He slapped my bum and grabbed my neck during sex?

[Anonymous]

So been friends with a guy since high school, very close for 15+ years, I trust him whole heartedly. The past 5 years we’ve slowly been crossing the line from friendship to something more, we’ve been cuddling and holding hands etc, and declaring love “as friends”. We recently slept together for the first time, it wasn’t planned, though after we both agreed it was a long time coming, we have almost been best friends, and have always spoke very openly about sex. I’m just a little taken aback, as we had the most passionate sex. Lots of kissing, hand holding, etc, then at one point he turn me over and whilst in doggy slapped my bum quite hard, he immediately turned me back over as I think he thought omg what have I done, said he wanted to look at me, but whilst making the most intense eye contact he grabbed my neck, not hard atall, infant there was no pressure atall. I have never ever had any male grab or hold my neck, I know if I asked he would have stopped, but what was the reason for all this? We haven’t spoke too much about it and just settled back down into our friend roles. Afterwards he kissed and cuddled me and held my hand home. I’m just wondering what came over him, and what does that style of sex say about me? Or how he feels for me.

[xColinx]

From what you described, I think there was A LOT of sexual tension that had built up over time, so when y'all finally slept together it was super passionate like you said... and for guys, "passion" and "control/dominance" can sorta overlap.

I'm not sure what it means about his *feelings* towards you or sex vs. relationship or whatever else, but it sounds like he was very into the moment sexually.

How long ago was this? Have either of you hinted at sleeping together again since then?

[Asker]

It’s an awkward one to be honest. We did speak the day after as normal, he initiated conversation, but I said I had distanced myself from it and that I was drunk, he called me rude; we then didn’t speak for 5 days to then have be approach him with a clear sti check. He said he felt slightly insulted that I felt the need to be checked out. I guess reflecting on the past week I haven’t made the best choice of words, so tomorrow when I know he’s off work I’ll make contact and apologise. It’s just surreal that anything happened between us but I’d like to think once we have both processed it we can talk as adults. I guess I didn’t say anything positive about it so I’m not sure if I’ve hurt his feelings. I’ll have to rectify it all tomorrow lol

[xColinx]

Yeah awkward makes sense but stuff like that happens for a lot of people, quite easily/naturally. But from there it does sound like you responded in a somewhat cold way. Not mean or anything - just pretty cold & impersonal... "i was drunk" probably made him feel like you didn't want it to happen in the first place and/or regretted that it did happen. That might be a perfectly reasonable feeling for you to have, but probably doesn't make him feel great. Then followed up with the testing option... yeah, you're smart to do that, but his perception is that you don't trust him at best & at worst think of him as "dirty" or whatever. I know that's not your true feelings or intention, but you know the saying perception is reality... he's probably feeling pretty hurt.

[xColinx]

So my advice is, next time you talk with him, try to take a step back and approach things in a lighter way. Try to add some humor to the situation. Do you have zero interest in pursuing anything sexual with him going forward?

[xColinx]

Did you have a chance to talk to him again? Smooth things over at all? Also, I have a somewhat similar scenario I'm curious to get your female perspective on. Would it be ok if I message you to try to explain?

[Asker]

We have spoken yes :) yeh that’s ok just message

[xColinx]

So the talk went well, or? :/

[xColinx]

For my situation, if you don't mind will you give me a follow so I can message you that way to explain?

[Asker]

I’ve just followed u :)

[xColinx]

thanks just messaged you!

[ThebestIndian]

He became so passionate during sex. That’s kind of rough sex and it is very normal. That is also kinda passionate sex. I bet you both had a great time.

[CuriousDalia]

Guys do that all the time I wouldn't over think any of it

[brandon1122]

You like it?

[HonestHannah]

That is super normal behavior when really turned on, especially if he never hurt you

[Christoff92]

Why don't you grab him by the balls 😁

[mommymommymommy]

You were never friends in the first place

[Asker]

Pardon? How was we never friends

[MackBoy]

The love for you is growing in his heart and that's why he feels like having sex with you

[Asker]

Cute

[tallblondejohm]

I bet u loved it

[karekaaaa]

Its normal
I love do it too 😅

[Anonymous]

Guys nowadays grow up watching too much p0rn.

[Asker]

That’s what I was thinking and that’s a turn off for me 😬