Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health Getting over rape?
kmarie3 Xper 3
First, I don’t know how to start this off so I’m going to get right into it. I was friends with a 32 year old coworker of mine who I also knew outside of work. I liked him as a friend and he wasn’t bad looking. When we began working together, we started texting a lot more and it turned flirty fairly quickly, and me being 18 with absolutely no sexual experience or previous boyfriend, I was very uncomfortable. He met me outside of work one day and pushed me against my car, stuck his tongue in my mouth, and grabbed me extremely hard. Because I refused to meet with him previously, he began telling me I owed him. It turned into a Jeckyll and Hyde situation, to where he was always nice to me in public but would text me that he was going to continue waiting for me outside of work. He texted me before work one day and asked me to come over. I did, and this is where I feel the most regret. I went over there, against my better judgement. I figured if anything got out of hand, he would listen to me. I went inside and he told me to “get naked” like we (he) planned, and I just stood there terrified. I told him I didn’t know about this situation and didn’t want to do anything and he just asked if I needed help getting undressed. During this, he hit me a couple of times (I think he meant it to be sexual; but he hit my back instead) and when I told him he was hurting me he mocked me and went harder. After this whole thing, he kissed me once, opened the door, and I left. I told one girl about it, who asked if I was okay, and she told everyone. He got word of it and so I played it off like it was a hook-up, and that’s where I’m still confused. I have to own my part in this; even though I didn’t want to happen what did. I went to his place one more time to bring him to work (he doesn’t have a car from DWI charges) and he made me blow him. That’s why I don’t know what to call this.
Updates:
+1 y
While he was telling me that I owed him, he was telling everyone we worked with that I was a slut. I had to quit my job because of this and recently ran into him at my new one, where he was drunk, and told the entire place that I lost my previous job for hooking up with our manager and that I “cheated” on him. I just don’t know how to feel.
1 1
What Girls & Guys Said
38 21I know this is traumatizing beyond belief; I was there. But I'm a little confused with regards to when on the timeline you mentioned that the rape occurred.
Right after I said he asked me to come to his place and right before I said I left and told the girl at my workplace about it. I didn’t want to go into detail, but it was after the parking lot incident. And I’m so sorry that you’ve gone through this as well.
First off, he's lying. You DON'T owe him, unless he's referring to some sort of money you borrowed from him for something. Also, he's a piece of shit. Girls must learn not to make excuses for idiots like him. If he's threatening you or forcing you to do something you don't want to do, then you MUST report HIM!!! Don't play it off like a hook-up. Be honest. Some people are quite crazy and insane, and this guy is one of them.
So glad that men still think they're entitled to a dick suckin just because they listen to you and speak to you.
In all seriousness report it to the police. Don't be intimidated, the minute you give him the ability to have his word spread to other workers, it is against your claims because this dude obviously doesn't want to go to jail for rape/sexual assault.
He sexually assaulted you, he did not penetrate your vagina so it's not rape (I think) but it's definitely sexual assault.
If you can't find ways to press charges, see if you're able to get someone to drive home with you so he doesn't show up again.
Omg dear, you were raped. Period. Then he used your fear to further exploit you! Please seek help for yourself this is something you will not get over on your own. As far as your rapist is concerned he should pay for his crime, but that is up to you. Seek help and advice
My prayers to you love. My heart as well.
I guess I just feel like an idiot because I still went over to his house, and looking back at who I was compared to who I am right now, I feel like I was so young and naive but still old enough to know right from wrong, that I should’ve done more to assert my boundaries. I feel like because I didn’t do that, that I was a tease. I liked him and he knew that, and even though we talked about things as I was inexperienced, I wasn’t ready for to go that far. Because I went to his house, I put myself in that position so I feel like I kind of asked for it and can’t be mad at him because of that. Those were my actions and I can’t take them back.
This means the world, you have no idea. Thank you.
My god dear, no one asked for it. He had a power dynamic over you. 32 your old man over an 18 teenager. You said no, you were crying If that doesn’t tell a real man “no” then he’s not a real man. You my dear girl, was raped by any definition. Please seek help, you are still traumatized, and so much has happened and you still take blame. You were 18, still a kid, naive and infatuated with a man and he took advantage of that. Please , do something , don’t let this define you. You are worth so much more than that. Even if you don’t pursue legal action, seek psychological help, Your not crazy, you have been injured. Ans please ignore all posts blaming you, they are ignorant fucks. They will only hurt you further. Please stay in touch. I will also see who else may help you here.
Hang in there kmarie3. I have a prayer in for you.
@kmarie3 I hope you found the support we can offer when we come together
You’re truly an amazing person. Thank you for everything. You have no idea how much your words and advice means to me!
Any time, just drop a line if need be
You don't owe anyone. He raped you. Send him to jail and talk to a therapist or a trusted friend.
who tf downvoted me?
Maybe a rapist
A rapist
I went to the police and they dismissed it as a “he said, she said” case based on my lack of tangible evidence. I also told my former boss about it and he actually laughed at me. I really appreciate your words though! Also, the person who I assume downvoted you is trying to turn this question into a “sympathy” plea and told me that I don’t deserve that, since I “put myself in this situation” and only “got a little scared” after we “hooked-up.” Thank you for advice.
refer to all legal remedies
You don’t owe him jack shit
You can honestly get his ass sent to jail and I think you should
Who is this guy and where is he? Tell someone, anyone you trust grab the phone and call the police. Do all you can to avoid this predator. Get some pepperspray for your protection
That's disgusting. It's not a rape, but maybe some sort of assault. Stay away from him.
