already.
We were doing well when we got married. My husband's job was the main income...
Well then that's your mistake. If you rely on ONE person, then you're not set for marriage. The point of marriage is for BOTH of you to be solid in your lives. I would never marry a girl, that can't support herself. Why? Because, I don't want her to depend on me or me depending on her. Anyway what's done is done... all you can do now is move on. In my opinion you should tell him. Because, if one day you don't do what your boss wants. He may blackmail you and threaten to tell your husband. And, I think your husband will leave you if he finds out a year later of what you did and that you never told him. Telling him is a risk too, but think of it this way. Do you want to live a lie in your relationship or want it to be honest. As a guy, I'd leave the girl if I found out from someone else. Where as if she told me, I might still give it a chance.