You should go to the police, and get him away from you at worse, and punished at best, depends on what they do
U have said he made u strip naked, I assume that at this point there was sexual intercouse? If u did not consent to it then u were raped and I am very sorry to hear that. If u did consent at the time and now regret it and wish u hadn’t then u were not raped as consent cannot be retrospectively withdrawn.
With regard to the blowjob again if you did not consent then this will be a separate allegation of sexual assault which is again terrible.
If u didn’t consent then contact the police and explain everything, far too many sexual assaults and rapes go unreported. I also recommend that u speak to a councillor although the police may put u in contact with one. I wish u the best of luck in dealing with this terrible situation.
I didn’t consent the first time. He locked the door and I didn’t have a choice. I froze and it happened. The second time was consensual but that was because I felt going over there would be better than him waiting for me outside after work, and catching me anyways. I felt like it was a no-win situation, if you will. Someone on here pointed out Stockholm Syndrome and that makes a lot of sense, just that this was in somewhat of a different context. I told my former boss and he actually laughed because this guy is in very high flavor there. I also went to the police with an advocate from a rape crisis center but they dismissed it as a “he said, she said” case and their rejection was too much for me to continue pursuing any action. Thank you so much for your advice though. I appreciate you offering me what you could!
U r welcome. 2 people gave thumbs down to this response and throughout I said that this is a terrible situation.
I had a few really downright nasty people commenting on this, ones who didn’t even remotely try to offer anything except their opinions that I “asked for it” and that what he did was somehow my fault. I didn’t ask if it was or wasn’t rape. I asked for advice on how to move forward from my own experience, having lived it. Those people have no idea what they’re talking about because they’re incapable of understanding it, much less the trauma associated with it, and are ignorant. I can imagine that those are the same individuals who downvoted this. I gave you a vote! Thank you for your advice!
The cops will wave it away and the DA will talk with his lawyer, then drop the case.
They won't, if it's reported to the media. Make sure they do their jobs. Not many people enjoy being embarrassed and humiliated.
He raped you and you went to his place one more time to bring him to work? why? I don't care that he has a DWI why would you go back. this doesn't quite add up to me.
I replied to a comment like this somewhere else down in these comments.
Right now the story doesn't quite add up. Why would you keep going back after repeated abuse - You have to know why. Would a mentally stable person with sound judgement continue to go back? And if the person is not mentally stable can we therefore trust that their testimony is indeed correct? Mental health is a level of psychological well-being or an absence of mental illness. It is the "psychological state of someone who is functioning at a satisfactory level of emotional and behavioural adjustment". Why wasn't an adjustment made? Just curious..
Perry Mason voice.
She was confused! Have you ever been through a traumatic event like that before? It can be incredibly confusing especially if you were emotionally attached and trusted the person
As I said, we were friends before any of this even began. He was never this way toward me, ever, and was one of the nicest people I knew. Being in the midst of this situation, it was hard to decipher him from who I’d known and grown accustomed to him being, and who he was on a more intimate level. I worked with him every single day, we had lots of mutual acquaintances, and if I did go against him, he could just as easily have waited for me after work or caught me before like he did. Our schedules were posted publically and he was in extreme favor with our boss. When I did tell my boss, he laughed at me and told me it had nothing to do with him. Also, I’d appreciate you not making a joke out of this.
If anything I agree with - she is definitely confused. I on the other hand am not. My thoughts are clear and my observations are clear. So will the jury's..
They will also need her not to be confused.
It will be of utmost importance..
Getcha mind right..
That's victim blaming actually
@RedRobin No, more like a reality check. Right now she's developing a confrontation of "he say" - "she say". Maybe she'll have Perry Mason representing her. I just hope the defense doesn't have Johnny Cochran..
Maybe you don't completely understand because women are more emotional than men...
And he did manipulate her a bit so...
@RedRobin Emotion will not play in a court of law..
Yeah, it well
* will
@RedRobin Then that's where we agree to totally disagree. That's just ridiculous..
But you're welcome to provide facts and proof of such malarkey if you'd like.
Didn't think so..
Dude, I went to bed. That's pretty heartless...
First off, this is something that won’t be going to court. I’m not stupid. As I’ve stated to others, this IS a case of “he said, she said” in terms of the lack of evidence I have to show for not reporting this when it happened. Second, you didn’t live through this. I did. Therefore, you don’t have the jurisdiction to judge that of which you haven’t experienced. Third, emotion does play an extremely large role in court cases, in terms of the after-effects. PTSD, anxiety, depression, Stockholm Syndrome, even psychosis can all play a part in a jury’s ruling, and that can come from either side. And lastly, the fact that you’re arguing with somebody about something I didn’t even ask, shows your ignorance. My question has nothing to do with a trial. That’s for myself and an attorney to decide, if I were to go through with that. Not an 18-24 year old kid on a website. My facts are straight and you very clearly don’t know how rape cases play out.
Emotions are emotions - We all have those. They won't play a part in court. Mental disorders are mental disorders. Not all of us have those. They will play a part in the virdict. Definitely..
Not usually in favor of the prosecution however lol.
I may have missed something but where did the actual rape happen?
Regardless, this guy sounds like a world class piece of shit. PLEASE stay away from him.
His house, when I went over there the first time. Right before I said I left and told the girl at my workplace. That sounds like a very accurate description of him.